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The King’s Saturday Night Message To The DFO Peoples And Open Thread 2026-8

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WE are in pre-season! The Hall of Fame was, apparently, perfectly cromulent. WE, of course, did not watch a minute, but WE heard good things… As your newly-crowned King of the DFO Fantasy Football leagues, champion of the Freezer Vodka League, newly-appointed COMMISSIONER of the Freezer Vodka League, and Benevolent Monarch of the DFO Peoples, WE pledge to you, OUR loyal subjects, to share our knowledge and update you on the goings-on in the Realm every Saturday Night in the off-season (except during the Mundial!). Tonight, WE present to you a list of things that Amuse US that start with the letter H (We shall go in alphabetical order going forward) and that OUR subjects should develop an interest in:

  • Horatio
  • Horses
  • Hoses (the garden kind)
  • Heaven
  • Heinies
  • Holes
  • Hilarity
  • Hogs
  • Hawaii
  • Hellcats
  • Humor

And now for something completely different…

1000002154
Ageless

WE so proclaim:

Fantasy Football League Updates

WE believe that both leagues are set with teams. Please make sure that you will actively participate if you are in either league. If you don’t want to play, we already have others willing to join.

The Freezer Vodka League is scheduled to draft at 5 PM in the evening of August 31, 2026.

The Lowratio League is scheduled to draft on the same day, August 31, 2026, at 6 PM.

***

Mini Steelers Preview

WCS will surely handle the Steelers preview in a lot more detail and with a lot more research. However, WE feel compelled to fill up this space with as much Steelers content as possible in order to piss Hippo off. Good God, if WE could find a picture of a famous Steelers fan pornstar getting f’ed in the A while wearing a Steelers jersey, WE would email it to him…. The division finished, surprisingly, like this last year:

  • Steelers
  • Ravens
  • Bengals
  • Browns

The Steelers were the only ones with a winning record. With Aaron Rodgers at QB. Imagine that.

After the customary Wild Card Game exit, Tomlin surprised everyone by channeling his inner Cartman and saying, “Screw You Guys, I’m going home!”

So, the Steelers hired Captain Blue Bunny to take the reins. If you think about his Green Bay resume, that’s a good hire. If you think about his Dallas resume, it’s not great, Bob. Of course, the stench of Jerrah touches everything in Dallas. He’s the anti-Midas. Everything he touches turns to shit. So, maybe it won’t be that bad?

There is definitely talent on this team. At almost every position. The only and most glaring problem is Quarterback. Aaron Rodgers is probably getting emails already from the AARP. Behind him, there is one known “allegedly racist” quantity and two “essentially” rookies. Here is how WE see the division shaping up this year after 3 of 4 coaches left:

? Steelers

? Ravens

? Bengals

4 Browns

Who the fuck knows anything about this division?

***

In this space, WE shall share OUR Thing Of The Week. Today’s Thing:

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OUR weekly funny:

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OUR weekly hot girl pic:

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OUR weekly music video:

***

One last thing:

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54 Comments
Brick Meathook

Another favorite “H” – Flashbulb

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1
blaxabbath

Maui County election results are coming in. Looks like incumbent Richard Bissen will hold off challenger Yuki Lei Sugi “push it, push it some” mora.

1
WCS

From the Wild, Wonderful World of WCS:

Took a call for an active robbery in progress. Caller owns the store, wasn’t there, was at home and as alerted via security cameras. He called to explain what he was seeing, and is on the other side of town. He reports they hit the ATM and drove away, unknown if they took anything else.
It didn’t take long for police to identify the vehicle (thank you, me). Police in several jurisdictions have been following the three actors involved around. The vehicle has come to a stop, and the Rhodes Scholars involved have run off on foot. These Mensa Members took the ATM; the whole thing. That’s Ricky level genius there (if you know, you know). Evidently, one of these triple-digit IQ holders also shot himself (or was shot by another) in the leg, and is trying to run around leaking. They also left the machine in the vehicle when they ditched it. I hope the adventure was worth the next 5-10 years.

Who needs TV when you can work here?

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4
Gumbygirl

Are their names Moe, Larry, and Curly?

2
WCS

That may be giving the Stooges too much credit…

1
2Pack

Thank you Sir. Wonderful post. My favorite H is Hooters. But we all know that.

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1
ballsofsteelandfury

HOW DID I MISS THAT?!?

2
WCS

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It’s like I don’t even know you anymore, hombre…

2
2Pack

It’s what happens when you get high on your own supply.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio and I went to a Mexican restaurant, Condesa, located in a strip mall in Sturbridge, MA. Referred by my brother. I would ordinarily not eat in a restaurant in a strip mall, but tonight has taught me not to be so snobby. Christ it was good. Two people absolutely stuffed, (no, not that way), for a reasonable price, and one margarita that I thought was kind of small until I noticed that they’d put a decent-sized thermos next to me, and that it contained the rest of the margarita.

Been in a coma pretty much since getting home. Can’t wait to go back.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Would you say you’ve been…immobilized?

1
blaxabbath

I like listening to the local Hawaii radio because a few of the stations plays normal songs but performed in an island/eastern (often adults contemporary) vibe.

These guys are mixing a real pantsuit of freebird/baby i love your way.

4
Gumbygirl

I love me some ukulele!

1
2Pack

Bang your head

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening.

6
Mr. Ayo

Allegedly

4
ballsofsteelandfury

GWS tonight!

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve had a rough week, I’m going to sleep soon and will watch it tomorrow

2
yeah right

Boa noite!

2
blaxabbath

Not even 6p yet.

You people abd your daylight savings time addictions….

1
2Pack

Ciao Buddy

0
yeah right

Since I’ve fallen down this early 70’s movie rabbit hole how about a movie assignment?

That’s right! It’s Saturday night and you’re getting homework!

Take it up with your home room teacher!

1972.

“Sleuth” staring Laurence Olivier and Michael Caine.

And that’s all.

Great film.

I’ll expect a full report on Wednesday!

2
scotchnaut

/doing a report in high school on the subject

Me: “Sleuth is a movie starring Mikey Candy Cane and Larry Olive. Both these guys did a ton of sleuthing in this movie and they eventually found what they were looking for. That sloth had it coming. Did I just hear the recess bell? The end.”

4
ballsofsteelandfury

Sleuth is a land of contrasts

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No you’re thinking of Leuthuania

2
Bogdanski

The real sleuth is the friends we made

1
Gumbygirl

I vaguely remember that one. I vaguely remember most things from back then, lol! But I remember the music, and I bet I always will

1
2Pack

Clue was better.

3
2Pack

https://share.google/5sgXvi2Us3pHrAjsf

2
Gumbygirl

Another good Michael Caine movie, but early 80’s instead, is Deathtrap, with Christopher Reeve.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pretty cromulent rundown of the current state of the Weekend War:

https://nickwade.substack.com/p/maybe-this-time-maybe-not

0
scotchnaut

No agreement will be valid unless Loverboy signs off on it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsgBpsNPQ50&list=RDdsgBpsNPQ50&start_radio=1

1
WCS

I also have this bizarre inkling Qaron manages to lose to the Niners in the Playoffs one more time…

2
WCS

It’s going to HIGH-LARRY-US when the Stillers DERP their way past the Donks in the Wild Card this season.
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ballsofsteelandfury

To make up for Tebow…

2
Gumbygirl

Tell that to those poor boys in the Philippines, or wherever he had his dick cutting spree!

1
Brick Meathook

MORE Brick’s Adventures on the Warner Lot:

Let’s buy some Warner Bros™ branded petroleum distillate motor fuels. Available in Regular, Hi-Test, and Diesel flavors.

87-octane unleaded gasoline is $4.959/gallon here, compared to Costco (the usual best regional price) which is $5.299/gallon at Costco Burbank and $5.099 at Costco Hawthorne:

https://ibb.co/mCQNGxxy

Don’t forget the gas cap, or you’ll get some Warner Bros™ branded discipline:

https://ibb.co/4gJKm5ym

3
yeah right

Fell down the deep 60’s 70’s movies rabbit hole.

Remember the TV show I Spy?

With Robert Culp and Bill Cosby?

They were like international spies but also professional tennis players?

Anyway, in the early 70’s they joined up for the movie “Hickey and Boggs.”

And it was right in there during the transition from big Hollywood to gritty Hollywood.

Loved that era of film.

It wasn’t a great movie but I remember it.

Walter Hill may have directed it.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I remember! I thought they did a couple of movies together…

1
yeah right

That was a great era for films.

Here’s another one. “Fuzz” with Burt Reynolds, Raquel Welch and Yul Brenner.

Gritty as fuck, filmed in New York right in the same era as “Serpico.”

I went for Raquel.

1
BC Dick

Was the original Cape Fear 60s or 50s? I think that’s a real horror movie. People are the most terrifying thing.
That egg cracking scene. The bartering from Robert Mitchum. Love that movie

1
yeah right

Early 60’s I think.

Robert Michum remains one of my favorite Hollywood bad asses.

Motherfucker smoked weed and didn’t give a fuck who knew.

4
WCS

Bill Cosby has had quite the career arc…

2
yeah right

Well,

Yeah.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

CoPilot generate image of Bill Cosby as Morpheus in The Matrix offering a red pill and a blue pill.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to falling down a rabbi hole, which Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show may or may not have done both this weekend and the last.

2
BC Dick

I think
Ravens
Bengals
Steelers
Browns

Winning record for ravens, maybe for bengals – I don’t know the schedule. Shaman Todd out with injury by week 4. Browns just keep on being the browns

0
ballsofsteelandfury

So many unknowns with a new coach. I actually really liked Harbaugh. I thought he, like Tomlin, made them better than they really were.

1
BC Dick

Likewise, both are terrific and I don’t think either of them were the problem where they were.
I think the ravens have more talent than any team in that division and a better organization than anyone but the Steelers, who I think are equals there. I just can’t see patchouli passer making it through the year and I know DK is going to make himself a problem at some point. He’s such a great player and he does great things but then he’ll punch some dope for nothing at the worst time possible.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Patchouli Passer is perfect.

I’m changing my FF team name…

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Known unknowns or unknown unknowns?

1
Gumbygirl

Looky here, Richard, don’t make me come up there.

On second thought, make me come up there, I love British Columbia.

3
BC Dick

Hey now, just being realistic. Come on up any time though, it’s a great place.
No one who moves here ever moves back unless they’re separatist Alberta twats like Liter. That’s how he spells it now.

4
Gumbygirl

If he was from down here in your shorts, he’d spell it Leeter.

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