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Before Football open thread

litre_cola

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Weird, there is nobody at Gillette today.

 

Good morning early risers and our European counterparts. Today should be a great day of footballing. The questions that need to be answered are as follows.

  1. Will the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE want a rematch of Superb Owl 1 and have the Chefs v the Pack? We know it is difficult to beat A-Aron and the refs.
  2. How much clock will the Titans kill in order to make the Over unachievable? It is currently at 52 which seems a touch high should Tractorcito get eatin clock.
  3. The lines are KC by 7, and San Fran by 8. I think the 2nd one will be closer than that but after last week the Chefs can score at will an a touchdown difference seems doable. Great googly moogly.

Prior to that we have Italian futbol with no real big matchups, but the Zlatan is back and as I am writing this they are down 1 nil at the half. Also today would have been a great day for me to plant myself at the pub for the appetizer to the conference finals as it is Liverpool v Manchester United. Can the Reds keep on this insane pace and become better than the Invincibles of Arsenal? How many more players want to leave the sinking ship that is Ole’s Man U? Ashley Young just left, Pogba can party but hasn’t played in a while due to “injury”.

Where’s everyone going?

So before we get to the Hobo killin of Northern Ontario let us know what you are gambling on, drinking, taking, and what you are doing to get ready for the games so hopefully you aren’t disturbed by family and chores.

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scotchnaut

ARTIE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F0RFVkCoIM

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scotchnaut

Ah, Zdeno Chara. Once upon a time the Sens didn’t have enough cash to sign both Wade Redden and Chara. They did not choose wisely. Chara is still going and Redden’s career effectively ended ten years ago.

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scotchnaut

Start the damn football game already. Don’t make me watch women’s college basketball. You wouldn’t like me when I watch women’s college basketball.

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King Hippo

I am bored, thinking about who the coolest fan of my favoured teams might be:

Donks WOO!!!! – Elle McPherson
#BFIB – Billy Bob Thornton (just beats out Jon Hamm)
Everton – Helena Bonham Carter (honourable mention to Dame Judi Dench)
NC State – Zach Galifianakis

What say yeeeeewwwww?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do they have to be alive? Cause if not I’ll take George Carlin.

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King Hippo

He was a Black Hole aficianado?

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scotchnaut

God there’s so many to choose from for Syracuse [rolls eyes] I guess I’d go with Vanessa Williams because I’ve seen her boobies.

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King Hippo

y Los Gigantes??

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scotchnaut

Artie Lange’s cartilage-less nose?

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King Hippo

I’m not sure Real Life Patton Oswalt is a Gigantes supporter, but would be awesome if he was.

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scotchnaut

Having listened to all his standup, he’s not a sporty guy in the least despite Big Fan.

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LemonJello

Samantha Ponder is a attractive young woman.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean he’s no Brady Quinn, but Christian Ponder’s not terribly unattractive either.

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King Hippo

yeah, I’d totes be glad to stand in the corner and watch

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Spur

Present.

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herodotus450

Panguins should automatically lose a point for this crime-against-humanity of a jersey color scheme, which I can only describe as “infected discharge yellow.”

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LemonJello

Colour Rush has spread to the NHL?

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King Hippo

Love how this hair replacement ad uses a young, hip-looking black dude. Like anyone who buys this shit is anything other than a pasty, festively plump honky.

/I would admittedly freak the fuck out if I started balding, hair is literally my only decent feature (now that my eyes are cold and ded)

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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

ALWAYS makes Hippo’s day

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herodotus450

Is it just me or is there now a subtle off-white, taupish, almost bone-like tint to comment replies? If so, praise be to DTZM!

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Saw that too. Thought I was having an acid flashback.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda weird how The Onion predicted the 2016 election.
https://politics.theonion.com/after-obama-victory-shrieking-white-hot-sphere-of-pure-1819595330

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They got the color wrong, though.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, the color of the orb in the photo is pretty spot on, at least.

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tomsellecksmoustache

Oh yeah, we’re finally in Sunday huckey season you hosers.

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herodotus450

That’s good!
But Sunday games are on NBC, so the likelihood of Pierre Mcguirre goes up.
That’s bad.

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King Hippo

I really don’t understand how y’all can watch regular season Ice Fitbaw.

/probably how most of y’all feel about non-World Cup Lesser Footy

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herodotus450

One of these days my Brad Marchand voodoo doll is going to work, and I’m going to see it in action, dammit!

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litre_cola

/nods while watching Genoa v Roma

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King Hippo

I lost my discipline, but won like $450 live betting Monopoli’s comeback. HAIL GAMBLOR

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Redshirt

Our Dear Ceaser wants to allow students to pray in school. That’s a relief becuase I can always remember being forbidden from praying privately at school such as examples like error 404 – memory not found. Those were profound moments in my then young life.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

But at least he’s gonna undo Michele Obama’s health-conscious school lunch program so the kids can grow up to be just like him. “More fat and cholesterol, please.”

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Redshirt

As someone who had public school lunches for 12 years, I can testify there wasn’t a ounce of fat, cholesterol or anything good or bad that could be absorbed into the body in those meals. Its sole purpose was to shut us kids up for 30 minutes.

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King Hippo

MOAR testicles, MOAR iron ppl forget that

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litre_cola

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litre_cola

This is bang on really.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of the ways that the Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esquire (ret.) and I are vastly different is that she feels a) compelled to pre-clean and b) uncomfortable hanging around while the housekeeper is working. I get the idea of certain aspects, like doing laundry ourselves. But some of this other stuff, like pre-vacuuming…what the hell are we paying her for?

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King Hippo

I am 50% there. 100% agreed NO PRE-CLEANING, but I do feel compelled to leave and let them work without feeling like I am peeking over their shoulders.

And I HATE leaving the house.

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litre_cola

I tidy up a bit so they spend their time cleaning stuff I do not want to. I am never home when they are here it feels weird.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZyOI6e4gH0

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I guess I just have a more aristocratic attitude towards servants, in that I expect them to work around me as opposed to the other way around. I mean, do you guys also leave the room while your butler is setting out the tea service?

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I always pick up all my clutter before she visits so she can clean and not have to work around my stuff. I clean the toilet twice a week between her visits and do make sure it’s not gross before she arrives, and have no dirty dishes in the sink, but that’s all the pre-cleaning that I do. Most times she’s here on Saturday, so I am around. I just move around and hang out in a different room than the one she’s cleaning. Doesn’t bother me. And what if she slipped and fell and I wasn’t here to call 911?

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Redshirt

Personally I don’t hire a maid service to clean my house. That denotes subservience for something that I can do myself while taken them away from someone who can’t help themselves.

Relatedly I hang the DO NOT DISTURB sign when I stay at the hotel for the same reason. It not right that they clean every day after myself and it would be rude to mess up a room during a stay to the point where it can’t be made ready for the next guest relatively quickly.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, I’m with you on the Do Not Disturb thing. I’m pretty fastidious and don’t trash the hotel rooms. All they have to do when I check out is change the sheets and empty the trash cans.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m at the age when I have more money than time, and I’d rather spend four hours of the rapidly decreasing amount of time I have left on the planet doing something other than dusting, sweeping, vacuuming and mopping. Plus my cleaning lady has a full time job and does it for side money, like for taking her kids to Disney World. I’ve got a pool man, too, even though I worked for 2 years as a pool guy when I was a youth and could do it myself, but don’t for the same reason.

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King Hippo

Similar with me, plus the neck thing. I am amazed at the amount and quality of work they can do in two hours.

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LemonJello

Do I practice making Old Fashioneds or Tom Collins today?

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litre_cola

What about Old Collins’?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Ah, good old-fashioned Tom Coughlin. That’s the man I want running my football operations!” – Shahid Khan

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Pitcher of beer margaritas for me. That ought to get me through the first game. Then I’ll flip a coin or do rock-paper-scissors to decide on rum, scotch, or wine. Oh, who am I kidding, I’ll probably end up having all three at some point.

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King Hippo

Hope Solo on BeIn right now. I’d still love for her to beat the shit out of me.

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King Hippo

even has that trashy forearm/wrist tattoo!! <3

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King Hippo

As relates to keys – if they aren’t in my backpack, I always put them in the EXACT SAME GODDAMNED PLACE, on kitchen counter or bedroom dresser. NOWHERE else.

Despite being drug-friendly and addle minded, I have lost my keys ONCE as an adult. For two hours, during which time I went absolutely apeshit.

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litre_cola

Nope, it is your cat.

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King Hippo

Speaking of, I had Kruger’s food tray running in the dishwasher yesterday. He jumped onto the kitchen island, looking to be fed. I put a bowl of food on his nephew’s (Noodles) tray, lifted Kruger down and said “please just eat off Noodles’ tray this once.”

Kruger looked at me, vigorously shook his head “no” and jumped back on the island.

I put his bowl on top of a plate, and obeyed like a human should.

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yeah right

Think it’s time for a trip to the weed store. A quick zip around the back of LAX to Brick’s old neighborhood and back by game time. It’s one of LAs greatest drives that only a few know about.

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King Hippo

Rollin’ down Rodeo with a shotgun??

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litre_cola

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxzlGBztUMc

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Assault rifle with a bump stock would have been more effective.
—All those guys gathering in Richmond.

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Brick Meathook

Hey that’s still my neighborhood! I’m only on temporary assignment in Montreal. I’m back in May.

Are you going to the pot store on Pershing? The one with original Cheech & Chong fiberweed van out front?

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herodotus450

Heh, Chechya and Chong would be a killer strain of weed methinks.

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King Hippo

Get Noho Hank on this!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUliAN4NYHU

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Brick Meathook

Autocorrect originally posted this as Chechen & Chong

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ArmedandHammered

I first read it as Chechnyian and Chong, which made me think of terrorist weed.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Isn’t Stadanko a Chechen name?

1
yeah right

Naw, LAX weed store on Lincoln. I went up Westchester parkway prior to getting to your store.

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Fronkenshteen

Went with a fantasy squadoo of:
Firminho x 1.5, Mane, and van Dijk from the John Henrys and James and Matic from the Mancs.
Hope this fucker ends 4-3.

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King Hippo

I hope it ends Giant Fiery Meteor

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Fronkenshteen

Good morning! Caffeine and THC – ACTIVATED!
“It’s time to draw the curtains and switch the phone to silent. This is NOT the time…to be disturbed.”
Rebecca Lowe rules.

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King Hippo

I want Rebecc-ur and the two Robbies doing NFL Sunday night next season, too.

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Fronkenshteen

She could anchor the Olympics.

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King Hippo

this would make me watch the Olympics

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herodotus450

Football might almost be over, but hot, hockey hot stove, trade deadline action is right around the corner!

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King Hippo

GAMBLOR run is over. Reminding self not to push it now.

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litre_cola

I didn’t listen to myself. Baloney FC fucked me.

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King Hippo

I already have my usual sizable bet on LD Alajeulense this afternoon. Not doubling down, is all. 😀

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rockingdog

Found a funny:
YOU: [late and frantic] I can’t find my keys.

ME: [seated and helpful] They’ve gotta be somewhere.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

As my mother would say, “They’re right where you left them.” This applied to anything I could not find and was searching frantically for, not just keys. “Goddammit mom, just tell me where they/it fucking are/is!”

1
King Hippo

Love that National Front Poster Boy Vardy missed his penno, and fraudulent Leicester are now behind.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit, I need to start a Niners running back today. Which one?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Coleman

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King Hippo

down that path, only madness lies

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rockingdog

J-Lo Jamin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr-H8dR0HLo

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rockingdog

Chaser

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-rGhY5OZfk

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King Hippo

still not on teh level of Taco Flavoured Kisses

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe…haven’t thought about that in years.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Still remember her as a fly girl (spelling?) On “in living colour”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The best time to go shopping at Walmart in North Cackalacky? While everyone is getting ready for church.
I got in and out of that place in 30 minutes this morning and didn’t have to wait behind even one fat fuck on their stupid little shopping scooters.

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ArmedandHammered

I tried to use that theory at Costco, but it was just as busy as usual. I guess all of us atheists had the same idea. It is funny leaving there around noon and seeing all the people coming in all dressed up for church.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I do Sam’s Club these days because that’s what Mom wants. Those assholes won’t even let me in until after 10am. I learned that the hard way about a year ago. When it expires, I’m going back to Costco.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Here in Texas there’s no point in going to the store until noon on Sunday, because you can’t buy alcohol until that time. That fucks with the NFL fans who plan poorly or accidentally drink up their supply on Saturday night. “Do I miss the first quarter and have beer or do I stay home and drink tea and see the whole game?’ Decisions, decisions.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Church people prefer Sam’s over Costco because Sam’s/Walmart treats their employees much shittier. “If they don’t like it, they should find a better job.” Part of the conservative dogma.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Go to Costco weekdays around dinner. Soccer moms home with the kids and office drones are eating

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Heathen

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, when you’ve had to chase your 99 year old grandfather around Walmart countless times when he’s on one of those stupid scooters, and apologize to the people he’s crashed into repeatedly, you get an attitude. (seriously, all of that is true)

2
ArmedandHammered

Ugh, reminds of the time we took my grandmother to the grocery store and she kept asking (very loudly) why those uppity naggers (not exactly what she said) were doing in the store. I have never been more embarrassed.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, I can relate. The most fun was for a few years my grandfather would go in one direction on his stupid little shopping scooter, and my father who at the time was riddled with dementia went in the other direction.

Let’s just say I got good at playing a zone defense.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

My dad turned 83 on Monday and is still pretty with-it, but I have bookmarked this site for future reference.
https://www.alzheimers.net/8-8-14-location-devices-dementia/

1
yeah right

True story. I have never and WILL never step foot in a fucking Walmart. It goes back to my extreme distaste of censorship. They were the first mass market that censored albums.

I’m team Zappa all the way.

Fuck Walmart.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m the same, ever since I watched this when it came out about 15 years ago.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXmnBbUjsPs

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Col. Duke LaCross

Yeah, I’m on a solid 25 year run of never even cutting through their parking lot. Fuck the Waltons with a rusty spike.

2
King Hippo

Don Cheadle doing a golf promo makes Hippo very, very Sad Panda.

0
King Hippo

I have no NFL #ACTION today. Just no read whatsoever. Going to enjoy the last real FITBAW day before the crippling depression sets in.

0
rockingdog

Also if you guys haven’t seen the Netflix Documentary about Aaron Hernandez, I recommend you check it out
It good!

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How was the ending? Did it leave you hanging?

5
rockingdog

LOL

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rockingdog

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King Hippo

that elusive Saddest Green Giant

3
King Hippo

I got hot HAIL GAMBLOR-ing last night and continued this morning ($30 HT bet on Serie C’s Pro Patria, like 3 minutes before they can has goal – $102 payout). I have Hertha Berlin HT and FT, because they are at home and Bayern sucks all the ass this season.

DORTMUND ALL TEH WAY

0
ballsofsteelandfury

The Zlatans ended up winning…

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litre_cola

Hell yes they did. Need Baloney FC and nawt super raycess Rome team for the parlay

1
litre_cola

Aww fuck. Had a shower and Baloney FC got a red card and conceded.

1
Don T

Ooof. What’s happening in the clean world?
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP THATS WHAT WOOOOO!
Let us pray:
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litre_cola

What a suit. Wish I could pull that off.

2
Don T

El Tractorcito is wearing a full coat, but no socks in cold weather. Good sign, good sign.

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King Hippo

Truly el mas interesante hombre en el universo

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That looks like my couch. Which is not a negative comment at all. I like my couch.
I’ll be having a pre-game nap on it in a coupla hours, in fact.

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litre_cola

Somebody knew…
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Senor Weaselo

Rand McNally book? Why isn’t that hat on his feet?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hobo killin of Northern Ontario

Why does that sound like a Netflix series to me?

1
Senor Weaselo

THIS SCOTCHY I CALL HIM KROMBOPULOS MICHAEL BECAUSE HE JUST LOVES KILLIN’

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litre_cola

There is number 2 GAMBLOR BE PRAISED. If you get a chance, look at that highlight.

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litre_cola

Milan got one back. Gamblor be praised.

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