Your Early Slate O’ Games Open Thread

Let’s do some games…

Atl @ Dal: Cowboys QB play should be wince-ertaining. Wouldn’t it be great if Dez threw a tantrum while watching from the sidelines? Falcons CB Trufant should take Williams out of the game leaving Potden with…Dunbar out of the backfield? Witten might be able to do something I guess. The other JJ, the one that doesn’t embarrass himself on a near weekly basis, Julio Jones, just keeps rolling along.

Ind @ Ten: This is where the Colts O busts out, right? They did play against two above average D’s (Bills, Jets)- not that that should be an excuse but I thought Luck was better than that. Mariotta has thrown 6 TD’s with no picks at this point but hey, it’s early. There’s plenty of time to come back down  to earth.

Cle @ Oak: The Raiders showed some moxy last week, transferring their impending loss over to the Ravens with only seconds to spare. Now they’re off to see the wizard, uh, Browns. Oakland has lost 19 of their last 20 road games which is impressive and not surprising simultaneously. Browns are down to just 3 DB’s-Pierre Desir (no relation to Pierre Garcon) is to play opposite Haden. At QB McCown is up to bat.

Cin @ Bal: Bengals are 2-0? How’d that get past me? Oh yeah, I don’t care. Surprisingly it’s Eifert leading the team in receiving but I’ve no doubt that Green will speed by soon. Perhaps as early as today. The Ravens #1 corner, Jimmy Smith has given up 10 catches on 16 targets for 141 yards. That’s not what a shutdown gets paid for. Flacco’s buddies in the passing game not named Smith include the likes of Kamar Aiken and Crockett Gillmore. If that’s the case I’m leaning towards Cincy in this one.

Jax @ NE: I hate New England-just putting that out there. That said, this game is a foregone conclusion and the Pats will be 3-0 because there is so much evil in the world.

NO @ Car: Use the running game, Luke! That thing featuring Ingram and Spiller? That one that’s mediocre at best? Yeah, that one. Kuechly is out again but NO is a fat mess right now so it doesn’t much matter. Carolina rolls easy here.

Phi @ NYJ: Philly needs this one desperately and may be without Murray’s complete lack of production. That Kiko Alonso trade has paid huge dividends [makes wanking motion] He’s out after making 7 tackles in two games. Could we see Geno? Probably not but we may not see Decker, Revis and Ivory either. The Jets have forced 10 TO’s in the last two weeks! All hail the Jets DC who is…Kacy Rodgers? Never heard of the guy.

TB @ Hou: This is the sort of game that the average football fan, realizing it’s his only option, would say to himself, “TB/Houston? What did I do to deserve this? [pauses for a moment] Actually, perhaps I should stop masturbating to mental images of that cashier at the drug store that I think might be 18 or so. It’s so hard to tell these days.”

SD @ Min: Covered by Yeah Right.

Pit @ StL: Not sure what to make of this game. The Rams should be able to get after Ben and put pressure on the potent passing game but Bell is back and should have a big one. Gurley is scheduled to play but it sounds like he is hobbled. Hmm. I’ll take the Steelers wearing down the StL D and pulling away in the 4th.

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JustStopDude

Big Ben hurt. Big Ben no can rape no more. Big Ben no do good.

http://giant.gfycat.com/ThatScentedBirdofparadise.gif

King Hippo

That’s his thrusting leg, too.

Spur

This whole “Let’s leave Julio wide open” game plan doesn’t work.

WCS

THE BEN HAS LEG OWIE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Bortleback

I’d like to hold her. In a consentual, non-creepy manner……

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DePolo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

goddammit Jaguras

Bortleback

Okay, who replaced Andrew Luck with RG3 painted white?

Spur

The source, you should watch.
https://youtu.be/45boXIgXFUQ

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Colts implosion imminent.

WCS

Their hearts do that a few times a day.

King Hippo

BAD HODOR

Spur
Lothar of the Hill People

As much as I appreciate the gif, the former volleyball player in me is critical. You don’t have different calls based on how many hands you have behind your back. If you did, the other team would know your play based on how many hands you’re using.

Bortleback

They’re playing a sport? First I’ve noticed of it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Always two hands.

Kungjitsu

Viva la raza!!!

Lothar of the Hill People

Holy fuck. Dalton makes some good throws, driving down the field, then channels his inner Andy Dalton and derps an INT in the end zone.

Sill Bimmons

NOSOULCEPTION

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Gingerception

Lothar of the Hill People

she seems nice

King Hippo

juuuuuussssssst a bit offside

Spur
Sill Bimmons

Some things are just universal…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sean Lee: defensive leader or defensive BLEEDER?

Spur

Sean Lee: “NO ONE MAKES ME BLEED MY OWN BLOOD… NOBODY!”

Spur
King Hippo

VIVA!!

JustStopDude

What the heck is this from? A commercial or something?

Sill Bimmons

Rivers just went full Marmalard on his o-line.

http://eighties.weebly.com/uploads/7/4/6/1/746191/297100.gif

manny3118

Ragnar weeps

ThePirateSloth
Col. Duke LaCross

Pretty fun show!

Sill Bimmons

Who?

JustStopDude

I think the Ravens could end up getting swept in the division. Hell, I think they might win less than 6 games.

Sill Bimmons

FlaccOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO

It’s going to be so sad when Dalton looks absolutely listless in the 1st Bengals playoff game after going 12-4.

Redshirt

You get used to it

Lothar of the Hill People

It’s always fun seeing the bandwagon Bengals fans get psyched for the playoffs, and then so sad after they’re one-and-done.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think I’ll masturbate at halftime in honor of the Ravens.
They been jerking each other off all day.

Sill Bimmons

So that all happened…

Spur

To celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month:
http://i.imgur.com/XKZCLAi.gifv

Sill Bimmons

VIVA MEXICO

King Hippo

TWO of the good ones??

ThursdaySkyGoddess

How did Pit/StL beat Phi/NYJ to the half?

Romonobyl

I think daylight savings time has something to do with it. That or the Illuminati.

WCS

Whoever is in charge of pregame pyrotechnics at the Edward Jones Dome decided to feel a little arsony. The field was set on fire, took about 30 minutes to repair.

Romonobyl

That happens at every game in Oakland, but nobody has noticed it yet.

Spur

JETS!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck da Eagles!

WCS

I don’t know guys, but, I think this Antonio Brown guy might just be halfway decent at this thing.

Kungjitsu

Brandon Marshall is a dickhead.

Bortleback

Which one?

Romonobyl

To celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month, I’m throwing away my box of condoms.

#NAWTRAYCESS!

Senor Weaselo

Are we sure it’s Falcons-Cowboys and not Georgia-Texas A&M?

Spur

Mother fucker, Freeman is having a hell of a game

WCS

Dri Archer: Still pointless

Sill Bimmons

Earth: Still orbiting sun

Sill Bimmons

How is Steelers-Rams caught up already???

WCS
Sill Bimmons

What do you have to say, Canada Boy?

If Scott Walker hadn’t dropped out we’d be breaking ground on a wall to keep you fuckers out this time next year!