GO
This is why I don’t judge Lamar for not “gutting it out”. RG3 wasn’t the same QB after that and that is a tragedy.
No one knows how he feels. If Lamar blows out his knee, Baltimore just drafts a QB on Day 2 of the draft. Lamar, however, loses his unique playing style, millions of dollars, and spends a few years as a journeyman backup thinking about what could’ve been.
Redshirt
I don’t think racism will ever end. Which is terrible. But I really hope that, when I die, society has improved enough for “cocksucker” to be on the Insult Endangered List. Sexual dynamics would be waaaaaay groovier, fo sho.
Don T
Society and history has shown that, while the progress is periodic, overall the progress is forward-leaning, you salad tosser.
Redshirt
I think the only shot we have at ending racism is discovering other sapient species, then the speciesism will drive the racism down to minimal levels (i.e. “He may be [insert race] but at least he’s HUMAN”)
Also, “motherfucker” shouldn’t be an insult, if no one ever had sex with your mother you wouldn’t be here!
Doktor Zymm
I’m often annoyed by how often I’m being asked to rate and review every damn thing, but I get why companies do it. But the way they ask now is getting fucking weird. I was just asked the following question:
“Do you love using the FedEx app?”
What kind of a psychopath says yes to that question? Jesus, FedEx, at best someone might say it’s a good app.* Anyone who “loves” using your app needs to be locked away for society’s protection.
*– It isn’t. Amazon actually shows me where the vehicle is; all I’m getting from you guys is “well, it might arrive in this four-hour window, but sometime today for sure.”
Dunstan
I’ve started leaving 2-star reviews saying things like “app works okay but constantly harrasses me to leave reviews”
Doktor Zymm
Is a Brett Maher FG attempt too much to ask for?
Is Brett Maher still in the stadium?
Horatio Cornblower
He’s in the bilge of the pirate ship.
LemonJello
I didn’t think it was possible, but Mike McCarthy’s sweatshirt logo makes him look even stupider than usual…
BeefReeferLives
Spur
That “sport” is absolutely insane.
Horatio Cornblower
No CTE there!
litre_cola
We are sorry about your sore back
-NFL medical staff
Game Time Decision
Janay Rice apologizes for her role in establishing this sport.
Horatio Cornblower
THIS BRETT MAHER, I CALL HIM THE MARTIANS FROM SESAME STREET BECAUSE HE’S GOT THE YIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIP
Senor Weaselo
“And as Dak marched down the field the Tampa Bay defense were all snuggled asleep in their beds.”
-excerpt from “Horatio’s Boner Grew Three Sizes One Night”
scotchnaut
80 For Brady is the lemon party movie you never wanted but are getting anyway.
Horatio Cornblower
Tommy looks like he wants the season over
Recovery Whiskey
After a long, difficult season, at least he can go home to his wife and kids–
WCS
Eat shit Cincy! Cost me 500, couldnt score a fucking FG. Assholes
Spur
At what point in all the time that you’ve internet-known me did you get the impression that rooting for the Cincinnati Bengals will lead to a positive result?
Redshirt
Great rundown GTD. In case you missed this last night…
2Pack
Mrs. Sharkbait and I are COVID free WOOOO
Sharkette was still positive as of sunday, but you couldn’t tell by looking. She’s her normal self with no symptoms or fever. THANKS SCIENCE!
Sharkbait
This is a dynamite date!
Don T
Accused? She should be celebrated as a visionary.
Mr. Ayo
That should be her dating profile if she’s single which, let’s face it, is highly unlikely.
That’s a keeper.
ballsofsteelandfury
See my above comment, she’s married to another wrestler
Brocky
Note to my future self: you ate beets tonight. Don’t get all freaked out in the bathroom, you’re not dying.
Dunstan
Drink some blue food dye and make it a game.
TheRevanchist
Back in the fall I bought several pallets of ground beef, inside rounds, eye of rounds and pork loins. My supplier was very appreciative and threw in a (15kg) case of beef bone-in short loins. I just remembered and brought a piece home thinking it was the equivalent of a prime rib roast. It is not. So I’m now 15 videos in on trying to understand how to bone out a beef tenderloin and a striploin roast from this cut.
/will these white guy problems never end!!!
scotchnaut
I doubt you don’t know how to debone hunks of flesh.
WCS
This has been my first official week of unemployment (the last couple months were unofficial as I was still under the notice period required by CA law) and it’s been quite a bit of work!
I applied for unemployment, initiated rollover of my 401k since they’re going to start charging me extra fees for not having an income anymore, filed my last wellness claims, and I think I’m getting my COBRA stuff in the mail today so there’s paperwork all set for tomorrow. Still better than actually working though
I also worked out that I should be able to put off working again till October and decided to go to Greenland in July after hiking in Andorra. Greenland was originally planned for May 2020, so I’m resurrecting some old bookings.
Doktor Zymm
Congrats on funemployment!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
So far, so good! And I might even get a tax refund this year because of the Meta stock crash!
Doktor Zymm
you be totes winning the game of LYF, Dok. We bask in your reflected glory!
King Hippo
Oh hell yes, we live vicariously through her! She’s Dora the Explorer, but way better!
Gumbygirl
Reply to Gumbygirl
January 19, 2023 7:12 pm
Dora, with maybe a dash (or more) of Carmen Sandiego?
LemonJello
Sure is quiet in here tonight
Sharkbait
Too….quiet….
Doktor Zymm
I wouldn’t want to be a hobo in Northern Ontario tonight…
ballsofsteelandfury
There are no good nights.
Dunstan
Editor
January 20, 2023 10:06 am
Apologies for being AWOL last night, (noticed all the comments about it being dead), but I was here
https://www.wfsb.com/2023/01/17/half-door-closing-after-over-20-years-hartford/
having a couple of pints of Guinness to mourn the closing of a really good bar from my old neighborhood in Hartford. When I loved there it was a different bar, The Cool Moose, which catered to kids from the University of Hartford and neighborhood regulars with mental problems and weapons. The Half Door cleaned it up and served an excellent meatloaf sandwich to boot.
They’re supposedly closing because of a dispute with the landlord and decreased business since Covid. They’ve promised to re-open, however, and the owners run several very successful restaurants, so I suspect that they’ll just re-open several blocks to the white, I mean right, side of the area.
We did intend to make off with whatever wasn’t nailed down, but the staff was on to that and guarding against it to the point that I was served Guinness in a plastic cup. Bastards.
Horatio Cornblower
Also good to hear the Sharkbait household is plague free. The Half Door was packed last night, so 50-50 I’ll come down with it next week. I was, however, smart enough to suggest we go for dinner somewhere else: never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever eat at an establishment that will be closing within three days. I promise you they are not getting fresh food deliveries.
Horatio Cornblower
Hey Doc Z, you said something about rolling over a 401k the other night. If you’re going to have little to no regular income this year, I suggest looking into converting it into a roth IRA and taking the hit whilst your tax bracket is low. (then, all investment income is tax free when you cash it out)
BeefReeferLives
With my 2 paychecks, PTO payout, severance payment, and probably working Oct-Dec I’m not sure my income will actually be low enough to make it worth it, but definitely something to check out in case! Thanks!
Doktor Zymm
Don’t forget to account for your DFO stock options when making such decisions!
Horatio Cornblower
Litre Cola delivers again!
Mr. Ayo
Cheezies are gone. I’m afraid of the Turk and Vodka. And the Gin is tomorrow night’s drink after the Kraken defeat the vile Colorado Avalanche.
Mr. Ayo
Soak the Turk in scary vodka and let your terlet quake in terror.
King Hippo
I think at this point, our troubled nation needs Jon Lovitz to bring back his “Tommy Flanagan, pathological liar” character as George Santos.
Dunstan
Hawaiian spice burgers, pan fried sweet potatoes with fresh rosemary, grilled asparagus in butter/garlic/salt.
My afternoon is gonna be good. I don’t even care that it is snowing right now, it ain’t gonna stick and I’m still gonna be out there grilling and drinking beer.
ThePirateSloth
My biggest pet peeves:
No Nut November
Dry January
Giving up something for Lent
Life is fucking hard enough. Depriving yourself of good things doesn’t make it any better.
ballsofsteelandfury
I celebrated No Nut November by getting a vasectomy!
ThePirateSloth
Yeah, about that…
– WCS
ballsofsteelandfury
My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana. I guess my property line isn’t where I thought it was
Alex_Demote
I understand your feeling about Colombus, but do remember that he was ousted as governor because the Inquisition thought he was too brutal and viscous to the local populace. The Inquisition!
ArmedandHammered
C. Kirk – Return is Questionable.
J.T. Kirk – OUT
Redshirt
Huh, usually it’s J.T. Kirk reporting the demise of a redshirt, not the other way around.
Dunstan
The official Mr. Ayo Big Turk review:
The initial bite was made with some trepidation as a Big Turk bar looks like a Big Turd. Surprisingly, the initial taste of chocolate was quite pleasant. The odd flavor of the interior rushed in to interrupt that pleasantness. Then the true horror set in as I realized this goo was holding my upper and lower jaw together. As I struggled to free my teeth, the goo flavor changed to a flavor reminiscent of a Twizzler, which I enjoy and was a welcome oasis in this nightmare. Soon, the efforts of separating my teeth was accomplished only to realize a new horror. The goo was still there. In fact, it was now everywhere. I could only mash the bits between the teeth, but I would have to scrape the rest off the face of my teeth. Keep in mind, this is the first of what would be six bites to consume this bar. I now fear that I will be picking bits of Big Turk goo out of my teeth for days.
In conclusion, the second Big Turk bar is in the trash and I will not be consuming this particular confection ever again.
Mr. Ayo
I’d have bet all your money on the over in this game. You guys are just lucky you didn’t fall for that, “Your niece is in jail in Estonia and needs bail money” thingy I sent to your respective emails.
scotchnaut
I didnt fall for it cause I know a fake country when I see one.
herodotus450
My couch, I call it Estonia, because I get estoned on it.
Gumbygirl
“He’s fine, he’s fine.”
-NFL-sanctioned doctors, reviewing the tape
scotchnaut
Love how Urban Meyer is so toxic that even Collinsworth will shit on him.
King Hippo
Skyy seeing Lucy and diamonds after that hit.
scotchnaut
The National Weather Service just issued a Severe Thunderstorm Watch and a Winter Weather Advisory for Jackson County, MO, due to a sudden drop in air pressure thanks to all the sphincters clenching shut.
Redshirt
It’s going to be a very cold day when I kill and gut Cris Collinsworth, so I can warm my hands on the steam that rises from his rotten guts.
He is the worst fucking thing in the world.
He is the corn in the diarrhea of life.
jjfozz
“Not many people know this but JuJu controls the mainstream liberal media.”
-Kyrie Irving
scotchnaut
me: this is a flat out lie
kyrie: you know what else is flat
fleshwound_NPG
I think Prison Girlfriend used extra conditioner this morning. RAWR!
King Hippo
His hair is head and shoulders above Mahomes’.
scotchnaut
If Prison Girlfriend and Mahomes had a baby it would be Troy Polamalu
Doktor Zymm
I fully question my sanity by saying this but….
Sunday Gravy’s coming yo!
yeah right
Ok, I approved 4 new pending users, but one appeared to be a Lions fan, so hopefully I don’t regret it.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Thanks for the approval.
Being a Lions fan is mostly an affliction, like leprosy or being related to Ted Cruz.
LongtimeLionsLoser
I haven’t seen Eagles deliver this kind of destruction since the opening days of Operation Desert Shield.
LemonJello
We’re going from “pay Daniel Jones $35 million a year” to “leave Daniel Jones’s dismembered corpse in the East River” in 7 days.
Horatio Cornblower
This game sounds like almost as much fun as being at Fozz’s house right now, so we’re going to keep watching LoTR since lady bfc has never seen it before. Fozz, if you need an alibi, you came to visit me.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I’ve banged down two bourbons, and stayed out of the kitchen. i have no idea how my father in law hasn’t set that woman on fire
jjfozz
Selling the USFL to football fans is like trying to sell hot dogs outside of a mosque.
jjfozz
“They’re Hebrew Nationals!”
“That doesn’t help.”
Doktor Zymm
Despite scrubbing, I have not managed to get my hands completely clean of the horse-mud I’ve been in contact with the past couple days. It does nAWT smell good, but I’m guessing I’ve inadvertently ingested some, probably fine and a good for my immune system
Doktor Zymm
I feel the same way about my Big Turk experience
Mr. Ayo
I posted in the last thread that my mother in law is here. Please come kill me.
jjfozz
Have you dressed in drag yet?
litre_cola
I answered the door wrapped in a Pride Flag.
jjfozz
Must be said, it is GREAT having a genuine Fuck Lions supporter in the Clubhouse
King Hippo
I was the Vice President of the Detroit Lions fan Club of NYC in 2008 when they went 0-16. I’m dumb, sick or both.
LongtimeLionsLoser
We redid our kitchen last year, and we live in a 110-year old house subject to a Historic Preservation Board. It was like a perpetual catheterization.
Good luck with the redo, and may it be less painful than ours.
But in the meantime, have plenty of good bourbon and Luxardo cherries on hand.
LongtimeLionsLoser
“While we would like to approve your renovation plan, no one in your house has diphtheria, and that is not consistent with the historical era in which your kitchen was first designed. Please resubmit your plan once one or more of your family has contracted diphtheria.”
-Historic Preservation Board
Horatio Cornblower
Preservation Board: We request that you submit to us the color of your exterior window sealant.
Me: It will be painted to the color of the period-specific wood window.
Preservation Board: It is still in the guidelines that we approve the sealant color.
Me: Ok, on to item 1b, out of 37. [I die inside]
LongtimeLionsLoser
I CALL THESE BILLS ITALIAN HOUSEWIVES BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING A HUGE BEATING AT HOME!
scotchnaut
Brady at 80
Brick Meathook
Brady bumps into the person ahead of him in the nursing home cafeteria line, crumples to the ground like he’s been shot, and looks around for a penalty flag. The nurses sigh, help him to his feet, and hand him a free jello cup.
Across the room, Tony Romo chuckles and praises Brady’s veteran savvy.
Eli Manning, visiting Peyton, exclaims excitedly “they have jello cups!”
Dunstan
I did have a small victory last night in front of my mother in law.
My wife reminded my middle son – 15 years old and a professional asshole – he had confirmation class today.
“I’m not going. Confirmation is a money grab. It’s not a real sacrament. Dad said so.”
jjfozz
“Tyler Boyd would be a solid #2 on any other team.”
-Najeh Davenport, commenting on the game
scotchnaut
“Sure hope it’s solid”
-Davenport’s housekeeper
SonOfSpam
SNOW FOOTBAW
fleshwound_NPG
You sure that’s snow? I’ve seen similar scenes in my powder room…
-J. Irsay, Indianapolis
Cecil Rhodes
Horatio Cornblower
Imagine saying five years ago that the chiefs would be be the least likeable team still alive in conference championship weekend
Brocky
Almost rooting for Dallas to score a TD here so we can see the greatest missed point ever
Gatoraids
What’s the punt count so far? 4?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“five.”
-dak’s arm
fleshwound_NPG
Brett Maher 2023 NFL Playoff Final Stats:
2-2 FG 1-6 XPM 7 PTS
GLORIOUS
WCS
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
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I don’t know where the Big Turk ended up going since I moved. I will say that Grandpa Weaselo sent some money back to his friends in Romania a while back (obv while he was alive) to have a “Turkish delight in honor of him.”
This is apparently a euphemism to eat shit, which you can get away with in terms of a joke when you’ve been friends for 70+ years.
I didn’t realize we had acquired a LioUns fan this week!
Welcome!
Now we have the full NFC North set. Just in time too, since next year will probably have the Packers rebuilding, the Bears continuing to be all the worst things about the Bears, the Vikings reverting to the mean, and the Lions maybe able to further build up their young team.
Lead guy just asked my wife to come see something
Wife: “Is it bad?”
Him: (Cheerfully). “Oh, yeah!”
The answer was actually not bad. Our cast iron pipe leading to the septic tank is cracked, but was already being replaced with PVC as part of the plan.
Dodged a literal shitstorm there.
I first thought you meant “lead” as in the metal, that you had a specific guy who was expected to find poisonous heavy metal throughout your home.
Zeke’s off-season dream job!
Paint chips= wall candy!
Lead paint: delicious but deadly
They have started to pull up the floors. So far they have discovered four layers of flooring. There’s a decent chance we hit fossils at some point.
How much asbestos are they gonna find?
Everyone in the house is wearing a mask, so…
Squid game masks? Or Luchadors? Dead presidents?
Your home renovation project seems much cooler than mine.
O/U on layers of lead paint*?
*Zeke asks that you save as much as you can for him
There are a lot of questions that I am not asking.
“I’ve never known Horatio to be much of one for ‘asking’.” – the dwarf, hoping that he can get through to the Cornblowers about what “consent” means
I feel like Milf Manor is doing yeoman’s work in normalizing the prospect of motherfucking. If you are going to insult someone that way you need to specify it as “ownmotherfucking”.
Go….in bed?
“Well (Horatio’s) a lawyer, so I don’t know if we can…(unintelligible muttering)”
WTF!?!?
“Wow, that some old wiring in there! Holy crap!”
Hahaha. Kill me. Kill me now.
not killing you but killing the budget
I feel your pain. When the electrician got behind one of the walls at our house (105 goddamned years old), he actually just started laughing.
I then increased our insurance.
My Chicago place likely has the original wiring, but I actually trust the cloth-covered heavy duty stuff more than the aluminum wiring they used in the 60s and 70s. I also learned what a gasolier was when replacing the ceiling fan!
Folks, the kitchen renovation has started. I got a head start taking out cabinets and trim over the weekend, (about the limit of my usefulness), and then my wife started cleaning up and vacuuming the debris so that the guys coming to, and I must stress this part, literally demolish the kitchen and bathroom, wouldn’t think we were slobs.
Anyway, it’s very loud in here, the dog is terrified, the cat may never come back, and I’m really not thrilled by what appears to have been a massive leak behind one of the cabinets.
Just heard my wife say “holy crap” and one of the workers respond “literally”, so I’ll be setting the house on fire and calling it a day.
Save the Arsenal flag
Oh of course.
The way this season’s going they should be paying my wife a salary.
this feels like when we clean before the cleaning lady comes. I’m good with getting the junk and whatever put away, but not actively cleaning before
I always did that too.
Taking trim on weekdays is even better! Uf…
Your pets are going to love the elephant that moves in after the work is done.
The Dr. Mrs. has expressed a desire to become friends with your wife so they can talk shop*.
*and also Shop-Vacs.
any recommendations for Shop-Vacs from Dr Mrs RTD?
use one due to the hay from the rabbits as the hay was clogging the central vac, but it there’s one i should be looking for, let me know
Currently have a Rigid (phrasing) with a rolling canister and it’s got 5 HP of power.
Ours is something we bought from Costco and it kinda sucks.
shouldn’t a vacuum suck?
Yeah but it should suck a lot, not just “kinda”.
We haven’t seen the bunnies in a long time. Pics!
That thing’s got a vicious streak a mile wide!
he’s got big teeth
Look at the bones!
He looks like he’s had enough of your shit!
This was taken at the Vet, so he was VERY FUCKING UNHAPPY then.
We finally got all of our paperwork squared away with city hall yesterday. So this spring… Let the dick dance begin! Each night after work, a real adventure in WTF today. Thankfully ours is a second property next door that we are getting ready for the youngest to occupy after the wedding. So at least we can retreat to a dusty and noisy space near by. But still my yard is gonna be fucked this summer. The deck chairs will remain in storage.
You’re still going to plant your garden though, right?
Yeah the back part of the property is safe. The front will be screwed up, partly our doing because we are getting picture windows and a patio door put into the front facade.
Gotta grow the veggies, it will help me stay sane.
Wait, paperwork?
Tons of it. Remember these guys invented it. It has made me wanna give back shit I didn’t even steal.
Ruh-roh!