Ok, seriously, what the hell happened this week?

You know what?  I’m just going to tell you what happened and then we can go about our business.  How does that sound?

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

The Round started with an Australian Thursday Night Footy (Wednesday late night/Thursday morning for us in North America) match between Sydney and the Western Bulldogs.  Sydney’s season has been up and down with mostly downs and they have been mired in the bottom eight for the entire year.  Western has been in the top Eight the entire year after winning the premiership last season.  Even though the game was in Sydney, it still figured to be a Western win and/or a close game.

So, of course, the Swans destroyed the Doggies 88-42.

A certain Australian-based blonde Nazi will be happy. Here are the highlights:

The next game was the only game this week that made any sense.  It was the Friday Night Footy (Thursday late night/Friday morning for us) clash between the Adelaide Crows and the St. Kilda Saints.  As Litre_cola could tell you, this was a game that everyone expected the Saints to lose big.  Dutifully, they did, falling 111-54 in Adelaide.  Do you want to see the highlights?

Now is where we start getting into the real crazy shit.  Proper Friday Night brought three games, the first of which was Hawthorn hosting the Gold Coast Suns at the MCG.  Yes, the season has been up and down for the Hawks, but it has been for the Suns too.  I really didn’t know what to expect of this game, but I at least expected it to be close.   What would you say if I told you that the Suns absolutely dominated the Hawks and the winning margin would have been much higher if the Suns didn’t slow down in the fourth?

Yup, the Suns kicked the Hawks’ asses.  Here are the highlights:

You think that was weird?  Wait until I tell you the next one.  The Brisbane Lions were hosting the Fremantle Dockers later that night.  The ONE WIN Brisbane Lions.  Can you guess what happened?

Yes, they are now the TWO WIN Brisbane Lions after they demolished the Dockers 121-64.  I still say the AFL Women’s team ends up with more points at the end of the year though.  Here are the highlights:

Ready for some more fun?

The last game of Friday night / Saturday morning had Essendon hosting the Port Adelaide Power at the Etihad.  The Power had rebounded nicely from their last-minute loss to Geelong with a big win over Hawthorn.  The Bombers were coming off a close loss to the Giants but had been playing well. A close game was expected.

Do you think that happened?

Ah, no. The Bombers blew the Power away 131-61.  Here are the highlights:

And then we get to Saturday night in North America.  There was only one game on the docket and it was GWS facing Carlton at the MCG.  Surely GWS would bring some semblance of order and logic to this round and beat the Blues handily, right?

Let’s take a look at the last two minutes:

That’s right.  The Giants LOST to the Blues by 1, 71-70.

So, by my count, we not only have upsets in every game except one, for all the upsets except for the GWS one, the margins were enormous!

The last game of the Round started on Sunday night in North America at 10:20 PM Pacific and my ass has to get to work in the morning, so I did not watch the Melbourne Demons take on the Collingwood Magpies on the Queen’s Birthday on Australian Monday.  The two teams were neck and neck in the ladder, so the only upset would be if the margin was humongous like in the other games.

Well, some normalcy returned as the four point win went to the Demons.  Here are the highlights:

Let’s take a look at the ladder, shall we?

As I mentioned last week, the byes really mess things up, so we’ll refrain from discussing the standings until after next round is over.  The crazy results from this week didn’t help to bring any clarity to the ladder either.  Here is the updated Balls graph (trademark pending):

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Footy Tipping Contest

As you might guess, this was a devastating week for picks.  For the most part, everyone was in the same boat, although some bright and adventuresome folks went on a limb and got rewarded.  Here are the standings:

This week only one person did not submit picks.  Luckily for him, it didn’t hurt him that much and you really can’t tell who it was just by looking at the table. On the flipside, the person that remembered to put his tips in this week after missing the last two was rewarded handsomely. In recognition of that effort, I will NOT put in a picture of a girl sucking another girl’s toes to remind you:

DON’T FORGET TO PUT THE FOOTY TIPS IN!

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Round 13

Thankfully, this is the last of the bye rounds.  Here is the schedule (all times Pacific):

Thursday, June 15, 2017

3:10 AM – West Coast Eagles v Geelong Cats at Domain Stadium

Holy Shit!  I may actually have to be late for work on Thursday morning!  That is, of course, if the Cats don’t shit the bed and lose to the Eagles in Perth.  Remember, it is rare for teams to lose in Perth.  After this week, anything is possible.

Friday, June 16, 2017

2:50 AM – North Melbourne Kangaroos v St. Kilda Saints at the Etihad

The second straight Friday Night Footy game for the Saints and this time they get a much easier opponent in a stadium they also call home.  This one really is a win or go home game.  If the Saints lose this, they can forget all about finals.

8:45 PM – Richmond Tigers v Sydney Swans at the MCG

Can the Swans take down another team in the Eight?  It will be a lot harder to do at the MCG, but I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.

11:35 PM – Port Adelaide Power v Brisbane Lions at Adelaide Oval

So, the Power come back and beat the Lions by a hundred, right?  There has to be SOME order in the universe, right?  Even if they do win, the victory would tell us nothing about the Power and their finals credentials.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

2:25 AM – Gold Coast Suns v Carlton Blues at Metricon Stadium

Um, Gold Coast to win?  Maybe?  Who the fuck knows…

10:20 PM – Western Bulldogs v Melbourne Demons at the Etihad

Gotta be a rebound game for the Doggies, right?  I just don’t see them losing two in a row.  That Swans loss was embarrasing.

The teams on bye are: Adelaide, GWS, Collingwood, Essendon, Fremantle, and Hawthorn.

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That’s all for this week. I don’t think I’ve seen a week full of upsets (and by large margins!) ever in any league. I’m really glad the Cats were not playing this week.   Once again, reason #9208 why the AFL is run better than the NFL.

Next week we finally complete the byes and start to really look into the finals picture to see who we can expect to be in, who we can expect to miss out, and what, if anything, we can expect of the others.

Yeah, I know.  See you next week!