Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
I had something that I wanted to mention, but can no longer remember what it was. I gotta start writing down my ideas and not trying to remember.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Admin
January 12, 2026 2:21 pm
So I think I’ve worked out how you could drown someone with air. If you had some really moist, really clean air you could supercool it and the water would remain in gaseous form because there wouldn’t be any condensation nuclei. Then when someone breathed it in the water would condense out upon contact, including upon contact with lung tissue.
Doktor Zymm
But it condensed into water, so they techically would have still drowned with water, not air. Just stick a funnel in their mouth and pour water in it until they aspirate it eventually. You supervillains make everything so complicated!
Gumbygirl
STOP TELLING US YOUR PLANS BEFORE EXECUTING YOUR PLANS!!!
Horatio Cornblower
So far the playoffs sans Chiefs have been stupendous. I hope this carries on and The Shield takes notice and ensures that Kansas City never sullies our postseason ever again.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Though I do have some concerns – and the egregiously missed facebask call on Ladd stands as evidence – that the Patriots have reestablished themselves as BEERGH’s favorite and will be rewarded accordingly.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
This was my most dad reaction after yesterdays loss by my Jaguras:
LemonJello
And so it begins…
2Pack
Aaron Rodgers can still win if Mike Pence has the courage.
Beerguyrob
Rodgers ends his career with a TD
clint greasewood
I call this Texans pass rush Nippon Steel because they own these Steelers
Spur
“Jesus – turf can give?”
– RG III, on his couch
Beerguyrob
We have people coming to the house to put in a new boiler, (lights Applebees money on fire), at 7:45 tomorrow, and I have to drop my car off for an oil change, (and more importantly an explanation for why my 15+ year-old car with 250K+ miles on it is starting to give off a burning radiator fluid smell every time I finish a trip) (the explanation is probably “you have a 15-year-old car with 250K miles on it”), before that so I have to get up at like 7 and working from home has made it so that I find this unreasonably early.
Horatio Cornblower
Head gasket. You’re not going to be happy with that bill.
Mr. Ayo
I think I paid a lady about $50 once for a head gasket. I think that’s what she called it. Anyway, she was an undercover cop. Never go to a furry convention during the week.
SonOfSpam
The Bears sent out a survey asking how I felt about the Indiana stadium plan. They won’t listen to me, but I told them it sucked.
There’s 400-level goalline seats for the Sunday game at $588 now, with my $150 Stubhub credit that’s getting into tempting territory, but still think I’ll wait. Not sure how much I’m willing to pay to freeze my ass off during a once in a lifetime experience but don’t think I’m quite there yet
Doktor Zymm
Whoever is responsible for moving the Bears to Indiana, even in theory, needs to be landed on the surface of Venus.
Horatio Cornblower
I love my Stillers, and always want them to do well…
but Rodger’s achilles tendon snapping like an old rubber band as he ran out of the tunnel would have been about the funniest thing ever.
BeefReeferLives
Nobody touch this glass. It’s meant for @Redshirt. Sooner or later he’s going to realize that every single head coach in the AFC North is being replaced except for Zac Taylor, and he’s going to need it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Sees that Redshirt has already realized this. I’m gonna go ahead and take care of this whiskey then.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Hands off my comfort juice.
Redshirt
“Steeler Fans got what they wanted, Tomlin was finally gone. He was replaced by Brian Flores.”
-excerpt from “The Monkey’s Paw Chronicles”
scotchnaut
Found the new, updated Stillers official team site.
WCS
Just heard back from the shop. Kid I used to coach in Little League. NAWT a cracked head gasket!! Woo-hoo!
/car explodes anyway
Horatio Cornblower
AdminEven though the Texans are imaginary, I’m pretty irked on their behalf. Most of the game coverage is about Qaaron and how sad it is to see him have a shitty last game, with almost no mention of how fantastic that Houston defense is. It’ll be like 3 paragraphs of ‘grateist QooB’ with maybe a third of a sentence about the Imaginarios
Doktor Zymm
Found a funny:
lmao Scott Adams died
🐈
rockingdog
January 13, 2026 6:40 pm
🪦
Redshirt
To one’s shock or surprise, the Stillers want to interview Brian Flores. Indiana’s Curt Cignetti, Marcus Freeman from Notre Dame, and 500s DC are others being floated about.
THIS HAS BEEN YOUR DAILY STILLERS HEAD COACH SEARCH UPDATE YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR OR WANT, BROUGHT TO YOU BY WCS
WCS
just a heads up, i’ve chosen to completely adopt the Dothraki lifestyle, gonna go buy a horse tomorrow
jjfozz
In keeping with my commitment to the Dothraki lifestyle, I ordered my wife to prepare raw horse hearts for dinner. We have all moved to a tent in my backyard and now have 14 horses that are running around the neighborhood.
jjfozz
In unrelated news, my middle son is a Hoosier. Just found out today.
jjfozz
No pressure, Sam.
It’s just the entire nation watching you and saying “Oooo. Is he gonna fuck it all up again?”
BeefReeferLives
/addressing WCS’s dog thingy below
99 times out of 100 a dog barking incessantly means they’re in distress. However, sometimes a very stupid canine-let’s call her Molly-will smell deer (a neighbor down the road has set up trail cams, so can confirm) and bark for up to three hours straight. She’ll not chase the deer nor will she come inside even if treats are offered. No, she will bark at the invisible deer because she’s excited.*
*this may be related but we don’t have many friends on our lonely stretch of road because occasionally one of the Skull-fractured offspring will let her out at 11pm. Great…
scotchnaut
If my 80+ year old neighbor dares to so much as attempt to get her mail my dog will go off in a fit of rage until she staggers back into her house, where Tucker is convinced she belongs.
Horatio Cornblower
Tucker also once tried to go after a coyote while we were walking one night. I had him on a leash, so no dice. I did tell him “Dude, you are wearing a sweater. He’s going to lure you right into a bunch of his friends and they are going to give you such a wedgie, then stuff you in a locker”
Horatio Cornblower
Already making an impact in the NFC East.
Redshirt
Redshirt
Played my monthly poker tournament. No money, but happy with my play.
The only thing that bothers me is that there’s a guy there who’s like the nicest guy possible, and older, and stone deaf, and obviously just happy to be out for a night. Everyone looks out for him. He is the worst player at the game, by far. To the point that you feel bad taking his chips.
So naturally he did the only thing I feel even worse about, taking a bunch of my chips by sucking out on the river and winning a hand I was about 85% favored to win at that point.
Anyway, I went outside and slashed his tires.
Last edited 2 days ago by Horatio Cornblower
See Scotchy? There are alternatives!
Mr. Ayo
Well, no. This guy has a residence.
WCS
Wow, 2026 is all over the alignment chart!
Redshirt
the final issues aren’t over money, it’s over language
/at the bargaining table
Mara: “Spanish!”
Harbaugh: “Esperanto!”
Mara: “Ok, fine. Let’s find some middle ground. Bonuses in Swahili, base salary in Javanese.”
Harbaugh: “Hmmm. Escalators in Tamil?”
Mara: “Done! Buyout in Ilocano?”
Harbaugh: “YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEIR VERB TENSES!”
Mediator: [to herself] “I, I just can’t anymore…”
scotchnaut
(Seattle film room, watching the 49ers Wild Card Game)
Coach: “Okay, men. You see how the 49ers were able to fight through adversity and win the game. I need you do that. Do exactly like the San Francisco 49ers”
Darnold: (dies)
Coach: “Not that exactly, Sam!”
fin
Update: am inside stadium. And also down a toque from having dropped it somewhere in the fucking melee it is down here.
Beerguyrob
Same drunk chucklefuck just loudly yelled at fans FUCK THE 49ERS FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOU, then noticed there are children sitting out here with us, apologized. This other idiot says ‘not unless they’re 49ers fans harf harf’ and chucklefuck ‘then they’d like it!’
I leaned over and said “yeaaaaaaaaa that sounds like you want to fuck children”.
He has been quiet ever since.
ThePirateSloth
Associate Tenured Professor Beerguy hopes you enjoyed tonight’s mixer. Get home safe.
Beerguyrob
I do not like this Tom Brady man
You could say I am not a fan
I do not like him on the air
I do not like his plugged in hair
I do not like him in the booth
I like him not at all, forsooth
Horatio Cornblower
You do not like him
(Spam I am)
SonOfSpam
Plan for today:
1) wake up (already done! Woo!)
2) pull out and wear a million layers
3) get to The Staley around 30 minutes before the early game start
4) eat, drink, watch Imaginarios/Neopats
5) walk over to stadium about 45 min before kickoff
6) Da Bears!
7) ????
8) home and sleep
Doktor Zymm
At seat!
Doktor Zymm
My beer is a slush and i love it
Doktor Zymm
BREAKING NEWS
Tony Romo rushed to hospital to have josh Allen’s jizz pumped from his stomach.
jjfozz
So happy/relieved right now, told my wife tonight is a good night to ask me for anything.
Does anyone know where to buy equipment for “pegging”? Assuming it’s some kind of board game.
SonOfSpam
Don T
What a hit on Swift. He’ll need to shake it off, shake it off
Wakezilla
Shut up Collinsworth.
litre_cola
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
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I continue to live the Dothraki ways. Today me and my horde (three sons and a guy with an eyepatch named Eddie) sacked the local Aldi. If you think I’m paying a fucking quarter for a shopping cart and have to bring my own bag, then you are fucked.
Sacked as in looted, or sacked as in went up and down the aisles rubbing your sack on food items? Either one is respectable.
It’s Fozz, not Peyton Manning.
I saw an old Indiana fan being asked how bad the program was back in the day. He said, “As a kid I would go to the tailgates and find tickets on the ground and that’s how I would get in to see the game.”
“What Gambling Addiction?”
Having to choose between Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson is having to choose between two old white men.
I haven’t seen any headlines about us murdering Venezuelan seamen since we kidnapped Maduro and his wife – have we stopped doing that?
Nah, both the piracy and the bombing of boats continued. And yes, so far the only proof about those being used to run drugs is still the word of the alcoholic SecDef going “Trust us, Bro”
Murdering Venezuelans at sea is soooooo last year. Murdering citizens in US cities with the nextGen Gestapo* is all the rage this year.
*nextGen Gestapo brought to you by DraftKings, the official betting app of fascism
One of the afternoon Yinzer spr0tsyakker guys is desparately trying to convince the other hosts, and listening audience, that Mike McCarthy is the right choice for the Stillers.
Fozz, mind loaning me your file on “bridge(s)” in your “Revenge/Rage” files? I’ll give it back.
My sympathies
Could be worse, I heard a guy in my work slack unironically go “Maybe the Steelers should give Josh McDaniels a try if he takes the Pats all the way this year” and people *agreed*.
I mean, I’m a Pats fan, but I wouldn’t wish Joshy boy as an HC on anyone..
I’ll be sending it to you via a trained raven who answers to the name Ray-Ray. Hold fast.
He must have the sharpest talons on the eastern seaboard
Regular programming was interrupted for…what in the actual fuck is this?! Literal old man yells at things?
If anyone’s gonna make him hate god it’s the raiders
-Text I got last night from my friend a lifelong Raiders fan.
Nice GTD, thank you for the hustle here.
The Olympic torch passed through town today. This year timing is pretty nice. The opening ceremony given the time warp is 2 PM EST, with the Owl starting at 6:30 PM EST. So if you are not all into the 8 hours of Owl pregame coverage… You should have a great choice.
Uhm, drowning people with air? Lower the density of surrounding air, lower the temp too and let the HAPE do its thing .
If you convince your target to go to K2 or Everest, you won’t even be caught! .. just don’t forget to park him/her in a way that can be useful for other climbers as a reference point “200 metres from Green Boots, right at the guy with the terrible towel sticking from his arse?”
They call it the Death Zone for a reason!
Good Morning!
Also, has anyone here ever been to Montana, or one of the Dakotas, or Wyoming (assuming it’s real)? We’ve got room.
Sending them to Wyoming is just sending them to Hell with extra steps.