Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Axeman of New Orleans

The Maestro - March 22, 2018March 21, 2018

Sean Payton invited me out for drinks the other night. Normally, I'd turn him down, but he mentioned to me that he had some ideas on what to do to revitalize my running game, so I said fuck it and headed to the Bayou to catch up. Somewhere along the

HRTN Spring Break Special 2017 (Part Deux)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 28, 2017April 28, 2017

The scene: Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Future Moose is silently packing up the Moosemobile, Cookiethulhu is cleaning the windows and Old School Zero looks over a map. In the back seat of the Moosemobile Señor Weaselo lies in a fetal position, occasionally making whimpering sounds. Otto's Brain comes rolling up. Otto's Brain:

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 69) Special King-Size Edition!

Beastmode Ate My Baby - February 17, 2017February 17, 2017

The scene: A little-used U.S./Mexico border crossing, where a border patrol officer is showing a young rookie the ropes. Border Patrol Officer: Now, y'see, you've gotta know who to let through and who might be a clear and present danger to our country and the American way of life. Rookie: Yessir! But... Border

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 68)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - February 10, 2017February 8, 2017

The scene: The dark, dank dungeon of the Castle of Death, where the DFOers are being held prisoner. Marc Trestmans Windowless Van, Covalent Blonde, Low Commander and Otto's Brain are in a cell, as are their newfound luchador friends Señor Weaselo and La Araña Discoteca, after having been captured by

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 59)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 9, 2016December 8, 2016

The scene: Doktor Zymm's laboratory in the DFO clubhouse. Zymm has a pair of super hi-tech surgical magnifying glasses on, and is carefully working on the body of Man in Plaid #2, trying to extract one of the microscopic fusion cells that power his android form...without, say, dropping it and

The Buffalo Bills Hatez the Wimmens and Other Random Thoughts

Team Previews

1800WATERBOUND - August 25, 2016August 25, 2016

When Beastmode mentioned that DFO was doing their annual preview for the football season, I thought “how hard could it be?” He's done it for a few years. He's funny.* After this long, some of that funny should rub off... This is my 2016 Preview of the Buffalo Jills. They were

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 33)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - June 3, 2016June 2, 2016

The scene: Key West, Florida. Tourists and passers-by line the street, walking along casually. It's just another quiet afternoon...until the pedestrians begin screaming and scatter in all directions. Seconds later a bright green Prius that has definitely seen better days comes tearing through the intersection, barely missing a vegan hot

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 31)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 20, 2016May 19, 2016

The scene: Inside the green Prius, where Wolfman Rob is driving like a madman with Ballsofsteelandfury and Low Commander of the Super Soldiers in the backseat, hanging on for dear life. Mabel is of course riding shotgun. Wolfman Rob: ARROOOOOO!!! Damn, boys, you'd better be glad I got you out

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 30)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 13, 2016May 12, 2016

The scene: The In-N-Out convenience store near the DFO clubhouse. Ballsofsteelandfury is there with Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, who is now wearing a vest with a prospect patch over his silver jumpsuit. Ballsofsteelandfury is loading Low Commander of the Super Soldiers up with a massive amount of junk