Hey yeah so…….sorry about the delay on Quotables this week. I do have a non-[DFO] job that has been eating up my time and, since I’m not an attorney like the rest of you fine people, I feel confident that “you wouldn’t understand” would be an adequate excuse. But that’s not my style. That’s not me. That isn’t blaxabbath. I’m a man of my word. A man of truth.
Honestly, I’ve spent the entire day — THE ENTIRE DAY — perusing which Brock Osweiler incompletion to include here. Granted, I don’t get to full picture of these games because I just look for hard hits and funny faces but….well, remember this offseason piece asking which was a better signing, Osweiler to Houston or Sanchez to Denver? After last night, I’m not sure if there is a clear cut winner there.
Anyways, I was just trying to hit my minimum word requirement there so on to the gifs!
http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/yys5SMPhZDxWU.gif
Finally, a punter whose intangibles Peter King won’t gush about
http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/pR7wo4zftoLyo.gif
Joe Flacco has got to have the weirdest boner right now
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/2RQCKHFiKnk08.gif
I just can’t make fun of the guy.
Jay Cutler has made me do far worse.
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/12ga12nycTI35K.gif?resize=480%2C270
“OK, we’re calling this play, ‘Skip to my Two'”
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/2RQCKHFiKnk08.gif?resize=480%2C270
“Wait, so you’re saying that I can now get an Egg McMuffin after 10:30 AM?”
http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/2RCFjAzXuiR20.gif?resize=480%2C270
“This is also what America will look like on November 9th”
http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/NSezfwXTe2kx2.gif?resize=480%2C270
“Usually Chicagoans have no problem swallowing the Cobb.”
http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/cy6V7ieYTuUaQ.gif?resize=480%2C270
“Hey TJ. Do you know what team I’m on? No. I didn’t get hit in the head. Why?”
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/48jnAOH1qjvAA.gif
“All right, touchdown! Wait, he’s not on my… are you sure? He was wide open.”
http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/pR7wo4zftoLyo.gif
“Looks like a 46-yard bomb in the box score!”
That is the widest fucking double wide I have ever seen…
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/2RQCKHFiKnk08.gif?zoom=1.5&resize=478%2C269
I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO BOUGHT THE JAGS COLOUR RUSH JERSEY!!!!
More like color FLUSH jersey, AMIRITE?!
Get out
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/48jnAOH1qjvAA.gif?resize=480%2C270
“Offensive” is certainly a way to describe this.
Jeff Fisher: “Guys, its 3rd and 10 from the 5. They’ll never expect ALL of our receivers to run 8 yard routes or less. Gold, I’m telling you gold.”
Boras: “Let me go tell Keenum what we’re doing.”
Fisher: “Nah don’t worry. One of the receivers will tell him about it.”
Boras: “You sure?”
Fisher: “Don’t worry. Worst case scenario it’ll be 50-50. Has anyone ever gotten fired for having that record?”
Re Alex Smith:
“Just like the blacks. Taking all the credit for the white man’s work.”
-D. Trump
JAGS FAN: Wait for it…wait for it…OOH WA AH AH AH!!!
(for reference)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsK3oaJ4-ks
Disturbed:Jacksonville::Hinder:Quinzee
Although you’d think being down with the sickness would be more of a Tampa thing.
http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/yys5SMPhZDxWU.gif
**Yakety Sax plays in the background**
http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/pR7wo4zftoLyo.gif
**Yakety Sax grows louder**
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/12ga12nycTI35K.gif
**Yakety Sax played at ear-bleeding volume**
http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/2RCFjAzXuiR20.gif
Sad trombone plays us out.
\And I’m spent.
Several scantily clad birds to you, good sir.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vScEA2sYeBs/TtVVZrvOFCI/AAAAAAAAKQU/F_9L8DewFMk/w1200-h630-p-nu/Upper%2BClass%2BTwit%2Bof%2Bthe%2Byear.png
Yakety Jax.
http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/pR7wo4zftoLyo.gif
Payton: TACKLE HIM!
Defense: Ware?
Payton: BEFORE HE SCORES!
Defense: Ware?
Payton: DAMMIT ANYWHERE!
Defense: There’s more than one???
(touchdown)
http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/cy6V7ieYTuUaQ.gif?resize=480%2C270
I bet that win feels pretty good. Wanna trade it for this banana? You know how badly I could beat you right?
To Humblebrag, from the linked Offseason Content comments…
King Hippo
July 21, 2016 at 5:13 pm Edit
Brock is indeed mediocre and was passed over FOAR the playoffs in favor of a (barely) walking corpse. 4 years, $72M? Enjoy your tall, off-brand Alex Smith, Houston.
Of course, I also thought Nacho would be driving the Bus d’Orange toward another Superb Owl, so…
/back with captions later MAYBE!
I don’t have shit. I’m just going to rest on my random thoughts from a few days ago.
Found it.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/10/24/instant-hippo-thoughts-week-7-2016/#comment-263315
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/12ga12nycTI35K.gif
Fans were confused by the play’s disastrous chaos, but the Titans’ tribute to Rob Bironas was touching nonetheless.
Oh! Well done.
\slaps SonOfSpam on the ass. HARD.
http://i2.wp.com/izquotes.com/quotes-pictures/quote-let-us-begin-by-committing-ourselves-to-the-truth-to-see-it-like-it-is-and-tell-it-like-it-is-to-richard-nixon-136268.jpg
Our 37th President was apparently Lionel Hutz.
Or Troy McClure. “You might remember me from the first red-baiting hearings, a fake political retirement, and the Watergate tapes.”
That stat is such bullshit. Alex Smith hasn’t *thrown* 46 completed yard all season.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/00/00ddce11eb42d72fd22ab4b7d9875eea4419fd39916dbe8dd946dfe8558ec180.jpg
I hate you
Hauschka: THE LAST TIME I SAW A FOOTBALL PLAYER SHANK SOMETHING THAT BAD WAS IN SOUZA-BARANOWSKI CORRECTIONAL CENTER
/that’s where Aaron Hernandez’s is currently imprisoned
Stephen? Steven? Who gives a shit?
http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/NSezfwXTe2kx2.gif
“I haven’t seen a guy escape a bear like that since Fleet Week in San Fransisco.”
That’s good work right there, folks.
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/12ga12nycTI35K.gif
“Probably shouldn’t name the fake kick the “French Mistake”
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/48jnAOH1qjvAA.gif
“THIS GUY, CASE KEENUM, I CALL PEENEMUNDE BECAUSE HE LAUNCHES THINGS THAT DON’T HIT WHAT THEIR SUPPOSED TO!”
Love how Keenum gave him the audible hand signal before the snap and then *poof*; audible gone into thin air.
Michael Floyd doesn’t even have good enough hands to be a DB in London.
(I’m sure he’ll make some non-contending team very happy next year though. He’s a good player. Enjoy, Chicago)
Remix: Michael Floyd has great hands to be a London footballer.
http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/cy6V7ieYTuUaQ.gif
B. Lobster: “Help me, please, this isn’t even a real team! Please…for the love of all that is holy…Help me, T.J. Ward, you’re my only hope!”
I love that his meme is catching on. Tis really fitting, and who doesn’t love America’s Greatest Party Band?
http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/2RQCKHFiKnk08.gif
“MA, I WANT MY MEATLOAF*! MEATLOAF*!!!! MA…MEEEEEAAATTLOOOOOAFFFF*!”
*MEATLOAF = METH
I didn’t know Color Rush jersies came in slim fit.
They don’t in FatHumplandia.
Packers: Looks like Rodger’s “receiver” was fully greased today.
Case Keenum: I haven’t seen a bomb miss it’s target son badly in London since 24 Aug 1940.
*so badly – fuck ulnar neuropathy
Keenum: Remember guys, the first overall pick in this year’s draft is this guy’s backup’s backup.
Lobster talking to shorty: “Please please please take me back! I’ll do anything! I’ll even feed Elway his sugar cubes! Just please get me the fuck out of this hellhole!”
Jaguras Fan: “Is it recording? Yeah? FUCK THIS SHIT FUCK ALL OF IT I HOPE THAT KHAN SHITSKIN DIES A HORRIBLE FIERY DEATH BORT SHOULD’VE BEEN ABORTED. CUT! Alright get me the fuck out of this jersey, (takes off jersey to reveal a Bo Jackson #34)
“ROLL EAGLE! WAR DAMN TIDE!”
-T. Green
http://67.media.tumblr.com/4ca4621926bc08223354aec0a2f2b5d3/tumblr_mh4kqfArUT1qmtytko3_250.gif
Remember folks these are the same Jaguars that beat the Bears.
……………………………………………………….. 🙁