I went surfing today. I’ve got three boards in my quiver. One’s an old longboard that I bought off a friend many years back that has barely been out of a garage more than twenty times in its life. The second is a 6’3″ Spider I bought in South Africa. The third – the board I used today – is a decrepit 6’10” Kyrlach board I bought used in San Diego almost 25 years ago. Look up “Kyrlach surfboards” on Google. You won’t find much. A brand new surfboard is white. As they grow older and sunlight breaks the fiberglass down more and more, they turn yellow. This board is the color of Marge Schott’s teeth.
It’s been repaired so many times that I keep waiting for it to snap of its own volition so I can give it a proper burial. No, not at sea, there’s enough trash floating around in the water already. But at this point I’m not sure that’s going to happen. I think the board is taking on water. I really hate to blame my poor performance at any sports-type activity on my equipment. I’ve long resolved that until I’m absolutely sure that my club is the reason that I finished yet another par three hole in six strokes, I won’t get new ones. The same goes for my surfboards. But today I may have finally reached the point where I can say that the board is the problem, not me.
The last few times I took this board out I had a lousy experience – originally I thought that it was because I was out of practice. But once I felt like I got the kinks out I started taking my Spider board out instead, and I’ve had a blast. But today, I was thinking that I’d need a little more board to deal with the 4′-6′ waves that Surfline.com was forecasting and I selected the longer Kyrlach and headed to Gillis, which is the break you see in the banner image. And I caught nothing. Literally not a single wave. And it wasn’t a matter of being too much of a coward to take a few sets on the head – okay, maybe a little bit was due to that, but there were more people in the water than I’m used to, plus it was really bright, and I was more tired that usual because…but NO. I’m finally going to pin the blame on the board. Because I sucked today, and maybe just once in a while it’s good for my mental health to deflect the blame somewhere else.
I may head out tomorrow to right today’s wrongs. It’ll be a little smaller, and I’ll bring the Spider. And if I have some luck, perhaps it will be time to retire the Kyrlach for good. It’s served me well. I’d have preferred for it to go down swinging, but sometimes that’s not in the cards.
Anyhow, it’s time for an open thread. Have at it, remember to put on sunblock, and don’t drown.
Found a funny;
(David Attenborough voice) the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
Someone named Eileen Gu just won an award for Breakthrough performance. She was up against Ja Morant and Trinity Rodman. I was thinking either of the other two could won. Mainly because I never heard of her before? And I watched the Olympics!
She was awesome in the Winter Olympics
I have no clue who any of those peoples and things are.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t1LskRr7e4
Marge mailed the picture from her childhood home, but the response came to her new, adult home. Are we to believe this is some sort of, heh, magic letter?
Don’t underestimate Ringo.
Gumbygirl also sent Ringo a fan letter once. She told him he was her favorite Beatle.
And then he tossed it in the trash with peace and love!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAU0l7325w0
George Harrison was my favorito!
I’ll field this one, let me ask you a question: why would an imaginary person who is named after a Greek geographer, spend all time making vague Simpsons jokes and besmirching Ringo Starr?
Its 11:02 PM DFO+1 and no one’s mentioned today’s the anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing on the moon and humans walking on the moon. Is this an oversight or does this site think they faked it?
Obviously, it was fak-
(gets punched in the nuts by Buzz Aldrin)
In my mind canon, Col. Aldrin spends his free time roaming the planet, hunting down people who doubt the moonlanding.
I hope for this to be true.
If you want history, you have to go crawl around Canadia and bring back brewduderick
THIS MOON LANDING I CALL IT THE FEMALE ORGASM BECAUSE JORDAN PETERSON IS CERTAIN THAT NO MATTER WHAT SCIENTISTS SAY IT WAS TOTALLY FAKED.
4-0 Lesser Vikings win over Everton. Hippo, I’m so sorry about the Lesser footy that you’re going to watch this year.
Sometimes it really is the (board /bat/glove /backboard) was (bent/warped /old/reflectingthesuninmyeyes).
(fleshlight/realdoll)
(your female relative)
WHEW. Until I sqw Wakey’s post below, I thought Maximally Disappointing Everton played the Lesser Vikings tomorrow night.
Out of curiosity, why is the random longboard languishing in your garage?
gotta iron your underwear someplace
I think that board is honestly bigger than his car.
That’s correct, I have to use the soft racks to take in anywhere.
But mainly I just don’t enjoy longboarding unless it’s too flat for anything else to work.
Soft racks are great.
Evidence
The youngest kid has to be on a delivery truck as a helper at 4am tomorrow. [makes evil laughing noises]
I can remember the first time I woke up at 3AM. Seeing the world dark and shutdown. It was tranquil. At least I think so, I was f*cking unconscious at the time.
You should play this clip to wake her up:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jArRFUnv1HQ
Meanwhile, at Apartment Weaselo:
Senorita Weaselo: So, whatever soba we don’t finish tomorrow I’ll take back with me.
Senor: What about the [toasted] black sesame seeds?
Senorita: You can either store them or chomp on them.
Senor: Yoink.
So I’m now eating a tablespoon or so of toasted black sesame seeds. And by that I mean I’ve eaten them all, they were delicious.
You should have planted them and then you could have had infinite sesame seeds.
I just busted open a thing of black sesame seed candy today, it is delish and we are simpatico in snacks
Holy shit, Fat Frank the Tory Cunt and Disappointing Everton are currently losing 3-0 to Minnesota United AT HALFTIME.
Fat Frank the Tory Cunt sounds like a good Punk band name
I was so shitty out there today that tWBS interrupted his conversation with an Applebee’s waitress to look straight downwards through the floor and shake his head.
YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR
I had two boards in my quiver then I gave one to a friend and now got two back so I’m at 3. The shortest is my favourite.
“Only three in your quiver? Man up, cockwallet!”
— King Laserface
I have never surfed.
In my defense, I grew up at least 10 minutes away from Newport Beach.
(but I more than once rolled a boogie board inside a tube, which is not as gay as it sounds)
Did you ever boogie board The Wedge?
I never have and I think that takes a massive set of balls to do that.
Kinda? Not really. Not too close, but on the same beach.
So to answer your question. no. I am a pussy.
Rikki, explaining his troubles today to onlookers:
(artist’s rendering)
A couple of points:
1- I’ve been told by semi-reliable sources that Surfliner forecasts are about as accurate as heights and weights listings in high school football. So the 4-6 may have actually been 3-4.
2- Can you actually see cracks in the fiberglass where water is getting through? I get the colour, but that could also be due to other factors.
Bottom line, if the board felt heavy and didn’t slide smoothly on the surface, your assessment may be correct and it may be time to give it a proper goodbye.
HOWEVAH, I think this requires a bit more analysis. What exactly was the issue with getting waves? Catching at the right moment? Getting up on the board? Balance issues once you got up?
Much more to discuss…
Also, 6′ 10″ might as well be a longboard for me. That’s huge!
“6? 10? A woman could only dream of such lengths!” Heavy sigh.
–D. Favre, Bumfuck Mississippi
Really? What kind of lunchtrays are you out there on?
My fave is barely 6′ 1″. My second fave is 6′ 3″. The longest board I have is one that was just given to me and that’s probably closer to your 6′ 10″
It’s in a spot that got hit badly enough that it creased – I’m actually sure of it now because I put that side down and it’s currently leaking water onto the board sock in that spot.
In terms of how it felt, everything was just mushy. Times before today I wasn’t able to get in front of everything, vs. the Spider where I was able to pop up with no problem. In retrospect, it was like night and day.
There you go. I think its time has come.