Folks, there isn’t as single place on this planet where Rex Grossman hasn’t made the ladies holler. Hotels, motels, planes, trains, sailboats, nightclubs, haylofts, changing rooms, dorm rooms, coat rooms, operating rooms, Mike Shanahan’s office, circus tents, ski lifts, elevators, balconies, vineyards, movie theaters, backstage, ON stage, alleys, horse-drawn carriages, shipping containers, campers, trailers, log cabins, treehouses, saunas, phone booths…just name a place where two bodies can fit in the space, and I can guarantee you the Sex Cannon has slipped in, fired off a salvo, and slipped out, leaving behind nothing but a few lingering echoes and a deeply satisfied hussy quivering in a slick little puddle of her own juices. Why, not more than five minutes ago your Libidosaurus Rex sent a randy little Rocket Queen straight into orbit right here in this very studio.

It’s true, folks, there’s pretty much no place on earth where I’m not ready to send a pretty pair of legs pointing to opposite corners of the sky.  But for all my experience, there’s no better place to fuck a woman senseless than in the back of a car on a hot summer night. For some reason when he’s around all that chrome and leather the Rex is ready as hell to do some serious balling. [Takes huge huff of fingertips] Is that gasoline I smell? Or is it pussy? Maybe it’s both.

But if there’s one universal truth about fucking in a car, it’s that you need good tunes to get that engine startin’ and those thighs a-partin’. Tonight on Twisted Steel and Sex Appeal with Rex Grossman, I’ll be taking two kinds of requests. From the females – what position* you’d like to be in when Rex downshifts into second gear and sends your RPMs past the redline. From everyone else – songs that Rexy can listen to while he’s pumping your lady full of Rexaco’s finest high-octane unleaded in the back seat of a Mustang. Or in the front seat. Or on the hood. Or stretched out in the back of a van. Or in the bed of a truck.  Fuck yeah.

Mmmm.  I’m hard again already.

*This is a little joke – everyone knows that the only position with Rex is POLE POSITION.  -ed