Part I – Parent Orientation

Hello, parents, I am Coach Duchess, and I am here to help you through the most important decision in your life… Allowing your boy (or girl) to play little league football. Just a little background. I have played football since 6th grade through my sophomore year of college. From there I have coached little league kids from the aged seven all the way to 14 years old. I have gone undefeated twice including one little league National Championship. Now, there have been a lot of people saying football is dangerous, and it’s just not true. Fact: the cheerleaders at UGA are more likely to get a concussion than the football players. So are you going to wuss out and let your son/daughter miss out at playing the manliest sport in the nation?

Parent’s I know this is a big decision and commitment but don’t worry your $125-200 are going to be spent the right way. We send the helmets out to be recondition after every season. This is a fancy word that means that all the helmets are repainted, sterilized, and the warning stickers are replaced. The helmets are all checked for cracks, and if they can’t be buffed out or painted over we don’t get them back. Contrary to popular belief we don’t need to replace them after any amount of time this is so we can pass the savings down to you. However, if you feel like buying a new helmet for your kid feel free to do so, you can even purchase them second-hand through us!

Now don’t worry parents you are not just leaving your kids off with just anyone. If you are lucky enough to play for a well-funded club or community league, we might even spring for the real basic background check. Ya know just make sure they don’t have too bad of a criminal record. It’s not required just something some clubs do for your ease of mind. Now we also make all head coaches and sometimes all assistant coaches go through some on-line certification process.

Speaking of which does anyone want to coach we need one more. You just need to pass a certification program that is designed for you to pass. Who here has taken an online defensive driving test? It is pretty similar it says it can take 3 hours but just between us I sometimes “ask” my assistant coach or bribe my oldest child to take the test for me. It’s a joke and only costs $25 to take it.

Actual Sample Question:
Before every practice, it is a good idea to:
A.) Check the field for any holes, divots, sticks or broken glass
B.) Make sure you have an adequate amount of space on the practice field.
C.) Make sure you have water/fluids and access to shade
D.) All the above

If you answered D. Congrats, you just passed the field safety section and one-third of the way of becoming a coach.

Now don’t forget at the end of the season if we do well enough we may decide to go to the National Youth Football Championships tournament. This is where we take the team to either Las Vegas, Nevada or Daytona, Florida over your Thanksgiving weekend. There used to be one in Lubbock, Texas but come on who wants to go to a town that the entire east side is filled with a dense fog of cow manure? Now if you’re the parent of one of our star players, and you don’t want to spend your Thanksgiving in another city. We will just find your kids friend and ask him to convince your child to beg you to come. After all, you wouldn’t like your child’s spot on next year’s team threatened do you?

Now please make sure you have your registration fee another to me or you will not be asked to pay your way down to those cities. We would like to keep the kids in the same area so that will be determined by whose parents have the most money. Don’t worry about me my registration fee is paid for by baking in that cost into the money you give me to register your kid. Fear not I am not just using this to relive my spring break.

Now this tournament is unique. The organizers weigh all the kids and group teams into 4-6 team round robin groups where you play three teams and whoever has the best record after the three games gets to call themselves a “National Champion.”

Great now we have team organization stuff out-of-the-way we will soon go over.

• New Coach Orientation – How teams are picked and what skills we will teach your children.
• Player Orientation – Your children’s health and wellbeing.
• First Coach Parent Meeting – How you the parent should act on the sideline during practices and games.