DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
Jebus. Farve isn’t there, and hasn’t played in years. Didn’t get inducted to the HOF this year.
But fuck it, let’s make the Ron Wolf interview about picking Farve.
burritobongo
August 9, 2015 8:50 pm
This may just be the hangover talking, but I’d like to murder everything about this broadcast. Has it always been this bad? Is this like when I hit about 29 and couldn’t drink Busch light anymore?
Just once when a cliche interviewer asks someone for “their impressions” of a player/person, I’d like the person to answer with a genuine impersonation.
the king in yellow
August 9, 2015 8:37 pm
HAHAHA! Someone just posted gay porn over at the KSK Liveblog. Took a little while before it got nuked from orbit.
Instead of this, I’m watching a Browns playoff win from 1988.
The Browns made the playoffs? And won? I don’t believe it.
(Funny thing. The first Bills game I distinctly remember is their loss to Cleveland in the ’89-90 playoffs, where Jim Kelly hit on the idea of going no-huddle all game.)
Oh, cool – Red Cashen’ s the ref! I miss that guy. FIRST DOOOOWN.
It’s a little ironic that at halftime they’re going to be “remembering” Frank Gifford, because from what I understand, the last 5 years or so, Frank Gifford wasn’t “remembering” much of anything. Including that he shouldn’t go boom in his pants.
Lothar of the Hill People
August 9, 2015 8:15 pm
WHY BIG BEN NO PLAY? NO RESTRAINING ORDER IN EFFECT IN OHIO!
I started reading the Football Outsiders Almanac today, and man I love that thing as a warm up to the football season. Even if all I’ve learned about is how the outlook for the Arizona Cardinals season is not good, it’s still smart reading about football.
I’m going to go ahead and hate Dri Archer because I don’t like it when people who are the same approximate height and weight as me get to play in the NFL and I don’t.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/ad072d221f845352123ede065a008ca7/tumblr_nctfvi0kER1siipgno1_r1_500.png
Jebus. Farve isn’t there, and hasn’t played in years. Didn’t get inducted to the HOF this year.
But fuck it, let’s make the Ron Wolf interview about picking Farve.
This may just be the hangover talking, but I’d like to murder everything about this broadcast. Has it always been this bad? Is this like when I hit about 29 and couldn’t drink Busch light anymore?
Oh no. It’s always been heinous. That’s why rivebrogs have to exist. To make these broadcasts palatable.
Wait until your forties, bro.
Three more years. Then, maybe my grandma might stop ordering me around like I’m 12.
Yes, this is exactly that.
Rose-colored glasses and all that.
CUTCH
CUTCH
http://www.milb.com/images/2007/02/28/J2Kta4XM.jpg
16-3.
If this mattered, I’d be eviscerated.
The fact that I’m such an unaccomplished blowhard.
–Bill Polian
Update: 40 comments in KSK and 30 are about how the Live Blog is dead.
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2013-10/enhanced/webdr06/16/12/anigif_enhanced-buzz-22118-1381940205-32.gif
The head of Uproxx Sports prrrobably shouldn’t be responding to comments.
http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/sports/football/tannehill-dolphins-receivers-connecting-on-deep-pa/nnGYB/
Funny how Tannehill starts getting better at deep ball passes when Mike Wallace gets told: “their’s the door”
The amount of passes he drops is insane.
It’s Always Sunny or The League?
Sunny X 1,000,000,ooo,ooo,000,oo0,000,000,000,000,000,000
The League. Could never quite get into Always Sunny.
Sunny is the bestest. Even better than Archer.
/hot taek
http://i.imgur.com/shrl2jf.gif
The fact that I’m such an unaccomplished blowhard.
–Bill Polian
I think someone just blew out their knee.
http://i.imgur.com/nUNXS4P.gifv
Shit, why didn’t Dungy wither up and fucking die when gay marriage became legal?
How many penalties are on #26?
http://38.media.tumblr.com/87f82b9ddfa2bb628677e704af768fe5/tumblr_nkc1oqqEb61soulk9o1_400.gif
Has the little kid died on the Strain yet?
Change your avatar.
I only watch for Mia Maestro’s ass.
Why is Rob wearing shirts with his own team on it? Does he forget who he plays for over night?
I’ll bet Gronk eats ice cream for breakfast.
Bad Pro Day Performance = Forgetting the Cover Sheet of the TPS Report
Britta or Annie
Both and Brie Larson for good measure
This is the correct answer.
Brie Larson is coming on strong.
One on cock, one on face, either side, makes nary a difference.
BOTH
http://37.media.tumblr.com/2e8edc964808dd6895dc03c0dbad07ff/tumblr_n7kqe5gqKk1qbcb48o4_1280.gif
There can be no other.
Both.
But if I had to choose, I’d go Annie. Britta’s unclean.
Britta. After Sweet Dee Reynolds, she is my very favourite fictional lady crush.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/549867d4f6951bcb1cf18fe145ce5e54/tumblr_mlupgkhplS1r0j7vco1_1280.jpg
The minute we start talking about porn Moose comes out of the wood work!
/searches back down thread.
Just once when a cliche interviewer asks someone for “their impressions” of a player/person, I’d like the person to answer with a genuine impersonation.
HAHAHA! Someone just posted gay porn over at the KSK Liveblog. Took a little while before it got nuked from orbit.
Moose pointed that out earlier. The first gif was up for several days. The gay porn was up this morning.
was it fancy underwear related though?
Frank Gifford has escaped the clutches of Kathy Lee
He’s in a better, less wine-spilled upon place.
Jameis returned my satellite dish. It had a dick shaped hole in it, but he brought crab legs, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
THIS NBC, I CALL IT UPROXX BECAUSE THEY CARE MORE ABOUT COMMERCIALS FOR THEIR SPONSORS THAN KONTENT, EVEN WHEN IT’S ABOUT A DEAD GUY
Yeah, but has NBC turned into hardcore porn, too?
Can’t miss a second of this white knuckle thrill ride! So, I’ll just check in at the half. Futbaw!
Uh-oh…here comes the Gifford memorial.
http://i.imgur.com/5CeuQ0Q.gif
Does this mean you are about to orgasm?
Choking porn? I am now!
Instead of this, I’m watching a Browns playoff win from 1988.
The Browns made the playoffs? And won? I don’t believe it.
(Funny thing. The first Bills game I distinctly remember is their loss to Cleveland in the ’89-90 playoffs, where Jim Kelly hit on the idea of going no-huddle all game.)
Oh, cool – Red Cashen’ s the ref! I miss that guy. FIRST DOOOOWN.
I have the Bears ’86 season on DVD. I have a feeling I’ll be firing it up a lot this year.
Especially the Dallas shutout and the playoffs.
Living 30 years in the past makes me progressive compared to Cubs fans.
Gah, typo. The ’85 season. Though ’86 wasn’t bad–although the loss to the [*Redacted] s in the playoffs sucked balls.
Hey, just like Uproxx we don’t have an edit button here, do we?
I take it the Cubs bandwagon hasn’t filled up yet?
Annoys me greatly that NFL Films doesn’t put more of their product out on disc.
Ex: Bills fans have a Complete History DVD, an NFL Network version of the Oilers comeback on disc, and that’s it.
There is a MOD catalog, but they charge $50 per film instead of something along the lines of what studios charge ($5-15 per disc).
I’m old enough to remember that. Man, time flies!
The Bus played in the same division as the Bengals and the Browns. Did he thank them for inflating his yards?
Perhaps they could have fielded better teams?
It’s raining so hard here right now. I’m stuck watching the nbc stream because I think the storm took my radar dish.
I’ll fill you in on what you may miss:
– Incomplete
– Incomplete
– Lucky TD
– Incomplete
– WATCH BLIND SPOT
Seems like a hall of fame game.
It wasn’t the storm, it was Jameis Winston.
He fucked my satellite dish right in the pussy.
And you’re now out of crab legs.
OK, DTZM I laughed at that shit.
The Bus doesnt belong.
http://i.imgur.com/IJO0r.gif
Fun Fact: MJD is still the Jaguars best player.
Yep.
Not ahead of Terrell Davis. goddamnit
Sorry, mate:
Terrell Davis YDS. 7,607
Jerome Bettis YDS. 13,662
They both belong.
13,000 came against the Browns and Bengals.
There was a writer for Yahoo who compared him to Gale Sayers. I dunno…
Terrell Davis or Jerome Bettis?
Terrell Davis, yes!
Jerome Bettis, no!
Both are still worthy HOFers.
TD. I’m still learning this new riveblog.
Holy shit! How does the Bus’s hair look so amazing?!
its probably that spray on shit
Is that you LeBron?
Same…. detailer? Is that what you would call your painter?
Soul Glo?
Crap.
ARCHER FUMBLES THE PUNT AND ENTERS A ZONE OF DANGER.
http://i.imgur.com/fmFKoMY.gif
The Steelers have to call him Duchess, don’t they?
If chick was a SEAL they’d have her DNA.
That’s Sif?! Wow, Thor III is looking dark and gritty!
“WATCH BLINDSPOT ON NBC. BECAUSE WE NEED THE CASH AND WE CAN ONLY GIVE SO MANY BLOWJOBS”
“But trust me when I say we gave A LOT of jibbers!
“Muffed” is still the best term in sports.
Okay, I gotta jet and get to work (a few blocks from Langer’s incidentally). Don’t use up all the dick jokes tonight.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/f5ab8cb3ecbdd181df6d18a4de732581/tumblr_ni92t55Rbn1u824vuo1_500.gif
Oh, screw you, Pittsburgh! Quit extending a meaningless game!
THAT WEBSITE UPROXX, I CALL IT OLLY FROM GAME OF THRONES BECAUSE THEY KILLED SOMETHING WE LOVED.
There’s so many damn Peter King avatars out there.
MAYBE
Yeah, that’s the default. I was hoping it would push people to change them.
As soon as I saw that picture, I immediately dived into my picture folder for a new one.
The killer is when one goes to approve users who are joining it is just a sea of them! Peters! Peters everywhere!
You sure you weren’t in the underwear review posts?
I feel like Peter King is quasi judging me while I masturbate.
Oh he is. He most definitely is.
Remember this show from 1991? Hey, I guess those patents still hold.
Alright, checked into the hotel. Unless anyone wants to recommend a place to watch the game in downtown Boulder, it’s football time right meow!
#81 may be cut during the commercial break.
I doubt they’ll wait that long.
I always feel a little bad when I see a player blow a play so badly that it probably means he won’t make the team.
yeah, there went a dream tits up for #81
I always pray for one of those fair catch free kicks. It never fucking happens.
“Good defensive stand by the Vikings,” including their #1 draft pick who can’t seem to play cornerback worth a shit.
Hey guys I made it to 1856 Oregon
what got ya in the end?
Nothing got me, but drowning got the Nugget Baron like 15 minutes into the game 🙂
Did you bring enough axles?
I brought one and it was enough!
Did you try to ford the river?
And don’t come back!
Which was tougher?
The cholera or the dysentery?
“Is Trae Wayans a Waynes Brother?” – Every white person in Minnesota.
If at first you don’t succeed…
This more than anything else was what i was worried about losing
Not a chance!
It’s a little ironic that at halftime they’re going to be “remembering” Frank Gifford, because from what I understand, the last 5 years or so, Frank Gifford wasn’t “remembering” much of anything. Including that he shouldn’t go boom in his pants.
WHY BIG BEN NO PLAY? NO RESTRAINING ORDER IN EFFECT IN OHIO!
I started reading the Football Outsiders Almanac today, and man I love that thing as a warm up to the football season. Even if all I’ve learned about is how the outlook for the Arizona Cardinals season is not good, it’s still smart reading about football.
I’m going to go ahead and hate Dri Archer because I don’t like it when people who are the same approximate height and weight as me get to play in the NFL and I don’t.
BTW, where the hell is Moose? Did someone tell him attendance was optional?
http://www.twinfinite.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/lana-shooting-2.gif