Intro to Warhammer – why? Because I was asked to….

(all pics are from warhammer wiki and/or warhammer 40k wiki) and Warhammer and Warhammer 40k are properties of Games Workshop

So in talking to a couple of people who write for the site, the subject of Warhammer came up because the phrases “Blood for the Blood God” and “Skulls for the Skull Throne” have been used on the site before but there are those who have no idea where they came from or what they mean.  So, I said I would do some posts about Warhammer, especially since I have an in-depth knowledge of very few things (Warhammer, Chinese web novels, old science fiction novels, and music from the mid-60’s to late 70’s) and I wanted to write about something I know.  I love Warhammer and am planning on getting back into painting after I discovered a youtube channel that gave advice on how to deal with the issues getting older bring about such as steadiness of hands and vision.  The Warhammer lore is deep and complex with there being no real good guys and the bad guys are really nasty bad guys, it comes down to more shades of gray than E. L. James can imagine and with the old pen name of Snowdragon’s Icequeen, I am pretty sure she has lots of imagination.  In this post I am going to give a very light history of all the Warhammer universe but with an explanation of the some of the powers and where those phrases, “Blood for the Blood God” and “Skulls for the Skull Throne”, originate from.

My DFO name is actually one I have used for years in many games, especially online, and came about because of Warhammer Online (the best MMO ever made, fuck you EA and WOW).  The guild I was in (The Altdorf 1st) needed some healers as we were a little too tank and pew-pew heavy, so I said I would create a healer and went with a War Priest of Sigmar who use either a huge two-handed maul or a warhammer and a holy book.  I went with the two-hander, because it looked cool, and as I was very drunk at the time, I sat in the character creation screen looking at the pissed off bald guy with a huge hammer and trying to come up with a name, I decided since I was hammered and armed with a hammer that ArmedandHammered would work and sounded a lot better than some names I had seen.

Enough of that, basically Games Workshop has 4 different time settings for Warhammer – Warhammer Fantasy (1983), Warhammer 40k (1987), Age of Sigmar (2015) which replaced Warhammer Fantasy (got to sell MOAR figures!) and the latest is Horus Heresey (2022) which is basically Warhammer 30k and sets up 40k.  I spent a lot of time reading White Dwarf in my high school days which was the house magazine for Games Workshop and was a fantastic source for nerds like me.  Not only what was coming for Warhammer but short stories, game scenarios, painting tips, and how-to do your own terrain and buildings.  Was pissed when it basically stopped publishing, but it had become somewhat a shadow of itself by the time it stopped.  There have been multiple games with some of the best being Vermintide, Dawn of War, Dawn of War II, and the Total War: Warhammer games.

So what is the lore of Warhammer 40k?  Basically the idea is Order vs. Chaos with some neutral factions who may help, hinder, or destroy you.  In 40k Order is represented by the Empire of Man which at one point spread across most of the galaxy, and still occupies much of it and since the Empire of Man is more racist and xenophobic than George Wallace (governor not comedian) on a paranoid rampage, basically if you ain’t human, you should be dead.  Also the Empire worships the Emperor who sits rotting on his golden throne, sustained by the daily sacrificing of thousands of people.  And the church in charge of his worship is like the worst aspects of the Catholic Church taken to 11, but without the kiddie diddling, so they do have that going for them.  Lots of knowledge has been lost and technology is worshipped as if it was alive and maintenance of any tech is literally a ritual with incense, unguents and prayers.  Oh, and doing any innovation or trying to figure out things actually work is HERESY and heavily prosecuted.  And of course we have the space marines, self-righteous genetically enhanced super soldiers. 

Chaos is represented by those who follow the ruinous gods (which were created by all the nasty emotions of humanity – except Slaanesh, the space elves are responsible for that mess).   There are many demons and chaos marine chapters for each Chaos god, each having a specialty.  Many times the Orks are considered Chaotic forces but they do not worship the Chaos gods, they have their own weird deities,  and just live to fight.

There are 4 main gods, each with their own realms, cultists, plans, and daemonic minions (clicking the name takes you to Warhammer 40k Wiki for more information)

• Khorne – The Blood God and the one that sits on the Skull Throne.  Basically the PCP’d up metal head of the group with serious anger issues.  Lots of berserkers, lots of pissed off beastmen, lots of blood and bones.  Subtle as a rabid bull in a nursery.  Very big on martial honor basically because he loves the bloodshed and emotions battle brings, mainly the blood.  Lots of deep reds and brass colors if you are painting Khornate figures (a bit boring to me).  If you want a straight forward battle of kill them all and let Khorne sort them out, he is the god for you.  Plus the phrases “Blood for the Blood God” and “Skulls for the Skull Throne” are shouted by his followers as they head in to battle.

• Tzeentch – The Changer of Ways, the Architect of Fate, one hell of a back stabby asshole (probably Ray Lewis’ army if he played).  His domain is trickery, lies, ambition, sorcery, mutation, and evolution basically a corporate CEO minus the sorcery.  His followers are usually easy to tell as they are changed in some way such as tentacles for arms, acid spitting mouths for nipples, the sort of thing that gets a hentai lover overly excited.

• Nurgle – Grandfather Nurgle, the eldest god as his domain is death and decay.  Lots of pus, rotting flesh, boils, abscesses, and snot, so much snot.  The weakest of his creatures are called snotlings for fuck’s sake and are like the evil gremlins from the movie Gremlins.  His best way to gain followers is to give some poor schlub a disease that the victim then needs to worship Nurgle to get relief from the disease, this never turns out well for that person because they usually end up worse off in the end.

• Slaanesh – The Lord of Excess, the BDSM representative of the Chaos gods, the worship of whom is like having a wire directly in one’s pain/pleasure centers of the brain.  Created from the dissolute factions of the Eldar during an orgy of self mutilation and sex.  The creation process killed most of the Eldar, ancient space elves who walk around with a superior attitude and distain that the English Aristocracy wishes they could emulate.

Alright that was a long f’ing intro and there is so much more, the various types of Inquisitors, the Adeptus Mechanicus (the mechanics and builders), the regular army (cannon fodder) which is called the Adeptus Munitorum, the Kommisars who whip the troops into shape (literally), plus all the other factions – Orks, Eldar, Drukari, T’au, Necrons, and a bunch of others.

There is so much I have no idea where to go next?  Do you want something about the factions?  The space marines?  The Inquisition ?  More info on Chaos?  The games (both board and pc), some of which are fantastic?  As with the my entire life I am sort of directionless, so point the way1

Also, most of what I have written is from memory, so if it is wrong it is my fault, what I did not pull from the cluttered recesses of my mind is from Warhammer 40k wiki and the Warhammer wiki.