Congratulations to America’s Team, the Toronto Blue Jays, for overcoming their inherent Canadian nature (Canadasity? Canukiness?) and sending the visiting Mariners packing in Game 7 last night.

I’d like to think the plucky Jays have a chance against the Nü Yankees in the Series. It’s not like Toronto is some scuffling small-market team: they have the fifth-highest payroll in the league (above Yankees Classic). And at first I was like “they’re only $47 million behind the Dodgers!” Then I realized

1. $47 million would buy the entire roster for seven other teams, and
2. The Dodgers’ salary figure is misleadingly low, given how Shohei’s deferred money stretches until the heat death of the Universe.

So yeah: I love Tommy Edman and Mookie Betts. Shohei Ohtani is the greatest player I’ve had the fortune to watch. Los Angeles is Going Through It right now and deserves (mostly) good things.

But fuck them Dodgers. Go Jays.

NFL NEWS:

-Oh Jets…if someone set a clown car on fire, it would look exactly like this franchise.

Owner Woody “Penis” Johnson expressed his confidence in first-year coach Aaron Glenn, while excoriating (apparently former) starting quarterback Justin Fields. After praising Glenn for turning around “parts” of the team, Johnson tried to excuse the offensive struggles by saying “It’s hard when you have a quarterback with a rating that he’s got.”

What “rating”? Presumably Fields’ Madden Rating, because the Jets have a PS5 where their scouting department should be. Johnson has openly acknowledged that he (and Caligula-in-Training son Brick) uses Madden Ratings in making personnel decisions.

I would mock them even further, but this methodology still represents a higher level of care and intelligence than the average CEO of a gigantic corporation, who now apparently make major decisions based primarily on “discussions” with ChatGPT. This is one level below augury using animal entrails, because at least then there was generally a human priest in the loop to do a sanity check on what the liver nodules where saying.

Anyway. Fuck the Jets, and I hope Glenn escapes to a real team.

Fun note: as I was writing this, I learned that divination from animal entrails is called “haruspicy”, which would make an excellent name for a hot sauce.

-I love watching Mike Evans, but for the love of God, please let him retire. After another brutal injury (this time a broken collarbone), it’s time. Go play some golf until it’s time to get your gold HOF jacket.