Phase Three-The Late Afternoon Slate

“There are three types of American Football Fans-the extrovert, the introvert and the pervert. You can find the pervert outside any local school yard, salivating on the fence. Extroverts however can be seen down at nearby ‘watering holes’ on Sundays. They choose to interact with others of their kind as they fill themselves with various liquids. As the day progresses they tend to lose their balance frequently, use an increased amount of profanity and eat ‘fast food’. The take-out menu, in whatever form it takes, is as important to them as the Bible is for other creatures. Not much is known about the introvert AFF, for obvious reasons.” [to be continued]

GB @ SF: Kaep had 4 intercepts and the Packers D have one in each game. Rodgers is playing lights out as is Lacy so let’s move on-nothing much to see here…

StL @ Ari: Gurley, the future of the run game for the Rams had 6 carries for 9 yards in his debut. Nowhere to go but tits up, maybe sideways against a formidable Cards D that gets pressure. Next week the Rams head to Green Bay-against teams over .500 on the road St. Lou is 3-24-1. They are a better team than this now but their sked is making it difficult to manifest it in the win column. The Larry Fitzgerald Renaissance continues unabated. Arizona has scored at least one TD in the last 9 quarters and Palmer is looking for his 10th straight win.

Min @ Den: As Yeah Right mentioned, the Vikes knock down QB’s with frightening efficiency and Peyton is nothing special these days. He may be able to keep Barr and Co. off-balance initially but he’s going to eat quite a bit of dirt today. As mentioned by everyone, even me, the Bronc’s running game is horseshit. They are dead last in yards per attempt. Word is that CJ gets one last chance at being relevant and then the ball gets in Hillman’s hands.

Cle @ SD: I read somewhere that McCown is 1-12 in his last 13 starts? If you’re starting him in fantasy today I must say, “Congrats! Your season is over!”. Good news on the horizon for the Browns though-Ray “Super Texter” Farmer is back from his suspension on Monday. I imagine he’ll bust a few roster moves. The Chargers need to forget about last week’s whalloping by the Vikes and blitz the hell out of the Browns. I can’t see SD’s CB’s getting burned by whatever ‘talent’ Cleveland bothers to send out onto the field. Rivers to Allen alone should lift the Bolts to the W in this one.

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Ah Norv still clearly does not how to utilize AP.

Old School Zero

LAMBO: FIRST BLOOD

Dick E. Phuck

“God would have mercy. He won’t.”

John Difool

“I gill you a 3 you won’t believe…”

Dick E. Phuck

Chargers have Asian Rambo kicking FGs.

Old School Zero

Elysian Dark O’ The Moon, aka molasses spice bread the beer

blaxabbath

Foles throws incomplete on third and long. Has he passed Kaep as the 3rd best QB in the west?

Old School Zero

It’s really the best way to do it.

fleshwound_NPG

Even greater if you pour beer on it. Even greaterer if you drink said beer with it.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am really jealous of you right now. That sounds amazing.

John Difool

KFC should’ve hired Gary Busy to play the new Colonel Sanders instead:

“YOU WANT SOME FUCKIN’ CHICKEN WITH 12 HERBS AND FUCKIN’ SPICES BOYS AND GIRLS? WELL HERE IT IS, SHHHHH, GIVE ME A MINUTE WHILE I GIVE YOU YOUR EXTRA SPICE, DON’T BREAK MY CONCENTRATION…..WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

Old School Zero

San Diego, looking like they’ve been coached to play down to Cleveland’s level.

King Hippo

stomp stomp clap

fleshwound_NPG

The rare Sunday in which all three teams of my family (CHI/IND/WSH) win.

(as you can tell with that list, VERY rare indeed)

King Hippo

oh well, Chris Johnson was a non-shitty starter for me for one week. I should never have expected any more than that.

Smithchez

That’s right, Cardinals. Keep the ball away from your best receiver. Fucking Carson Palmer.

makeitsnowondem

Putin’s glorious pirated live sports site is not working for me at all today.

...

This reminds me of the story about Putin stealing one of Kraft’s Super Bowl rings that I badly want to be true.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like the other story about how Kraft gave them to Putin and he is a secret Commy

King Hippo

My money’s always been on “insurance scam.”

makeitsnowondem

I BELIEVE

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

For both Fleshwound and you

http://www.stream2watch.me/

The one I use most.

fleshwound_NPG

THANKS

makeitsnowondem

Awesome, thanks!

King Hippo

David Johnson is a fucking beast. Why don’t the desert Cards play him more?

John Difool

Ford- ” When we say military grade, we mean over Fifty thousand dollars….”

ThePirateSloth

Wait, was that a “Pumpkin Spice Oreo” callout?

God. Dammit.

Sharkbait
IronAvenger6491

Oh Laserface, i’m gonna need you to harness all that anger that’s been building and take it all out on the Browns today.

Sharkbait

I thought sodomy was a sin?

Lord Joe Don Looney

It depends whether you make eye contact or not.

IronAvenger6491

only if god is watching.

fleshwound_NPG

Since the death of KSK I have slept in much more, therefore being much more well-rested on Sundays.

Also I get to miss most of the shitty early game (game as in singular; shitty NFL home team blackout rules).

But still have to endure the shitty afternoon game (game as in singular; the NFL hates me and my TV).

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can give you like 7 sites to watch the other games or Redzone

fleshwound_NPG

Will never give any more money to the Gingerhammer, even if that means saying no to the Crackzone I MEAN Redzone.

Illegal streams? Therefore sticking it to said Gingerhammer? I am listening…

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Hey Norv, RUN THE BALL YA CUNT!

John Difool

“There’s plenty of room on the Colin Kaepernick bandwagon right now…”

Being this is San Fran, that’s probably codespeak….

Dick E. Phuck

And it’s a really overpriced bandwagon.

Redshirt

This is FOX’s America’s Game of the Week? Why does FOX hate America so bad?

The Maestro

At least they’re not CNN. They would have picked the Jets game this morning.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It is owned by an Australian Millionaire. How could you possibly expect him to know what Americans would like?

ThePirateSloth

“Every week I can beat my buddies on FanDuel…”

I bet you do, I bet you do.

entropy

Pfffft like that guy has “buddies.”

Senor Weaselo

“FanDuel and chill?”

tundrajim

Usually when there’s too much double a gap pressure, you should go to the bathroom.

The Maestro

When the Jags lose in a manner like they just did, few things bring me greater joy than reading BurritoBrosShits’ Twitter timeline.

Dick E. Phuck

Improbably, Rodgers is the one doing the pounding in San Francisco today.

entropy

He always seemed to me more as a power bottom.

makeitsnowondem

The Ford Focus RS is powerful by design. We did not make it powerful by accident. Not like the last time.

Smithchez

Colts should realistically be 0-4.

Redshirt

Just give up Jaguars.

Senor Weaselo

I’m back. So… what’d I miss?

fleshwound_NPG

The Jags jagsing incredibly hard

Sharkbait

So, a regular sunday?

Senor Weaselo

It’s okay, I changed my pick’em stuff for them to cover but still lose!

http://i.stack.imgur.com/YW0X6.png

WCS

Derek from Munice sighting!

Smithchez

Oh, Jags. You had so many chances.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So I scared some people earlier about my health. I feel no residual effects. I expected I wouldn’t feel fine for awhile but I am already back to normal.

WCS

That’s important. Glad you’re alright.

...

Sweaty Jim Tomsula looks like Sweaty Ron Jeremy.

litre_cola

Jags gunna jags

King Hippo

I hate the outside world so much, I am gonna white knuckle through Minny/Denver with only RedZone coverage. And maybe try to find a radio feed if feeling really frisky.

Kicker fail infinity.

Redshirt

I only have MIN/DEN. I don’t have RedZone. I’m thinking about going (gulp) outside.

King Hippo

RESIST! The 14-hour day is footbaw obligation. A true test of commitment.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Nice playcall, Norv.

fleshwound_NPG

The only games available for me today are JAX/IND for the early and MIN/DEN for the late.

FML.

entropy

You did something terrible in a past life… Or a past weekend. Which ever makes more sense to you.

King Hippo

In NC, I get SF/GB instead of the one good game (that involves my team, naturally).

blaxabbath

Why do the Rams play the West so well….and don’t win any other games?

...

Joe Buck: “Rodgers swallowed up!”

Rodgers: “Nnnngghhh. Thanks dude.”

King Hippo

and my replacement Survivor pick fumbles away the opening goddamned kickoff

WCS
blaxabbath

A very funky start for ARI.

blaxabbath

We’re making fun of Tony Siragusa’s outfit, right?

Moonbatting Average

I’m making fun of everything about Siragusa

litre_cola

Sweet jesus Hasselbeck is 40.

John Difool

THIS NFC EAST I CALL IT GOATSE, ‘CAUSE IT’S SO WIDE OPEN RIGHT NOW

WCS

So, this next week’s banner quote, right?

The Maestro

Yupppp.

Sharkbait

Well, boned in my money league after the early games. At least I’m not at work and there is beer.

WCS

So, the NFC East is the new NFC South, which is the new AFC South, which is the old NFC West, which is the new AFC North?

entropy

But which one is the new black?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“New black, old black, I don’t care, I’ll fight ’em all.”

– Riley Cooper

King Hippo

yes?

entropy

Woooooooo I have RQBOCOP starting for me right now and I don’t give a fuck!

Bugg

Richie Incognito is BACK! 15 YARDS THE OTHER WAY!

WCS

“He just loves the game! He’s a hard worker! He’s just having fun out there! He respects what it takes, not like that pussy, Johnathan Martin!”

— Jason Whitlock, probably

makeitsnowondem

Vikings-Broncos is a great matchup if you like defense, and an even better matchup if you hate offense.

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