Week 2 brought a nice rebound performance for WhyEaglesWhy and especially King Hippo while I am basically Shia LeBeouf and our fearless leader is….
Onward and upwards! Here are this week’s picks:
Balls of Steel
I refuse to live in a world where the New York Jets are actually good. Indianapolis’ line is worse than a New York subway turnstile.
Philly has played like absolute
They are due for a rebound. Take the Eagles plus the 2.5 points in a game they should win outright.
Along the same lines, Indianapolis has no business being a 3 point favorite ON THE ROAD against Tennessee. The Titans played better in the second half against Cleveland and almost pulled a comeback before another turnover from Mariota ended the day. I say he rebounds at home with a better performance. The Titans defense should play better and harass Hodor much like the Jets did. Take the Titans plus the 3 at home. Stakes: $11 to win $10.
WhyEaglesWhy
It was a nice week for me as I get on the positive side of the ledger. It wasn’t any fun winning my Dallas bet, but as my Dad always taught me, if you’re going to bet your team, bet them to lose. Then no matter what happens you have something to be happy about. Yes, we’re a cheerful lot. On to the picks!
Raiders +3.5 over BROWNS – I don’t think the Raiders are good, exactly. But even if they’re not as good as they played against the Ravens, they’re not nearly as bad as they played against the Bengals. Count me as a Derek Carr believer. $11 to win $10.
Bills +3 over DOLPHINS – Am I really making two bets this week on the Raiders and Bills? I AM. The Bills have just flat-out looked good this year, and I’m not sold on the Dolphins, especially after getting Bortled last week. In fact, at this point the Dolphins are clearly the fourth-best team in the AFC East. $11 to win $10.
DTZM
No picks this week? No picks this week…
King Hippo
Hooray, evil! You paid off for me, though I wish you hadn’t. My absolute lack of faith in humanity has its imaginary financial rewards. This week, we look at lines that are just so incredibly big that there has to be value. Right?
Jaguars +13.5 over PATRIOTS. Classic comedown performance for New England after an emotional asskicking in Western New York. They will be lackadasical, and win, just not completely annihilate the Jags. Not that anyone has really noticed, but Jacksonville might not be a complete fucking doormat this season. For most franchises, graduating to “run-of-the-mill shitty” wouldn’t be cause for celebration, but the sprawling metropolis of DUVAL!!! just might need to throw a parade. Bet $11 to win $10
Bears +14.5 over SEAHAWKS. Yeah, I get that the Seachickens are pissed off. Yeah, I totes get that Jimmeh “Emu” Claussen is comically bad (I saw many of his reseason performances with the Panthers, it’s amazing he even has a clipboard holding gig). But the Bears have a solid running game, and a coaching staff with time to prepare a gameplan to keep things respectable. Plus, Seattle really hasn’t been any good this season, and shouldn’t be laying more than 2 TDs against anybody, anywhere, anytime. Bet $11 to win $10
Updated tables:
Name Balls of Steel Initial Bankroll: 200
Pick # Favorite Underdog Line Wager Winner? Winnings Bankroll Balance
1 San Diego Detroit 3 11 Y 10.00 210.00
2 Minnesota San Francisco 2.5 11 N -11.00 199.00
3 Tennessee Cleveland 1 11 N -11.00 188.00
4 Philadelphia Dallas 5.5 11 Y 10.00 198.00
5 New York Jets Philadelphia 2.5 11 -11.00 188.00
6 Indianapolis Tennessee 3 11 -11.00 177.00
Name WhyEaglesWhy Initial Bankroll: 200
Pick # Favorite Underdog Line Wager Winner? Winnings Bankroll Balance
1 Denver Baltimore 4.5 11 N -11.00 189.00
2 Houston Kansas City 1 11 Y 10.00 199.00
3 Carolina Houston 3 11 N -11.00 188.00
4 NY Giants Atlanta 3 11 Y 10.00 198.00
5 Philadelphia Dallas 5.5 11 Y 10.00 208.00
6 Cleveland Oakland 3.5 11 -11.00 197.00
7 Miami Buffalo 3 11 -11.00 186.00
Name King Hippo Initial Bankroll: 200
Pick # Favorite Underdog Line Wager Winner? Winnings Bankroll Balance
1 Green Bay Chicago 7 22 N -22.00 178.00
2 Cincinnati Oakland 3 11 N -11.00 167.00
3 New England Buffalo 1 55 Y 50.00 217.00
4 New England Jacksonville 13.5 11 -11.00 206.00
5 Seattle Chicago 14.5 11 -11.00 195.00
Name Darkest Timeline Zack Morris Initial Bankroll: 200
Pick # Favorite Underdog Line Wager Winner? Winnings Bankroll Balance
1 Seattle St. Louis 4.5 11 N -11.00 189.00
2 Denver Baltimore 4.5 11 N -11.00 178.00
3 Baltimore Oakland 5.5 11 N -11.00 167.00
4 New Orleans Tampa 5.5 11 N -11.00 156.00
http://38.media.tumblr.com/0ebf03269d3a343e9250ac4d5b12f975/tumblr_nsq53ghjvt1u81ir6o3_250.gif
Really makes you wonder whatever became of Christy Carlson Romano.
I’m more concerned about Christy Canyon.
Balls, you may not wish to live in this world, but right now, the Jets are pretty good (defensively, anyway). The Eagles D is suspect, and their offensive line is like a SEPTA light rail station, in that anyone can get through. I’m not expecting any kind of blowout win for the Jets, but Philly NEEDS this win, and they are usually not at their best when playing out of desperation. I think the Jets win it and beat the spread.
Fuck it, I’m gonna throw in a third quarter SANCHIZE appearance after Bradford goes down with a serious-looking injury that only causes him to miss one series, enough time for Nacho to take the field and the Philly Sports Twitter Feeds to start a massive “BRING BACK TEBOW!!!!” push that everyone’s gonna laugh at when Bradford scores a garbage time TD on a deep throw that has no business being as accurate as it turns out to be (that was a very long sentence, but if you stuck with it, I believe it was worth it). But that’s just me, and I’m an unapologetic Jets fan.
I wouldn’t bet a plugged nickel on the Eagles this week. They’re not as bad as they’ve shown, but the Jets’ D-line is NOT a stepping stone to respectability.
Falcons move to 3-0 this week, even if Weeden is the greatest QB ever (per Jerry Jones).
Jerry is so confident in Weeden that he didn’t even bother to go out and trade for another NFL quarterback.
I don’t want to overreact but anyone recommending me put my money on Gentleman James Claussen and the Bears should be murdered.
If it was 13.5 I’d put it on the Seahawks. Or, yeah, my pick’em pick. Which isn’t like money at all because it’s free. So, uh, what were we talking about again?
Are these funds in internet tenge, Schrute Bucks, or bearer bonds?
I say we create our own respective currencies.
I will trade you 10 Revisisle Imperial War Ducats for 15 Yinzer Silverbacks.
I dunno, man. Yinzer Silverbacks tend to be angry, and don’t like pretend currencies. In fact they might confiscate your pretend money and force you to give it back to the pretend bank.
http://rivista-cdn.pittsburghmagazine.com/Best-of-the-Burgh-Blogs/Pulling-No-Punches/December-2011/James-Harrison-Roger-Goodell-Tony-Montana-and-the-Great-Big-Lie/silverback.jpg
Mine are in dollarydoos.
I think I’m going to parlay the Bengals (- 2 1/2) over the Ravens along with the Bears to cover against the 12’s. I agree that a 14 1/2 point spread in this league is insane.
Make your suicide picks……
Aw who am I shittin’? Almost all of us are fully Jonestowned.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grbSQ6O6kbs
Sorry man, real life got me this week. I’ll be back next week to let everyone know the exact opposite picks to make.
Actually, you probably have the smartest play this week. Make the same “picks” all season and you’ll probably win.