[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"Last funny: For sale: Baby Jetpack. Worn once." – rockingdog

Log In

Muggy September JV Night Thread

King Hippo

/

, ,

Hippo’s Wolven Sort picked an excellent bye week.  Even a night kickoff around these parts would be brutal for players and drunken spectators alike.  But let us partake in the twin wonders of air conditioning and television!

Wyoming (+3) at Colorado State (6:00, USA)

JV RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!  hosts the Fightin’ Brokebacks, as USA network adds another rando TV contract to its stable.  This might not exactly be great footy, but it’s a single-digit spread.  Don’t get used to seeing those.

Son de Clem (+10) at Circus du Cajun (7:30, ABC)

This contest has pro rasslin’ written all over it.  One can’t even cheer for the “face” team, at least if you are of Hippo’s mindset.  I’m less nauseated by “Saint Dabo” than I used to be, but NO, I have no eagerness to see his taint get another media tongue-bath if he takes down Black Hat Kiffin.  I wish there was another legitimate viewing option.

Wang Helmets (+26.5) at Florida Men (7:45, SECN)

Yeah, this’un promises to be diarrhea salad (h/t, Darkest Timeline).

South Dakota State (+12.5) at Northwestern (8:00, BTN)

Could we get a second hilarious upset of a B1G lightweight this (extended) weekend?  Signs point to DEFINITE MAYBE!

Westwood Klavern (-2.5) at Golden Shower Bears (10:30, ESPN)

PAC-12 After Dark, except it’s not.  I suppose this is the game that COMMIEFORNIA state government forced upon the Klavern folk.  Cal has been a trendy sleeper pick in what little I’ve read (in terms of 2026 previews), expect that boomlet to be over by the time you wake up Sunday morning.

5 6 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
92 Comments
SonOfSpam

(don’t overreact)

(don’t overreact)

OK THEM BRUINS ARE ON THEIR WAY TO A CHAMPEENSHIP!!!

2
WCS

https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/ncaafb/game-center/sp-id-7b365df7cf74435c962a46dbf3e8de09?ocid=msedgntphdr

Anyone interested in following this game that kicks off at 11:00 EST on Sunday morning? Good golly…

0
litre_cola

Update. Very wasted, I blame Bc Dick

9
rockingdog

Found a funny:

romanticize your life! be whimsical! sleep in silk pajamas, string fairy lights through your plants, tear down flock cameras, scatter nails in ICE hotel parking lots, drink your morning coffee out of teacup rose china with a splash of good vanilla, LIVE 💕

7
WCS

Did everyone ragequit after the Michigan “win”? Am I here alone again?

LSU scored to go up 44-3, and then went for two. They did not get it, so that’s the current score.

Reminder that Al Davis (!!!) tried to warn the greater footed ball community that Lane Kiffin was, and still is, a complete bucket of liquid rhino excrement.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I sort of spaced out reading college football fans rage out about Michigan getting a favorable call against a MAC team, as though that were a surprise.

2
rockingdog

Some good reading about Bugs Bunny 🐇

It’s ROCKINGGGG!!!

https://strawberrypenguin.ca/the-bugs-bunny-project/

1
WCS

Got dinged for a 16-hour shift tonight into the early afternoon. I was already grumbly, so this should get interesting. I do have some pills that Hippo and Brick would appreciate, so at least I can have some fun while dealing with Yinzers on fire.

1
SonOfSpam

Fuck it, it’s still Pac-12 TO ME.

2
Redshirt

Earth’s rotation – Wikipedia

“Earth’s rotational speed is about 1,674.7 km/h (1,040.6 mph; 465.2 m/s; 1,526.2 ft/s) at the equator, but it decreases with latitude, becoming zero at the poles.”

Since Ann Arbor, Michigan is at latitude 42°16′53″, maybe an hour is equal to 60 minutes 1 second.

Last edited 1 day ago by Redshirt
3
WCS

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2001_Michigan_vs._Michigan_State_football_game

Maybe it’s a thing in the state of Michigan? Every 25 years, they add a second to time, a la leap year.

1
blaxabbath

Michigan should fire him now. Abandon the season and start reloading for 2027.

0
Fronkenshteen

comment image
The image on the right was captured this morning. Am I losing my mind?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Wig or bad hair dye he looks like shit and is hopefully dying.

1
herodotus450

I actually think it was the right call, if the clock goes from 1.000 to 0.999, then even though it showed zero there was still tenths of a second left. One more reason we need to finally get with the program and switch to Metric Time!

5
Brocky

Crazy

Last edited 1 day ago by Brocky
1
Horatio Cornblower

LSU and Clemson are both led by terrible people, and both of them use the tiger as their mascot. MY SOLUTION! is that we put both coaches in an enclosed area with two tigers, and the last one to bleed out, his team wins.

4
Doktor Zymm

Helpful hint, if you feed the tigers first you cn prolong the terror of the coaches, as it will take a while before the tigers are motivated to attack

4
rockingdog

Weekend reading:

The rise of Cat Seducers 🐈

Lmao

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/sep/05/the-unsettling-rise-of-the-cat-seducers

Last edited 1 day ago by rockingdog
1
rockingdog

LoL

IMG_3765
1
ballsofsteelandfury

Oh Lord

0
rockingdog

I kinda want to change my Fantasy Football team name to Cat Seducer after reading this article.
This is outstanding.

Lmao

8
Doktor Zymm

Too bad Catler isn’t still in the league

3
Horatio Cornblower

Western Michigan got screwed, but let’s not lose track of the important things: The Fightin’ Horatios squeaked by noted FCS and Patriot League powerhouse, (maybe?), Lafayette, 56-7, before an announced crowed of 31K+ and an actual crowd of literally dozens of people, and remain on track for an undefeated season and a date with Western Michigan for the national title.

3
Redshirt

Michigan won the game, but Western Michigan won the night.

1
WCS

That was absolutely beautiful. A perfect representation of this country as a whole right now. Do everything wrong, get bailed out for complete bullshit and dubious reasons, and “win.”

Fuck the B1G with a rusty, stolen dick.

3
Redshirt

They must have brought that replay frame by frame to put that second back on the board. It is that close.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Or they just decided to give Michigan one more try, because Michigan was at home and has a lot of money.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Terry McAuley out there calling bullshit and Chris Fowler responds with “Well one things for sure, college football’s back”

Fuck all the way off, Chris. Western Michigan won that game.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I take that back: Fowler appears to be announcing the LSU-Clemson game. Whoever had the Michigan game just sound like him.

Horatio Cornblower regrets the error.

1
Redshirt

Michigan is deliriously celebrating not being upset by Western Michigan.

1
Redshirt

Michigan is storming the field after defeating Western Michigan.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Vince McMahon thinks that screw job was a little too far.

3
Redshirt

Even Doug Eddings is questioning this call.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Fuck that guy.

0
Redshirt

HWFAFASDJIKL;JFDASK;LJFDASMKL/FLDASMNFKL;ADSMLF;ASDN.KFDMNSAKL/FMLASD;/K.NJKBFHJLADSMJFN;SDLKJLDF;JASPL;/NMFLDSA’ML;ADFS’NMKL;’FEWJ;SDAKL’KJFDSK;’KJFD;SAKL;’MFDAKSL

3
Horatio Cornblower

Is this the same Michigan QB from last year? Because every time I saw him last year my impression was that he kind of sucked.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, that’s the same kid. Takes up the entire 9 seconds on a Hail Mary that should have lasted 7 seconds, (hang on bullshit VAR call giving Michigan one more second), and then threw the ball out of the end zone anyway to boot.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Cris Collinsworth appears exasperated by a camel demanding he say ‘hump day’ is an excellent representation of how pretty much all of feel whenever Cris Collinsworth says anything.

2
WCS

Redshirt’s gonna need ten minutes alone in the bathroom or basement. Western Michigan on the verge of defeating That School Up North, 9-7 with under two minutes left, and Broncos’ ball.

comment image

3
Horatio Cornblower

HAHA, man, fuck Jim Harbaugh that khaki wearing son of a….

hold on, my producer is trying to tell me something.

0
Redshirt

Yeah, sorry about that.

61128a17adc4a9e02b87608705487f444d74abe2a51edd56a0a357529cbbed11_1-1
2
herodotus450

TO BE FAIRUH this would only be like the 5th biggest upset in Michigan history

2
WCS

B1G trouble in Annie Arbor…

0
Downfield Matriculator

Clock gods apparently fucked the Broncos — seems clearly a wrong call, but then again don’t give up a Hail Mary on the next play.

2
JustStopDude

Evening. Long time no comment.

So when do we find out that 2/3rds of the team, all the coaches, and the Athletic Director of Rutgers fixed the game?

10
WCS

Welcome back.

Several of my B1G-affiliated school friends have disowned Rutgers a long time ago. It’s quite funny.

Anyway, glad to see yinz are still around.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Good to see you! Sorry about the Browns!

/Says that every year around this time…

2
Doktor Zymm

Hello, stranger, nice to see you around!
Isn’t Rutgers in New Jersey? Probably fixed at the behest of cut-rate mobsters hurting from the decline of Atlantic City

1
WCS

(clears throat)
((best Hippo SPEEK voice)):

State University of New Jersey!

2
Horatio Cornblower

New Jersey named the state college after a guy named Rutgers in the hopes that he would leave the school a bunch of money when he died.

He did not.

And it’s been downhill for Rutgers ever since.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I want to watch Cardinal-Marlins today, mostly because I’m hoping the Cardinals come out and beat umpire Doug Eddings to death with baseball bats.

Last edited 1 day ago by Horatio Cornblower
1
Horatio Cornblower

Both teams came out with their hats on cockeyed, because in addition to being an asshole, Doug Eddings is a lying piece of shit who tried to blame the whole thing on one of the Rockies, who vehemently denied it.

0
yeah right

But the Cubs beat the Marlins today and it was shaky but glorious.

0
Horatio Cornblower

/turns on Clemson-LSU
//Hears Pat McAfee
///turns off Clemson-LSU

1
King Hippo

I am enjoying the view in Gainesville, at least. Think that Aubie/Bay-Bay Q4 is all the decent football we’uns gonna get.

0
blaxabbath

We talk about the importance of all this broadcast money to these universities. But it isn’t like every power conference school is opening up new medical schools on the backs of ESPN money.

After staff, gameday operations, facilities and debt, and subsidizing the rest of the athletic department (all, in my opinion, are the priority purpose of athletic revenues), football for SEC member Mississippi State returns $1.7 to $5.3 million annually.

I get that is real money. I also see how this is like online gambling — where 4% win at all and, of those, even few win substantially. All those great minds and resources at universities can’t come up with a better way to gross $5mil more year? There isn’t a school president who hasn’t been like, “hey, I can be the most powerful person at this institution if I can just get an event team to host other stuff at the Rose Bowl a few times a year and bring in $50 million on gamedays.”

But I went to state school so I may not get it but also UA us broke and our basketball coach is awesome and no one in Tucson had better fuck with Tommy Lloyd while he’s on his mission the next seven months, including the bureaucrats at Old Main or their communist NCAA Compliance Officers.

3884
5
Horatio Cornblower

I’m fairly certain UConn’s football program is just a massive money laundering operation to cover the marijuana business the agricultural department’s been running for decades.

5
WCS

Rutgers’ athletic department is reportedly running at a $70 million deficit.
That’s Department of War level.

3
Doktor Zymm

NYU is rolling in cash and they don’t have a football team. Great fencing team but I don’t think it brings in any revenue at all. Along with Columbia, they’re the second biggest private landholder in NYC after the Catholic Church, and it’s not all that unusual for universities to have large real estate holdings to go along with their endowments. If they’re relying on sports to bring in significant funds then they have been seriously mismanaging themselves for decades

2
blaxabbath

I never appreciated until now that J-Roc once welcomed Julian home from jail with, “Welcome back to the 902”.

Do people still do area code stuff? Because I see Pitbull is playing indian casinos now.

2
King Hippo

And that douche-helmet chef in The Bear had that bicept tattoo of Chi****area code. One of many things about our culture that I just don’t get.

0
blaxabbath

I never worked in food service (less my high school dishwasher jobs) so I know I’m not allowed to comment. HOWEVER, the kitchen culture with these seemingly arbitrary obsessions with different features of cooking/plating/serving are beyond me. Everyone wants to manufacture and deliver a consistent high-quality product, regardless of industry. And none of it is our identity– its just good judgement.

If i may — kitchens serve hungry people. That’s a crazy customer base. It doesn’t mean you go chasing understanding or making weird tattoos a part of your identity. Just try to keep putting out the consistent quality product.

But I could have it all wrong.

3755
2
Horatio Cornblower

Having worked in food service I can say with some authority that you’ll never find a collection of employed people more prone to impulsive and horrible decisions, which is why dumbass tattoos and unplanned pregnancies in that particular demographic should never come as a surprise.

Last edited 1 day ago by Horatio Cornblower
5
Gumbygirl

Not to mention all of the addictions. Literally ALL of them. But I will say, some of them really do put the fun in dysfunctional.

Last edited 1 day ago by Gumbygirl
2
Fronkenshteen

comment image
Upper and middle-class people are plenty impulsive and just as prone to dumb mistakes, but money gives them options. And having been a caterer, I’m a witness that rich women get far more embarrassing tattoos than restaurant workers. Also, you know what we could try with those pesky, problematic food-service workers cluttering up the American landscape? We could try paying them a decent wage and giving them health insurance so people other than owners, hot waitresses, and bartenders can make a decent living at it. (We could also stop trying to kidnap and deport roughly 50% of the quality kitchen staff employed in America, but that’s another topic altogether.)

The restaurant business is an incestuous ocean of undiagnosed mental disorders, depression, self-medication, alcoholism, and addiction; a lot of people hitting bottom, a lot of people rising again. Every restaurant has a STACK of applications somewhere in the office. They are all filled out by people like this. If managers fired people for doing “quirky” things like disappearing for a week without notice, they’d have no staff left. It is the land of broken toys. They’re trying to put out consistent product, but not because they’re chasing perfection. They’re chasing a fucking cigarette, which is what they can have as soon as they’re done plating your order.

Last edited 1 day ago by Fronkenshteen
5
Horatio Cornblower

So the record’s clear I have nothing but respect for the people who cook and serve my food and pour my drinks, but if I (still) worked in a business where I got off work at 2:00 am, (although since Covid closing time in CT bars, at least around here, is like 10 pm at the latest), and then was sitting around in a bar shooting the shit with attractive waitresses while certainly not abusing my proximity to unguarded taps and bottles of various liquors I would also, much like Todd Margaret, be making increasingly poor decisions.

I did not mean to imply that food service people suck. And also fuck ICE.

3
Fronkenshteen

Oh, I know. It just sucks, man. Your twenties and thirties is when you need to feed money into your future and start setting up some sort of long-range plan for when you’re old and broken, and no retirement-plan system is in place for food service industry workers. Restaurant folks are left out of that conversation. When they realize they fucked up, it’s too late. Compound interest isn’t retroactive and doesn’t acknowledge good intentions.

2
Doktor Zymm

I know tons of people who have been fired from bars/restaurants for no call, no shows. It may have changed, but most places in Chicago will give a warning first day, then if it happens a second day it’s outsies

2
Fronkenshteen

Yeah, I can imagine decent places couldn’t possibly put up with that, but all the lower-end places I’ve worked have had at least one cook on staff who would, on occasion, short-circuit due to stress and simply vanish. Bishopp fell off a cliff during a camping trip and had some kind of survivor’s guilt. Jack was an alcoholic Chinese immigrant who would spiral each time he got pictures of his grandchildren from home. Noggins wasn’t able to stop working it seemed, and took on the responsibilities and stress of the entire restaurant unnecessarily until he would reach his limit and become unreachable for 3 or 4 days. These were guys who couldn’t have survived in a professional brigade, buts that’s what I’ve worked alongside in the heavy-volume, high-table-turnover pizza joints, grills, and gastropubs I’ve worked in.

3
Doktor Zymm

I would imagine it’s a bit different when they’ve been working there for ages and management knows and (probably?) likes them.
Seems more reasonable to be tolerant of that sort of thing anyway, it’s kind of horrifying if you give too much thought to how often people in food handling come in to work while sick because they’re afraid of losing the income

1
Doktor Zymm

And don’t forget the substance abuse!

1
Horatio Cornblower

“I would never forget the dishwasher!”

-Trent Green

2
King Hippo

Bad game, but hell of a 4th quarter

0
King Hippo

fucking amazing tackle to bail WDE out, Dave Aranda coached his ass off today (even though he’ll lose)

1
King Hippo

Lagway probably at least had enough time to restget his third Toradol shot.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I would not expect anything out of UCLA except downright failure.

0
King Hippo

You motherfuckers finally hired a good coach, though. That’ll get you past an ACC bottom feeder, at least. I’d guess you win 6 or 7 this season.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

And they fired the athletic director.

I honestly think there are monkeys running the athletic department at UCLA.

comment image

2
King Hippo

Yeah, I read the articles this week, and I dunno how you get a full media share from the B1G (which they do) and still are in the red. The last football coach made chicken scratch, and I don’t think they’ve been spending heavy on hoopsball talent, neither.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s the problem they’ve always had. They are cheap bastards. They have this opinion that UCLA is a prestigious academic institution that should not lower itself to pay for athletics.

The truth, of course, is that you can be both a prestigious academic institution and good at sports. But the will to spend on athletics has never been there.

For all his faults, the best thing Chip Kelly ever did was to point out that UCLA needed to spend money on its athletic facilities. All the improvements they’ve had were started by him.

Now, they just need someone to carry the torch.

If you read the articles, one of the reasons given for firing the AD was that the athletic department was running at a financial deficit. It seems the penny pinchers are back in charge….

Last edited 1 day ago by ballsofsteelandfury
2
blaxabbath

Well when California makes you employee two full time tranny COVID Monitors at every practice, those $67/HR + burden add up

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I wish I could write as well as you about the shit at UCLA. It’s probably worse than what you’ve written about U of A.

1
King Hippo

I’d read the hell out of that, even if I may judge certain conclusions in WASP

2
Brick Meathook

I think UCLA recognizes (through various mechanisms) that a public school should not be paying $50 million to a coach.

By that token, maybe it’s time for the high-end school programs to form a semi-pro league and quit feeding off the schools.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

And that’s fine, but don’t pretend you are trying to be part of the elite in athletics if you are UCLA.

NYU is an excellent academic institution and they have zero athletics. UCLA can do that.

But if they want to participate, you need to go all the way. You can’t be half pregnant in this.

They’ve conveniently forgotten that the whole history of UCLA basketball and Wooden is based on the rich booster that paid for all the talent to come to UCLA and that UCLA kept other schools from getting that talent.

It wasn’t some fucking pyramid….

3
King Hippo

yeah, Wooden was RUTHLESS. Rules for thee, not for me.

1
scotchnaut

His name was Sam Gilbert and Wooden said at one point that he had no control over him, which is complete bullshit. Wooden, had he chosen to flex his influence, could have banished him from the program. But he was a weak piece of shit that just wanted to coach.

1
Doktor Zymm

NYU is a middling academic institution and they won the D3 women’s basketball championships just last year

0
Horatio Cornblower

UCLA being in the Big 10 is truly a sign of end times.

Last edited 1 day ago by Horatio Cornblower
3
ballsofsteelandfury

They don’t even deserve to be in the PAC 12….

0
92
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x