Continuing the Whimsy – Divisions North Preview

Hoo-wee, y’all.  We done got us some YANKEES inside-a this establishment.

AFC North

A study in contrasts.  Balmer decided to summon a mighty shaking for its “Great Until January” snowglobe, sending the MOAR tolerable Harbaugh brother into the bread line.  In comes the guy I always think of as Kirby Smart’s OC at Jawja.  Can he teach Lamar! how to go through projections and minimize his rushing attempts?  It seems Sysiphian, like trying to bend a cat to your will.  Get a dog if you want something you can train.  YOU are the servant when a cat enters your abode.

Meanwhile, you have Team WKRP.  They changed out one reasonably effective for a slightly better, two years younger model.  Otherwise?  They’s running it back, pretty much “as is.”  New Pussy costs money, and Mike Brown ain’t hearing that noise.

Dragging up the arse end, you get the running physical comedy troupe that is #ThePauls.  They are trying to make the “drama” about their Shedeur/Watson quartered backing competition.  It’s the equivalent of two hobos jerking off underneath the bridge.  There can be no winners here.

Strange how The Shield decided only to field three teams in this Division, but maybe they’ll at least have minimal primetime exposure to us normie watchers.

NFC North

Perhaps the only foursome where I wouldn’t be surprised if any or all of them won 10+ fixtures.  You imagine someone will fall on hard times, but I’m fucked if I know who.

I can never figure the Packers out.  Starting at QB, where I just can’t land on an evaluation.  Sometimes great, sometimes “meh” if I am being generous.  They were absolute dogshit late (without Micah Parsons), so they could start slowly while their star man (LOVE this Britspeak term) is stuck on the PUP list.

Will the Fuck Lions…FUCK again?  Baby Buster only has one RB to lean on this season, but at least they kept (and PAID) the correct one.  We’ll just have to see how he handles the increased workload.  I also don’t think I’ve ever had the Sun God on my fantasy team.  I agree that he’s fantastic, it just has never happened for Hippo.  Fewer defensive injuries is likely the tonic they need, but its also a possibility their contention window shut already.

Way, way, WAY too much hype around Chi**** – the Bearistocrats! still have their innate DNA, and I see them as a Wild Card at best.  A dangerous Wild Card, sure.  But Caleb could also regress, and hard.  Luther Burden ($5) will be one of my keepers, so expect him to blow out a knee or two in September.  FML.

That leaves Minnesota and the attempted resurrection of Wee Kyler.  He’ll win the starting job by not being JJ McCarthy (who is lucky Justin Jefferson didn’t murder him already), but that ain’t make him no taller.  Nor less Call of Duty-focused.  I dunno, though.  I have a weird hesitance to write them off.  Probably just gas, it usually is.

/yes, the banner pic is to honor the HoF game victory.  FREE HUEY!!!