Your Early Slate O’ Games Open Thread

Let’s do some games…

Atl @ Dal: Cowboys QB play should be wince-ertaining. Wouldn’t it be great if Dez threw a tantrum while watching from the sidelines? Falcons CB Trufant should take Williams out of the game leaving Potden with…Dunbar out of the backfield? Witten might be able to do something I guess. The other JJ, the one that doesn’t embarrass himself on a near weekly basis, Julio Jones, just keeps rolling along.

Ind @ Ten: This is where the Colts O busts out, right? They did play against two above average D’s (Bills, Jets)- not that that should be an excuse but I thought Luck was better than that. Mariotta has thrown 6 TD’s with no picks at this point but hey, it’s early. There’s plenty of time to come back down  to earth.

Cle @ Oak: The Raiders showed some moxy last week, transferring their impending loss over to the Ravens with only seconds to spare. Now they’re off to see the wizard, uh, Browns. Oakland has lost 19 of their last 20 road games which is impressive and not surprising simultaneously. Browns are down to just 3 DB’s-Pierre Desir (no relation to Pierre Garcon) is to play opposite Haden. At QB McCown is up to bat.

Cin @ Bal: Bengals are 2-0? How’d that get past me? Oh yeah, I don’t care. Surprisingly it’s Eifert leading the team in receiving but I’ve no doubt that Green will speed by soon. Perhaps as early as today. The Ravens #1 corner, Jimmy Smith has given up 10 catches on 16 targets for 141 yards. That’s not what a shutdown gets paid for. Flacco’s buddies in the passing game not named Smith include the likes of Kamar Aiken and Crockett Gillmore. If that’s the case I’m leaning towards Cincy in this one.

Jax @ NE: I hate New England-just putting that out there. That said, this game is a foregone conclusion and the Pats will be 3-0 because there is so much evil in the world.

NO @ Car: Use the running game, Luke! That thing featuring Ingram and Spiller? That one that’s mediocre at best? Yeah, that one. Kuechly is out again but NO is a fat mess right now so it doesn’t much matter. Carolina rolls easy here.

Phi @ NYJ: Philly needs this one desperately and may be without Murray’s complete lack of production. That Kiko Alonso trade has paid huge dividends [makes wanking motion] He’s out after making 7 tackles in two games. Could we see Geno? Probably not but we may not see Decker, Revis and Ivory either. The Jets have forced 10 TO’s in the last two weeks! All hail the Jets DC who is…Kacy Rodgers? Never heard of the guy.

TB @ Hou: This is the sort of game that the average football fan, realizing it’s his only option, would say to himself, “TB/Houston? What did I do to deserve this? [pauses for a moment] Actually, perhaps I should stop masturbating to mental images of that cashier at the drug store that I think might be 18 or so. It’s so hard to tell these days.”

SD @ Min: Covered by Yeah Right.

Pit @ StL: Not sure what to make of this game. The Rams should be able to get after Ben and put pressure on the potent passing game but Bell is back and should have a big one. Gurley is scheduled to play but it sounds like he is hobbled. Hmm. I’ll take the Steelers wearing down the StL D and pulling away in the 4th.

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Spanky Datass

THROW IT MATTY ICE YOU PUSSY!!!!11!1!

/pick six please

King Hippo

I like how Tampa’s kicker made a 58-yard FG, but missed the extra point.

Lothar of the Hill People

I think there should be extra point attempts after any FG over 50 yards.

Spur

There’s still plenty of time for the Eagles to pull a Giants.

Romonobyl

They’ve done it before, they can do it again.

Sill Bimmons

Fuck you Dreamboat.

synapticmisfires

Fuck that rule is lame. He caught the ball, turned around and reached forward with it. But “he was going to the ground” so the standard for a catch is completely different than at any other time.

NFL needs to fix this shit.

Spur

Cowboys O-Line is unstoppable. I think La’el is pushing this run game over the top.

Sill Bimmons

The rest of the NFL are complete idiots.

King Hippo

THIS.

Senor Weaselo

I feel like the Jets’ biggest flaw was to have everyone wear whites only.

Kungjitsu

I hate Tom Brady!

Sill Bimmons

Fuck Joseph Randle.

He’s going to outscore my entire team.

Sill Bimmons

I’ll bet you like fish sticks…

Sill Bimmons

FLOATDOWN

Oh course down 24-0 nothing at home to a team that was fucking listless the entire season.

WCS

That’s so Jets!

Spur

Witten out there playing in a full body cast.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What in the world is happening? I was led to believe betting against the Cowboys was safe.

Romonobyl

DeMarco who?

Sill Bimmons

NOAP EIFERT

Gratliff

Holy shit, Jets. This game won’t end today if you keep this up.

King Hippo

oh, Factory

Thos is stupid, what the fuck.

Kungjitsu

Blake Bortles is a dickhead.

Sill Bimmons

lolJets

Bortleback

The derp is strong across many of the games today

Kungjitsu

Vlad Putin corners Bob Kraft and asks to see his new championship ring. Does Kraft say no, or does he pussy out and kiss it goodbye?

WCS

THEBENCEPTION almost nullified by Rams idiocy

Sill Bimmons

Jets might just herp their way out of that derp.

Gratliff

“Here, catch this, Connor Barwin’s Helmet!”

Spur

Way to go, Beasely!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Geez Brandon, pick the personality that doesn’t make you lateral.

King Hippo

BRING ON TEH GENO!!!

Romonobyl

Said no one ever in the history of the footballing.

Gratliff

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLJETS

Really?

Sill Bimmons

THE OHIO DOUBLEBOX ALSO KNOWN AS THE MONONGAHELA MARIACHI

Sill Bimmons

Why are the Buccaneers?

Sharkbait

Exactly.

Romonobyl

Fiddlesticks.

Sill Bimmons

Fishsticks?

WCS

Tricky, DERPy Rams

Senor Weaselo

Well the thought of a good Jets team had a nice run.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4jGSvxCRp4

Senor Weaselo

Let’s try this again. Embed, damn you!

https://youtu.be/v4jGSvxCRp4

Gratliff

FUCK YES EAGLES! YOU DO A THING! YOU DO THE FUCK OUT OF IT!

Sill Bimmons

Stupid Jets.

Awww fuck

King Hippo

Carl was RIGHT!

Romonobyl

You call that holding?

Gratliff

Tiny Darren says fuck your ageism.

Sill Bimmons

Matt Ryan is just terrible.

Old School Zero

Letting the plays go by
as the coaches hold us back
Letting the games slip by
Punting away the ball again

same as it ever was
same as it ever was
same as it ever was
same as it ever was

Sill Bimmons

Pantz.

Dooped.

Spur

You just had to jinx it, Troy.

King Hippo

Jags com-pe-tence?

Sill Bimmons

SOME JAGURA ACTUALLY COVERED GRONK DTSJGDKTFSTDADADAFDS

Sharkbait

NAWT FAYAH!