Welcome aboard! We’ve got a few tasty tilts for you to gnaw on. (Dan Campbell’s ears perk up)
To The Games!
Ravens/Pats:
Look for more RPO-style plays from…Mac Jones? Well, now that he’s no longer a fatty, he ran some last week and of course there were plenty down at Alabama. Them Ravens can put points on the board as they showed during their rough and tumble loss to Miami. Can they stop points though?
Chiefs/Colts:
Indy’s formula for success-giving the ball to Taylor, controlling the clock and tightening up on D didn’t work vs the frickin’ Jags last week (lost 24-0) so what chance do they have against the Chiefs?
Saints/Panthers:
It’s “THE BATTLE OF THE FORMER #1 OVERALL DRAFT PICKS WHOSE CAREERS HAVEN’T QUITE PANNED OUT QUITE THE WAY THEY’D LIKE” Bowl. Rhule barely makes it to the bye before he’s shitcanned.
Texans/Bears:
Houston could be 2-0 if they could hold onto a lead but they’ve no experience in that regard. That Chicago win in the rain in week one is still a throwaway game in that they won. The only starter to throw less passes than Fields is Dak.
Bills/Fins:
Well lookee here, it’s your star matchup of the early slate, glory be! Scoring won’t be an issue here because a.) the Bills and b.) the Bills defense is missing a bunch of defensive starters.
Lions/Vikes:
Dan “Sawney Bean” Campbell should be entertaining on the sideline today. Minny has firepower with JJ and Dalvin while the Lions have put up 35 and 38 so far this season. They’ve also scored a major in 15 straight quarters! Are we looking at a rare NFC North score-kakke game?
Bengals/Jets:
At the outset of the season you’d think that some in the Jets organization would look to Cincy regarding how to turn things around. Now as it stands, the Bengals are looking at the Jets as an opportunity to turn things around.
Raiders/Titans:
Welcome to the “Somebody’s Gotta Win, Right?” Bowl. Plenty of teams have dug themselves out of 0-3 holes but many, many more have followed that start with a ton more losses.
Eagles/Commies:
Wentz is doing his part with a 7-3 TD/INT number and two 300 yarders but there’s no D yet-36 points to the Lions and 22 to the Jags? That won’t do. Eagles smell blood, go to 3-0.
Push your buttons.
That was satisfying even if I couldn’t watch.
SKOL!
Poor LioUns. On to thread the 2nd
This tank for Tua may pay off.
Butt punt saves the Fish!
We are staying plaid!
Welp.
Pretty selfish of Snyder to comandeer the starting O-line to protect himself from anyone trying to serve him a subpoena
Butt Punt
Dolphins are my Raiders!
the butt punt
ASS PUNT SAFETY ALERT!!!!!!!!!!
The fuck was that Tua?
He calls it a M-O-O-N.
This is the Samaje Perine drive. Maybe the line just doesn’t like Mixon enough to block for him.
TALKING SUPER BOWL
houston tank a fuckin m1 abrams during 4th quarters
“Lost signal? Let’s go to commericals so we can make moves.” – CBS
We got Press Box cam with the Pregame Studio Crew commentating. Can we keep this?
Seeing the clock keep running after a) the Raiders receiver stepped out of bounds and b) there was a penalty on the play helps remind me that the NFL is a complete sham; it makes pro wrestling look as strictly officiated as a game of chess.
Mac Jones diving like an Italian soccer player.
Mac Jones also throwing a fade route like an Italian soccer player.
I haven’t seen the Ravens collapse like that since, (goes into long-winded story about the final season of Game of Thrones), and anyway, that’s why HBO has a restraining order against me.
The first Lovie Challenge in ages!
and, he loses!
he’s officially back!
Philly really wants the clean sheet. My hopeless fantasy squadron appreciates the effort.
banking on scary terry garbage time here
The Legend of Scrambling White Mac
scrambled eggs and mac n cheese of course a depression era dish
Justin Herbert as a death wish
Not so Bass-o-Matic?
https://twitter.com/UrinatingTree/status/1574117772879138817
The circle shouldn’t count as a pump, they’re two distinct motions!
Emo Carr gonna be extra him after the game
That’s My Raiders!
Preface: Miami has a player named River Cracraft who appears to be white given that both his parents’ names are Tracy.
Yeah they say the two best days of of owning a River Cracraft are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.
Who is Strawberry Fields’ backup? Asking for a city full of fat white people.
A lurpy, white gorilla.
Leave Lena Dunham out of this
One again, the only people in American not seeing inflation in their lives is the helmet heads in DC!
me: wonder hows the iggles commies game goin…
https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/1574115992241946630
Zombie Tua Tagovailoa back in at QB for Miami.
Send. More. Paramedics.
THESE GUYS THE RAIDERS I CALL THEM THE ROVERS BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN THROWN A BONE.
THESE GUYS THE RAIDERS I CALL THEM A SAUDI ARABIAN ASSASSINATION SQUAD BECAUSE THEY HAVE THROWN THE BONES DOWN A WELL.
Lovie Smith WANTS HIS LONG-DELAYED VENGEANCE
Poor Don T. Living without power in a 3rd world country in the middle of the Atlantic, (according to some very orange former Presidents), hit by yet another hurricane and now, worst of all, starting Carson Wentz in FF against me.
Not enough paper towels to sop THAT up
Fun* Fact** : Puerto Rico is Spanish for “Port of Rico” which was intended to refer to just one city, not the entire country, and the city of San Juan was meant to be the name of the entire island not just the capital city!
Yeah, you might want to cover Ja’Marr Chase in the endzone.
Because of course when the Raiders are gifted a turnover on the opponent’s 30 yard line, they can’t even get a field goal out of it.
I should have Eli write up his thoughts on Lego Masters.
It’ll be in crayon.
Shouldn’t “thoughts” be “they’ll be in crayon”?
I said what I said.
I bet Derek Carr will be a fine backup.
“HEY MCDANIELS YOU REALLY SUCK!”
-Rtd
“HEY MCDANIELS YOU REALLY SUCK!” – all football fans everywhere
HEY MCDANIELS, THANKS FOR DRAFTING ME IN THE FIRST ROUND!!!!”
-Tim Tebow
“Thanks for reminding us : ‘HEY MCDANIELS YOU REALLY REALLY SUCK!'” – all football fans everywhere
2022 and we’re still hiring belichick assistant frauds to fail at head coach
(and better yet, its a retread!)
You bring him on to make the coach that takes his place look even better.
I don’t have any major issues with McDaniels so far. I mean it’s the same old Raider shit, so it’s hard to blame it on him specifically.
Of all the familiar tropes from That’s My Raiders!, I think giving up cheap points before halftime is one of the most reliable.
What happened to Jacobs?
I think he caught the Nineteen.
Although “red zone penalties” are a very close second.
bears fans booing the bears for letting the clock run to :00 with all timeouts left
like they were ever getting past the 50 with those timeouts
Wait, I have Boyd? On my bench yes, but still.
The half ends on a derp play. Busted would imply that there was any real thought to it.
Matt Rhule needs to refuse to come out after halftime without a contract extension.
Good afternoon from the Red Line Diner, where I’m watching the first Jets football I’ve actually seen this year.
Can they change the channel?
Tua about to barf out his speech center of his brain.
It is Teddy time in Miami.
Woo hoo!
Oh yeah those Miami teddies. But sadly not what the Fins are dealing with now.