When I first started doing these posts I told myself that I won’t be holding anything back. You know how you’ll be watching a show on the Food Network and they’ll ask a chef for ingredients in a recipe and the chef will be all “If I told you, I’d have to kill you. Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck”. Fuck those jabronies. I’m giving you all of my top recipes with all of the proper ratios and ingredients. I’m comfortable enough with my cooking skills that I would take the Pepsi fucking challenge with anybody using the exact same ingredients.

This right here is one of my signature dishes. I found a base recipe that was kind of close and then I started tinkering around with a little more citrus here, a little more heat there maybe some tang from some vinegar etc. Now roughly 10 years later I’ve got this to give to you.

A few years ago I spent a week in Jamaica with this wild and crazy red head girl that I know (Hiya Vixen) and we had a straight out fucking blast. Tons of fruity rum cocktails, my body weight in Red Stripe beer, lots of the local ganj, some snorkeling, some drunken swimming in the ocean and plate after plate of jerk chicken. We went to an all inclusive resort where all of the food, drinks, activities were included in the price. Was this one of those “kinky everybody gets naked and parties all night” type resorts you may ask with your pants around the ankles? Not this one but it was a sister resort to Hedonism 3, which yes, we did visit and we did party naked but that’s a whole nother post. One of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen in my life was at this resort. There were three different sections of the resort; a common beach area, a clothing optional area and a nude beach. On the nude beach they had – wait for it – a self service bar. A SELF SERVICE BAR! There was a beer tap, a soda dispenser, buckets of ice and a full shelf of liquor bottles. Every hour or two a girl would bring out clean glasses and new buckets of ice while she shielded her eyes from the naked tourists. Goddamn I need to get back to Jamaica.

While on the main resort we discovered a little beach grill where they cooked burgers, dogs, fries and jerk chicken. Holy fucking god was that chicken fucking amazing. The chef who worked there was the nicest, sweetest human being ever. He had a chefs toque with the word “Pape” on it. Pronounced Poppy. I loved this guy so much. I would bring him an all-inclusive (to me) drink or two and we would drink and grill. Yes, I did actually get behind the grill while on my vacation to cook some chicken with Pape. Since that trip my main driving force in life has been to duplicate that jerk chicken recipe. The following is as close as I’ve gotten to date. Duplicate this and you will be happy with the results.

Jerk Chicken. 

1/2 cup white vinegar.

1/4 cup soy sauce

2 tbl olive oil.

1 tbl salt.

1 tsp ground allspice.

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon.

1/2 tsp nutmeg (NUTMEG!).

1 bunch of green onions chopped.

3-4 small Scotch Bonnet peppers if you can find them or if like me you don’t live in Florida or the Carribbean you can use habaneros. Remove stems use the seeds.

1 8 oz can of pineapple slices in juice (reserve the juice for later)

4-5 garlic cloves.

1 whole chicken cut into 8 pieces or a couple of pounds of boneless skinless chicken breasts.

Place all ingredients except the chicken into a blender, including about 1/3 of the reserved pineapple juice, and blend until smooth. Put the cut up chicken into a one gallon freezer bag and cover with half of the marinade. Marinate over night.

Take the other half of the marinade and place into a sauce pan along with the remaining pineapple juice and enough white vinegar to make 1/4 cup. You are going to cook/reduce this sauce for about 20 minutes. This will be the sauce you will baste the chicken with while it is grilling over a charcoal fire. Sauce can be stored in a glass container and refrigerated indefinitely. This is an amazing day to day sauce if you would like. It goes great on pork or fish or a damn nacho cheese Dorito. It works with everything. When ready start A CHARCOAL FIRE! Cook until grilled and delicious. Baste with the sauce right at the end of the grilling. Once on each side and save some sauce for dipping later.

In the end it should look something like this.

Side note: The main reason why I prepared this dish is because it is my youngest daughters favorite thing ever. Pair this along with some mac and cheese and she is in little yeah right heaven. This is the first weekend she has had off in months so she drove up from San Diego yesterday. I took her and my oldest daughter to Ruth’s Chris last night for some grilled ahi, New Orleans style barbecue shrimp, medium rare filet mignon, au gratin potatoes, grilled asparagus, creme brulee and drinks, drinks, drinks. It was spectacular. I thought the perfect way to end the weekend would be to serve her her favorite meal. Alas some stupid shithead stole about 4 grand worth of equipment from her store so she had to drive back this morning. Dammit. I’m still carrying on with the dinner though. Sorry Kiddo! She’s a good cook in her own right so at least she can have this as a recipe.

Bonus recipe!

Mac and Cheese, yeah right style!

• 1/2 pound macaroni, cooked
• 2 cups cheese sauce
• 1 cup grated sharp Cheddar cheese. I use Collier’s Powerful Welsh Cheddar. The sharper the cheese the better. You want this cheese so sharp that it pulls a switchblade on you when you open the package.
• 1/2 cup freshly made buttered bread crumbs. I use panko and 1 tbl melted butter.

Cheese sauce

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons flour
• 1 1/4 cups milk, heated
• 1/2 cup of shredded extra sharp cheddar cheese
• Salt
• Freshly ground pepper
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg (NUTMEG!!)

Cook your pasta until slightly al dente. Make the cheese sauce by making a roux (we’ve had this roux discussion before!) with the flour and butter. Cook the roux until the flour taste is gone – about 2-3 minutes. Stir in the heated milk and cook for a couple of minutes. Hey! Check it out! You just made a bechamel or white sauce! Ain’t you fancy!?! Add in about 1/2 cup of shredded cheese along with the salt, pepper, nutmeg and cayenne. Cook for about a minute until everything is nice and melty. In a buttered casserole dish put the cooked pasta and cover with the cheese sauce. Add some more shredded cheese over the top. I also add a little freshly shaved parmesan at this point. Cover all with the buttered bread crumbs. The breadcrumbs are critical. They keep the top layer of cheese from turning into the consistency of a manhole cover. Cook in a 375 oven for 30 minutes or until golden brown and delicious.

Which should have this as the desired outcome.

It’s been a really fun weekend with the family and the food and the festivities. To summarize; the creamy, delicious, cheesy macaroni and cheese offsets the heat of the jerk chicken. The chicken has a little bite from the vinegar, a right proper amount of heat from the peppers, it should be a little sweet and incredibly savory.

This won’t take you to the islands but the flavor will get you close. I love Jamaica and have adopted it as my favorite second country. The vibe, the riddem, mon! I could retire there and never come back. So enjoy! Cook this and open a Red Stripe. You can even have dinner and drinks naked. I won’t judge.

Respect!