Prem Heating Up – Saturday Open Thread

Even beyond the deliciousness of Men Untied and the Redshite entering their Up Own Rectums Derby having secured a total of 2 points from a possible 12 – the League is full of storylines, even by its own standards.  I get the sense we will have a very entertaining season of Lesser Footy.  Despite Very Disappointing Everton looking gallows-ready (pictured – coUrtesy of teh BBC – Onana aside, fuck me is that guy ever gonna be a star).

Spurs and Wolves start things off (7:30, USA), and it’s hard to know what to expect.  Spurs could easily be hungover from that emotionally-charged 2-2 Derby last Sunday.  Wolves…haven’t looked great, but they’ve been aggressive in the transfer market the last week or so.  Will they be revitalized, or unsettled?

It’s “Four on the Floor” in the 10:00 window, with the Leicester/Sham Town shitshow being the surprising broadcast option (USA).  I guess American viewers love nothing more than a bloody car crash?  Hey, I will have the TV on to take my mind off the Toffees struggling with Hippo-Predicted-20th-Position Robins Hood (Peacock).  Dok’s Praise Beesus and Litre’s Mighty Whitey provide better Derby entertainment for the neutral.  The Clubhouse demands a #ShameBet, y’all.

Sticking with Clubhouse Derbies, yeah right’s Cherries get to host the shit-hot King’s Afrikan Water Pistols for this week cotillion (12:30, NBC).  Did you enjoy the fancier verbiage?  Me too.  Rough Trade Scotty Parker will want to see a reaction after the (very predicatble) drubbing away to City of Men.  Will it help to have some consistency, going against Mini-Pep Handsome Mikel the week after?  I wouldn’t be surprised to see a Cherries HT lead, then face an incfredible storm of pressure in the final 45.

It seems like that should suffice, but NO!  We have three MOAR on Sunday.  Cromulent Leeds welcome Angry Chelski (9:00, USA), and you will see what I mean very quickly.  I’m expecting nil-3 by the half.  In which case, maybe stream Hammers/Trashbirds instead (9:00, Peacock).  Kind of bullshit this one ain’t televised, as Moyes’ men will be desperate for a result against a very good Brighton side.  This is also a Clubhouse Derby!

We close our weekend (you’ve already seen my only mention of Monday Night Footy above) with the new Blood v. Oil Derby, as Pep’s glorioUs machine enter the Bonesaws’ Casbah (11:30, USA).  Expecting full-on Hulk SMASH! from Haaland here.  You LOVE to see it.

Makes me think of this Grimes classic:

Enjoy the fixtures and the conversation.