[Trouble is brewing in the Temple of Tripping. High Priest Blandino calls an emergency meeting of the Cult of Beergh.]
Quiet Brothers, please, quiet. The dark circumstances that bring us together today cannot be ignored, but we must first pay homage to Beergh, God of Flags, Lord of Penalties. Hail Beergh!
HAIL BEERGH!
Today is a disgraceful day, Brothers. Today I had to speak to the heretics above and explain why a flag was not thrown in last night’s Seahawks-Lions game. You heard me correctly, A FLAG WAS NOT THROWN! Beergh, in His infinite wisdom, has crafted a holy rule book full of sacred infractions fit to honor His name. One such is the illegal batting of a ball in the end zone. It is your hallowed duty to throw a flag should such a situation occur! The holy flag must be issued! Flags for the Flag God!
FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!
This was not the case Monday night. The fact that the Seahawks ended up winning yet another game because of a blown call is irrelevant! The far more serious issue is one of our Brothers’ failure in his sacred duty! BRING THE OFFENDER FORWARD!
[Back Judge Gregory Wilson is brought forward in the iron grip of Acolyte Hochuli. He is stripped of his yellow robes and chained to a sacrificial cage]
Brother Wilson, can you defend yourself? What’s that? You didn’t see the play in question? Is that so?
[Blandino pours a vial of Lions fans tears into a nearby brazier of flames. A wavering image appears in the smoke.]
LIAR! Brothers, as we know, one of Beergh’s Blessings upon us is a sacred whistle that grows within our hearts. INFIDEL Wilson is no longer worthy of it! Beergh demands it back! Penalties for the Penalty Throne!
PENALTIES FOR THE PENALTY THRONE!
[Blandino plunges his hand into Wilson’s chest and rips forth his still beating heart, sacred Whistle of Beergh still attached. Wilson howls in terror as he realizes he still lives.]
Flags for the Flag God!
FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!
You done fucked up, Mr. Back Wilson Judge.
I feel the urge to rewatch the Indiana Jones movies.
All three of them, right?
http://i.imgur.com/M3iQQos.gif
Is the Flag God’s enemy the Imperium of Uninterrupted Play? I think we need to flesh out the Warhammer 40K theme a bit more here.
Huh. I didn’t think zebras had hearts.
http://img02.deviantart.net/8020/i/2010/323/9/3/the_more_you_know_by_stathisnhx-d33639v.png
Would also like to insert a bitch for the ARI/STL crew not giving Steadman Bailey 15 yards for using the football as a prop in his TD celebration. Not as horrible as their “contact equals forwards progress so no fumble” fuck up, but still a crime for which they should be executed.
“Listen, I’ve sat down for an Allaghash with Gregory Wilson, and he’s every bit as dedicated to his job as anyone else in the NFL except for Cam Newton. Greg comes in early, leaves late, waits until it’s his turn to take a slice of pizza – even if it gets cold while he’s waiting – and he does his absolute best on every down he officiates. You can question the man’s judgment, but you can’t question his heart.”
– Peteergh King
DFO organized its own cult of worship faster than I thought it would.
Damn. Wish I’d taken the under. /pays DTZM $12
Well those Uproxx bastards used eminent domain on the Kult of The Holy Dolphin’s Inner Sanctum of Horrors, so this will have to suffice.
OMMM #UpForWhatever…OMMM #UpForWhatever…OMMM #UpForWhatever…
http://athomeyoga.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54fd47339883401a51175313b970c-pi
OMMM #UpForWhatever…OMMM #UpForWhatever…OMMM #UpForWhatever…OMMM #UpForWhatever…OMMM #UpForWhatever…OMMM #UpForWhatever…
http://d3v7xustcq7358.cloudfront.net/blogs.dir/11/files/2013/08/mag_lpot-wilson01jr_576.jpg
Upon viewing that image I had an involuntary reaction where my fist clenched and my entire right arm started twitching.