Hippo’s Mid-week Waking Nightmare (part el tres)

Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times.  You don’t want to acquire the nickname “Stumpy.” (this opener accompanied a winner, and I am superstitious as fuck)

As during the last two Bitter Blue torture sessions, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time stamps) in the body of the post.  I used to regularly live blog NC State fixtures this way, as quaint as it seems with modern interbwebs technology.  But fuck it, I’mma give it a try.  If nothing else, it will keep me off the Everton/NSNO message boards.

Yes, there are better fixtures for the neutral to watch (and don’t require Peacock Premium).  Think USA is showing Water Pistols/Chelski, or some such meaningless dross.

Opening Lineup Thoughts

Yerry “Big Yerald” Mina returns.  DCL is hurt again, so Richarlison will be wasted again (he sucks centrally, but playing Dele as a false nine would only be sommet a lunatic like Hippo would consider).  I am nervous.  Need all three points for breathing space.

First Half

Warmups – I finally figured out Grandson Noodles’ dog-like quality – his gas is end of days-calibre.  Could stop a speeding fire truck in its tracks, swear to God.

Warmups Redux – Man, I do NOT like the addition of background ambient/creepy muzak on Peacock.  But I don’t want to mute the laptop and miss the opening commentary/sounds of Goodison.

Warmups teh Third – I am so twitchy I wonder if I started using PCP and just can’t remember.

1′ – Seamus Coleman prevents goal, but dies.  Lester’s lime jello mold kit is hideous.

3′ – FUCK James Maddison.  Named after a US President/snack food line, but spell it wrong.  DUE BETTER.

4′ – I stress bet in the leadup to kickoff.  NO, it did not help.  NO, it did NOT GO WELL.

5′ – Terrible defending is terrible.  We’re going down faster than a truck stop “lot lizard.”

7′ – As I have often explained to bewildered folk – supporting Everton really is just a creative way of hating myself.

9′ – At least I can’t make out what the visiting support is chanting.  Goodison faithful haven’t started booing yet, but it’s coming.  This’ll be 2 or 3 by HT.

13′ – I really might have to kill somebody to alleviate my rage.

14′ – 22% possession.  At home to a mid-Table mediocrity.  In a must-win for fucking SURVIVAL.

16′ – Said it already but bears repeating – Richarlison can’t play as a #9.  Might as well have 10 men on the pitch.

17′ – NOTE – I typed that BEFORE Richy missed that sitter.

21′ – Work can fuck right off, too.

23′ – At least there’s a sense of urgency now, just 1/4 of the match too goddamned late.

28′ – FUCK FUCK FUCK

34′ – There’s no way I am watching all 90 minutes of this monkey shit.

38′ – Out of words.

43′ – Stay out there until the next decade, Toffees won’t get any soccer points.  It’s over and done.

45′ – I can’t believe the club have the bollocks to display Nil Satis Nisi Optimum on the scoreboard.  Scandalous.

HT – Ded Everton nil, Not-Particularly-Arsed Leicester 1

Second Half

46′ – I don’t know why but I am back.

50′ – Daydreaming about nothing, barely paying any attention.

58′ – Dele on for Allan, who was fookin’ awful today (sorry, Ossie – you are off-base saying “he did nothing wrong”).

62′ – How old am I?  I remember when Seamus Coleman was good.

66′ – So much for Gray being “fired up” to face his old team.  This sub is more desperate than the first.  But really not any other options.

71′ – Jordan Pickford could kill a few fuckers today.  Justifiable homicide, no question.

73′ – This “effort” is like being on death row, writing to the Governor for a pardon.  And you just draw a penis with your own excrement.

FT (predicion) – It will end nil-1 or nil-2.  The squad don’t fucking care, why should I?

Full Time (Oh Dear GOD, What Next??)

Come Sunday, a 6 or 7-nil defeat to the Redshite, followed by a media fracas to lick Klopp’s taint first.  FOOTY MANAGER ALL DAY FOAR HIPPO.