With the excitement and optimism of a new football season upon us, it is with sadness that we relay that veteran St. Louis/Dallas/Montreal defensive end, Michael Sam, is walking away from the life of north american professional football after a career that included college accolades of 2013 All-SEC First Team, SEC Defensive Player of the Year, and unanimous All-American honors. Off the field, he was honored with the 2014 Arthur Ashe Courage Award, named on the GQ Men of the Year list, and was a finalist for Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year. Sam also competed on the ABC prime-time hit, Dancing with the Stars. He was drafted by the St. Louis Rams where, just 51 weeks ago, he went on to enjoy twice sacking and taunting Cleveland Browns quarterback and fellow rookie, Johnny Manziel.
But, as we all know, it’s what you do between the white lines that gets you consideration for the Hall of Fame so I say we let the stats speak for themselves:
Ok then.
Citing mental health concerns, Sam announced on Friday afternoon that he would be leaving the Montreal Allouettes via the Twitter App. Twitter is an online social networking service that enables user to send and read short 140-charter messages called “tweets”. Until 1974, homosexuality was listed as a mental illness.
With both NFL and CFL Sam gear still available, Roger Goodell is expectedly morning only the loss of the potential gains of being able to broadcast the first gay player with the first female referee and first lady coach. However, expect The Shield to look to capitalize by flipping the Michael Sam St. Louis Rams 2014 NFL Draft Silver Color Coin at the Super Bowl L Coin Toss Presented by Bud Light.
Be it as an interior decorator, fashion expert, style manager, personal grooming professional, or the culture one, For The Straight Guy, we wish him all the best in his next career opportunity.
Enter “He started as a Tight End, now he’s a Wide Receiver” joke here:
Also, the end of this suit.
“DAMMIT MICHAEL, I SAID ‘STRETCH’ NOT ‘VOGUE'”
Tony Dungy thinks all this coverage of Michael Sam retiring is a huge distraction
Olivia Munn is going to get dumped now.
“How will this affect the showering schedule?”
Skip Bayless (with boner)
“THE ANUSES OF FOOTBALL PLAYERS EVERYWHERE ARE NOW SAFE. PRAISE JESUS!” – Chris Broussard right before he logs onto Grindr.
Now we can go back to having all of them* in a closet.
*Texans fans.
I’m assuming that since Colin Cowherd is not on air yet, the hottest take from this announcement will come from troll master Florio. With the recent announcement by the Milwaukee Brewers farmhand you would think that Sam would’ve found some team that was willing to take a chance. Obviously The NFL is light years behind the NBA & MLB in terms of tolerance.
Some pretty hot taeks in the comment section. Hopefully it doesn’t melt your screen……..
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2015/08/14/michael-sam-stepping-away-from-football/
Not gonna even look/listen to that shit.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/c4a29d8fb411bc380144f73cb4efff7f/tumblr_mz4mx3kDng1r71wt4o1_1280.jpg
I looked, hoo boy. I had no idea that Oprah and Obama collaborated on LGBT football recruiting. Nor did I know there are so many ways to spell the words ‘their’ or ‘tried’/’tries’. Those people are creative, I bet they’d be fun to tailgate a Democratic presidential debate with.
It’s been 48 years too long since a good DNC riot, maybe we can somehow have the debates in Chicago, see if they can top their work in the 60s?
Schlitz?
http://www.glibeer.com/images/products/85/schlitz_classic_6pk__large.jpg
Don’t you mean Schmitts?
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/schmitts-gay/n10163
The whole “mental illness = gay” narrative is going to get more yardage than trent Richardson’s tenure with the colts
I find that disturbing. I haven’t been paying attention to any hot taek columns–is that the general narrative? Or was that just something we’ve implied here?
OSZ, totally off topic here, but I liked your post where you killed off all of the kharacters, but that post was missing one thing.
You needed to end it with Killer Mike Tunison signing off with, “Tell Uproxx fuck ’em, I never loved ’em and Salutations!”
That is totally a missed opportunity. Anther one that came to mind:
APE’LL FUCK A BLOGGERS LIFE UP LIKE MONIQUE DID TO PRECIOUS!
Also, is the email you used to sign up valid? I could email you there to PM if that works.
That one is valid, yes. Although if it’s visible, I need to fix that. Don’t want the bots to harvest my email account and start spamming the shit out of it.
I just walked to the men’s room and now I already have more yardage than Trent Richardson’s tenure with the Colts.
Found him in the Arena Leagues.
So that’s how the Arizona Rattlers have won the last 3 Arena Bowls and are in the conference title game for the 6th straight year.
he can allways go play basket ball with GAYson collins in Brooklen,, smdh
Goodbye football, hello steel industry.
http://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bv2WFzEIIAAbp_f.jpg
I just realized this would work in the Steelers preview as well.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxljkbIjJ61qj0u7fo1_500.gif
I am eagerly awaiting Skip Bayless’s taek on all this.
And by “eagerly” I mean I’ve hurled a brick through my TV as a precautionary measure.
One might say that Sam had become a distraction to himself.
HIGH FIVE!
Don’t leave me hanging, James Dungy!
Oh my. +1
That coin looks strange. Shouldn’t they both be tails?
Up to now I’ve not been pleased with this descending comment order (or is it ascending? All I know is that it’s WRONG.) But maybe there is one benefit, comments pontificating on their own ordinality (or is it cardinality?) get pushed out of sight.
I second this comment.
Here at DFO, we’re not looking for ordinal comments. We’re looking for ELITE ones.
*scans down* Ah-so.
I don’t like the comment order either.
First!
Gay!
You spelled “Schmitts” wrong.
“Pffft, you’re not the First Gay.”
– Aaron Rodgers