Better Know a Deity: Shan’Khor

It’s time for another installment of Better Know a Deity. Sure, we all know the big names in the football pantheon like BLEERGH, BOLTMAN! and Al Davis’ Revified Corpse.  But sometimes a lesser-known god or goddess comes to the fore. (H/t to Thursday Sky Goddess).

Name: Shan’Khor

Nicknames: “the Merciless”; “Shankopotamus” (not to her face)

From: The coldest depths of the Outer Darkness (Framingham, Massachusetts)

Parents Barchoba the Untidy (second cousin of BLEERGH) and Ronald Jones.

Width: 18 feet 6 inches

Seriously?: Hence the ‘Shankopotamus’ nickname

Position: Goddess of Missed Kicks

Cult Founder: Scott Fucking Norwood

Current High Priest: Blair Walsh

Why is she in the news: Because NFL kickers missed 12 extra points in a single day.

Dislikes: Soccer-style kickers, excessive celebrations (h/t Rikki-Tikki-Deadly)

Preferred Worship Music:

Preferred Method of Worship: Signing Jay Feely

What scouts are saying: 

• Difference maker. Can tip the balance of games, seasons and careers.
• Impressive change-of-direction skills. Can turn on you on a dime.
• Currently ascendant after league moved the extra-point line back and started randomly replacing the grape Gatorade™ with Purple Drank.
• Tight hips (again, never to her face).

Nicest Comparison: Nemesis, goddess of retribution against hubris

Meanest Comparison: Sterquilinus, god of shitting the field.

Immediate impact: Bills finally benefit!

Down the road: Bills will get fucked! Again!