Meanwhile, in Oakland…

 

7913162

Editor’s Note: the following conversation was inspired by (and some dialogue was lifted directly from) a discussion that took place at silverandblackpride.com about Jonathan Martin’s admission of suicidal thoughts.

 

EXT.  OAKLAND COLISEUM PARKING LOT – MIDDAY

XAVIER: …we all wear masks from time to time to fit perceptual reality. It sounds like he never learned what was under it nor grew comfortable with the mask itself. He was constantly struggling with his identity in a highly stratified, highly class based, highly…

[man in gorilla suit walks by]

HENDRICK: As I live and breathe! Winchester!

WINCHESTER: Hendrick! Well met!

H: Come! It has been far too many fortnights since that grime-streaked countenance of yours graced these quarters! Cognac?

W: I’d best not. I’m meeting with my solicitor after the game to discuss setting up a trust for Meridian.

H: And how is the young lass?

W: She’s quite well. She’s just back from her summer in Gstaad and will be starting up her second year at Quarry Lane.

H: Last time I visited you at Crofton Court I recall she was struggling mightily with the fugue in Mozart’s Sinfonia Concertante – did she ever manage to get a handle on it?

W: She did! Yes, it bedeviled her so, but she conquered it in time for the concerto in April, and she’ll be sitting in first chair come fall!

H: How wonderful! You and Tatum must be feeling so gratified!

W: Indeed we are. But you know what they say – pride goeth before the fall.

H: [glances at stadium, taking note of the lack of recent championship banners] Yes, poise as well, if history has been any guide.

X: [Gently clears throat]

H: Please forgive my deplorable manners. Hendrick, this is Xavier Carrington.

W: Greetings and salutations, my good man.

X: How do you do?

H: We were just discussing the letter recently penned by Jonathan Martin.

W: Indeed. Quite a disheartening missive.

H: Xavier here is a psychoanalyst.

W: You work? How quaint!

X: I do. It helps pass the weekdays!

W: Ha! Ha! Ha!

X: I have a practice in Kensington.

H: So sad about young Jonathan.  To think that someone of such character from such a reputable institution would consider self-immmolation…

X: Quite so. I’ve found that depression is a very personal struggle. You can’t sum it up into quantifying some amount of objectively reasonable suffering. He had been at odds with himself, didn’t know who he was, and had been living a life that he didn’t want to be living. Internally, for whatever reason, he was feeling tremendous pressure to continue that life to the point where he apparently thought the only way out of it was killing himself.

W: So you surmise his issues were social?

X: Not entirely. Depression can have both social and biological elements and this can vary from person to person. It is usually caused by a mixture of the two and usually not in balanced differences. If it is biological, such as the body naturally produces less serotonin than what the body actually needs to function with greater positive affect, then such a person is going to be prone to depression even amid having a good life. In this case, serotonin reuptake inhibitors are needed such as Paxil, Prozac, or Zoloft, to increase the biochemistry. If the problem is more social, then a good psychotherapist or counselor may be needed, or significant social changes in a person’s manner of life. Generally, the best remedy is a combination of psychoactive medication and the talking cure (psychotherapy). Note that depression almost always occurs comorbidly with anxiety, and sometimes an anxiolytic medication may be required.

H: Speaking of depression and anxiolytic medication…[produces vial of ether and pours some on a rag]…it’s about game time. Let’s hope these feckless clods give us less to be despondent about this season.

W: Oh, cheer up, old sport!

H: Please, spare me the barbs of your West Egg effrontery!

X: [sighs] Shall we?

H: [takes huge huff of ether]  Yes, let’s.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Subscribe
Notify of
30 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
ballsofsteelandfury

Kudos! Having been to O.co stadium and having just recently participated in a live FF draft with overwhemlingly Raiders fans, I have to say you are spot on.

on the ether, of course.

Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood

Dr. Wilbur Larch approves of your use of ether

Sill Bimmons
Beastmode Ate My Baby

Brilliant! I’ll never watch a Raiders game again without imagining that their cheers sound like “Hip-hip Hoorah!”

Lothar of the Hill People

You had me at:

“You work? How quaint!”

via GIPHY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, you meant an ACTUAL third leg, my good man.

http://www.oddities123.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/circus-19th-10.jpg

laserguru

“There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge.”

I believe the dear Dr. Thompson was quite fond of the Silver and Black,

Old School Zero

Q: What’s it called when you hotbox your car but use ether instead of weed?

A: Tailgating at OCo.

jjfozz

Ether is definitely the choice among good men such as these, with a draught of absinthe followed by a bold pinch of snuff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Look, stop posting my family’s private photos, okay?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They were on Facebuggy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Crayons in one of the finer Oakland schools.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdi2qitUG81rcqdeho1_500.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

Ben’s favorite color is perfect!

/translates for our Canadian/UK DFOers:

Ben’s favourite colour is perfect!

WCS

I’m glad someone mentioned the Brothers Garrett.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
War on I-4 1997

Only in Tampa (bay news 9 is the local Tampa news station)

Horatio Cornblower

I picture Hendrick and Winchester as these two…

comment image

So which one of these fine chaps was the one that shivved a 12-year old wearing a 49ers jersey?

jjfozz

Perhaps even, a woefully old but quite serviceable misericorde?

Warthog

Again with the medieval weaponry.

Cuntler

That was actually just another 49ers fan.