TB @ Atl: Winston has 9 TD’s and 7 Int’s-lousy, huh? His opposite today, Ryan has a sparkling 9 TD’s and 6 Int’s (also almost 600 more yards but still). At this point Tampa is just trying to show some progress and get through the season while the Falcons need a win to stay within tobacco juice-spitting distance of the Panthers. I’m not sure how Atlanta is going to pull this out what with Hankerson being out. Hopefully one of the other guys at the WR spot will come through.
Ari @ Cle: The Madden simulation of this game had the Cards winning 149-56. I think RB Johnson is going to break a long one against a Browns run D that almost always falls apart in the 2nd half. Don’t get me started on WR Bowe and his 9 mil. guaranteed contract and his three straight healthy scratches and “redemption time” narrative. Browns fans that want Manziel in are nuts. Why? McCown has made a star (okay, maybe “viable player” is the better term) out of TE Barnidge. What sort of sorcery has gotten these guys to connect for 459 yds. and 5 TD’s? Cleveland gets 3 starters back-CB Haden, FS Gipson and ILB Robertson. It won’t be enough for a win but this will allow them to be more aggressive.
F @ StL: San Fran takes it on the road and most likely on the chin today. The struggling Kaep may be without both Hyde and Boldin today as both are listed as questionable. (much like Kaep’s on-field decisions) Against a top 10 D, that spells more trouble and regression for a guy who doesn’t need either. The Rams are dead last in passing yards per game and Foles is taking some heat for it but I’m not having it. The WR corps consists of Britt, Bailey, Quick, TE Cook, who is inconsistent and Austin. Tavon is talented and just needs to be put into open space with the ball in order to make things happen but that is not happening often enough. I expect with the emergence of Gurley things will sort themselves out somewhat but this group is third rate.
NYG @ NO: Eli should be happy to know that the Saints give up the fifth-most passing yards per game at 275. This stat is actually worse than it seems because the Saints have rarely had a large lead on anyone therefore forcing them to air it out. After losing three straight the Saints have won the last three of four. When they are up they go after the QB hard-13 of their 16 sacks have occurred while they had the lead. The Giants have a measly nine in total. RB Orleans Darkwa of the Giants, a long shot to make the 53 man squad in September is pushing his way into the Giants RBBC.
Min @ Chi: Minny looks to be entering into a multi-year window of competitiveness given what they’ve done in the draft the past two years. Bridgewater, Kendricks, Barr, Diggs, Clemmings and Wayne are young, solid and talented. Also, most of them have no memory of having lost 7 straight at Soldier Field. Here’s this week’s “Stat Dis-Connect of the Week”. The Bears have the 26th ranked rush D yet have only given up 2 TD’s on the ground. Wah? Perhaps AP will close the gap a bit today.
SD @ Dal: Philip “The Loin Master” Rivers just had his eighth kid. Or maybe his wife did. I don’t know. That’s six girls and two boys and increasing pressure on the cervix and the population density of greater San Diego. Speaking of easy to score on, both these D’s like to give it away so we should be in for a bit of a TD/FG bonerama.
Cin @ Pit: “Big Ben Is Back!” yelled the owner of my fantasy team just now. I expect the Two B’s (Bell and Brown) to put it into a higher gear today. Hell, I’m calling it-Bengals get their first loss of the season today. Dalton can’t keep his insane numbers going much longer, can he? The world-weary Bengals fans shout “NO WAY!” in unison. WR Green is getting CB Antwon Blake today because Gay is banged up so Cincy should put up some points. Kudos to the guy who drafted RB Hill right in front of me. Buddy, I owe you one.
Ten @ Hou: This is our third game featuring a one win team playing a two win squad. Whoopee! Say goodbye to Hoyermallet and the lousy run they had and welcome Hoyersavageyates to the party. I’m just kidding, I saw TJ Yates in pre-season and I doubt that the coaches trust him with a clipboard. Foster done tore himself his Achilles and is gone for the year. To those mothers dipping their incipient football-playing sons into the River Styx I can’t stress this enough-DUNK THE WHOLE KID IN, DON’T BE LAZY ABOUT IT! Jeezuz!
I may have jinxed the Bengals
THAT’S why Teddy Bridgewater was on the waiver wire in a 12-team, 20-man roster league.
Bengals, 3rd and 34 miles
NFL BLITZ!
2nd & 34. Wow, Bengals
So…if I’m hearing correctly, the Chargers have been selected by the NFL to compete in Battle Royale?
http://www.thegrandline.com/images/1down.jpg
Winner gets to relocate to LA
The number of dead is more like that initial burst when the BR began–at least a dozen starters down at this point.
Woodhead: “Philip… I always wanted… to say… You’re so… so…”
Rivers: “Yes?”
Woodhead: “You’re so… cool.” /dies
DE FE…nah, forget it.
Jints/Saints not featuring any of that.
2ND and 34? NFL BLITZ!
GINGERSACK
A week without [*Redacted] s football…. or as I’ve come to call it “A reprieve from Derp Row”
Would it be fair to say that…….you like that?
It’s only a temporary reprieve, I know.
Against the Pats I’m sure I’ll start rage-drinking again.
Casually throwing to Odell Beckham in double coverage deep for a touchdown.
I think this Beckham fella might be purty good?
How has Ben not been picked off 5 times already
LOOK AT YOU, O’DELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HARFCEPTION
I thought it was the fact that I was primarily watching [*Redacted] s and Bears games, but no, football really just isn’t very good this year.
Hey guys. Yeah, the bengals are a putting up a fight.
Use a meat thermometer and get it out of there at 155/160 and then wrap it in foil to rest or you will be making cardboard.
I remember by dad once said “I don’t know why they bother running up the middle. Just throw it 4 yards at a time. Easy.” The Bengals are finally listening.
RIP Forte owners
Wife thinks I under-cook the turkey because it’s not as dry as the Gobi Desert just like her mom used to make it. So I’ve brined it, rubbed flavoured butter under the skin, put foil on the legs and wings and told her, “you tell me when it’s done”. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out.
I’ll eat whatever she doesn’t want. Just mail it to me.
Gotta go with a thermapen instant read thermometer. She won’t be able to argue with numbers!
She does. It drives me nuts.
Next time along with the butter load some smoked paprika up that birds ass
I know your pain, but replace “turkey” with “fucking everything”.
Brined turkey is the best turkey. All hail Alton Brown!
My ice maker arrived broken and I have to send it back. This puts a crimp in my daiquiri plans.
ICEMAKER: Carted off the kitchen counter, doubtful to return.
Good work as always, Chicago Park District. That grass is in great shape.
What? I think the green spray paint looks nice!
Giants-Saints, first to 50 or first to 60?
First to 500 yards passing
With those forced to see a Cincinnati-style Cheese Coney up close, here is a picture of ribs from Montgomery Inn. Just to show that not all Cincinnati foods are a sin against nature.
http://beta.montgomeryinn.com/images/index_banner1.jpg
That gave me a boner.
Things that don’t show up in Eli’s box score-
-finishes the juice box
-plays in the cardboard box for three straight hours
-licks his Xbox
Instead of practice this week, Cleveland tasked dozens of Amazon Mechanical Turk workers to be sad. Outsourcing!
Well, at least Dalton hasn’t cost them the game with a dumb ass pl…
I DIDN’T FINISH TYPING IT! IT DOESN’T COUNT IF DON’T TYPE IT!!!
http://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/anB8p15_700b.jpg
Hacking whacking chopping that meat. Ah butcher Pete
My wife should have never went to the media about this, is nothing sacred anymore?
Fuck 9gag – this is the original: http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2015/10/28/wife-enjoys-last-few-days-with-husband-before-release-of-fallout-4/
Haven’t been watching. Browns good or Cardinals bad?
I’m only seeing the Red Zone bits, but the Cards have fucked off some points with dumb penalties.
VEREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tangerine kombucha mimosas are gonna be my new Sunday drink of choice. Tasty, murders a hangover, and I can pretend it’s healthy! Fuck and Yeah!
http://oi35.tinypic.com/kb6jjd.jpg
I don’t believe a lot of things but the Cleveland score is in my top three.
Well shit, that means one of climate change, the moon landing, or Bush not being responsible for 9/11 is getting bumped, then.
http://expelunker.com/faireyscrapbook/Paypacket%20Inserts/img058.jpg
In other words, CONCEDE TO MANAGEMENT OR WORSE THAN HILTER
Nothing in the fascist Rove playbook was new.
/Nice kick…NICE KICK!!!
I’m just a despondent Le’Veon FF owner, but I’m with ya.
Darkest timeline sports year continues, just another domino slotting in place for an easy path to the SB for the goddamned P*ts
Ohio Special on Thursday? Thanks, but no.
On NFLN. Easier than ever to not watch!
Ohio Special? Is that what they’re calling a Cleveland Steamer these days?
But its the one year anniversary of Dalton’s 2.0 game. Its Two-point-oh Bowl II
CHUH CHUH!
If Bell is hurt long term I’m going to burn every Skyline Chili to the ground.
You should just go ahead and do that anyway.
I fully endorse this idea.
I am not totally sure that is even remotely safe, burning those things.
Don’t forget the Gold Star Chili restaurants too. If I have to lose my Skyline, I don’t want to be forced to down that watered down crap.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/e638311bee4cb55b3058132784332dce/tumblr_nx1tn410vx1rsxqqio1_500.jpg
Just another Tuesday at Edison Community College.
Great. Now Keenan Allen? We’ll need to modify this poster for the Chargers:
I give up trying to figure out power rankings. The Eagles absolutely annihilated both of these teams but aren’t even in the top spot in the East right now.
The downside of my gluten costume, I’m still covered in a fair amount of flour. I need a shower.
Adding water is only going to make it worse. I recommend a dustbuster.
It’s really only a light dusting by now. Much like the alcohol, I slept the majority of it off.
A dog with Cincy chili, is just a wet smelly dog because Cincy chili is just 5 cups of water with some ketchup and ground beef thrown in.
Cinnamon gives it charm!
All the injured skill players!
Winston doing everything in his power to hang Evans out to dry on that one.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/2bb04d7e7f5b788debab674246cbd623/tumblr_mqq13vtnLl1syd7kgo1_400.gif
EY STEVE
The NFL really shouldn’t celebrate Day of the Dead by killing off their players.
Le’veon, the bell tolls for thee.
If The Bus was still playing for Pittsburgh he would look like an actual school bus today.
The short bus?
Well it, is Halloween.. makes sense we’re seeing a lot of dead guys out there today.
I’m glad I already bought my WAS@CHI tickets. This show of competence by the Bears will surely drive up ticket prices.
Dozens, nay, severals of dollars!
Maybe the price of an entire stadium beer!