h/t Gawker media
Update at 12:24 PM EST:
BREAKING: NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says league will appeal federal judge's ‘Deflategate' ruling – @AP#Patriots
— Denver7 News (@DenverChannel) September 3, 2015
Because everyone loves talking about deflated ball rulings so much, here is an open thread to discuss the implication of one rich guy beating another rich guy in court so he can be paid millions of dollars to play a game.
I am not too disappointed in this ruling. The Patriots were already punished as a team, and it looks really bad for Goodell and the NFL.
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/639449564991352832
Deadspin has a lovely post that is updating with analysis of the order vacating the suspension here.
Red Zone is free for everyone tonight!
womp womp
http://38.media.tumblr.com/a4b58a02043e4cd2204874d68dc6ecc6/tumblr_nhwjp14Ave1sw9fkuo7_250.gif
This is an open thread and I need to vent about something that just happened.
I run this small cleaning business on the side to make extra money. I’ve had it for years and it runs itself. My mother-in-law, and two of my brother-in-laws work for me as part-time gigs. Well, as of September first, only one works for me.
The one who was just fired, has cost me just under 10 grand in a year. He was getting paid $500/month to do about 20-24 hours of small admin work. Usually in the winter time when it’s dead and because he lives in the same city as my mother in law–my MIL is single, old and suffering from deformative arthritis– usually his job would be to do stuff around his mother’s house, like shovel the drive way, vacuum, change light bulbs, drive her to her doctors appointments, which were still based on his schedule, etc. You know, things that a kid should do when their parent is older and with a lot of health issues. This summer, because my mil was recovering from major shoulder surgery, I cut his small office work in half–though with the same amount of pay– so he could supplement his time helping his mom out around the house, which was roughly the same time he would have spent on office stuff.
Yet, he complained and pissed and moaned and was saying he hated me and his mom for doing this and that he was underpaid (!!!!!). Well, it all came to an end when I asked him to do this program to get a certificate that companies like to see now when doing business. He vowed and promised he would do it. Well, he didn’t and didn’t tell me so I couldn’t find a replacement and I lost $3000 as a result because I have to pay for the course again and get someone else to do it.
I just got the files back on my memory stick in the mail. Wanna know what that piece of shit just did? He changed all the file names and changed all the documents into random files that are also renamed to things that have nothing to do with this business. On the plus side, my wife is pretty much ready to shoot him as she begged me to not fire him months ago. Fuck. I have some insane long nights ahead.
Business does not mix well family.
*Except inn the mafia.
Hopefully that shit is over. Sounds like he expected you to pay him a good salary to take care of his own mom.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/83c91a1286cdc3ba52d10b87868ec55c/tumblr_nnc4ulHubf1u81ir6o2_250.gif
Just sent you a message offline; maybe I can help.
I’m good; took my meds today.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/6ba5301c25f20edeb372e14afb48548a/tumblr_nu2sv4pYXt1s1v3r1o3_500.gif
“grumblegrumbleI’llTakeCareOfYourMotherInLawgrumble”
Roger should publicly resign and hold an angry, drunken press conference where he airs the owners’ dirty laundry and tells them to go fuck themselves. Then he thanks Brady for teaching him a life lesson and takes a shit on the podium, which he names Kraft.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/79336affb4d418bd47b8568f4814976d/tumblr_nsnd6ivVp81srxd2qo1_500.png
In summation.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/4a6e1fd37ea9c192a54202d1c911e452/tumblr_nn8auidS9o1tqy47po3_250.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/6142544a8f00883806a357925427279a/tumblr_njq5aeEhaX1rwssmro2_500.gif
Maybe this will help people relax.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7q8ao6Zou1qlqhaao1_1280.png
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/article/media_slots/photos/000/992/740/arthurjones_original.gif?1375208775
Fucking LOVE that gif. I want to fuck that gif.
Lest we forget:
http://www.pleated-jeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Screen-shot-2012-08-08-at-1.43.07-PM.jpg
No Chicago.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/14be6759dc782b10433a5ce1878e5418/tumblr_n7r0kn6ZUl1tv71f2o1_500.gif
I need to think about a better ginger.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/92da792147839218dfa36beb33d7402b/tumblr_nscsdmKugu1shd9xeo1_1280.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/f2c9847af831537e99bd2a8713af784d/tumblr_nqp4i9HdCJ1ssickbo1_500.jpg
Following up on the Clots hate, and general pointlessness of Indiana in general. This actually exists:
http://content.dynamicmessenger.com/fmca/images/390/raper_logo.jpg
WHERE FUN BEGINS
http://41.media.tumblr.com/dbe713cd1583a1c24ed435ddd04b4319/tumblr_ntni1iRl171s9jja0o1_500.jpg
They changed the name recently. The Raper-in-charge died in April. Nearly 20 years I’ve driven past that place when visiting friends & family, and it doesn’t feel the same.
http://www.indystar.com/story/news/2015/04/15/longtime-indiana-rv-dealer-tom-raper-dies/25821293/
It’s now “Camping World,” which doesn’t have the same ring.
I heard Marc Trestman is taking his business elsewhere.
I haven’t seen a Ging take a beating like this and look so impotent since Travis Lulay’s last start for the BC Lions.
I kind of want the Rog to go full blown burn the bridges-and-piss-on-the-ashes policy and declare he’s putting an asterisk beside last year’s and the two Videogate years. Dude makes tens of millions a year, so he’d financially be fine.
Well actually, there’s this Faye Reagan scene where…
I have no idea who Faye Reagan is.
Sure, sure you don’t.
Found Goodell’s panties.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/afeeceaf291c19dc6d9ecd294fc4efde/tumblr_n6mrepl48S1tzp1igo1_1280.jpg
You didn’t even point out Jaworski’s.
Didn’t want to go off topic.
*Yes I did.
It’s still summer. There I feel better now.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/8b790d58528e707561fb38d1afc062de/tumblr_nspomwKnhV1ri6u4mo1_1280.jpg
It is? I thought it ended abruptly when we got the remenants of that hurricane from Hawaii 5 days ago. It hasn’t stopped raining since (which is actually good for the firefighters because our province was on fire) and we lost power for days. It’s been shitty.
In Colorado lower elevations it is. Women still wearing jean shorts.
It was smokey here 900 miles away, you were next to it. A few years ago we were on fire, it was hot and dry. Not fun.
Been nudging 90 degrees here in Western New York, and the heat’s not supposed to break until next Friday. I may actually have to bring a coat to the IMAX Mad Max screening I plan on going to.
Cuntler, did you write this? Because Drew’s level of hate here is pretty good
“Indiana is a perpetual small-time dump where you go to lord your values over other people because you have nothing better to do with yourself. It is the most direct route from Chicago to the Deep South. There are parts of Southern Indiana that are more Kentucky than Kentucky is. There are Jesus billboards EVERYWHERE. As a city, Indianapolis consists of 10 nice blocks surrounded by an ocean of SHIT. It’s the city IU grads go to when they didn’t get good enough grades to land a job in Chicago. The best town in Indiana is Pawnee, which does not actually exist.”
It’s the city IU grads go to when they didn’t get good enough grades to land a job in Chicago.
Yup. I was offered a job out of undergrad in Indianapolis and LOLed. That town is a hellhole, and you know how I feel about hellholes. Indianapolis was literally founded where it is because it is located in the geographic center of the state.
(I love Bloomington, though. Great college town. Always rated highly in most beautiful campus lists.)
It was factually correct too! Except the Jesus billboards. On 94 on the way
getting the hell out of that goddamn stateto Chicago there’s nothing but lawyer billboards. And in the rurals areas there’s…corn I guess.I remember a lot of strip club and fireworks billboards. Like this one:
http://avoision.com/portnoy/images/2005/july/kaplans_six.jpg
There is an add for christian models and actors on a billboard right next to my building. I liked the tasteful sex boutique sign better.
…and you know how I feel about hellholes.
STILL?
http://33.media.tumblr.com/f7f8fbfd15eae87c5fb87980ad654689/tumblr_nn84epx7n01rif6xso2_250.gif
Bloomington is the only city in the entire state that’s worth a damn. Everyone I grew up with either moved there, or to Chicago, Louisville, or Nashville.
Indianapolis’ only virtue is that there is a major road taking you out of the city in every direction.
I’m originally from Southern Indiana. Drew’s write-up made me feel like I was back home.
The fact that The NFL couldn’t win what was basically an open and shut case should leave Goodell red faced enough to resign but we all know he wont. There was an overwhelming amount of evidence to fry Brady & The Patriots but due to a combination of stupidity, arrogance and ego this case went poof.
I mean forget the mountain of detailed texts with one man calling himself the “deflator”, forget the texts detailing kick backs and Brady’s temper tantrums following an October 2014 game against The Jets in which he complained about the footballs, forget the willingness of the Pats to suspend these two jabroni’s despite their claims that they did nothing wrong. They even suspended them at the league’s request. I mean I know If I ran a business and had two employees accused of something I’d suspend them with no evidence either.
Only a dumb ass as incompetent as Roger Goodell could fuck this up and now Judge Berman has opened the door for a piece of shit like Greg Hardy to try and get his suspension overturned. Thanks Rog.
Something something New England Clam Chowder “You’re just jelly” something or other.
I am surprised it got completely taken off, if like all the other suspensions it had gotten reduced, say, to a game or two, I would have understood. And I would say that maybe with all these reductions and eliminations of suspensions the NFL would do something in terms of showing their work and having some kind of policy for these things that isn’t entirely based on a whim. But we all know that somehow Goodell will end up having MORE power out of this, not less.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/29b469fa5aae973dbb77681c6f31c69c/tumblr_nn84epx7n01rif6xso1_250.gif
Forget James Harrison smashing Brady’s face in, Bernard Pollard’s still a free agent! Hell,
In a world where trolls reign supreme…
*Montage of spots about Brady and Ballghazi*
…one man fought back.
*Montage of clips of Pollard maiming the Patriots*
But there isn’t always a market for heroes.
“Bernard, you haven’t been signed by a team. You’re 30 years old, and you have your Super Bowl ring. Why not just call it a well-played, distinguished career?”
“Because I have unfinished business.”
*phone rings*
“Bernard? It’s Mike Tomlin of the Steelers.”
This fall, when it seems that the going gets tough and the weight of the world is crushing you…
“This just in, Bernard Pollard has been released by the Steelers even though he had 8 tackles and concussed Julian Edelman.”
…you crush back.
“HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BERNARD POLLARD?”
“Coach Ryan?”
This fall, Bernard Pollard is…
“The other 30 coaches and I’ve got a plan for you, Bone Crusher.”
The Free Agent.
I would watch this show.
I was going for a movie deal. In the end, even though Pollard’s crippled all the backs, receivers, offensive line, and secondary, the Pats somehow make the Super Bowl and he and Eli have to team up to take down Brady once and for all.
All this needs is a close up, super-slowmo shot of Pollard’s need approaching Brady’s knee and then–CUT TO BLACK.
“The Free Agent”
This can be the DFO screenplay. It can’t be worse than Thunderstruck was!
Cut to black, my ass…I want the red band trailer.
Oh good grief. Couldn’t we just get Trump to agree to be the arbitrator between Brady and Goodell, and then pump the room full of Sarin? The world would be a better place.
“Hey, anyone know how to make this news MORE annoying?”
Forget the domestic policy issues, the foreign policy issues, misogyny, and general disregard for everything else. THAT’S my reason not to vote for Trump!
Related note, do any of you feel like you’re slacking because you’re not currently feuding with Trump? I think I’ve got to step my game up.
But I thought Trump already won the city of Quinzee?
We have to be thankful to Donald.
He exemplifies what a completely money driven joke that US politics is.
Yes, but as with so much performance art, most people don’t get the joke.
“No one involved was suspended.”
– MakeItSnow, May 7, 2015
/way to call it, MiS. If you’re new here, you should really go check this piece out – it’s a gem from the early days (I think from before we even settled on [doorfliesopen] as a name).
Were we ever so young?
Thanks for the shoutout, man. Can’t wait for the Pats to rehire Jastremski and Bird. It’s going to be a hell of a season.
And the NFL is appealing.
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/3sw420787yu4.gif
Not very
Aw man… I miss Ugly Americans.
Anyone else hating on Deadspin’s new layout change?
“Display more than one headline and twelve words on your 36″ high-resolution monitor? No, I don’t think so.”
It’s like I fell asleep and everything was normal and when I woke up I was trapped in the large type section of the library and Brad Childress was fondling me.
I think the Gawker network has an informal policy to piss-off the readers every 6 0r so months with needless format changes, be they the commenting system or the article layout.
Guaranteed #content every 6 months: “10 reasons the new layout at (whatever) is an epic fail.”
Yeah, it’s not great. It’s meant to be mobile friendly but it’s awful for those of us at work not working in front of our computers.
Better than Marc Trestman playing hide the salami.
The only thing I hate about DS is that recently DS is taking themselves too seriously. What happened to the looser days when you could have some serious stuff but other good #CONTENT like Oddibe McDowell’s water bill? Piggy poopballs? Nightmare Ant? I really don’t know who to blame, but it doesn’t help that the only regular writer that was around for the Daulario days is…Barry?
It’s also that the commenting community that once made the content worth reading is long gone. Rarely do you see a really clever joke from the handful of talented commenters who still post anything.
/3,000 word article about how packman jon’s lack of gravitas is hurting black people
The PTA has disbanded!!
http://33.media.tumblr.com/ced1e189b21e8734dfc3bb1a560e0357/tumblr_n8ohbhA35U1qh59n0o2_500.gif
Don’t be so hard on yourself Roger. You lost the case of your dreams, but you still have Peyton. YOU ALL STILL HAVE PEYTON.
Brady will go out and celebrate tonight, get chlamydia from a skanky coed, Gisele will find out and divorce him and take all his money, and Brady will beg Bridget to take him back only to have that door slammed in his face.
I’m not asking for much here.
After they separate, Gisele will fuck Wiz Khalifa.
That coupling will weigh exactly 92.3 pounds.
With Dreamboat’s luck, he then become a beneficiary under Kraft’s estate plan.
Why do all that work when he can just get chlamydia right there in the locker room by sitting on the same bench as Gronkowski?
You left out the part where next Thursday James Harrison makes his face concave.
The fact that he was not immediately fired shows that there is literally nothing Goodell can do to lose his job.
He just spent millions of dollars in legal fees and most of the rest of the public’s remaining goodwill for and trust in the league as a whole on a pointless personal vendetta that was doomed to failure from the beginning.
And Gary Bettman is STILL somehow worse than this clusterfucktard.
I just got this mysterious phone call from some guy calling me a “fahkin’ qeeah dahkie lovah”, for putting his response on the page. He also said that he and his boys, Sully, Fitzy, Mickey, Whitey, and Red were going to run a train on my “hooorah” of a sister.
So here it is.
I told all you fahk heads that ah Tawmmy did nawt do it. Tawmmy is as innocent as that fahkin’ snow that keeps morah of tha dahkies out of Dahchester. That slut Bridget probably let noodle ahmed Pennington into hera snatch. Ouwah Tawmmy nevah does anything wrong-a. I’m ga’in to the packie ta celebrate.
/dips
Latah fahktahds.
/flexes
/Goodell delenda est
I’m looking at this as less of a victory for Brady and more of a defeat for Goodell.
Can’t wait to see what PK has to say about it.
All I have is the latter…
Jimmy Garoppolo mom’s is gonna be pissed. Seriously, fuck Pete Carrol for not running the ball.
I can’t edit my comment?
The edit button works in mysterious ways.
Arise Chicken
THANKS A LOT UP-oh, weren’t on THAT website anymore.
I have one response: Fuck
I do not care about the validity of the decision, any opportunity to fuck over Brady and the Patriots that is squandered is not a positive to me.
I think the Pats are the lesser of the two evils here. Anything that makes the Rog look bad is good with me.
If James Harrison finds a way to Pollard Brady’s ACL in the Thursday night opener, I’d say this is a win-win-win for everyone.
The Bills’ DL has been talking shit all camp about being the best in the league. Here you go, fellas. May the Power of Pollard guide you in Week 2.
The Power of Pollard compels you!
At least the Pats were punished: http://fivethirtyeight.com/datalab/losing-draft-picks-hurts-the-patriots-more-than-tom-bradys-suspension/
Seriously, how you set up your own Kangaroo Court and still lose?
In all seriousness, there is a reason commissioners are usually lawyers. David Stern never would have undermined himself like this. NO ONE DENIES THIS.
Bud Selig, however, absolutely would have were he not napping for 70% of time as commissioner.
HUH?
SPEAK UP SONNY I CAN’T HEAR YOU
Worst conversation ever – between Marmalard and Selig
M: “HEY FUCKFACE, YOUR SPORT IS MORE GAY THAN-
S: “HUH?”
M: “WHAT?”
S: “HUH?”
M: “HUH?”
I’m going to go the conspiracy theorist route: Goodell and the league intentionally did a piss-poor job of it, to provide the illusion to everyone that Golden Boy was treated like everyone else, but in reality having no intention whatsoever of actually punishing him.
Can’t wait for the refs to throw 800 bullshit roughing the passer calls when the defenses get’s within a cunt’s hair of Dreamboat.
GoodelLOL.
Note: I updated the post with Ape’s great tweet, and a link to an article about how the Pats loss of draft picks hurts them more than Brady’s suspension.
Breaking news: Brady on P.U.P. list for “severely sunburned gluteal area”.
God, I hate that photograph.
Brady actually doesn’t bother me, probably because he is an AFC guy, and Grumblefuck seems like the real villain. But I can relate, since Aaron Rodgers gets the same fawning treatment from the media, and I just hate his stupid face because he always beats my crap team.
As the fan of an AFC East team who’s been Brady’s bitch for 15 years, I wish nothing more than the destruction of all that Brady is.
Breaking News: rich people are never found guilty. Of anything. Even murder.
“Not so fast there, buddy.” –A certain former teammate of Brady’s
Correction, rich WHITE people.
Hernandez was only White-ish, so he ever had a chance.
Besides his overwhelming guilt of course.
#CraigJamesKilledFiveHookersWhileAtSMU
That’s true. Tony Stewart even got away with killing a guy on purpose with his car.
And everyone saw the video.
That redneck got in the middle of the track and ran to get in front of Tony’s car. That’s not Tony’s fault.
Huh. I would’ve bet against that happening.
– Art Schlichter
I wish I had money to bet
– Mark Brunell
I’m available to sign pictures of Tom Brady for money.
– Pete Rose
What’s money?
— Trent Green
BREAKING NEWS: Blatant Cheater Defeats Fucking Idiot
Yes, we already know Pete Carroll lost the Super Bowl.
Upon hearing the news, Janeane Garofalo wandered off into obscurity again.
Reality bites.
Up his nose with a rubber hose.
I can’t believe Tom Brady cheated at court. This is really going to hurt his legacy.