Should I Watch Football This Year? (Part II)

specials Pros:

Need to maintain high level of awareness of breast cancer throughout October
Not even sure my TV gets any other channels on Sunday
Odell Beckham Jr. unlikely to come to my house and make one-handed catches for my personal viewing
Want to get in on the ground floor of London Jaguars-mania
Football only sport with the cookie crunch
Sunday is for worship, and you can’t spell Goodell without G-O-D
Insatiable thirst for illegal shift penalties

no-football Cons:

Would rather watch an actual Bear against an actual Lion
Drew Brees would forgive me for not watching.
Side effects of watching football include dry mouth, nausea, headaches, diarrhea, weird dreams, jimmy legs, excessive flopsweat, mange, rockin’ pneumonia, boogie woogie flu
Belichick is fueled by our hate. If I don’t watch, a little bit of him dies.
I have kids and I should really make an effort to know the specific number, and a couple of their names
Kickers
Can’t take the pressure of trying to determine if Joe Flacco is elite

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jjfozz

March 2, 2016 2:08 pm

You need football because once or three times a week, you aren’t crying after looking at the wasteland that is your life.

Wakezilla

Editor

March 1, 2016 11:53 pm

Pro: You get to drink beer and wings
Con: You’ll get fat
Pro: You have lots of months off to lose the weight
Con: But that requires going to a Gim
Pro: You can teach your boy what it means to be #upforanything
Con: If you have a daughter and take her to a game, she’ll realize early on how much the NFL hates women

King Hippo

Admin

March 1, 2016 8:30 pm

Yes. Yes you should. It’s a moral obligation.

litre_cola

Editor

March 1, 2016 5:50 pm

My 2 cents except we don’t have pennies so whatever.

Football is our 1 day a week excuse to not have to do stupid shit like visit in laws, go shopping with the missus. Hell, I had to go to a kids bday party with my ex and we didn’t have any fucking kids. (The men there looked suicidal). I wake up, most likely hungover, have a Baileys and coffee, smoke a bowl, cook Mrs. Cola breakfast (this is key), then settle in for dick jokes, beer/wine depending on my mood and yelling at the tv and the horrible announcers. It truly is bliss. If I quit watching football what the fuck would I be forced to do because there isn’t anything going on????? Last week I was asked (had to) to go to a craft market for stuff for my wedding as I had no plans for the day, it was hell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

March 1, 2016 4:37 pm

ARE YOU FUCKING TRYING TO TELL US YOU DON’T HAVE MANGE ALL YEAR AROUND!!

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Admin

March 1, 2016 3:55 pm

1. Football is Family. How will your children learn that it’s socially acceptable to yell at the tiny people in the TV for playing their game wrong, if not from watching your example?

2. Brees is a lot more Old Testament than you think. I wouldn’t count on his forgiveness.

3. BLEERGH will be angered if you don’t watch. As it is said in Moose’s Fourth Reply-All E-mail to the Oaklandians:
IV. For indeed the Lord of the Flag is a consuming dumpster fire, he is a jealous God. 5. It is He who causeth the guard to flinch on 3rd and Inches, and He who maketh the defensive back jam the receiver thirty cubits beyond the Boundary of Scrimmage when there is no goddamn chance the ball is coming his way. G. It is through Him that the Penalty is Called, and for his Bright Yellow Glory that it is Called, and by Him that half the distance to the Line of Goal be markethed off. 64. But what good is a Penalty if there is no crowd to cheer or booeth? What glory to BLEERGH if the Zebra Priest throws the Sacred Flag and no one exclaimeth “Goddamnit, another fucking flag?”