We continue in the GAMBLOR reason today, but since it’s all been counted, here are the tallies from the first round of the BLEERGH Region:

1. “Aaron Hernandez (neck) out indefinitely” beats 16. “THIS GUY JULIO JONES I CALL HIM DDT BECAUSE HE IS KILLING THE EAGLES” 26-6

9. “If Tampa Bay has any more abortions on this series of plays, they’ll have the RNC clamoring to defund them.” beats 8. “Slutty Browns’ chicks are the best. But enough about Condy Rice.” 25-6

5. “Spotlight wins the Oscar for Best Picture! Way to come from behind! Which coincidentally is pretty much what Spotlight is about.” beats 12. “THESE GIANTS FANS I CALL THEM PROMETHEUS BECAUSE EAGLES ARE CAUSING THEM SERIOUS LIVER DAMAGE” 21-10 (Incidentally, the quote, like the movie, and the plot of the movie, also came from behind)

4. “These Georgia Bulldogs, I call him [sic] David Carradine because last night on their way to a successful climax, they choked to death and died.” beats 13. “That Kia commercial would be a lot better if it was a disheveled-looking gerbil on the run from Richard Gere.” 17-14

6. “Flyers-Capitals is beginning to resemble a GOP debate, right down to a black guy getting punched out and then thrown out by the authorities.” beats 11. “Alright, guys. What can we call to help the Pats get back in this? Any questions?” 23-10

14. “The NFC East is basically if the Bears played in a division where all the other teams were the Bears.” beats 3. “Wait wait wait… someone was on drugs??? AT ARIZONA STATE????” 19-14

I believe that triggers our upset alert!

10. “That thing went from 9% completed to 90% completed faster than me when I lost my virginity.” beats 7. “Maybe Chip Kelly asked for this and did not want to get fired on NFL Coaching Black Monday because, ya know…” 20-15

2. “Blax wins for creating ONE human? Well I don’t mean to brag, but I just flushed 100 million potential humans down the toilet, so where’s my award?” beats 15. “Gruden sounded like the most exasperated babysitter ever when he said ‘Eli… he’s a handful.’” 23-12

So they all advance to the second round in a couple weeks or so, including a pair of double-digit seeds. (A 10 beating a 7 counts, even if it isn’t that big a deal.) And last I checked about yesterday’s polling, the 1 seed was, like the Providence Friars and Lex Steele, being pushed by the 16 seed. It’s back and forth, and we’ll see what the final outcome ends up being. Onto today’s action:

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And with that, vote away!