This week, a personal first – ah don’t recall a full slate of 1p window games EVAR all final before 4:05 kickoffs. Shit, it’s rare even Week 18, when all the late ones are 4:25.
Not that anyone really was hoping for those cabbage farts to linger. But STILL.
Looking back at the Saturday night thread, a new entry for Divisional HATE-o-rama. My oldest kid (Donks homer) and her boo (Raiders fan) actually, intentionally watched the Chefs at Tits fixture, to revel in Kansas City’s misery. And boy howdy, was it ever misery. For the first time since WEEK FUCKING NINE OF LAST SEASON, DonT’s magnificent Tits popped out for a home win. 26-9, too. An absolute laugher, even accounting for Minshew’s first half death. I look forward to this overwhelmed rookie from South Dakota State facing the Orange Rush (their preferred nomenclature, not Hippo’s) on Christmas Night.
Poor Vertically Enhanced Persons. They looked to have a pick six in Q2…but were flagged for LINING UP offside. Even so, their defense put seven on the board (later in the same quarter), sack/strip/killing JJ McCarthy, running it back for the score. And they still lost, 16-13. At home. That’ll leave a mark. Their Great White Hope, Jaxson Dart? Completed his FIRST forward pass inside the 2-minute warning. For the entire game? 7/13, 33 yards, and a pickerception. Yeah, the supporting cast ain’t great, but come the fuck on. Minnesota, also out of the playoff picture, gimp to the road win.
Oh, #ThePauls. Y’all had the chance to fair catch free kick at the end of the first half, but played it boring. Still somehow got into FG range, then muffed the hold. At 23-10, and with lone bright spot (RB Judkins) gruesomely breaking his leg, it looked like that wouldn’t matter. But Bills Mafia let their attention wander, and that lost FG turned out to represent the winning margin, 23-20. Don’t worry, Shedeur Sanders remained (and will remain) terrible, you don’t have to alter your basic view of reality. Just be wary of thinking BUF has turned (or can turn) the corner.
One game had legitimate tension/stakes for both teams, as the Black Panthers dug deep and held on for the 23-20 win over the MRSA Men. Fittingly, it ended with a horrid Mayfield pickerception, inside the CAR 40 with 42 seconds remaining. My body was already preparing for Extra Time. Instead, it was time to type as this division will stay in doubt through Week 18.
No stakes whatsoever in South Florida, which was MOAR fun for Joe Burrow than it was for…Quinn Ewers? SERIOUSLY?? It was Border Patrol, smashing quotas left and right. It got as bad as 45-14 (after the LOLfins once led, 14-10), before a garbage time TD for the 45-21 final. Maybe they’ll fire McDaniel after all? They are gonna SUUUCCCCKKKKK in 2026, as they eat Tua’s ridiculous contract and try to clear their salary cap hell in one swoop.
One does not expect Clippers and Cowpersons in the early window, but we got a 34-17 ex-BOLTMEN!! win anyway. Mein Gott, is Dallas ever terrible/hopeless.
New York’s alleged FITBAW Jets decided to stick with the Brady Cook experiment, and crashed into those famous Louisiana mountain ranges. With 3rd and 4th string RBs (and Taysom Hill), the Saints absolutely cornholed the visitors, 29-6. Hippo noticed fuckshit else. SO SUE ME.
That leaves four in the late window, of various levels of interest (other than DET/PIT, which the LioUns lost because they suck now (much to Hippo’s chagrin).
DIngleberry in the Desert! With Drake London back!! And of course, he shit his fucking pants. At least he did to start (7 for 18??), but ya know how the Qards be. Up-fucking abounded, and Sherman’s Ashes took a 19-16 lead. Don’t know what happened after that, because I turned RedZone off around 6:30 Hippo Standard Time. Qards lose, 26-19. And nobody noticed, let alone feel nuthin.
Game of the Day in Colorado, Donks and Jaguras for the inside track on the 1 seed. Prison Girlfriend and pals even got Florida(ish) weather, to make them feel at home. Not that I needed to feel any queasier, but this reminded one of a verrrrryyyyyy bad Hippo Day, when the top seeded Donks lost at home to Mark Brunell’s career day, ruining a playoff run while I was at law school. I got so map that I mopped the kitchen (I absolutely DESPISE mopping, and have not done so since that day). Duuuuuvvvvvaaaaallllll’s men led 17-10 at the half, but I was quietly confident. Indie rock queen PJ Harvey almost immediately tied things up, and perhaps I felt smug? But then came the Parker Washington show. That dude fucked our shit up, and fucked it HARD. I left the tablet feed up even at 34-17, but mostly out of laziness (and how mad can one reasonably be, when they’re still 12-3 on the season, and playing with house money?). Fully deserved 34-20 win. Just have to tip one’s cap.
Finally, two franchises streaking in wildly opposite directions, Raiders at 500s. But you remember when Vegas would have random weeks when they were REALLY spunky? This was such a week, maybe even harkening back to Oakland days. Astonishingly, they even took a 14-13 Q3 lead, on an insanely well-designed wheel route to Jeanty. Jeanty would later break a big run to pull within 23-21. Stroud stepped up and kept the drive moving, eating all of the last 5+ minutes of game clock.
I don’t wanna stay up and watch P*ts/Ratbirds, so I ain’t gonna.
Just when it can’t getting any weirder department:
Donald Trump announces new battleship class named for himself
https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/12/22/us/trump-news?unlocked_article_code=1.-k8.X24X.toNBYMF0VpKG&smid=url-share
I’m a civilian so beg pardon if this is a dumb question…does the USN have Pedo Ships?
Who’s Border Patrol?
Chase Brown
That’s clever as fuck. I LOLed.
(blushes, curtsies, falls over)
That illustration at the top of this post is absolutely fantastic. Is that DJ Taj? The cutout bottle is >chef’s kiss<
Yes. It is DJ TAJ!
He was such a good sport about the Gasparilla Owl, I had to give Mister Pickle some love.
Plus, ah just wasn’t feeling PRETTY last night smgdh
Board Game Idea: Scrabble but instead of double/triple letter/word score squares playing on one of them allows you to draw a card, which contains those things but also some others, like stealing letters from an opponent, turning one of your tiles into a wild card, etc. Maybe even some negative “chute” type cards that have to be played immediately, like the current word you just played is worth zero.
I know when I just want to sit down and play Scrabble is exactly the time I want to be handed a game that isn’t Scrabble.
but if the steal-ee has a STAND UR GROUND card, he can then shoot you in the face!
Monopoly with real robber-barons!
🤣🤣🤣
Just got knocked the fuck out of the LDB challenge by Joan Jett and the Fucking Blackhearts on First Wave.
Damn you, Sluggo!
If you’re gonna get knocked out, that’s the way to go.
Was listening to first wave earlier, glad I changed it
Yeah, that’s not surprising.
I read the fan’s account that “DK was mad that I called him by his full name”, but uh, I don’t think so…
Dude was obviously a troll trying to provoke DK into doing exactly what he did. I hope he gets a lifetime stadium ban. He also wasn’t seated in that section
I hope he gets his ass kicked for real, by someone at least as big as DK.
This’ll probably save him from a suspension, but Metcalf will probably be fined due to optics.
But revealing your full name and exactly what you did? That’s always a very smart thing to do.
I read that the source is Ochocinco.
But what if it wasn’t?
But it could have been.
A source close to Metcalf means his agent saying whatever he can to get his guy off the hook? I think if he said that shit it would’ve more than one half-assed swing.
So what front office and/or coaching changes await? What coordinators die in order to save their coach? Which coaches are sacrificed for their GM? Are there fire sales?
I’ll eventually watch for myself, but did the Lions get screwed with the 2 penalty negated TDs or was that legit? My gut reaction is screwed since the zebras hate the Lions, no doubt instinctually after all the losses of their brethren on the savannah
I would say they were legit but in a league where refs routinely swallow their whistles, I have to admit I was surprised they called them.
Then again, I’m a Steelers fan, so take that for what it’s worth
As someone who routinely accuses the refs of being in the tank for certain franchises, I actually thought they were legit as well. In general I thought the refs did a pretty good job of enforcing the rules on a shitshow of a final drive; both teams made it hard for them to do their jobs well but they were pretty competent for the most part.
I am not an impartial party, but the pick play & the two handed push off both looked like legit OPI penalties to me.
Everybody else: “Of course you would say they were legit, you fucking homer.
These goddamned yinzers, man…”
Earlier, the refs had called the Steelers on the exact same pick play in the end zone. Mt. Warshington obliterated a DB.
Yup. When Mt. Washington picks you, you’re gonna feel it the next day.
The Raiders are at a weird sort of sweet spot where it’s actually ok to get drafted by them in the first round. Sucks for all the later rounds, but their first rounders all have the opportunity to get the spotlight and earn a big contract on a team that doesn’t blow pungent goat chunks. Jeanty is gonna be a fantasy BEAST if he survives until his contract year
Why you shouldn’t play fantasy football or bet on football, number 24,547:
[raises glass]
That’s good hatin’.
Not to accuse your child of being promiscuous, but don’t be surprised if your holding a newborn grandchild in about nine months.
And evidence of good parenting!
Last night I was showing blaxito American Gladiators. In the audience was this woman in a branded Bart Simpson – Raiders (LA?) tee shirt.
It was awesome.
I think its a Bo Knows…. campaign too?
He’s got the #34, so THIS THEORY LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT AN AQUARIUS BECAUSE IT HOLDS WATER.
Is that vintage American Gladiators? Where did you find it?
Prime includes like the first four seasons.
BART KNOWS Raiders Simpsons tee
i could probably find a guy who can find you one.
Yes.
Just don’t tell me it came off a dead body.
I still love how Hippo’s deep hatred of the Steelers makes him write just one sentence about yesterday’s bananacakes game.
#SelfPreservation
0-6 in their home games since hosting the weak charlie kirk memorial show.
Some might say it’s because Kirk is a hippocrite who deserved the bullet. Others think it’s because Kirk’s mission in life was a soulless one. While still others opine that glory isn’t measured in wins and losses.
Me – I think the Arizona Cardinals suck as bad as Charlie Kirk trying to breath through his collar bone because, in both cases, the entirety of the organization exists to make.a quick buck for some guy who had a shitty dad but tons of opportunity and access to friendly/lying media partners.
Charlie Kirk more like Charlie CURSE am I right?
/no, I’m actually pretty left. Not as left as I used to think I was, though.
Being a mouthpiece for hateful billionaires is quite the grift.
Not my comment but I’m stealing it: Every time Harrison Butker misses a field goal 10,000 women are awarded their PHDs.
In communications?
Also stolen:
Why did DK leave the stadium early?
To beat the crowd