It’s Your Oak/SD, Dal/NYG Slim Pickin’s Thread

So this is how we’re punished for waking up squirrelly to watch lousy (yet entertaining) football played on a different continent? Fine.

Oak @ SD: Raiders are 2-3 with a 2 point loss to the stinking Bears as the only outlier on their sked as far as expected wins and losses. They’ve got the young troika in place (Carr, Cooper and Murray) to make things happen but the odds are against them in this long-dysfunctional franchise. The Chargers are #1 in total yards per game but only 15th in scoring. Lots of empty yards gained between the 20’s? Gordon doesn’t have a TD yet and won’t get one today (he’s out) but that has more to do with Derlaygo playing from behind a fair bit.

Dal @ NYG: Somebody on the internet told me that the last not-Romo to start and win a Cowboys game was Stephen Magee back in ’10. That can’t be right, can it? I’d look it up but I’m too damn busy writing these previews. Do you know how long it takes to look up one or two factlets and rev up the glib machine? Which Giants team will show for role call today? Will it be the shit-kickers that spanked the Slurs? How ’bout the squad that was dis-emboweled by the Eagles? Perhaps the silly squad that squeaked by the lousy 9’ers will shout “Here, Sir!” One never knows-I guess that’s why I watch every week…

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John Difool

Jason Witten, o.k. at football.

Doktor Zymm

Anyone every have Bigleaf Maple Autumn Red? The description sounds pretty good. I might order in after all, some interesting seasonal beers available.

Sharkbait

That sounds tasty. Currently have a bucket of narrsgansetts at the Giants bar I’m at

King Hippo

Damn it, Giants, you had ONE JOB

Sharkbait

Hardy threw manning down pretty well. It’s like he has experience throwing people onto things

John Difool
Doktor Zymm

If the high point of your life is a one-point win over arguably the worst franchise in the NFL….

John Difool

I got some serious Stiffmeister vibes from that vid, it’s like he’s trying to go into Sex Cannon territory.

Doktor Zymm

Hm. I have wine and liquor in the house, but I’m really in the mood for a beer or 5. It’s super nice out, so going to the local bar presents an attractive option, but….pants. Or at least a skirt.

Doktor Zymm

I could order in, but going to the bar would be faster, and I would still have to put on some sort of leg covering to answer the door.

Doktor Zymm

I love Dorothy Parker. She’s top of my list of historical people I want to drink with.

blordinaryfagicmox

I’d even put on shoes to drink with a woman in a skirt.
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blackroseMD1

3rd and 17? Nah, no need to cover Amari Cooper.

Only the Chargers could go to the final seconds against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers and then immediately turn around and shit the bed against the Raiders.

John Difool

Michael just got Lucifered

Bortleback

8 early games (not including the London game), and only 2 late games. Does the league secretly hate the redzone channel, or are they trying to get their moneys worth out of the presenter?

Spur

Edelman is a scrappy gym rat?

blackroseMD1

Who put Tim Tebow in a Philip Rivers uniform and snuck him into the Chargers game?

Moonbatting Average

Hi Lily! I’m not wearing pants!

Moonbatting Average

That was an ill-timed Texans fan celebrating ad

entropy

So, it ran on any normal day of the year?

Spur

Orleans Darkwa sounds like a Key And Peele character.

John Difool

Patriots fans are really not going to like when a Darkwa is running them over.

Moonbatting Average

Neither will Chip Kelly

entropy

I am never again telling anyone I work in IT. At the end of the 3rd quarter of the Jets game one of my neighbors and her hysterically crying daughter knocked on my door because their laptop died and it contained some vital project of the kid’s, and they needed it brought back to life. So I got to spend the end of that fucking game working on a half-dead HP laptop and missing football.

I fixed the laptop and they offered me ten dollars.

TEN. WHOLE. DOLLARS.

I’m not pleased. Back to drinking again.

blordinaryfagicmox

Did it at least have some good porn that you took?

entropy

14-year-old girl’s laptop, and they sat here while I worked on it. I didn’t even get to check.

blordinaryfagicmox

Hmm yeah, when I was 14 I had terrible taste in porn, so maybe it was for the best. I’m glad I dont talk to my neighbours.

Lord Joe Don Looney

If you had answered the door not wearing pants, that may have limited the laptop emergency.

Also, why did you stop drinking?

entropy

Didn’t stop, just slowed down a little while concentrating on said machine. Last thing I wanted was them to withhold the ten bucks because I drank on the job!

John Difool

It’s pretty much the same thing with any trade/skill set. My dad was a mechanic, the neighbors and a lot of his friends thought he should spend hours of his free time fixing their cars, boats or motorcycles for free or for beer and casseroles just because he knew them.

Shot really annoyed him, but he never said no

Bortleback

I’m a mechanical engineer, so I’m expected to know how to fix everything from dishwashers to computers. Don’t really mind it most of the time, but when the problem is them clicking on stupid spam emails despite being told not to, it gets a bit old. Great excuse for not going to visit relatives though!

entropy

I’m an illustrator, too, and when people need or want something drawn, they ask me. When I tell them my “friends & family” rate, they balk at that. Apparently they believe that my ability is just innate talent and should be provided for free, despite the fact that it took me thousands of hours to hone said talent. None of THAT time matters, though, when someone wants me to sketch out a quick drawing of a fucking rose with their spouse’s name scrawled under it.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

SO FUCKING TRUE.

Doktor Zymm

Never let people know you have useful skills. No one has ever come to my door with a statistics emergency.

At least they offered you something, though $10 is kinda insulting. I feel like that sort of neighbor helping should generally be compensated with a nice bottle of the tipple of your choice.

entropy

I hate dealing with the “so what do I owe you” question, because no one EVER wants to pay what you’re worth, and instead seem to think that merely asking means I’m the dick for not saying “no worries, mate, just help ME out when I need you to investigate someone for Youth & Family services or whatever the fuck it is that YOU do and no one would ever need assistance with outside normal channels.”

Then you tell them your real rate and their eyes widen and they have that “REALLY?!” look until you finally sigh and just give in for the ten bucks. The worst thing you can do is tell them it’s free, because then they will never pay, they will never stop seeking help, and they will give your number out to everyone they know with the loving recommendation that you work cheap!!

Doktor Zymm

There’s also the option of doing a poor enough job that no one ever asks again 🙂

Gratliff

I used to be like you. Then I started preemptively telling people I met outside of work that they were ignorant users I wouldn’t trust with a moderately advanced rock, let alone a functioning computer, and I found I stopped getting these requests. I need a bat with “SCOPE OF SUPPORT” written down the side.

entropy

For a few years I told any new gf/bf of family members that I was either a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman, or that I worked at the airport, as the guy with the flashlights guiding a plane for the last few yards of their journeys. It worked out OK until I would get sold out by family.

These neighbors know what I do because they purchased a good friend’s old house, and he told them what I do for a living, and they’ve seen me outside drawing on nice days. Hard to hide those things from people, but I agree with your general idea.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m generally anti-social, and the skull rings and biker headwraps tend to scare people off rather than make them inquisitive.

It’s a lifestyle decision I don’t regret.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It was an HP? Expect another knock within the hour.

entropy

They have a desktop as well (that they claim is more stable), and I threw the project on a spare thumb drive I have so they can work on that machine in case of failure.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Tell them to get a Mac, then charge them a $25 consultation fee.

King Hippo

Don’t lose heart, Most Glorious Commentist Party. SNF has the potential to be lots of fun.

Gratliff

And even more to be heartbreaking. I plan to run it side by side with Hell in a Cell so I can alternate my disgust and displeasure at things I enjoy.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You don’t like 50 year-old wrestlers being forced into relevancy again?

Gratliff

I wonder if we can somehow lose Pey Pey, Breesus, and Marmalard all in one season.

King Hippo

Those of us who started the Giants’ D really needed DRC not to drop that easy Pick 6. Dickhole.

Doktor Zymm

I’m having trouble focusing on these games. I think I need a beer. And a kitten.

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blordinaryfagicmox
blackroseMD1

It’d be nice if someone would let the Chargers know that the game has started.

Lord Joe Don Looney

He has incredible feet.

Rex Ryan: “Really???”

John Difool

Rec Ryan- “They call me toe-ter salad…”

King Hippo

Derek Carr looks really damned good.

Spur

Nice block pickup by McFadden.

Spur

When in doubt throw to Witten. Weeden couldn’t understand this concept.

Col. Duke LaCross

Eh, I’ve been with worse.

Spur

I bet that slime is warm.

blordinaryfagicmox
John Difool

“Come back Nick Hayden!”

http://i.imgur.com/GCP7p.jpg

Bortleback

So when the chargers play in SD it’s basically an away game for them in terms of crowd noise? The crowd are going mad on third downs.

blackroseMD1

It’s always like this with the Raiders. For some reason, 90% of California has a bad case of Raider fans. San Diego is no exception.

King Hippo

Wave to R-T-D!

Spur

Carr was looking at Beckham like he is a nutjob.

Moonbatting Average

This F1 race is badass!

*runs away*

fleshwound_NPG

Yes it is, because fuck watching the NFC Least and Oak/SD.

Col. Duke LaCross

Got it on the TiVo, but I’ve been flipping over to the Spanish station during commercials. Looks like it’s going to be a close finish!

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Okay boys, I must venture to the Outside for supplies, and use these things called “pants”. Wish me luck.

Moonbatting Average

Don’t go! It’s too dangerous!

JustStopDude

I heard that the coaching staff of the Cowboys threatened to put Weedon back in if the O-line didn’t establish the running game early.

John Difool

If this were the 90’s, threatening to put Weed back in the game would’ve been a weak threat.

Spur

Great patience by Randle

King Hippo

Damn it, we ain’t gonna see Christine at all, is we?

Bortleback

Cassel should set up a NFL QB temp agency along with Fitzmagic, Kyle Orton and whoeever else is out there that’s just good enough to leave as a starter for a year but not good enough to keep around for more than one season.

King Hippo

What is DFO’s CasselVANIA drinking game? Suggestions?

blordinaryfagicmox

USC mention- 2 sips

Spur

Byron Jones looking very good early.

John Difool

If I were the Giants, instead of the Ass To Mouth abbreviation patches on their uniforms, think I would’ve just went with the person’s full name.

Doktor Zymm

Hello, NFC East divisional game, how will you derp today?

Gratliff

If they could somehow find themselves starting the Giants backup from here on, that would be swell.

King Hippo

CasselVANIA derp!

Spur

Doesn’t Joe Buck have baseball to prep for? Go away Buck

MikeWallaceAndGromit

In case everybody has migrated over here.

JustStopDude

Jesus Christ the sight of Joe Buck makes me seethe with rage…

King Hippo

He and Collinsworth should be pumped full of meth and be forced to fight to the death.

Kungjitsu

Collinsworth grew up in Titusville, FL. What makes you think he’s not on meth right now?

Spur

I never thought I’d say this, but at least Dallas is starting Matt Cassel this week.

John Difool

Matt Casselbeck

Spur

Let’s get this Dallas/New York shit show going! Go Cowboys!

Gratliff

If New Orleans loses this, we can officially call them the Aints again, right?

King Hippo

One would have to…

Redshirt

Please say people in SD are booing the Chargers over the move to LA. Or do they don’t care.

blackroseMD1

Oh yeah, there’s lots of booing. A lot of people feel like the Chargers aren’t even trying to stay.

blackroseMD1

If my Chargers lose to the bum ass Raiders, I’m going to be having myself put into a medically induced coma until football season is over.

ProzacElf

What’s going on in Africa that the meteor impact has to happen there?

Horatio Cornblower

Intermission. Go Jets!

If the Patriots lose I might go to one of these goddamn plays every week.

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