Without further adieu, here’s your episode:
It’s ironic that this episode is entitled “The Couples Show”, because love is dead!
Kristin Cavallari announced that her and Jay Cutler are getting a divorce. "With great sadness, after 10 years together we have come to a loving conclusion to get a divorce." https://t.co/NTsoizCbHG pic.twitter.com/FazvGOffNM
— E! News (@enews) April 26, 2020
That’s right. The news broke Sunday, and it immediately (i.e. – about an hour earlier) began raining wherever you live.
Your favourite foods tasted strange. Your favourite colours all turned gray; your words gaining extra vowels. The books you read no longer carried the same semblance of meaning.
So tonight we’re going to go through the five stages of grief, as soundtracked from the college breakup catalogue of Beerguyrob.
First – denial.
Next comes anger.
Third comes bargaining.
Fourth is, obviously, GWAR.
Finally comes acceptance, and the angry song that just leads to heading out to the bar for angry drinking.
And now you know how it took so long for me to get married. But don’t worry about our hero Jay,
he’ll be just fine.
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
- Wrasslin’:
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- Tonight’s essential service entertainment is ‘headlined’ by a contract signing between Seth Rollins and WWE Champion Drew McIntyre to make their title match official at the Money in the Bank pay-per-view event next month. These never go wrong.
- FYI – the Ravens signed Kennesaw State fullback Bronson Rechsteiner as an undrafted free agent over the weekend.
- His dad is Rick Steiner, of the Steiner Brothers, pictured below atop a Road Warrior.
- He becomes the latest son of a wrestler to attempt the NFL, after James Laurinaitis of the Rams, whose dad was Animal of the Road Warriors, seen below with Rick Steiner on his shoulders.
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
Other programming:
- Botched – 9:00PM | E!
- Dr. Dubrow helps give a three-boobed woman the perfect pair and Dr. Nassif works to correct a car accident victim’s mangled nose. Meanwhile, a 27-year-old L.A. socialite with jacked up jowls wants a facelift.
- Bond Marathon – Sundance Channel
- 6:00PM – The Spy Who Love Me
- 9:00PM – For Your Eyes Only
- 12:00AM – A View To A Kill
- Cops – 10:00 PM | Paramount
- A desperate attempt to flee ends with a wrecked truck and a trip to the hospital. A stubborn man selectively admits which items are his. An officer helps diffuse a tense domestic situation that started with some dirty clothes.
- Top Chef Canada – 10:00PM | Food Network Canada
- In the Elimination Challenge the chefs take over Toronto’s Stackt Market to create a Top Chef Canada grab-and-go experience, providing on-the-go offerings to 75 busy guests and the always on-the-move Top Chef Canada judges and special guest judge Chef Joanne Chang.
So, the TV schedule matches the sadness of the day.
USS Enterprise (CVN-65) January, 1969
That fire ain’t going to put itself out.
“Whew! You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had!”
-Captain’s Log, January, 1969
Eventually it will.
Norm MacDonald, aged 14 years, near Avonmore, Ontario.
Hell of a funny guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PU_395aS26M&feature=emb_logo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63Agrr2qC78
I think this is the song some of the more sophisticated Browns fans play into the the mirror.
I’m stumped for Andy Reid or Rex Ryan jokes but they seem so obvious in theory.
Life is one big Jay Cutler gif, and no one should be surprised by anything except the marriage lasted this long.
Then back to tacos.
Seems like a waste of PPE to me. This isn’t the people’s job to protest. It’s the goddamn journalists like jobs to show that the whole reopen thing is astroturfing bullshit by rich people because we are expendable.
Since I already posted the glue one….
You always know that one look when you say “Welp, I’ll be going to the store for some cigarettes now.”
Just don’t wait too long.
That boat was named Disco Volante
You always find such interesting things when you go down the bluegrass rabbit hole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDjpWUrZTf8
Bluegrass? Check out Bela Fleck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcwuuEertxQ
Guy’s voice isn’t ‘bluegrassy’ enough. Needs some Bill Monroe or Earl Scruggs to make the whole thing pop. The other musicians have their parts down.
“Bluegassy is a result of drinking Lysol.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twbuT1V5mFE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN-xVSlnWKQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u0iBYehHIo
Saw The Onion trending and was wondering if they were killing that too. Fortunately, it’s just that our reality is a darker version of what used to be recognizable as satire.
I just saw one where she’s looking at her phone laughing. “What are you laughing at?”
“Oh, check out this Onion article, it’s fucking hilarious!”
Friend looks.
“Um, that’s from the Times.”
Depressed face.
Flat bread pizza update: everyone loved it. Much better than take out and the dough stuff that you can get.
Thanks yeah right for the recipe
https://vm.tiktok.com/vrtX58/
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
Following Balls’ lead…well let me rephrase that…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59bLUwYONEI
This is Hot Former Mormon Girl’s favorite band. Pretty good stuff.
The pussy is always about protecting its money.
Jay Cutler and Ryan Reynolds are my spirit animals.
I ADORE MXC MONDAYS!!
Break up songs? For me it’s no contest.
(one day you’ll regret what you didn’t see right in front of you…have a good life)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxUATkpMQ8A
I really thought you were going to go with this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYPoMjR6-Ao
Also good. But I’ve gotten past the whiny stage.
Really?
Oh yeah. Funniest part is that there are at least three people who might be reading this wondering if I’m referring to them. The answer is yes.
Dawwww yeah you have manned up in our relationship snookums.
LOL, I guess that’s one way to say it. I had a good post-divorce run but it’s over now. No Regerts.
And bonus… I’m still disease free. SAFE SEX…PPL FORGET THAT!!!!
Still wish I could have seen them at the El Rey, however.
My fave breakup song—it has everything: defensiveness, scorn, rage… Rockin’ too.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=QvrlIVeOuHM
Fitting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQCt3afJCzg
Greaaaat Joy Division tune.
For a generation of us, it’s the greatest song ever written.
Greatest song?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xweiQukBM_k
They better not cancel showing up with the Pet Shop Boys in September. I paid good money to be made sad. Then happy.
In Vancouver????
Sorry – PSB & New Order. But they’re playing everything because they are both on Greatest Hits tours.
I was wondering who they would have to replace Ian Curtis if they were to go as Joy Division
Is Peter Hook playing with New Order?
All signs point to “no”.
So fuck you!
https://youtu.be/02lXLiFsRtE
THAT’S the one I was looking for…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDs6IMvaBf8
Folks. Sad Day in LV. We had to put our dog down today. Bear hurt her back. I put her image up on Twitter. In some way she will live forever now.
Had to do that for a 2 year old lab mix that got paralyzed by an FCE when I was in college and it fucking haunts me to this day. Sorry, man.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buGVXyYyqXw
I am so sorry. Even though you know you did the right thing, it’s never easy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow_Bridge_(pets)
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm
We may not see eye to eye in sports but all the best to you and your fam Spur. Losing a pet is the hardest thing to do.
That’s a tough one. I haven’t had to have a dog put down in almost 30 years, but I’ve got one coming. She’s practically deaf and blind, has lost so much muscle mass that she falls down all the time, and pisses her blanket almost every night. This whole work-from-home thing has at least given her a stay of execution; as long as I am home all day to keep an eye on her, no last trip to the vet.
My heart goes out to you, amigo.
Dogs are the best.
Sorry, that sucks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzuLhCkb5_k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lml_AKkhCVY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s8nRL2bPCU
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/elections-2020/nancy-pelosi-endorses-joe-biden-for-president-in-video-remarks-calling-him-the-personification-of-hope-and-courage/ar-BB13g99s?ocid=msedgntp
“personification of hope and courage”?!
Don’t do this to me, Dems! Its hyperbole like this that caused me to skip past Hillary’s name and write in “None of the Above” last time! You don’t sell past the “Yes”.
Except for being home to the most insufferable assholes in the world, I wish I lived in her district just to vote against her.
Making yeah rights flat bread pizza for the dinners. So far so good. First ones in me oven now
(watching “The Last Dance”)
– This is the most I’ve seen Michael Jordan play (didn’t follow NBA back then). Its almost like he’s a 99 OVR playing on Rookie. I would compare him to Bo Jackson but that seems a disservice; Jackson played with pure force while Jordan played with pure grace.
– Everyone saying Pippen should’ve been paid more. True, but maybe he chose to get paid less so he could play with the greatest of all time. He basically paid $50-$60 million to be a six-time champion.
– I take back every bad thing I said about Mike Brown. I now know what an evil GM looks like.
– I don’t blame Dennis Rodman. If I was with 1990s Carmen Electra, I’d have to be dragged away kicking and screaming by Michael Jordan too.
– If BLEERGH forbid we need to have a second exodus, I move we name the next website “Traveling Alcohol Circus”.
As long as he’s happy, I’m okay with it.
/A LONELY WIND WHISTLES ACROSS AN EXPOSED CATLER HOLE
Me, when seeing that coronavirus deaths in the U.S. have dropped precipitously over the last two days:
–
Numbers are always lower on the weekends.
Saturday’s were pretty normal. Sunday’s were lower than they have been for an entire month – including other Sundays. Today’s are pretty low too.
Last two weeks in MI have been 3 days of new lows followed by 2 days of near record highs repeated a few times. I know most want to take it as a sign that it’s working, but I’m not convinced that we’re not still on the upward slope. Also, almost every county right now has nursing homes that are getting just fucking ravaged, as well as Detroit, which is likely to be a wildfire for months. Also curious to see how many cases come out of the MAGA Chud Protests.
You spelled “excited” wrong.
It’s knocked out a couple of them. Interestingly, there’s this guy from Ohio who died after calling it political bullshit, but very few American news sources talked about it. However, British papers all jumped all over it, but now they’re all having their “This is the day Trump became President” moment for Boris simply because he was lucky enough to not do us all a favor.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/covid-19-denier-die-from-covid/
To be fair, he did find a way to get the madness to stop. For him.
…yes…he died from COVID-19…and nothing else.
It devastates people with pre-existing conditions, especially anyone with any heart or lung issues. If you would be otherwise alive, however unhealthy, COVID is the cause of death, unless it’s the treatment that kills you, in which case it’s probably our idiot President.
I was implying I killed him.
In my defense, there’s a lot of energy being spent here to discredit the official body count in MI because it includes people whose primary cause of death isn’t explicitly suffocating to death, and that was very much how they respond to such things.
Understand. My mother is the same way. She’s healthy now, but she’s in pain and on medical leave but she can’t go to the hospital because of the pandemic. If there was no COVID-19, she wouldn’t have suffered in extreme pain for over a month. If God forbid she does die, the Death Certificate may say cancer or exsanguination, but the real reason is COVID-19.
I can’t begin to wrap my head around what anyone’s supposed to do in those situations. It’s dominating most medical resources, but if you go to get treatment for something that’s actively killing you, and you get infected, your odds of survival if you survive whatever you get treated for are Not Great. People here are very much afraid to go to emergency rooms right now, so the patients that actually are coming in are in even more dire than they were before.
It’s like we’re in the eye of a hurricane
Americans, right now:
“In the eye of the hurricane there is—”
/Is hit by a dueling pistol
I’ll always treasure the day I got into StubHub Field in Carson and saw a Miami Dolphins home game against the Chargers, and midway through the second quarter I realized that the Miami quarterback was the cat himself, Jay Cutler. At the end of the game, he was the very first player off the field and into the tunnel, directly beneath my seat. That was like watching the moon landing, folks.
The “loving conclusion” to get divorced, aka irreconcilable narcissisms.
“obviously, GWAR”
It’s more accurate than the actual fourth stage, and fits the list better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoTWW0r85g0
Just wanted to say hi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfwGkplB_sY
Found a funny:
I’ve really been missing the restaurant experience so last night I put a lemon wedge in my water
WHAT A RUSH
Topical!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIWBeo9G-bU
The Road Warriors were included for all the site’s wrestling fans.
http://hrwiki.org/w/images/thumb/c/c5/SpikyShoulderPads.png/175px-SpikyShoulderPads.png
Damn. Jay Cutler was legit on that show. He’ll be alright.
BTW, BGR. You missed the last one in the sequence. Maybe they didn’t release this up thereabouts. At least G’n’R didn’t make an actual video for this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08YDuzJy-Zo
A video was a necessity for my list.
Perhaps someone on this site who creates Spotify lists might encourage a post about breakup songs.
Hard to do. They don’t write ’em like that anymore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZU6qkQlv-A
So, I actually had a good day today for the first time since I don’t know when. I may have mentioned previously (not sure, no doubt I was drunk) that I am totally burned out on my job of renovation construction project management, and during that short window between when I finally started going back to the office following 3 months convalescence after foot surgery and when we were told to telework as much as possible, I had spoken to one of my big bosses who I have a long history/friendship with from Kuwait/Afghanistan/Iraq days and my immediate boss about getting a lateral transfer, I was gonna have a nervous breakdown.
They both responded positively and sent out some emails to various branch chiefs advertising my desire to change jobs. Then a couple days later came the shutdown/work-from-home order.
I didn’t pester the bosses, figuring it might not be appropriate given the conditions for me to be whining about how stressful my job was. But today I got a call from a lady over in the Environmental Directorate; she offered me a job that’s right in my wheelhouse/swim-lane, and I’ll be working side-by-side with a guy I’ve known for over 20 years.
Why it took six weeks for this to take place is another story, but it obviously has to do with the conversion to telework and my request sorta falling through the cracks at that time, but also involves an engineer gal who worked at my mom’s shopping mall candy store back in the early 80s when she was in high school and who I never met until the late 1990s because I was overseas during the time she worked for me mum, her boss (who is now also going to be my boss); and then when I spoke to my current boss about the job offer, she noted that this same engineer gal used to be the boss of her (my current boss’s) husband. I almost feel like I work in Appalachia.
More teeth in your office than all of Appalachia, I gather.
More college degrees, too, I reckon.
It’s a small world after all!