Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Happy new year everyone. Question, when is it too late in the year to be saying that? Feels like it’s already too late, but with most peeps being back to work yesterday, I’ve been saying it. I obviously need a hobby or two, to take my mind of these dumb questions.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
One of my Christmas gifts put together
Game Time Decision
“Why doesn’t mine look like that?”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I vow to be a kind and just lowratio league champion… Just kidding, suck it all of the haters that didn’t believe in me I am your god now and, and,… eh, I don’t even care enough to keep up that bit. But it was fun and I got lucky so thanks everyone, I figuratively smack all the asses
Bogdanski
Told the MrsTPS I was gonna show her what The Dirty Bird was at halftime if the Falcons were winning.
Best 3 minutes of her life.
ThePirateSloth
Having covered the Falcons for [DFO] since 2018, I can safely say they will build the team around Bijan Robinson in 2026 and he will reward that by getting put on IR during the one preseason game he plays.
Beerguyrob
Hot dog. I love Saturday football.
BC Dick
/feeling super humbled right now
Oldest kid invited a friend from high school unannounced. After the usual greetings he asked to take a tour of my ‘man cave’ but took the opportunity to tell me how important our many brief interactions were to him at the time. He had a shitty dad (everyone knew it at the time) and saw me as a father figure that didn’t ask ridiculous things of him, didn’t steal money from him, etc. I didn’t offer a lot but it was enough for him. I had no idea.
/maybe, just maybe, I’m doing some good in the world, even though I’m stumbling backwards into it
scotchnaut
Deci is currently getting a Slipknot education.
“Wait they wear masks and can play this hard?”
litre_cola
Hooray! The Dr. Mrs.’ cousin (who hosted our post-wedding celebration at her glorious mansion in Pasadena and has treated us to such delights as Clayton Kershaw’s No Hitter and the Hollywood Bowl seats shown below) finally got the successful kidney transplant that she so desperately needed! We’ve asked the family not to think too much about the fact that they hosted us for a visit just two days ago and that almost immediately thereafter a viable kidney became available almost like someone was trying to show their gratitude for all she has done for us.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Wow, Scotchnaut works on commission now?
Horatio Cornblower
He’s getting a really nice holiday bonus for this one.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Forgot to tell the commentariat that we opened a West Coast office and business has never been better!
“So Many Homeless, So Little Time-Invest In Your Future Today!”
scotchnaut
Good news on the freezer front, pulled a bunch of stuff out and it seems like something must have gotten jostled or slid around or something because it seems to be working now. I won’t miss those cauliflower broccoli fries that I bought a couple years ago and never even thought about opening, lol.
Doktor Zymm
cauliflower broccoli fries that I bought a few years ago
Understandable. Right on the bag under “Directions”, it says, ‘shove to the back of freezer until a wellness check has been performed’.
scotchnaut
With my last act as commish of the FVFFL, I hear by banish Balls from the league
Game Time Decision
We’ve been doing this shit for over 10 years now.
We’re bonafied!
I love you fucking people.
yeah right
Ladies and reprobates,
Love to all of you, and let’s hope this next trip around is a helluva lot better. If no one else says it, I think you’re fucking excellent. See you soon.
NotShogunButShogun
Greetings from the future!
Redshirt
I’m about to go welcome 2026 and throw 2025 out the door Uncle Phil-style, but before I do, I just want to say…
This is the last year that my father and I exist at the same time. When the clock strikes 12, I will move on to 2026, but my father will remain in 2025. I know he is in a better place, and God willing, we will be reunited but I miss him every day.
But he does look down on me. Every football game, I feel him watching it with me, questioning every bad call, asking to rewind and dissect every play until we are 10 minutes behind. Even in death, he is still with me.
Thank you all for your kind words throughout this year. Hug your family and loved ones.
I’ll see you about 10 minutes…or next year, whichever comes first.
Redshirt
Worst New Year’s Eve ever?
Strap in.
“We’re going to this awesome party in Annapolis (which meant hot rich girls).”
“Okay.”
“It’s in a really great house.”
“Okay.”
Arrive, house is a shit hole. Walk in, 25-1 dudes to girls ratio.
Tell my friend he’s a fucking idiot.
Drink my face off, after midnight go outside to take a leak off the porch. Mighty stream of urine hits the slat in front of me, bounces off, completely soaking the front of my jeans.
Sat outside in freezing temperatures, smoking a cigar, waiting for jeans to dry. They didn’t.
Go inside, my friend is making out with passably cute girl.
I pass out. Friend wakes me up at 6 in the morning. “I’ve gotta get out of here, that girl’s boyfriend showed up at like 3 in the morning.”
On the drive home we both puke at different times.
Fuck New Year’s Eve.
jjfozz
Wife did a shot of tequila with son and I. The end times are nigh.
scotchnaut
Drove a couple hours to the hometown this morning and put a dollar bill on Pops LaCross’ gravesite. I’ll still honor our stupid Bears v. Niners standing bet until I’m in the dirt.
Col. Duke LaCross
Philip Rivers confirms what everyone already knew in an announcement following the Colts’ choice to start Riley Leonard over him – A to Z Sports https://atozsports.com/nfl/indianapolis-colts-news/colts-philip-rivers-retire-nfl-interview-2025-kay-adams/
It was nice while it lasted.
Redshirt
It’s an indictment of NFL QBs that he could step in after 5 years away and be better than 85% of the league.
ballsofsteelandfury
This is the whitest fucking name I’ve ever seen.
Beerguyrob
Roman General: “Who missed that field goal?”
Skylar: “It was I!”
Digsby: “It was I!”
Farnsworth: “It was I!”
Lamont: “It was I!”
Sebastian: “It was I!”
scotchnaut
Based on Social Media, you’d think this was the Rose Bowl right now.
Redshirt
You thought WWII was bad. Holy Crap Kewpie is going to France!
DJ TAJ
I think that, for 2026, the Clubhouse should acquire nuclear weapons. It’s the only sane thing one can do.
Surely, Brick knows a guy who can get us a cost and timing estimate?
King Hippo
I’m down the road from Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. If they have some, I could plan a raid.
…or Trump is an idiot. I could join Truth Social, call him a genius, say Pete Hegseth told me at a bar that he’s knows more than Trump, and in a few days, I’m the Acting Secretary of Defense!
Redshirt
I mean, you’re a White guy – just carry a clipboard and look busy. Nobody will give you any shit.
King Hippo
You just literally described how I act at every job I’ve ever worked.
Redshirt
Dr. Redshirt!
Senor Weaselo
Nothing says new year like round 2 of chemo! She’s ready to get it over with. But it’s Friday so the cafeteria does have a fairly decent fish fry (because Wisconsin, of course it does).
NotShogunButShogun
Unsurprised
We’re into the last three weeks of Xmas over here. I had a light lunch of seasonal goodies with Madre and The Heiress
Don T
On the other hand, I just wrote a check for heating oil and put ‘2026’ for the year on the first try!
This is gonna be my year!!
Horatio Cornblower
Back from evening Mass, prayed for all of you heathens, so you’re covered for the week.
Also, just poured me a flagon of bourbon.
jjfozz
Greetings, gentlemen and others! After a delightful afternoon watching the King’s Finest dismantle the hapless Cherries, I have decided to settle down next to the moving picture box this evening to watch squadrons from two of the Empire’s most prized colonies engage in a skirmish for the right to compete for a Superb Owl. My manservant tells me that the phrase “6-7” has entered the lexicon of many back-injury-riddled individuals all over the world in this year of our Lord. This contest has me thinking, if “6-7” can have its day, why shouldn’t “8-9” be considered cromulent enough to compete for an Owl? I an anxious to hear your thoughts on this matter, my dear colleagues!
Cecil Rhodes
Don T
I’m rooting for the Niners in honor of my buddy Chris, who had a stroke and died way too young. One of the funniest fuckers I ever met.
jjfozz
THEY DID IT. THE JETS WENT THE ENTIRE EIGHTEEN GAME SEASON WITHOUT AN INTERCEPTION!
Redshirt
Tomlin’s voodoo is real, and it is terrifying.
Horatio Cornblower
“ChatGPT, I want to feel stronger; help me with a pull-up program”
ChatGPT: “I’m an AI program. Get up from the computer and go to the gym, you fucking dolt.”
Horatio Cornblower
Nope, don’t believe it.
ChatGPT: “That’s a great idea! Pullups are a great way to build strength and you’re brilliant to think a pull-up program would help you feel stronger! According to respected Redditer Lickmyballs, you can buy Pullups for toddlers at CVS for $17.99 a package, should I order some for you?
Doktor Zymm
I gotta be honest, finishing the season with a 60-yard field goal to beat the Chiefs and the #1 draft pick feels pretty good. It’s almost enough to get me up off the couch so I can leisurely stroll fully clothed through the clubhouse quietly murmuring “Mendoza!” to myself.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
lol the jets set the record for fewest ints (0)
BUT
they did NOT set the record for fewest int return yards, which is still -2, yep NEGATIVE TWO YARDS, set by…guess who…2024 browns!
the factory of sadness still churning product!
fleshwound_NPG
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
NOTE banner image from here
Reading news headlines earlier was a mistake. FFS why Greenland?
its always about projection in this case the Mercator one
It’s highly strategic. It actually makes a lot of sense why they want it.
I’m pretty sure they want it so they can ruin my vacation in September
Or ours in August
I enjoy watching pods about older sports dudes talking about the first time they got embarrassed, being tutored by older guys, etc. In the hockey landscape there’s no filter because these older retired players don’t have a fantasy of being an announcer/analyst. Shitty coaches, not getting paid, playing in Europe in weird circumstances-it’s all laid bare.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwEKvU_Fa1Q
My fave anecdote is Mike Keenan tearing a piece off a bunch of players during intermission one by one and when he got to Alexander Mogilny, the player said, “I have bodyguards here and back home protecting me and my family from the Russian mob. And you think I’m afraid of you?”
I mean Mike Babcock is a giant piece of shit.
That’s the moral of the story.
Fucking great clip
Imagine how abrasive, how lacking in social cues, how inept you are at putting your guys in key places in the organization you must be, to be fired after that amount of success.
/Contrast Harbaugh to the Fins McDaniel
Good news for DonT – the Titans are interviewing Jason Garrett for HC.
That machete is getting sharpened as we type…
#SanJuanSupperClub
Garrett’s idea of a successful interview is putting less than 50% of the interviewees to sleep.
I don’t have a full comparison set, but I think PG&E must be on the shortlist for the worst utility company in the country. They’re changing their billing structure to gouge people who conserve energy now by moving a big chunk of the cost from energy usage to a fixed fee. If I’m out of town and turn off everything except my fridge at the breaker, I’ll have a bill of around $70 – just for the privilege of having the electricity hooked up. I can use as much electricity as I want in Chicago, including running the window AC, and my total bill will be about that, probably a bit less. Such a ripoff, and the state just lets them get away with this shit
/end rant
And the Democrats think Gavin can win the White House in 28…..
Modern politics is like playing Marry/Fuck/Kill in the waiting room of a free herpes clinic
Apropos of nothing, where is said clinic?
I don’t think he’ll be the nominee, but whoever the GOP runs will be Trump-wannabe without the cult hold. Plus the GOP brand is shit now, will be shittier in 3 years.
But whoever wins has a LOT to clean up.
Los Angeles has always owned its own power company and never sold out during deregulation. L.A. was immune from the Enron scam power crisis, and in fact sold excess electricity to the grid at the inflated scam market prices and lowered LADWP customer prices.
So does the Town of Apex, North Cakalaky!
Same with Anaheim. Being in league with Disney is good.
Harbs out in Bawlmer
Wow. Who do they think is going to be better?
BAH GAWD QUEEN THAT’S JOSH MCDANIELS MUSIC!! HE’S HERE!! HE’S HERE LIVE TONIGHT!!
Oooh, so THAT’s where Kliff is going! He won’t even have to move, just commute up I-95
Probably just sick of his face.
Wow.
Two new coaches next year in the division plus the one coach that should have been gone still there….
Tomlin Voodoo is real and it’s spectacular.
Well, that’s just a shame…
She is so good! And a perfect last line
https://youtube.com/shorts/vLMKR4TOTIc?si=T84sN4a28o1XIRrO
I may be the reason we watch safety videos, but I’m never the reason for lost time.
Why is it so damn depressing taking down Christmas Lights. Had to grab a 10: (yes A.M.) 30 beer and play Mari Callas very loud to confuse the sadness, good Christ.
Have joy! It means you had a fantastic Christmas and don’t want it to end, unlike my Scrooge McScrooge ass.
🐅💩
Short but succinct.
Pfft. He said the same thing when his hotel told him he’d have to pay for a second room in order to accommodate all eleven members of his traveling party.
“You’re right, but still go fuck yourself”
Looks like Kliff Kingsbury is headed back to Thailand!
https://www.hogshaven.com/washington-commanders-news/397104/washington-commanders-and-oc-kliff-kingsbury-mutually-agree-to-part-ways
Bidwill will take him.
Huh, gas is up about a quarter. Cannot imagine why?
Yeah gas is definitely up, I think it was those beans I had last night.
It’s actually cheaper in California. I saw a gas station with a number that started with a 3.
I had not seen that in ages.
Probably because of our successful daycare fraud.
Toddlers are the easiest marks!
.
Fun Fact: “Easy Mark” was the nickname of Denny Hastert’s favorite Congressional page.
International events have zero effect on retail gasoline prices. Supply and demand drive it, coupled with consumer sentiment in extreme cases. Gas stations purchase product in preordered deliveries of set price and volume; if there is not enough room in the tanks for the next mandatory delivery they lower the retail price to move the product. If the public panics over disasters or wars they can jack up the retail price, but only as much as the public will pay. Too much and the tanks don’t empty.
For international incidents look at the crude oil spot markets for clues, but these are still no guarantee of retail prices way down the production pipeline. Unless they can get people to believe there is a crisis.
Hacktivist Dressed As Pink Power Ranger Deletes White Supremacist Dating Site Live During Conference
After Rita Repulsa was defeated, the Power Rangers continued to counter evil in their own way.
More like “Don’t fuck ’em, that’s why!”
Thank you for the recap GTD. I took yesterday and today off for an extended New Year’s vaca, but gotta get back to work tomorrow. Bummer. Be well you guys.
I look at that with just-woke-up blurry eyes and saw a dog and a little girl.
I need to schedule that optometrist appointment. Or possibly therapy. I may have been reprogrammed over the Holiday Break, again.
I’m sure there are also pills for that sort of thing…
Ned was right about 2026.
Eberflushed.
Two bad Jerry “the Turd” Jones wasn’t part of the flush.
TAKE NOTES BENGALS!
Meant to throw this into the open thread last night, but I wont be able to make it to New York for DFO East impromptu meet up. Mrs. Sharkbait is still a free agent, and I can’t justify the cost of going.
I need more coffee in my system, but what do you mean by “wife is still a free agent”?
Unemployed, as of August. Though she’s really only started looking this week. She was getting jaded and burned out at work so taking the time and severance to reset has been clutch
Ah thanks.
Hope the job search goes well
Geez, GTD, you’re supposed to respect the one-month period before you ask out an imaginary friend’s ex!
But tell Mrs. Sharkbait we’re wishing her luck.
Taking time off between jobs is 100% the way to do things. I hear hiring is a mess right now though, she should definitely reach out to people she’s worked with in the past to get referrals as a lot of companies are almost exclusively hiring that way now. Actually, I don’t suppose she’s a data scientist?
Data? No. Not data. Bio is her wheelhouse. She already got a referral into a place so heres hoping it works out.
I spent 5 years at a shitty job. It’s been 20 since I quit, and I still occasionally dream about it. Good for her for getting out, life is too fucking short to be miserable for a third ( at least) of your day.