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I Don’t Like Sand: Tuesday Open Thread

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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Coming to you live from vaguely near the beach!

No, not that nice a beach

No, not quite that bad.

So I love the ocean, but do not enjoy the beach. This is not an unheard-of position, though certainly not a popular one. I feel like most people now conceptualize “Going to The Beach” through the visual media representations: warmth, relaxation, attractive people wearing not many clothes, greased-up homoerotic sporting contests

For L. Ron Hubbard’s sake, who felt the need to rehash that part in Maverick?

Anyway, the limitations of visual media lead people to forget that even when all of those idealized features come together, they come packaged with Sand.

Sand is a very useful material. It makes glass, elemental silicon, and cement. It also gets Fucking Everywhere. And it Hurts. You know what else is useful? Lead. But it can stay Over There.

Prequel Era Anakin Skywalker was an unmitigated disappointment (fight me, bitches) but even this galactic-class dumbfuck knew what was up re: sand.

Give me a grand, rocky coast or give me a swimming pool. Beaches can suck it.

NFL NEWS:

It’s the Season of Scarcity, where the NFL Media is forced to subsist on the content equivalent of licking lichen off rocks.

(Looks back up at a 200 word screed against sand)

…Shut up.

We have Jaxson Dart being a particularly proud MAGA Chud, ostensibly serious sports writers trying to rehabilitate Deshaun Watson, and Nolan Smith driving 135 mph in Georgia. And frankly, I can’t blame anyone for wanting to get out of Georgia as fast as their vehicle can carry them.

ON TONIGHT:

OKC are flopping bitches. The Golden Knights are just plain bitches. Unless you’re up for a good ol fashioned Hatewatch, I’d pick a movie tonight.

 

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WCS

Mitch Marner is this decade’s Phil Kessel.

What does this mean for the Leaf’s chances?

Auston Matthews’ on the phone with his agent now. “GET ME OUT OF THIS HELL.”

Last edited 14 hours ago by WCS
1
DJ TAJ

Please do keep in mind that they are playing that pussy ass Cubs team so fill your plate. Kind of like that eat all you like place only the taste is not so bitter.

0
DJ TAJ

Oh wait are you talking about that ice thingy?

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WCS

The Presidents Trophy Curse cannot be overcome.

Is Vegas the most expansion franchise in their first decade or existence?

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WCS

The Presidents Trophy Curse cannot be overcome.

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2Pack

Hey, just like last night my comment about the weather is “awaiting approval”. It never did get approved last night. I must be using some forbidden trigger word.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looks like someone cleared it; nothing left in “pending”.

0
Mr. Ayo

As humans, we spend most of our time “awaiting approval.” The joy of life, of course, is when we receive that approval. You’re welcome.

6
Gumbygirl

I approve of this message.

5
BC Dick

Sometimes I’ll get an email to approve a comment from 3 years ago. I don’t think we should let computers drive B trains through major cities.

2
2Pack

I get a daily temperature check when I run past a local pharmacy at around 0500. Last week 7C, this week 19C. They say we’re in for a hot summer.

2
2Pack

See nuthin wrong with it…

Thanks admin, having your approval means a lot to me…

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

120 Minutes Playlist Project Update: there are many good years coming up but in 1993 the show had really hit its stride – coinciding quite well with one of the golden era Simpsons seasons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBi676v4Gs4

1
Mr. Ayo

The Avs are an injury wasteland now. RIP to their great season.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s like some kind of tumbling cascade of bad luck poured down on top of them.

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Mr. Ayo

I see what you did there.

0
2Pack

I love a sandy beach. But having sex while rolling around in the sand has never been something I wanted to try. Frankly I think movies and romance novels sugar coat all of the drawbacks with that.

1
Doktor Zymm

Hay and haylofts as well. I’m itchy just thinking about it

4
2Pack

I had a blast on the hay rides we went on when I was in high school. Wrestling with the girls was good fun. But I agree, sex in that venue would be highly problematic.

1
SonOfSpam

Yeah, and doing it on a fire anthill is absolutely not as sexy as the very niche magazine I subscribe to says it is.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Fire ants? Pfft. You can’t eat those.” – Senor Weaselo

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I tried it (in Tofo, Mozambique, of all places) and it was an absolute disaster. First time I’d ever found myself unable to ahem, perform. All those bits I’d seen in sitcoms suddenly weren’t so funny anymore. Thank the good good Lord that my friend had left her pickup truck unlocked so we had somewhere else to retreat to.

2
Doktor Zymm

So, looks like Josh Jacobs just got arrested for some nasty shit

0
litre_cola

Henry Ruggs? Or Jameis Winston style?

0
King Hippo

Let’s just say Janay Rice might be apoliogizing any minute now

8
litre_cola

Oh boy, just saw.

0
NotShogunButShogun

Yes indeed. I doubt he’ll be riding a bike during training camp. Unless his cellblock has one.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I guess I’ll have to find another RB for THE REIGNING FREEZER VODKA LEAGUE CHAMP squadron…

0
SonOfSpam

One of the charges is “strangulation and suffocation” which you really shouldn’t do, even if the other party served zinfandel with chicken.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You gotta love Butt-Head’s commitment to the bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhHiat6a-CQ

1
WCS

Sooo…. that entire draft class now?

0
Bogdanski

Yeah, but all the Packers sites I visit are being really cool and talking about believing women and, oh no…wait, I read that all wrong. Dear good everything sucks

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If it makes you feel better, many Raiders fans would have been the exact same way if this had happened three or four years ago.

3
Doktor Zymm

DFO might be one of the only websites in the world where it is safe to read to comments

6
King Hippo

SIGH. The mighty #BFIB looked doomer to fall short tonight, but on the plus side…TEN flyings of the L flag in a row WOO!!!!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Prequel Era Anakin Skywalker was an unmitigated disappointment (fight me, bitches)

Not when you have the high ground.

I’ve been watching the old Mr. Plinkett’s prequel reviews and they are still good for a few laughs, if rather dated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYWAHuFbLoc

0
herodotus450

what’s wrong with your faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace

1
Horatio Cornblower

An hour and 41 minutes to tell me Star Wars III sucked?

I’ll just watch the movie again and at least perv on Natalie Portman.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There are far better ways to spend your time perving on Natalie Portman.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

From a surfer’s point of view, sand beaches are MUCH better than rocky beaches or reefs.

Much better and softer landings.

0
King Hippo

oh don’t be a pussy, be all liek that 100-ft wave guy, get so many concussions you become a drooling moe-ron (who barely notices his smokeshow, puppy dog-ish adoring wife)

2
ballsofsteelandfury

These?

comment image

0
Horatio Cornblower

Their children must be the most beautiful things in the world.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jeffrey’s Bay would like a word.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdzJ8DdQyhU

Last edited 16 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OH MY GOD IT’S SO FUCKING AWESOME I WANT TO GET IN THE WATER RIGHT NOW

1
Doktor Zymm

Today I read about Fred Warner using swimming to rehab his ankle. It was interesting, if not particularly relevant to the upcoming season. Unless they flood one of the stadiums and play some sort of water football, that would be neat!

The only problem with rocky beaches is that you really need water shoes so you don’t slip all over the place and/or scrape your feet up. Sand does suck, but some varieties of sand are worse than others. Either way, best way to go swimming is off a boat or pier so you don’t have to deal with whatever the beach is made of.

When I was a kid I would dig a deep hole in the sand and sit in the shade and cool of the damp sand walls. Great spot to read.

Came across an amusing name for a male stripper: Dong Quixote

4
SonOfSpam

They ARE going to flood SoFi for Olympic Swimming, so maybe that’ll scratch your itch?

3
Doktor Zymm

Eh, that’ll be just normal swimming, but better than no stadium flooding at all I guess

1
BugEyedBoo

+1 Dungeon Crawler Carl

1
Doktor Zymm

Been reading em nonstop for the past week, SO good

1
Gumbygirl

I got torn up on coral rock snorkeling in Palm Beach. Fuck rocks, gimme sand.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

ReBUTTal:

comment image

2
King Hippo

Rocky beaches are the tits. Partially why Yachats, Oregon is my very favoUrite place on Earth.

0
litre_cola

World Cup pool.

https://www.footytips.com.au/comps/DFO_DOES_FIFA?p=doorfliesopen

Password : doorfliesopen

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Rev-approved pool!

0
SonOfSpam

There’s a couple pick ’ems on ESPN proper, we should compare/contrast.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You need to go Aussie. It’s the same site as the AFL tipping

1
Gumbygirl

I’m in.

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