Phase Three-The Late Afternoon Slate

“There are three types of American Football Fans-the extrovert, the introvert and the pervert. You can find the pervert outside any local school yard, salivating on the fence. Extroverts however can be seen down at nearby ‘watering holes’ on Sundays. They choose to interact with others of their kind as they fill themselves with various liquids. As the day progresses they tend to lose their balance frequently, use an increased amount of profanity and eat ‘fast food’. The take-out menu, in whatever form it takes, is as important to them as the Bible is for other creatures. Not much is known about the introvert AFF, for obvious reasons.” [to be continued]

GB @ SF: Kaep had 4 intercepts and the Packers D have one in each game. Rodgers is playing lights out as is Lacy so let’s move on-nothing much to see here…

StL @ Ari: Gurley, the future of the run game for the Rams had 6 carries for 9 yards in his debut. Nowhere to go but tits up, maybe sideways against a formidable Cards D that gets pressure. Next week the Rams head to Green Bay-against teams over .500 on the road St. Lou is 3-24-1. They are a better team than this now but their sked is making it difficult to manifest it in the win column. The Larry Fitzgerald Renaissance continues unabated. Arizona has scored at least one TD in the last 9 quarters and Palmer is looking for his 10th straight win.

Min @ Den: As Yeah Right mentioned, the Vikes knock down QB’s with frightening efficiency and Peyton is nothing special these days. He may be able to keep Barr and Co. off-balance initially but he’s going to eat quite a bit of dirt today. As mentioned by everyone, even me, the Bronc’s running game is horseshit. They are dead last in yards per attempt. Word is that CJ gets one last chance at being relevant and then the ball gets in Hillman’s hands.

Cle @ SD: I read somewhere that McCown is 1-12 in his last 13 starts? If you’re starting him in fantasy today I must say, “Congrats! Your season is over!”. Good news on the horizon for the Browns though-Ray “Super Texter” Farmer is back from his suspension on Monday. I imagine he’ll bust a few roster moves. The Chargers need to forget about last week’s whalloping by the Vikes and blitz the hell out of the Browns. I can’t see SD’s CB’s getting burned by whatever ‘talent’ Cleveland bothers to send out onto the field. Rivers to Allen alone should lift the Bolts to the W in this one.

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Senor Weaselo

TURN AROUND, SON

blaxabbath

Fucking Cardinals. 32nd in power rankings. Season is over.

Lord Joe Don Looney

That’s right, Troy. He saw a ghost.

Never change Norv

fleshwound_NPG

Peypey herped, Norval derped

JustStopDude

Holy shit Torrey Smith cut his dreads?!?!

King Hippo

It would be hard for this footbaw weekend to get much shittier. But it sure keeps trying.

JustStopDude

I love how the NFL keeps trying to sell the Tomsula hiring as not just a fucking joke but an example of someone succeeding against the odds.

I’m sure the large number of African American coaches with actual real experience as assistant coaches in the NFL are so fucking happy Tomsula was hired in the parking lot while trying to sell knockoff t-shirts.

Bloody Lethal

Tomsula is a beacon for alcoholic armchair coaches across this great nation.

blaxabbath

Tomsula and the 49ers at the ultimate America story: get rid of a guy who gets shit done because he isn’t nice to the bosses. Jerk off the brass first, performance second.

It’s refreshing that this might be the first season where Manning is a huge liability for his team.

Senor Weaselo

PEYPEYCEPTION

JustStopDude

At work this week, and keep in mind I am based in Roanoke and actually watched the shooting happened, one of the clowns I work with was arguing loudly that the local news shooting that killed two people on live TV was fake.

I love Roanoke. Its a quiet little city, with an amazing food scene. Great mountain views, hardly any traffic, and an actual downtown that is filled. But dear fucking god the people that live up in the mountains are the biggest collection of fucking right wing, insane freaks.

Bloody Lethal

Come on Zona do something for me.

King Hippo

They are knocking me out of Survivor, does that count?

Bloody Lethal

O shit me too…

King Hippo

Engage Depression Drinking

Isn’t that just normal drinking for you?

King Hippo

TRUE. But with a little extra oomph now

makeitsnowondem

So… on 4th and 1, there’s a hole right up the middle?

makeitsnowondem

I’m just asking questions.

Lord Joe Don Looney

Wow. The Bronco just took a beating.

Sharkbait

Also isnt that going to the ground celebrating a touchdown?

makeitsnowondem

It’s a religious celebration. He was going to the ground in the process of sacrificing his son.

King Hippo

JEEBUS, Denver

Horatio Cornblower

Wow Peterson sure switched up that short-yardage play didn’t he?

/Waits for giant hook to take him offstage

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

BELTDOWN!

JustStopDude

You know…with the success of the Red Zone channel, you would think the NFL would be more proactive about switching from shitty one sided games to more interesting ones.

I don’t expect them to flip constantly, but dear fucking god this Packers-9ers game is boring as shit.

fleshwound_NPG

Wade Phillips gonna Wade Phillips

Sharkbait

Adrian Peterson. Good at football

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jesus Vikings, you can’t even block a goddamn NT?!

Sharkbait

Apparently not.

Horatio Cornblower

it’s so much harder to stalk women with good cardio.

That’s the message I take from that FitBit commercial

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Cordarrelle Patterson is still alive!?

Horatio Cornblower

My friends and I just spent an hour standing around an $8,000 wood-splitter that two of them got for about half that, drinking beers and talking about how much easier it’s going to be to split wood this season.

You might be a redneck if….

makeitsnowondem

Are you really a redneck if you can afford an $8,000 wood splitter, or if you know someone who can?

Horatio Cornblower

A fair point.

blaxabbath

You don’t work as hard as jj watt chopping wood

Lord Joe Don Looney

By Gawd, Yes! If you can afford a $14,000 ATV and date your cousin, you can get the credit for a wood splitter.

/Does the splitter come with free chew?

makeitsnowondem

Whoever’s got Diggs in Worst. League. Ever. is losing some value on those catch-fumbles.

makeitsnowondem

Honestly my favorite thing I did in Worst. League. Ever. this year is take away points for fumbles but not for fumbles lost.

blaxabbath

Wow — the refs really reminding us that the scabs are still available in ARI.

makeitsnowondem

There’s a really simple flow chart for when you’re supposed to go for it on 4th and 1, and it’s like this:

It’s 4th and 1 -> Go for it

King Hippo

NAWT with Denver’s OL (and defense)

King Hippo

who woulda thunk Factory/Bolts would be the best game of the window?

Sill Bimmons

GODDAMN YOU CARSON PALMER YOU GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Senor Weaselo

Thank you Packers for showing up in the 2nd half.

New Game: guess how Jed York will try to explain why he voluntarily decided to destroy his own team.

Senor Weaselo

I’m gonna go with something involving the window closing and wanting to rebuild a year too early rather than a year too late.

evilbeaver8

So Ball and a Biscuit….is FOX implying that the Packers-49ers are going to fuck after the game?

makeitsnowondem

Unfortunately for the Vikings, no one’s surprised anymore when Peterson tries to switch it up.

Sill Bimmons

Low-hanging fruit…

makeitsnowondem

And bruised, at that.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Trick play on 3rd & short.
Fuck you Norv.

Sharkbait

Im watching Fox and havent seen 1 promo for sleepy hollow. Is that a thing still?

evilbeaver8

Yep, Thursday nights.

The Power of Float Compels You! The Power of Float Compels You!

fleshwound_NPG

Chevy Equinox. Can warn you when eggs are thrown.

blaxabbath

You know, unless it can preemptively warn you, what’s the point? You don’t have time to react anyways.

Sill Bimmons

Atlanta Falcons — 48 points.

Roddy White — 0.80 points.

In the insanity league.

http://i.bnet.com/blogs/how-to-be-creative-on-demand1.jpg

Lord Joe Don Looney

FLOAT-DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blaxabbath

Neither does than house nor that parking lot backdrop look authentic to Phoenix.

Shogun Marcus

Nor does the black guy.

fleshwound_NPG

He was indeed the grittiest player in Mario 2

https://twitter.com/celebrityhottub/status/650797998457376768

makeitsnowondem

Christ, Schofield.

King Hippo

wait, why in God’s name is he playing??

makeitsnowondem

We’re better off not knowing.

It’s a shame Fisher’s porn stache powers only work when he’s playing a better team from his division.

blaxabbath

So has Manning and Rogers passed the torch to Watt as the default NFL guy in commercials?

John Difool

Watt still has to wear a full uniform and pads while chopping wood for anyone to recognize him, so no.

Old School Zero

GRIT GRIT GRIT

blaxabbath

I hope this Chevrolet guy drives a non-chevy vehicle.

That way he might die in an accident.

makeitsnowondem

Breast cancer awareness is especially near and dear to the Packers’ hearts today in light of BJ Raji’s double mastectomy.

Sill Bimmons

How are you possibly still alive?

Sill Bimmons

REPLY FAIL

Sill Bimmons

VVV

Moonbatting Average

The Chargers are going to make me pay for picking them in my suicide pool, aren’t they?

Old School Zero

Oh yeah.

Senor Weaselo

That was you? Then yeah.

Sill Bimmons

See above ^^^

King Hippo

my suicide pool mass mulliganed when all 14 of us remaining missed in Week 2. On FIVE different games.

makeitsnowondem

You make it through three weeks to lose like that?