FORWARD! Glorious Red Armies!! Friday Night Open Thread

This is my way of saying that I am favourably disposed towards the el beisbol Cardinals and the university footy squad of North Carolina State.

The less said about the former, the better. I’m just hoping the goat keeps doing its cherished thing. Then the Mets/Dodgers can sweep my Redbirds right out, and I am completely fine with that. Just let the media/Joe Maddon circle jerk end before I fucking kill somebody.

ESPN brings you quite the delight in alternative programming – the shitshow that is the Castrated Turkey offense of old man Frank Beamer. He does things the RIGHT WAY, amirite?? My wolven sort looked like absolute monkeyfuck offensively against their first real opponent last week (teh Fightin’ Petrinos), so this could get really depressing. Turns out having an offensive line is totes important, guys.

There may be other things happening, various citizens of Canadia and Putin client states beating each up whilst figure skating, etc. And I’m sure Moose has disturbing gifs to share.

Props again to Covalent Blonde for finding this magnificent, heroic, cuddly Stalin picture for me. I shall love her forever for it!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
232 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
nomonkeyfun

My Mets, a 2nd baseman with 14 HRs, is hitting clean up.

Porky Prime

Remember comrades…it don’t mean butt if it ain’t got that jut!

http://www.chud.com/nextraimages/sealab3-92605-7.jpg

nomonkeyfun

Chavez Ravine really is one of the most beautiful stadia I’ve ever seen. So gloriously 1960’s

Porky Prime

One of the things I miss most about SoCal…it looked even more retro before the previous two ownerships started cramming more seats and ads into the place. My best friend is at the game tonight. So goddamn jealous.

Porky Prime

Kids are watching the recent Winnie the Pooh. Underrated actually…Pooh is a real dick to Piglet for a chunk of the movie.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/56800f3275ab5f435ca6980c6b16198e/tumblr_mfss27SYuO1rf97m1o3_250.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Eeyore should get ripped on qualudes and go on a murderous rampage.
That, I’d watch.

Porky Prime

“Thanks for noticing me.”

blordinaryfagicmox

Isnt Craig Ferguson one of the voices in that one? Almost enough to make me want to watch it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I miss Craig.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice job, ump. Three called strikeouts, each one on a pitch that was outside of the plate.

Porky Prime

Gotta love the start time for California playoff baseball.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lckknhwfD71qf5ifco1_500.gif

Doktor Zymm

Damn, no fights, no street closures, why didn’t I go out? Stupid unpredictable suburban Cubs fans.

blordinaryfagicmox

But the ripple effect of you going out might’ve caused riots.
http://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/t_article_image/ckx7zxiu2j2gnl2e7uej.jpg

blordinaryfagicmox

Extrapolating from 2/3 of the first game of the season:
Wings win the cup, Leafs relocate to Los Angeles, Mike Babcock dies of shame.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m 0-fer.

But I think the Ravens might be trending. 😀

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is the Oline like totally high or what???
They look like pudding. Probably butterscotch….bcuz butterscotch.

Porky Prime
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hells yeah….2021 ALWAYS cheers me up.

My sports teams still suck tho. Damn, now I’m sad again.

Porky Prime

Maybe if Tornado Shanks was coaching your boys.
http://s.sidereel.com/episodes/149269/featured_2x/219095.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

/what he said

Doktor Zymm

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/8e/8ebf758092be2e6952d87f6bda2ba4c53f921c1edc51445864760b18277fff28.jpg

Would “albino humping worm” be a good or bad penis nickname?

blordinaryfagicmox

Well, they say you cant pick your own nickname, so I’ll take it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Not if you’re black.

Doktor Zymm

Suburbs = Sub-Urbs = Under City. Thus the people who come into the city to watch the Cubs games in Wrigleyville are Morlocks. They provide capital to the city via their beer consumption, in exchange they occasionally cause property damage.

theeWeeBabySeamus

THAT’S a fucking penalty???????????
Jeebus.

theeWeeBabySeamus

goddamit secondary!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sadly, the rest of us had not forgotten.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good thing Brissett spared himself earlier. That piledriver more than made up for it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bet yo ass.
Wolves on the prowl.

Doktor Zymm
theeWeeBabySeamus

Bender’s drunk again, I see.

blordinaryfagicmox

Red Wings are also red, and playing tonight, and winning!
I think that picture of Stalin is shoop’d, he never held a baby in his life. A live one at least.

Doktor Zymm

This was a rare Friday where I wasn’t exhausted, but I refuse to go out due to the known side effects of being surrounded by highly emotional Cubs fans. Instead I am sitting at home, drinking and watching Futurama reruns. I probably made the optimal choice.

Doktor Zymm

Google auto completes for “stupid”:
1) Stupid cubs fans
2) Stupid white sox fans
3) Stupid jokes
4) Stupid is as stupid does
5) Stupid hoe

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stupid Hoe, ftw.

Stupid Cubs fans is pretty OK too.

blordinaryfagicmox
Bugg

How did we NOT KNOW? Hellbent for leather? Breakin’ the law? Living after midnight? Only difference from the 1980s is Halford now changes costumes as often as Elton John.

Still put on a solid show, but they do not play enough of their hits. Would it kill them to play most of “Point of Entry” instead of their new album?

ballsofsteelandfury

I think everyone KNEW but pretended they didn’t because of some stupid macho dipshit mentality.

Once it was confirmed, I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. One of the best metal bands ever was fronted by a guy that scared the crap out of millions of stupid fans.

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, Rob Halford’s gay!?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am thus far not enraged by “defensive indifference” so….improvement?

Sill Bimmons

Speaking of inexplicable movies with A-list casting:

http://www.dvd-covers.org/d/299894-2/Tiptoes_2003_.jpg

Sill Bimmons
blordinaryfagicmox
scotchnaut

Ruffles BBQ chips and a sourdough roast beef and provolone sandwich over here. Whatcha, whatcha, whatchagot?

...

Mostly rage.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Fresh three-cheese tortellini fra Diavolo.

Doktor Zymm

Toaster oven pizza, bottle of wine.

nomonkeyfun

Ramen for now, then linguini w/ clam sauce. Beer once the Mets game starts.

makeitsnowondem

Whatever looks delicious at the Alamo Drafthouse tonight.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Defrosting some chicken breasts, maybe cooking them up with some kind of pasta and parmesan cheese?

ballsofsteelandfury

I am so jealous you get way better potato chip flavours than we do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Freaking lightning, man.

What a bunch of pussies.

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

“Matt Holliday is playing in his 69th play-off game…”

Class?

Class: (all together) NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE

WCS

House owner drummers die in mysterious gardening accidents?

Doktor Zymm

Don’t get a mortgage from a coke dealer?

Horatio Cornblower

“Not a quick pitch; that’s illegal!”

Yeah, the Cardinals would never do anything illegal, like employ a walking can of steroids as their 1Bman for years, hack into another team’s computer system or drink a gallon of vodka and then park their car at a red light.

WCS

comment image

WCS

On Jeopardy, Matt Jackson is utterly crushing and killing again. He should break $300k in total winnings tonight.

Horatio Cornblower

That makes me feel so good about the $6,650 and TV set I won.

In other words, fuck that guy.

Sill Bimmons

Just so you guys know, Styx: The Grand Illusion/Pieces Of Eight Live is on VH1 Classic tonight.

Be sure to set your DVRs!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You tryna kill teh Sexy Friday? Figures; fucking Card fan.

...

Bill Murray says Cardinals fans are Satan’s messengers on Earth. Root against evil tonight.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Hail Satan

Horatio Cornblower

Now that my lovable upstart Yanks are out of it I’m following my usual ABC-strategy of baseball watching

Anyone
But the
Cardinals.

Tonight ich bin ein Cubbies fan.

...

I want Lester to throe a fastball at Yadi’s neck tattoo.

...

Hey look! It’s John Lackey. Cardinals fans question his Cardinalness because he left his cancer-ridden wide instead of driving her into a tree.

Doktor Zymm
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BUMP AND GRIND! HAVE A GOOD TIME!

Sill Bimmons

No way that happened.

That’s a joke movie poster.

Doktor Zymm

It’s Australian.

Sill Bimmons

So it’s an Australian joke movies poster.

Got it.

Doktor Zymm

No, real movie. Aussie lady has Stalin’s love child.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115886/

Sill Bimmons

I still don’t believe it.

“F. Murray Abraham as Stalin” just puts it too far over the top.

Don T

I watched it. Then watched it again once it finished. F. Murray Abraham is a god.

WCS

Of all baseball teams, I imagine Stalin would be a Cardinals fan.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…I just learned that Houston now plays in the American League.

Horatio Cornblower

Well you’re ahead of the Yankees; they still haven’t figured it out.