NFL Notes:
- The waiting is over: Everson Griffen has signed a one-year deal with the Cowboys.
- It’s worth up to $6.0 million.
- It also lowers the potential price for Jadeveon Clowney, because there are fewer openings & guys signing for less.
- Also getting paid – George Kittle.
- The Niners and Kittle agreed to a five-year, $75 million contract on Thursday.
- There’s also an $18 million signing bonus.
- Clearly, the Niners are pushing all their cards in now, thinking they have just opened their window.
- The Niners and Kittle agreed to a five-year, $75 million contract on Thursday.
- This is pretty cool: the Dolphins will wear a patch commemorating Don Shula.
- For the entirety of the 2020 season, the Dolphins will wear a “Shula 347” patch on their jerseys.
- According to the Dolphins’ website, this will be the first time in the Dolphins’ 54 seasons that a patch will be worn to honor an individual.
- The team had previously worn helmet stickers or decals with their uniform numbers to honor the memories of active Dolphins players or Hall of Fame alumni who had passed away.
- Roger’s ‘Rona Report:
- The overall positivity rate for the NFL’s coronavirus testing program has been 0.46%, well below the threshold set this summer for avoiding outbreaks at team facilities, according to the doctor overseeing the league’s testing protocol.
Their leading scientician. - According to their collected statistics:
- Through Tuesday, the league had conducted 109,075 COVID-19 tests.
- The 0.46% positivity rate includes all players, coaches and staffers.
- The player positivity rate has been 0.81%.
- During the initial intake process, the league tested 9,983 people. The positivity rate for those tests was 1.7% overall and 1.9% for players.
- According to their collected statistics:
- Daily testing will continue through September 5th.
- The league is being careful to monitor teams now that social bubbles are expanding at team facilities as players work to get into game shape.
- The overall positivity rate for the NFL’s coronavirus testing program has been 0.46%, well below the threshold set this summer for avoiding outbreaks at team facilities, according to the doctor overseeing the league’s testing protocol.
Update: This happened after I scheduled the Thread, but it’s too good not to share.
Seahawks cut rookie CB Kemah Siverand after he was caught on video trying to sneak a woman into the team hotel, per @TomPelissero
The woman was wearing Seahawks gear to disguise herself as a player pic.twitter.com/GvzSYFL5If
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) August 13, 2020
Random NHL Playoff musings:
After all teams have played their opening games, I have some thoughts:
- The bubble is benefiting the “visiting team” / lower seeds.
- By not having to start ‘on the road’, the natural advantage to being a higher seed is gone.
- Crowd noise; atmosphere; et cetera…
- Lower seeds won three of the first eight games played.
- By not having to start ‘on the road’, the natural advantage to being a higher seed is gone.
- Overtime games rule, but overtime games suck in the bubble.
- The minimum time to clean team facilities between games is 87 minutes, according to Gord Miller every five minutes during the Tampa-Columbus OT game.
- Anything longer than two extra periods will mess with TV schedules and – as we saw – potentially have to push games to the next day.
- It has been AWESOME having NHL games on all day.
- It’s like the first week of the Final Four, just action from sunup to sundown.
- It’s actually making me look forward to the NBA tournament, and I don’t particularly care for basketball.
- The 1-8, 2-7… format is far easier to follow & enjoy than the convoluted divisional structure Gary Bettman has been trying to ram down our throats.
- It’s resulted in fresher matchups this year than the same tired ones we’ve endured the last few seasons.
- No Leafs!
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Boston Bruins vs. Carolina Hurricanes – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
- Dallas Stars vs. Calgary Flames – 10:30PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- San Antonio Spurs vs. Utah Jazz – 6:30PM | TNT / TSN
- Portland Trail Blazers vs. Brooklyn Nets – 9:00PM | TNT / TSN
- MLB:
- San Diego Padres at LA Dodgers – 6:30PM | Sportsnet360
- Milwaukee Brewers at Chicago Cubs – 7:00PM | FOX
- Southern Hemisphere tackle sports:
- Super Rugby Australia:
- Force vs. Waratahs – 5:00AM | TSN2
- Australian Rules Football:
- Geelong vs. Port Adelaide – 5:30AM | FS1 / TSN4
- Super Rugby Australia:
Please stay tuned for Balls tomorrow night, and I’ll have my usual pre-recorded musings available on the weekend. Until then,
Midnight Oil is one of my favoUrite bands. They just released a new tune. That fact makes a shitty year just slightly less so, for me anyway. Also, it’s 3AM here and I should be asleep.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuWgE-u4keg&feature=youtu.be
It’s interesting that when you see Lincoln Project and other political ads that quote the covid death totals, you can figure out how old the ad is by the number of covid deaths that are quoted. 130K deaths? That’s a couple of weeks old. 165K? Ooh, that’s much more contemporary. What with the super-spreader events like Sturgis and the forced openings of schools, I’m anticipating a 7-figure death toll by Christmas, although I admit that may be a bit pessimistic; maybe a half million instead. I guess the Trump team figures that if you are young enough to have kids that can go to school and die from the virus, you are young enough to have more kids to replace the dead ones?
Where is the extinction-event asteroid when you need it?
EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! WE WILL ‘EX-TER-MIN-ATE YOUR CLOGGED DRAINS!
I am very fucked up thanks to scotch, rum, and marijuana. Not a bad night, all told.
Scotch AND rum? Dude.
Not at the same time. one followed by the other. over many hours. Really need to get my guy to restock my edibles.
I got nothin’
In case VLTR isn’t keen on the death count banner idea
https://twitter.com/AmandaRuizFOX7/status/1291851506262716417
His wife is going to have quite the surprise later.
I don’t know, she’s probably used to getting slobber on her back.
What’s with the vest on the mounted dog? Is that a “comfort animal”?
Never go cheap on a sexbot.
It seems that Brick briefly possessed Moose
Obviously not; the typewriter is Chinese.
Speaking of shitty commercials during NHL games, this fucking “Find Something New” public service announcement, in which the unemployed are asked “but have you tried LOOKING for a new job?” is not doing anything good for my blood pressure.
I’m reminded that this is the brainchild of Princess Ivanka. Fuck you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn1bjfOFICY
“Akira Kurosawa’s take on ‘The Blind Side’ is considered to be a blight on his career, for obvious reasons.”
Oh shit; I thought it was his take on when Hairy Met Sally.
I took that advice and now my marriage is a shambles. #thanksIvanka
“I have people and communication skills, can organize a crime scene to make it appear something else happened, can multitask, experienced at managing a budget for individual projects.”
I really doubt if that program was something that really sprang from her cranium. Probably something that got thrown out there to maybe distract daddy from following her into the inner sanctum for a little “vice is nice but incest is best” action. Jared hates sleeping out in the hallway.
Fuck Barbie and Ken.
On the bad side the drive along the coast was ruined, on the good side the sacrifice will keep the peasants safe for a while.
SOME people are very distressed about the absence of Jesus riding the Plesiosaur’s neck.
So I am watching the LA and SD baseball game, where they have the cardboard cutouts along the outfield wall. Which gave me an idea, the Cubs should have cutouts of Bartman along the left outfield wall, which I think would be hilarious. My wife the Cubs fan did not agree. Anybody here think it would be funny?
Absolutely funny
Should have played the games outside the cooling towers at San Onofre.
Apparently some other team did that. I think Seattle? Somebody who had no connection to the Cubs and was not playing the Cubs.
Yup, it was Seattle and gave me PTSD
Flames/Stars is banging right off the hop!
Looks like Cohen’s tell-all will confirm all of our worst suspicions about Trump.
*Yawn.*
JFC.
Purdy goal
Dang, I posted an appropriate Kinks vid an hour ago and it’s still “Awaiting for approval.” Maybe I used poor grammar.
What kind of kinks? Coprophilia and furries?
*looks around for Hippo, doesn’t see him*
Feet.
Feathers McGraw
Eh,
Martin ShortHowie Mandel did it first.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXoILGnHnvM
LOL
oh my god the penguin has a gun
this is great
Sidney Crosby is really taking that loss hard.
So, the neighbors across the street, next door, and catty-corner across the street all have 3’x5′ Trump Pence 2020 banners affixed to their front fences, so I am gonna have to look at that shit for the next three months (and maybe longer if the Jabba-in-human-form manages to successfully steal the election) every time I take the trash out to the street, get the mail, let the remaining dog out, or make an HEB/liquor store run. They have flags, too. FUCK! If I wasn’t worried that they’d burn a swastika in my front yard, I’d hang one that says “USPS deliver your meds on time?” or something similar.
Just imagine the schadenfreude and go in and drink.
Since I’m the only person on the street that doesn’t put up Xmas decorations, I’m sure they already suspect I’m an atheist commie antifa. 2-acre lots, though, so I only have to politely wave as I drive by, and not actually converse with any of them; been here 11+ years and have only talked to one of them more than a half dozen times, the others never. Next door guy on the other side never hangs political stuff (retired USAF guy). His favorite team is the Houston Texans, which is his only character flaw.
The Houston what now?
Shit, I thought that name auto-corrected, like [*Redacted] s.
Sounds like he uses hallucinogenics.
Wish I was. Although the last time I did some shrooms, I realized I was getting too old for that shit.
Please let me witness Trump voters receiving the last handout check they’ll ever see.
Some guy in east Texas a large COVID death count banner/sign in his front yard that is constantly updated.
“Are you ready for some hot T.B. action?”
– me, getting ready to watch the NBA
…OR…
– Doc Holliday to Mary Katherine Horony-Cummings on date night
YOU MAKE THE CALL!
Por que no le dos?
ACTING!
Also “Dr. Goodell says get on the fucking field” is a terrific post tag.
It felt necessary to create.
Scientists are still baffled by the question of whether playing in Boston makes you a shitstain, or if it’s a prerequisite for playing there in the first place.
Gonna go with symbiosis, unless that word means “stoma odor” which oh god that’s hot
finally getting around to watching Wallace and Gromit.
first up, The Wrong Trousers!
Watched a porn once called Ball Us And Vomit and it really wasn’t written with the same cleverness and irony.
The penguin in that went on to great things though
Boy howdy, did she ever.
LOL
Its a penguin that wears a red rubber glove on its head so that it looks like a chicken
I might have missed it being talked about here today, since I can’t hang here during the workday due to Dept of Defense firewall when I’m on VPN, but I see the Big 12, including my alma mater up I-35 in Austin, decided to play football this fall.
Idiots.
Yes, the conferences who are killing people are:
SEC
ACC + Notre Dame
Big 12
They’re gonna play until week 4ish. Then get cancelled and blame Obama.
Gotta give the faithful their bread and circuses.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0hWhCOx4U8
Notre Dame Football killing people is as natural and predictable as gravity
Will whoever picked Seattle Seahawks for “First team caught trying to sneak a hooker into the bubble”, please collect your winnings at the Cashier.
He had her all decked out in Seahawks gear, so if anyone saw her they would think she was a player. What kind of fugly hooker was this, that she could pass for a dude?
Well, I think it was a rookie on a Undrafted Free Agent Contract.
“Shit-fahr, I’ll marry ya if’n ya shave yer ass and grow tits on yer back.”
Somebody* has apparently never seen Juwanna Mann.
*Everybody
Really?
Oh shit thats great
There’s a player in this game named Cousins, which led to this odd bit of commentary:
“He crosses the redline, he’s got Cousins with him, but they can’t hook up…”
Well, no, of course not. This isn’t Game of Thrones.
Or Shelbyville.
Or Appalachia.
Or Rudy Giuliani’s house.
“Well, this is awkward.”
-Jerry Lee Lewis
Or Turkey.
Arkansas license plate slogan: “My Cousin, My Wife.”
“I need a ten day old 7-11 hotdog NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!”
The one downside to all this hockey coverage is that they play the same 10 commercials over and over again. I am starting to have strong opinions about them, like: Bullwinkle J. Moose is a fucking national treasure, and that goddamn GEICO lizard should show some fucking respect.
GEICO gecko needed to be run over or eaten by a hawk 15 years ago.
My cat would sort his dumb ass out quickly.
That engine looks like the result of an awkward night between a Diesel and a Pennsylvania Railroad GG1
“What do you mean it’s not a parrot? It’s molting for chrissakes!”
Stupid parrot. All it says is “Yo quiero Taco Bell”
Eating clams saved her life, but munching rug is her passion.
It’s just pining for the Chicken Chalupa Supreme Combo.
And to honor Dave Shula, the Bengals will… continue wearing their normal jerseys, the perfect symbol of failure.
At least the Vikings have a chance.
Happy Thursday damn it.
Sorta wish the gavel would have been a spatula, but everything else works, especially the cereal eater who knows what is going to happen, but still can barely keep a straight face.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZT4AKcPHs4
Knights-Hawks going full defense optional in the second
And I am here for it.
found a funny:
I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!
I am gonna share this with every engineer type I know. Gold, rockingdog. Gold!!
0.01mg
That is so stupid. Love it.
Ummm cool.
The NFL might pull this off?
I read that Jerruh is going to have live audiences at the Cowboys stadium. Going for the record of infections for Texas!
Bigger is better, right?
BiggerDumber is better, right?Our Texas cocks are TOO BIG for your libtard commie #NuAIDS yeeeehaaaawwww
Those high priced hookers Ol’Dubble J favors aren’t going to pay for themselves this year.
What if they test at the gate?
Seriously, testing is a big part of the solution. I mean, you’d have to have WAY fewer fans but, basically, this is the model restaurants are operating on (parties, not individuals, distancing).