Your Wednesday Night Faulty Craftsman Blames His Tools Open Thread

I went surfing today.  I’ve got three boards in my quiver.  One’s an old longboard that I bought off a friend many years back that has barely been out of a garage more than twenty times in its life.  The second is a 6’3″ Spider I bought in South Africa.  The third – the board I used today – is a decrepit 6’10” Kyrlach board I bought used in San Diego almost 25 years ago.  Look up “Kyrlach surfboards” on Google.  You won’t find much.  A brand new surfboard is white.  As they grow older and sunlight breaks the fiberglass down more and more, they turn yellow. This board is the color of Marge Schott’s teeth.

It’s been repaired so many times that I keep waiting for it to snap of its own volition so I can give it a proper burial.  No, not at sea, there’s enough trash floating around in the water already.  But at this point I’m not sure that’s going to happen.  I think the board is taking on water.  I really hate to blame my poor performance at any sports-type activity on my equipment.  I’ve long resolved that until I’m absolutely sure that my club is the reason that I finished yet another par three hole in six strokes, I won’t get new ones.  The same goes for my surfboards.  But today I may have finally reached the point where I can say that the board is the problem, not me.

The last few times I took this board out I had a lousy experience – originally I thought that it was because I was out of practice.  But once I felt like I got the kinks out I started taking my Spider board out instead, and I’ve had a blast.  But today, I was thinking that I’d need a little more board to deal with the 4′-6′ waves that Surfline.com was forecasting and I selected the longer Kyrlach and headed to Gillis, which is the break you see in the banner image.  And I caught nothing.  Literally not a single wave.  And it wasn’t a matter of being too much of a coward to take a few sets on the head – okay, maybe a little bit was due to that, but there were more people in the water than I’m used to, plus it was really bright, and I was more tired that usual because…but NO.  I’m finally going to pin the blame on the board. Because I sucked today, and maybe just once in a while it’s good for my mental health to deflect the blame somewhere else.

I may head out tomorrow to right today’s wrongs.  It’ll be a little smaller, and I’ll bring the Spider.  And if I have some luck, perhaps it will be time to retire the Kyrlach for good.  It’s served me well.  I’d have preferred for it to go down swinging, but sometimes that’s not in the cards.

Anyhow, it’s time for an open thread.  Have at it, remember to put on sunblock, and don’t drown.

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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rockingdog

Found a funny;

(David Attenborough voice) the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night

TheRevanchist

Someone named Eileen Gu just won an award for Breakthrough performance. She was up against Ja Morant and Trinity Rodman. I was thinking either of the other two could won. Mainly because I never heard of her before? And I watched the Olympics!

ballsofsteelandfury

She was awesome in the Winter Olympics

Redshirt

I have no clue who any of those peoples and things are.

herodotus450

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t1LskRr7e4
Marge mailed the picture from her childhood home, but the response came to her new, adult home. Are we to believe this is some sort of, heh, magic letter?

Dunstan

Don’t underestimate Ringo.

Dunstan

Gumbygirl also sent Ringo a fan letter once. She told him he was her favorite Beatle.

Col. Duke LaCross

And then he tossed it in the trash with peace and love!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAU0l7325w0

Gumbygirl

George Harrison was my favorito!

Redshirt

I’ll field this one, let me ask you a question: why would an imaginary person who is named after a Greek geographer, spend all time making vague Simpsons jokes and besmirching Ringo Starr?

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Redshirt

Its 11:02 PM DFO+1 and no one’s mentioned today’s the anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing on the moon and humans walking on the moon. Is this an oversight or does this site think they faked it?

SonOfSpam

Obviously, it was fak-

(gets punched in the nuts by Buzz Aldrin)

Last edited 2 years ago by SonOfSpam
Redshirt

In my mind canon, Col. Aldrin spends his free time roaming the planet, hunting down people who doubt the moonlanding.

SonOfSpam

I hope for this to be true.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you want history, you have to go crawl around Canadia and bring back brewduderick

Wakezilla

4-0 Lesser Vikings win over Everton. Hippo, I’m so sorry about the Lesser footy that you’re going to watch this year.

2Pack

Sometimes it really is the (board /bat/glove /backboard) was (bent/warped /old/reflectingthesuninmyeyes).

SonOfSpam

(fleshlight/realdoll)

Redshirt

(your female relative)

King Hippo

WHEW. Until I sqw Wakey’s post below, I thought Maximally Disappointing Everton played the Lesser Vikings tomorrow night.

Doktor Zymm

Out of curiosity, why is the random longboard languishing in your garage?

SonOfSpam

gotta iron your underwear someplace

ballsofsteelandfury

I think that board is honestly bigger than his car.

SonOfSpam

Soft racks are great.

2Pack

Evidence

patty-farinelli.jpg
scotchnaut

The youngest kid has to be on a delivery truck as a helper at 4am tomorrow. [makes evil laughing noises]

Redshirt

I can remember the first time I woke up at 3AM. Seeing the world dark and shutdown. It was tranquil. At least I think so, I was f*cking unconscious at the time.

Senor Weaselo

Meanwhile, at Apartment Weaselo:

Senorita Weaselo: So, whatever soba we don’t finish tomorrow I’ll take back with me.
Senor: What about the [toasted] black sesame seeds?
Senorita: You can either store them or chomp on them.
Senor: Yoink.

So I’m now eating a tablespoon or so of toasted black sesame seeds. And by that I mean I’ve eaten them all, they were delicious.

Doktor Zymm

I just busted open a thing of black sesame seed candy today, it is delish and we are simpatico in snacks

Wakezilla

Holy shit, Fat Frank the Tory Cunt and Disappointing Everton are currently losing 3-0 to Minnesota United AT HALFTIME.

Fat Frank the Tory Cunt sounds like a good Punk band name

Last edited 2 years ago by Wakezilla
WCS

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR

ballsofsteelandfury

I had two boards in my quiver then I gave one to a friend and now got two back so I’m at 3. The shortest is my favourite.

WCS

“Only three in your quiver? Man up, cockwallet!”

— King Laserface

SonOfSpam

I have never surfed.

In my defense, I grew up at least 10 minutes away from Newport Beach.

(but I more than once rolled a boogie board inside a tube, which is not as gay as it sounds)

ballsofsteelandfury

Did you ever boogie board The Wedge?

I never have and I think that takes a massive set of balls to do that.

SonOfSpam

Kinda? Not really. Not too close, but on the same beach.

So to answer your question. no. I am a pussy.

WCS

Rikki, explaining his troubles today to onlookers:

comment image

(artist’s rendering)

ballsofsteelandfury

A couple of points:

1- I’ve been told by semi-reliable sources that Surfliner forecasts are about as accurate as heights and weights listings in high school football. So the 4-6 may have actually been 3-4.

2- Can you actually see cracks in the fiberglass where water is getting through? I get the colour, but that could also be due to other factors.

Bottom line, if the board felt heavy and didn’t slide smoothly on the surface, your assessment may be correct and it may be time to give it a proper goodbye.

HOWEVAH, I think this requires a bit more analysis. What exactly was the issue with getting waves? Catching at the right moment? Getting up on the board? Balance issues once you got up?

Much more to discuss…

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, 6′ 10″ might as well be a longboard for me. That’s huge!

LemonJello

“6? 10? A woman could only dream of such lengths!” Heavy sigh.
D. Favre, Bumfuck Mississippi

ballsofsteelandfury

My fave is barely 6′ 1″. My second fave is 6′ 3″. The longest board I have is one that was just given to me and that’s probably closer to your 6′ 10″

ballsofsteelandfury

There you go. I think its time has come.

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury