Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Nazca Lines

The Maestro - May 17, 2018May 17, 2018

Well, folks, it's the end of the line for me here. I've enjoyed my time gallivanting across the world, doing my best to discover hidden secrets and expose the deep-state globalist cabal, but other duties are calling me as the weather warms up and great minds turn their attention back

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Ourang Medan

The Maestro - May 10, 2018May 8, 2018

So I seriously had my hands full this week. Turns out that even with oversized tires, it's hard to drive a VW bus on water. Who knew? I was bummed to have to leave the Mystery Machine behind this week, taking a series of flights and cruise ships instead, but

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Mystery of Bimini Road

The Maestro - May 3, 2018May 2, 2018

So we had a draft the other day or something. I dunno. Schneids is pissing me off lately. Keeps saying he's too busy to come on adventures with me, and has to "start planning minicamp" or some shit. Ha! Doesn't he know that the trick to a good minicamp is

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Kaikoura Lights

The Maestro - April 26, 2018April 25, 2018

I've got some bad juju, folks. I just know it. I'm always on edge before the draft. I dunno what it is about the draft, but I'm certain that the league's conspiring against me. The coffee always tastes weird. The bedsheets in the hotel always have a corner flipped up.

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Hinterkaifeck Murders

The Maestro - April 19, 2018April 19, 2018

So I had some bad luck this week - Mystery Machine broke down. Because it's a legacy Volkswagen model, and because all the goddamn Pacific Northwest hippies don't seem to wanna share their spare transmission parts, I had to get myself to Germany to get her all repaired. Fortunately for

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Flannan Isles Lighthouse

The Maestro - April 12, 2018April 11, 2018

I don't know, men. I just don't know. Sometimes your head goes to places where things just stop making sense after a while. You get so perplexed. You think there's something more... and you're so close to figuring it out... and yet it still... doesn't... work... anyways, enough about the

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Tunguska Event

The Maestro - April 5, 2018April 4, 2018

Talk about an explosive off-season! With all of the trades going on leading into the draft, it's been hard to keep track of things sometimes. While everyone's most notably fixated on the Rams right now, I have to say, I was more intrigued by Jason Pierre-Paul headed to Tampa Bay.

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Jeannette DePalma Murder

The Maestro - March 29, 2018March 25, 2018

I had some East Coast business to attend to this past week; my staff were busy checking out some basketball players in the NIT for me... I'm hoping to sign some of them to contracts. To help our O-line, of course. All the same, while scouting was happening at Madison

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Axeman of New Orleans

The Maestro - March 22, 2018March 21, 2018

Sean Payton invited me out for drinks the other night. Normally, I'd turn him down, but he mentioned to me that he had some ideas on what to do to revitalize my running game, so I said fuck it and headed to the Bayou to catch up. Somewhere along the

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Kentucky Meat Shower

The Maestro - March 15, 2018March 14, 2018

With free agency kicking off this week, seems like a lot of teams are hungry for winners - I've sent my staff criss-crossing the country to do some scouting research as we sort out our roster for the coming year, which is great because it frees up my time to

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Hoia Baciu Forest

The Maestro - March 8, 2018March 6, 2018

Spring is just around the corner! Seems like a fine time to dust off some of the camping gear and get prepped for when the nukes start raining down on us again. As a well-prepared conspiracy theorist, it's essential to have a bug-out bag packed at all times in order

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Mary Celeste

The Maestro - March 1, 2018March 1, 2018

I need to start looking for new team-building activities this off-season; as coach of the Seahawks, we've done a lot of paintball, capture the flag, man-tracking, and other survival games in recent years, but I'm thinking I need to up the difficulty level... we need to take to the open