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A Random Tuesday Open Thread With Your Pal, Internet Dad

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

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So I’m trying to resurrect an old fantasy league, while also starting up my work league and the other various and sundry fantasy leagues I have a paw in at any time. I’m going to explain the rules to you guys, and I want you to tell me if I’m nuts for bringing this monstrosity back.

1. Touchdowns count more the longer they go. 4 points per 10 yds for QB’s, 6 for everyone else.
2. Defensive TDs are 45 points, but you only play one Defensive player.
3. Return man is its own position, and have to have at least 10 combined returns (punt and kickoff) from the prior year at the draft, or can become a kick returner during the year by clearing that threshold.
4. QB Flex.

It’s very weird, but I love it. It’s also a total points league, with a weekly winner, and the money is determined by how high or low you are relative to the mean. It’s a LOT of math.

Anyhoo, I’m really just looking for something to write about, so I wanted to hear your guys’ opinions on the setup. Have you done something like this before? We did it for years and really enjoyed the hell out of it, but when my beloved Rams left (RAMMMIT) I lost interest faster than I lose interest in a cold plate of spaghetti.

What’s on tonight? LOTS OF BASEBALL (All Times CST, or DFO Time)

Cards/Rockies at 6:45
Dodgers/Brewers at 7:10
Astros/White Sox at 7:10
Padres/Marlins at ALREADY HAPPENING
as are Phillies/Reds
Rays/Yanks at 6:05
Red Sox/Pirates at 6:05
Cubbies/Nationals at 6:05
Orioles/Blue Jays at 6:07 (weirdos)
Tigers/Guardians (always weird to type) at 6:10
Mets/Barves at 6:20
Royals/Twins at 6:40
A’s/Rangers at 7:05
Mariners/Angels at 8:38
and the capper, D’Backs/Giants at 8:45

If you’re not interested in that, watch Prey on Hulu. Fan-freaking-tastic. She-Hulk is Thursday, and I’m gonna want to talk about it, so I may see you chumps back here with SPOILER REVIEWS if nobody else is doing it.

Anyhoo, I’m trying to get the fuck out of my office, so it’s OPEN THREAD o’clock baby!

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blaxabbath

I love the league format idea.

0
Brick Meathook

I’m doing the VFX on She-Hulk.

4
Dunstan

Nice!

How’s everything else — are you mobile? On crutches?

3
Brick Meathook

I’m back home and back at work today. I only missed three work days. I can’t put any pressure on my left leg for two months while it heals, so today at home I used a wheelchair that elevated my leg but I can zip around the house no problem. Anywhere else they want me to use a walker (instead of crutches) because it’s more stable. But after two or three months healing time I’ll eventually be able to put full pressure back on the bottom of my ankle, which was rebuilt with my fully living heel pad, using just a small prosthesis for about a one inch height difference and for appearances.

2
Gumbygirl

This is going to sound horrible, and I don’t mean it to be rude,but the endless wars we’ve been in for the past 20 years have really lead to big strides
(heh) for prosthetic devices. Close to bionic stuff, it’s pretty impressive compared to what there used to be.

5
Brick Meathook

What I need is pretty minor. If you know the whole story about why they did this you’d realize just how fortunate I am (there’s a very interesting back story here; I’m surprised nobody’s asked).

Six months from now, assuming everything heals properly and all indications are that they will, most people would never even notice anything different unless I showed them.

1
Gumbygirl

I thought you were just messing around when you said you were in the hospital! I really didn’t know you were facing something serious. I hope you heal quickly and never have to worry about it again.

1
Brick Meathook

No, not joking. I had my left foot amputated on Thursday evening. I was back at work on Tuesday morning. Like I said, there’s an interesting story behind it if anybody wants to know it.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I’d like to hear it when you’re ready to share.

1
Brick Meathook

ha ha I’d love to tell I didn’t think anybody was interested

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Name five different ways you can use VFX to make Tatiana Maslany look less attractive. You can’t!

0
Brick Meathook

We can turn her into a seven foot tall full figured She-Hulk attorney

0
rockingdog

LOL
Rather than the swinging friar, sometimes a better logo for the San Diego Padres is this…

C09221EE-55E3-44B3-9A3F-E4D1612679C3.jpeg
5
SonOfSpam

looks like he has ringworm tbh

4
Dunstan

Topic that came up earlier tonight: artist who you haven’t seen in concert yet, who is still alive (in the case of bands, we’ll be flexible and say at least some of the members are alive), who you most want to see live.

My answer was Billy Joel.

3
2Pack

King Crimson

1
Gumbygirl

Jorma Kaukonen. Either solo or with Hot Tuna. Or Sparks.

0
SonOfSpam

Paul McCartney

2
Dunstan

Good one. Haven’t seen him, either.

2
BC Dick

Springsteen

1
Dunstan

Seen him twice I think. Definitely worth it.

3
SonOfSpam

That would be my other choice.

Feel like he’s gonna go another 20 years.

(Thought the same thing about Tom Petty, which I deeply regret)

1
Gumbygirl

Me too.

1
Dunstan

I saw what ended up being Petty’s last show.

2
Gumbygirl

He was awesome. You were lucky!

2
Senor Weaselo

Padre Weaselo hasn’t seen Billy Joel live, but plays in a band with his longtime drummer and is going to the remaster premiere of the Live at Yankee Stadium movie, so maybe he’ll get to hang with him again there.

3
Gumbygirl

There is a woman dressed like an elf singing The Neverending Story and playing an ocarina on America’s Got Talent. I love her.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS LADY LIZ CHENEY I CALL HER A DOWNFIELD PASSING ATTEMPT BY CHASE PENNINGTON BECAUSE SHE IS A LAME DUCK.

4
Redshirt

In a normal year, I’d be streaking across the Clubhouse bare-ass naked drunkenly singing “Ding, Dong, the Bitch is Gone”. Now, I’m sad she’s being shown the door.

This is indeed a disturbing universe – YouTube

3
Gumbygirl

She could do the world a favor and finish up the hearings- she is doing an outstanding job there- and then disappear forever.

0
Redshirt

No. If the Orange Skidmark has taught us anything, its lack of leadership leaves a vacuum that can be filled with something worse. In a Restored Republican Party, she can provide leadership to ensure it doesn’t fall back into what it is right now (i.e. Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Ron DeSantis trying to out-right each other).

0
Gumbygirl

I admire your optimism, but I don’t see a way back for the GOP.

1
Redshirt

Poor choice of words. Better choice would be replacement conservative party.

Even if we go full 1820s and get Era of Good Feelings 2: Electric Boogaloo and the Democratic Party surfaces as the only dominate party of the United States, eventually a 2nd party will surface, either by conservatives fully reconstructing and repairing itself or intraparty divisions in the Democratic Party causing a schism.

The only alternative would be to outlaw all parties except the one you’re a member of, and I’m pretty certain that’s on the Republican Party’s platform so you can’t steal that.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
1
Gumbygirl

Ok, here’s something that she can do, that would be a service to democracy. She should run as an Independent in the next presidential election, and siphon off the votes of the sane Repubs.

1
Dunstan

Unfortunately I’m not at all sure that she wouldn’t drain at least as many, if not more, votes that would otherwise go to the Democratic candidate. Biden barely won in 2020, and that was with many Never Trumpers voting for him.

0
Gumbygirl

Yeah, that’s the danger. People see how great she is in these hearings, and forget she votes in lock-step with the other Republicans, including the Trumptards.

0
borisnow

@DTZM and anyone else for that matter…if you haven’t seen this, it’s a must

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MftOONlDQac

0
Redshirt

Personally, I think the must-see video is in the Sequel Series where they make Showgirls official Saved by the Bell canon.

Saved by the Bell | Looking for Jessie’s New Date – YouTube

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m watching a Woodstock 99 documentary. Just looking at the lineup it should have been clear to anyone that it was going to be a shitshow.

4
borisnow

It was….that’s why I didn’t go

3
2Pack

That’s what happens when you try too hard.

1
Redshirt

Democrats: “These are dangerous times where you need to set aside party affiliations. In November, please vote Democratic to preserve our country.”

Liz Cheney: “These are dangerous times where you need to set aside party affiliations. In the primary, please vote for me to preserve our country.”
Wyoming Democrats:

Bender “Wait you’re serious… HaHaHaHa” – YouTube

3
Redshirt

Garfield: It Must Be True! – YouTube

0
Wakezilla

Elon Musk announcing on Twitter he intends to buy Manchester United.

Hopefully that’s not true as he’s not that good at business.

1
Wakezilla

45 points for a defensive TD is already high, which is why you should change it to 69 points to make it nice.

6
borisnow

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4
Sharkbait

I always wanted to do a suck season, where the scoring is inverse, like INTs are +20, fumbles +15, TDs -6 etc.

7
borisnow

comment image

6
LemonJello

This intrigues me.

2
Sharkbait

The bitch is making sure people play players that are regular starters and not guys that get 1-2 touches per game

2
borisnow

All of the JJ Taylor!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I came up with some kind of scoring system for that; I don’t remember the exact details but it prioritized sucking over not playing. Things like a WR being targeted but the pass going incomplete; that sort of stuff.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, reminder via Redshirt below I believe you would draft a coach and your score would be based on loss margin and stuff like penalties and such.

2
Sharkbait

Oh I think I was in that league one year. I had Ben McAdoo

2
borisnow

Good thing that asshat isn’t a coach anymore am I right????

2
scotchnaut

“That’s Cheating!”

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I think football outsiders has a pool like that

1
borisnow

At the very least, we should do a reverse Survivor pool where you have to pick one team each week to lose, no repeat picks.

3
Sharkbait

That reminds me, I need to find a survivor pool this year….

1
yeah right

We’ve got one set up right not. ESPN Eliminator Challenge group= DFO Crack Suicide Squad.

3
Sharkbait

Thanks for the reminder!

1
Gumbygirl

Didn’t we do one of those, a year or two ago? It sounds really familiar.

1
King Hippo

I play in one of those!

0
scotchnaut

“To The Danny Dimesmobile!”

2
Sharkbait

Clown car music starts

4
LemonJello

Starter cranks, but the engine won’t turn over.

3
Senor Weaselo

Did you put it in H?

2
Gumbygirl

.

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5
2Pack

I really miss the old muscle car era.

3
Gumbygirl

Muscle car! Yes, the 1975 AMC Gremlin was a demon on wheels!

2
2Pack

Dey see me rollin… Dey be hatin…

1
Gumbygirl

Tryna catch you ridin’ dirty🎶

1
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I also forgot, the only points you get for yards are 10 points for 100 rushing.recieving or 10 points for 300.

1
SonOfSpam

If any of your players kneel during the anthem, your team loses 250 points (because St Louis)

5
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I play in one that doesn’t do partial points, so 9.9 yards is 0 points, but 10 yards is one point

1
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I played in a Yahoo league like that.

1
borisnow

The 45 points thing for a defensive TD is psychotic

4
borisnow

Also, do you need another player?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Internet Dad is back? For the first time in over a year? Awesome! Oh, this is so great! We’re gonna do some DFO Insider posts together, and some Request Line, and…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EZGXCDJATDs

3
King Hippo
  1. Dad rolls by, looking casual.
  2. Sticks head in to see if we’ve sired any male heirs for him.
  3. Taps bottom of cigarette pack with deep sigh, backs slowly out the door.
6
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I’ve been here in the background, making this thing run the whole time SUCKAS

4
SonOfSpam

“I never left town with my secretary; I’ve been keeping an eye on you kids from the backyard this whole time.”

5
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Good binoculars and you don’t trim the hedges

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

grumble grumble speaking of trimming the hedges tell your mom i said it’s about time grumble grumble

7
LemonJello

“Who has two thumbs and doesn’t care about thick bush? This guy.”
-Zach Wilson

7
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Willing to help out with the backend. I’m a programmery type and don’t know too much about this stuff but willing to learn

3
Gumbygirl

Is he really back? Hmm….

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5
Redshirt

Don’t know a thing about Fantasy Football, but it would be interesting and chaotic to have penalty yards count against the players, if it doesn’t already does.

3
scotchnaut

So the doctor’s office called me and asked if I was good for a knee scope on Wednesday August 31st! My consult was on the 9th, btw. I had existing plans to drive 6 hours the next day. I’ve a notion that this might not be a good idea. So the options are to cancel a vacation and get the surgery or to hold off until October and take the vacation or to chance it and get the surgery and do the drive the next day.

/little help?

0
King Hippo

Cancel the vacation. Too close to FITBAW anyway

2
SonOfSpam

Hold off on the scope.

/puts away card that says “Always do the opposite of what Hippo says”

7
Redshirt

.

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4
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

For those lacrosse fans out there, game 1 of the MSL finals on in about 20 minutes here.

https://rogerstv.com/show?lid=12&rid=54&sid=8705

1
herodotus450

Qbs should only get the bonus points for the yardage which the pass is in the air for. There, the league is perfect now.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Does the Qb get bonus points for a hand-off that is long and goes to the house,, if any?

1
SonOfSpam

Left-handed handoffs only.

1
SonOfSpam

Love the league (for other people). Unique leagues make the world go round, along with gravity and angular momentum.

My longtime league requires a shot (of liquor, not bullets) for each already-taken player, for the worst pick in each round, and any time someone wants to drink with last season’s champs. It’s shocking no one has died yet, but it’ll happen soon.

2
WCS

It’s not a real Vacation until your vehicle gets tagged in Street Louis.

comment image

4
scotchnaut

-the more points for longer scores thing is cool

-the 45 points for a defensive TD by a player? Maybe dial it down to 20 or so and have team defenses picked. Still super arbitrary though.

-how are points awarded to the return man?

-I’ve never played in a qb flex. I’m curious

1
King Hippo

SEE, ah done told yew our auction league could be MOAR painfully complex!

/also I e-mailed ya re the keeper question we earlier discussed

2
scotchnaut

Are you safely back across the border? I was really worried about the Hippo struggling with the language barrier.

0
King Hippo

YEP, drove most of the night back. Took a nice 2-hr nap in a WV Sheets parking lot.

2
borisnow

Sheets is motherfucking bomb!

2
Gumbygirl

Sheetz rulez!

1
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Return man gets all of his points as a regular RB or WR PLUS the 45 point TD.

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

QB flex is fun, but it limits league size. 8-10 is great, 12 is BRUTAL.

0
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