Your Week 2 Early Slate of Games Open Thread

Ten mother-lovin’ games? Better get to work…

Car @ Hou: The Hoyer Era lasted a wee bit shorter than the length of one football game. Congrats coaching staff, no matter who you play at QB going forward you’ll have to answer a boatload of questions about the guy you didn’t start. Kuechly’ (no matter how you spell it, it looks wrong) is out today but the Panther D shouldn’t have much of a problem against the Texans. Where’s Greg Olsen? Nowhere to be found last week. He had only two targets.

SF @ Pit: Hyde went bananas last week and Bush is out (surprise!) so look for more of the same. If Kap spies a gap he should be off and running-the Steelers secondary is iffy. TE Davis may be able to take advantage of the same situation. Brown has a minimum 5 catches and 50 yards for an NFL record 33 consecutive games-the second longest active streak is 4. I thought Wheaton would take advantage of Bryant not being around. That has not been the case.

TB @ NO: Both teams are 0-1 but this division battle will have no ramifications in the future. Winston looked overwhelmed last week just as he did in the preseason. Evans should be ready to go-adjust your lineups accordingly. How ’bout that disconnect between lousy QB play and points expected to be garnered by a quality WR in fantasy? Brees threw 48 times last week. The Wolf Man bulldozed the Saints to 31st in the league in total defense last year. I wonder what he’s got up his sleeve this time around. Colston has had a great run but it looks as though his knees have gone the way of the fax machine.

Det @ Min: As we learned last week, Stafford has been in the league X number of years and still gets rattled by blitz packages. The Lions D is goig to fall from a top 5 unit to somewhere in the middle of the pack.As yeah right said, “give AP the damn ball!” That should solve a number of problems for the offence in general and Bridgewater in particular. Maybe the coaching staff had him on a “carry count”? Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense.

Ari @ Chi: Ellington is out so Johnson (Chris) and Johnson (David) will clean up the running game. I think Andre will come back to a muddled RBBC situation. Palmer picked up where he left off last season. A Warner-like renaissance for him? I’d like to see it. It’s imperative that Allen get pressure on Palmer early. Jeffrey’s hamstring is acting up-if he’s out Patrick Peterson is going to take the next WR out of the game so that leaves Bennett at TE as the only viable threat in the passing game. I don’t like the Bears chances.

NE @ Buff: Rex said that everyone wants them to beat the Pats and he is right. Gronk has scored 9 TD’s in 7 games against the Bills but is generally limited against Ryan defenses. McCoy is questionable so we may see a whole lot of Boobie. Buffalo looked amazing last week and in the preseason as well. Brady doesn’t do well against pressure and this Bills D can deliver on that front.

SD @ CIN: The Chargers D held Megatron to 2 catches-can they do the same to Green? Allen, Green, Floyd, Gordon, Woodhead, Oliver and Gates later on-Rivers has a ton of toys to play with this year. Cincy has no injured players! It doesn’t matter. It is very important for Hill to chew up the clock so that Rivers doesn’t get on the field.

Ten @ Cle: The huge story this week is that Terrance West returns to Cleveland to wreak mediocrity and take a seat on the bench. Mariota, huh? What happened last week? McCown is out and Bowe is questionable, which in this business is known as addition by subtraction.

Atl @ NYG: Ryan shouldn’t have any problems unless he’s terrified by invisible pass rushes. Tevin Coleman looks to be the guy in the Falcons backfield. Say a prayer for the Giants secondary-Julio Jones is in town. Vic Beasley against Ereck Flowers-who ya got? There is a 50-50 chance that the Giants could be 0-3 five days from now. (they meet Wash. on Thursday)

StL @ Was: St. Lou ambushed Seattle last week and should take their opponent out behind the woodshed this week. My buddy Cunningham didn’t embarrass himself last week. The jury is still out on Foles though he didn’t throw a pic last week. Rashad Ross scored 4 TD’s in preseason and is looking for his first in real play. He replaces D-Jax this week.

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Martin

“Manziel’s trying to quiet this crowd.”

Wait a second.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Smithchez

notfuckingAntonioBrowndown

Sill Bimmons

damn odb

Lothar of the Hill People

BIG BEN SCORE AGAIN. BEN NEED NEW PANTS.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Brocky

I’d say the fix is in, but I can’t even fathom who’d wouldn’t assume a cardinal victory

Smithchez

FITZYDOWN!!

Martin

Manziel’s producing so well handing off the ball he could’ve won a Heisman at USC.

JustStopDude

Most Penalties, Game
22 Brooklyn vs. Green Bay, Sept. 17, 1944
Chi. Bears vs. Philadelphia, Nov. 26, 1944
San Francisco vs. Buffalo, Oct. 4, 1998

I think the Bills could shatter this…

John Difool

Oh [*Redacted] s, you aren’t fooling me a bit….. you say you’ve changed your ways but I know before the night is over I’ll find lipstick on your collar.

Senor Weaselo

Beckhamdown!

Martin

Manziel’s a great QB so long as his contribution is handing off the ball.

fleshwound_NPG

PI FRAGKKAKE in Chicago

Sill Bimmons

rams wut

nomonkeyfun

There goes my DFO suicide pool.

ProzacElf

Wow. I saw that Arizona scored on the opening kickoff, and walked away to start my pot roast for tonight and clean the kitchen. I come back and the Bears actually tied it? Maybe I should continue not watching.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

WELP I’m only getting one game and its WAS/LAMBS so I’m off to lunch. Anybody want me to pick them something up?

Old School Zero

pick me up a BLAT and some chips.

nomonkeyfun

Maybe some calamari.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I went through Mc Donalds and everybody gets 1 Double cheeseburger and 1 McChicken. I’m not made of money.

WCS

#7acked

bourb0nblues

Pats derp calls for a fresh beer

Martin

I usually only see Brown runs that impressive in my toilet

John Difool

DOUBLE FRENCH GUYDOWN

Smithchez

There’s that famous Rex Ryan team discipline.

Martin

SF put up a weaker defense against Ben’s 2pt conversion throw than the girls in the bathroom.

Sill Bimmons

Allegedly.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Shanahan offense: 5 1/3 minutes and a field goal

Martin

Jesus Christ. Getting picked in Cleveland would’ve demanded immediate seppuku.

Smithchez

Antonio Brown bomb (but why the fuck couldn’t he score?)!

packman_jon

Rex Ryan laid a huge brown bomb during warmups in the visiting lockeroom

John Difool

Matt Jones, pretty good at running.

Sill Bimmons

DAHNTAHN BRAHN WOO

Lothar of the Hill People

OK, 14-3 Rapist vs. Shitshow

King Hippo

The Ben get Choco Taco now???

nomonkeyfun

Ohhhh, that rapist. I thought the scoring went crazy in NO.

Lothar of the Hill People

THE BEN GET 2-POINT CONVERSION. THAT MEANS BEN GO COMMANDO IN PRESS CONFERENCE!

Martin

Mariota is getting the VIP tour of how they make Sadness in Cleveland.

King Hippo

“shoulda been u here with us, bae”

Lothar of the Hill People

All the pirated feeds I tried for the Bears game sucked ass. So now I’ve got gamecast on ESPN, and dammit, this looks like a game I’d like to fucking watch.

Not 8-3 Rapist vs. Shitshow.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Jay Gruden is eating Greggggggg Williams’ lunch right now. And Gregggggg needs that lunch.

Old School Zero

OH COME ON GO FOR IT MCCOY YOU EMPTY SCROTUM

Senor Weaselo

He, the Giants got a 3rd down st–oh, defensive holding, never mind.

fleshwound_NPG

Several backup RBs with goal line TDs today. I can get down with teams trolling DraftKings like this.

Sill Bimmons

VULTUREDOWN BEARS

fleshwound_NPG

FORTE VULTURE TD

Smithchez

FUCKING BEARS VULTUREDOWN

King Hippo

A new Bears vulture!

JustStopDude

Amazing how the three games I am currently watching all are on TV at the same time…unfucking canny…

Martin

Really? I didn’t even notice that was a jersey.

Smithchez

Year in and year out, I don’t understand how teams are still constantly baffled that the Patriots personnel move around at the line.

fleshwound_NPG

ALL THE CATTY SCRAMBLES AND BOOTLEGS

John Difool

Matthew McConaughey is pretty suave for a walking corpse.

Sill Bimmons

fuckin bills

King Hippo

Commence your blackout drinking, WNY

Senor Weaselo

So, you know that highlight of my life last week? Doesn’t look as good this week.

JustStopDude

This is going to be one of those weeks….I feel it in my bones…where every team I want to lose wins…and I start the week really pissed off…

Smithchez

I can’t remember the last time redzone switched to a Lions game and they hadn’t either just been scored on or were about to be scored on.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace