It’s One O’Clock-Do You Know Where Your Games Are? Thread.

Atl @ Ten: Looks like Jason McCourty will be the latest CB to bathe in the awesomeness that is Julio. This six point thread seems out of whack. If I had a gambling problem I’d be all over this. The Titans are playing the last of 4 straight games at home and will likely have no wins to show for it. Mariota has missed a few practices so you know what that means-“It’s Somethingberger Time!” He brings the classic “big arm” and a gaudy 0-6 record to the field.

TB @ Was: Hardcore Fans Only! should be posted somewhere. Winston has the highest pick percentage this year. Kirk Cousins replies, “Oh Yeah? If you start from the beginning of last year, I  have the highest pick percentage in the league.” Guys, guys-don’t fight, just try to play well. You can do that can’t you? RB Morris has been given the bum’s rush. The Pro Bowler, after running 25 times for 125 yds in the opener has seen his carries go 18, 6, 17, 8 and 11. Jones looks impressive when he does play but even RB3 Thompson is running the ball here and there. Gruden has no faith in the run game and a pick-friendly QB. Let the search for the next HC commence!

NO @ Ind: The line is 4.5 here. Neither of these D’s can stop dragging their fans’ hearts around, let alone opposing D’s. Will He Sneeze is the Saints WR with the most receiving yards with 436. You would think that at some point Luck is going to turn things around. That’s what my ever-lovin’ fantasy brain repeats to me ad nauseam anyway. But Luck is inside and at home against a below-average D. The stars are aligning, buddy boy.

Min @ Det: Peterson has been down-graded to questionable due to illness but I’m sure the team MD’s will fill him with enough ‘vitamins’ to ensure he’s a go.  Minny has only reached the red zone 17 times this year. Luckily for them the D is crushing it and opposing O’s. They’ve given up more than 20 points only once this year. Stafford’s doughy arm has thrown for 1600 + yds to date. Perhaps always playing from behind has something to do with him dropping back to pass 73% of the time. I don’t know-I’m not an expert.

Pit @ KC: Ben’s out unless he can ‘talk the team into playing him’ which sounds plain stupid until you discover that he’s done it before which sounds doubly stupid. Steelers D is looking okay these days-they would seem to be up to the task of stuffing West/Davis today. Pearl-clutching was the proper response to JC going down but what about Maclin’s concussed bean? Smith’s completion % to Maclin was 70 and good for an average of almost 10 yds. Spaghetti Arm’s percentage drops to 50 when he targets all other WR’s. That’s one hell of a safety valve to be without. Steelers win big.

Cle @ StL: The Browns have given up 16 sacks in the last 4 games and Saint Loo has the third most sacks in the league. Say a prayer for McCown, he won’t be with us much longer. Mr. Gurley has put up 146 and 159 the last two weeks on the road. I wonder how he might do against the 22nd-ranked rushing D at home? This game is over at approx. 1:07pm.

Hou @ Mia: The Texans have no issues in the passing game which is unusual given the fact that they’ve boounced back and forth between Hoyermallet and Mallethoyer. They’re 3rd in the league in total yards and going up against the 4th stingiest passing D. The Dolph’s are 25th in passing and even worse (30th) running the ball. I’m not putting it on Tannehill though. He has made significant progress every year since 2012 in yds thrown, completion % and interception %. So I’ll be looking elsewhere. I’ll let you know when I find it.

NYJ @ NE: We are all Jets fans today, aren’t we? I actually belong to a rather large subset labeled “Jets fan actively cheering for a Brady injury”. I’ll probably feel bad for a minute or two if it happened, thinking that by rooting for it I made it come true. But then I’d come back to reality as Garoppolo(?) comes in and leads the Pats to a come-from-behind win and I try to find a cat to kick. God, even my worst-case Pats scenarios turn into best-case Pats scenarios.

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
595 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
entropy

Kerleydown!!!

evilbeaver8

Is there a Pats fan here? Could you tell me what it’s like to root for a team that isn’t horribly coached?

Redshirt

John McCown is Johnny Football’s sponsor. When he heard that being a backup QB might be causing him to relapse, he had to do what he could to help Johnny.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is that the 3rd brother that wasn’t even good enough to be a backup QB. Special teams coordinator with… yeah the Browns still work for this.

Sill Bimmons

Note to Texans DBs: it doesn’t help when you throw the opposing ball carrier into your own end zone.

entropy

Lookit that egghead tryin to play tough!

Spanky Datass
Sill Bimmons

THISTIMENOEWOKS BOOGALOO

Gratliff

More not Lamar Miller scoring!

evilbeaver8

The Colts: call the stupidest fake punt ever last week, get caught caught off guard by a fake FG the next. Consistent special teams.

Sill Bimmons

Clots seem to genuinely suck.

This pleases me.

Moonbatting Average

How many McCowns have we got on this ship?!?

Sill Bimmons

YO!

Moonbatting Average

I knew it, I’m surrounded by McCowns

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Awesome. I get to miss all the games and help my mom paint. And she was a dick about me not being 100% enthusiastic about it.

Dick E. Phuck

Kerley did a good?

Spur

Decker is eating Butler’s lunch.

Mother Puncher

Sometimes, you just have to give Luke McCown a chance.

entropy

They’re gonna hook him up to one of those generators he’s blathering on about?

Col. Duke LaCross

McCown Ferrotted himself!

Sill Bimmons

We’ll never forget you, Colt.

Smithchez

Did Josh McCown just run into a wall?

entropy

The rarely-seen Jets Offense is making tentative moves out into the open. We’ll try to get closer without spooking them.

Sill Bimmons

McCown just bounced off the stadium and came up holding his arm.

hippofant

It’s Johnny time!

Doktor Zymm

Now that’s the sort of performance you should expect from a guy who scored 48 on the Wonderlic

Sharkbait

Apparently theres a monsoon in Miami

litre_cola

Most of the aged residents are already in bed so no big deal.

Spur

Every time I hear “Hightower” on the Jets/Pats, I think of this
comment image

Moonbatting Average

Who has two thumbs and played the Vikings DEF over the Giants?
THIS GUY

(Stupid Denver bye week)

Sill Bimmons

Yale will always be the leader in gentlemanly club life.

evilbeaver8

Hey egg head…sing Fair Harvard!

entropy

Fitz Magic runs for his life….. and survives!

Sill Bimmons

JOHNSON ON JOHNSON VIOLENCE IN DETROIT

King Hippo

What is Boss Todd’s motivation to use 2-back sets anyway? They have all their WRs back, Bell is a great pass catcher and blocker, and Williams kind of fucking sucks.

Sill Bimmons

Because he’s an idiot who needs to be the smartest guy in the room.

hippofant

Oh Texans.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass
Sharkbait

Tannehill did a….good? Again??

Doktor Zymm

Here’s a preview of my [*Redacted] s bye week update :
http://i.imgur.com/ty1CI.jpg

Gatoraids

Those the trees behind Snyder s house

JustStopDude

Ah The Great Kuwait Tire Fire of 2012.

Good times…

Doktor Zymm

It’s double funny, since 2012 was the one year the Skins weren’t a tire fire.

Sill Bimmons

That drop will nail De to the bench.

entropy

Actively hoping for someone to crush Brady is interfering with my sarcasm reflex. I need more booze, I think.

Sill Bimmons

It’s difficult to be sarcastic when you’re genuinely angry.

entropy

Booze is sure to even all this out. Self-medicating for the win!

Spur

Revis on Gronk

evilbeaver8

The Slurs uniforms today would actually be pretty dammed attractive without the racism.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, they do good throwback uniforms. Too bad about the throwback attitude.

King Hippo

I need about 5 TDs from Le’Veon

Sharkbait

I can get on board with this.

Sill Bimmons

Haley gon Haley motherFUCK

Spur

Question for the Group. Is Reno a nice place to live? A promotion opened up and it’s mine to turn down. I would like to stay in the on the West coast.

JustStopDude

There are a LOT worse places to be in Nevada…

Sill Bimmons

I haven’t heard as many positive things as I have heard negative things.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude
Gatoraids

They need to make their tight end coach head coach immediately

Gatoraids

For that matter should make him owner too

Sill Bimmons

WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH ASIATA

Smithchez

If I’m the Jets and I need a redzone touchdown I know who I’m going to….

That’s right, my shitty TE who I never pass to.

Gatoraids

Ta da the Aristojets

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I forgot to check if Maclin was gonna play in both of my leagues. I should have preemptively taken him out. He would have been replaced by Yeldon because everyone else is on a bye week and he put up 19

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The other league is the Sill league. My whole team is just 3rd stringers and AJ Green

Sill Bimmons

Rex would have faked it.

Moonbatting Average

The Jets do have a running back, correct?

Spur

Ivory? Is he still on the team?

entropy

From what I recall, he’s pretty good. Maybe he’ll play next series!

Senor Weaselo

Yes, but Ivory hasn’t come back in the game since the first play.

Spanky Datass

Curtis Martin! What do I win?

evilbeaver8

For years my chief complaint as to cheeseburgers was the length of the bun they come on. Thanks Burger King for acknowledging my suggestions.

Moonbatting Average

Jets take a play out of Seattle’s playbook

Sill Bimmons

Jets really trying to Jets this GL possession.

litre_cola

Good morning fellows.

Sill Bimmons

hey

Spanky Datass

sup
im hungry

Sill Bimmons

yo

you should eat something

entropy

Guinness contains everything you need to survive.

litre_cola

I agree with this

entropy

Yo.