Guten Tag, Drones.

Let’s face it, most of the time when we go out to eat we do something stupid, like load up on the free bread before the appetizers even get to the table, then after you’ve worked your way through the appetizer, (and God forbid you ordered a soup), you’ve barely got enough room for the entree.  Now you either send 1/2 to 3/4 of the entree back uneaten, earning the chef’s eternal enmity, or you ask for a to-go bag, (which half the time is an environment destroying styrofoam container), which you will then bring home and either a) feed to the dog or b) forget about until it develops sentience in the back of the refrigerator, eventually killing you in your sleep, either passively by the odor or actively, after it evolves to the point it has opposable thumbs.

Clean your fridge, people.

In none of those scenarios is there room for dessert.  And desserts, generally speaking, do not keep well and are not worth bringing home.  Most of the time the serving person says, with a resigned sigh, “does anyone want to look at the dessert menu?” and then everyone groans and says they’re too full and no one looks at the poor dessert menu, which went to a lot of trouble to tart itself up like that.

Well, almost no one…

Some people just don’t know their limits.

Anyway, today we’re not going to turn down the dessert menu.  Today we’re going to look that sugared-up whore right in its diabetes-inducing face and we are going to order to our soon-to-clogged-beyond-all-hope-of-repair hearts.  Like a fucking lady!

(Is is possible I wrote this while eating chocolate layer cake left over from last night’s dinner out?  Maybe)

The rules are simple:  if it’s a dessert you can draft it.  Be specific, don’t just say “cake” and think you’re getting all the cake in the world.  You can draft the same dessert someone else did if your pick comes for a specific, and different, source than the earlier pick, but be prepared to defend yourself with a detailed description as to why your chosen source is so superior as to not warrant a visit from

Also, because apparently I have to say this even after three off-seasons, wait ten picks or a half hour before making another pick.  This isn’t ‘Nam, there are rules.

With the first pick I am taking white chocolate banana cream pie.

The rest of you are on the clock.