Your “Week Ten Already?” Early Slate of Games Thread

Det @ GB: Detroit hasn’t won a game in Cheese Country since 1991-that’s 23 straight times the Lions have hitch-hiked back home with a sour look on their faces. Megatron is questionable and DB Mathis is gone for the year which is strange. He had concussion symptoms then he didn’t then he did again and now he’s been thrown onto the IR. There’s more to this story of The Tell-Tale Brain. Starks gets the start and with the Lions allowing 5 yards per rush so far this year look for him to have a good ‘un. For the betting folk, the Packers are 17-5-1 versus the spread against the Lions when at home.

Dal @ TB: Six straight losses and counting-How ‘Bout Them Cowboys? Dez went off two separate times in the locker room this week because, according to Dallas apologists, he’s “a super passionate leader-type fella and totally not a thin-skinned hothead that can’t stand criticism”. At least this team has stability at the QB spot (nope), the “star” spot (nope, nope) and the ownership spot (hell naw!). Winston has now gone 4 games without an intercept while the Boys QB’s have thrown 5 in total during the same stretch. Tampa has re-jiggered their D and it has improved. How are the Bucs not favoured in this game?

Car @ Ten: The Panthers are trying to put together their very first nine-game win streak. Cam’s numbers aren’t that great-53.7 completion %, 11 TO’s and a not-sparkling 50 QBR. I blame Ginn. Despite these stats I think they’ll win against a Titans team that brings a certain something to this game. That something is…………a coaching change? I think that’s all they got.

Chi @ StL: The spread here is 7 but I think it’ll be closer. Cutler has a 108 passer rating on third downs and the Rams have 10 sacks on passing third downs. Jeffrey and Forte are listed as questionable. Looks as though Chip Kelly and everyone else except Jeff Fisher were right about QB Foles. In this pass-friendly league this wunderbear has gone over 200 yards once. ONCE! That’s not 300. That’s 200. How many times has he thrown for 2 or more scores? ONCE! And now he has to do without the calm, steady presence of Steadman Bailey. [sarcasm detector goes off] Poor guy.

NO @ Was: Cousins gets to play in the Saints secondary. For QB’s it’s a relatively contact-free Wonderland where you can do…pretty much anything your silly little heart desires with no consequences whatsoever. On O the Saints have been so impressed with the play of RB Spiller that they gave him 2 carries last week and signed Tim Hightower off the scrap heap this week. The Slurs led the league in rushing thru weeks 1-4 and have failed to reach 60 yards since. That’s four straight games of abject failure. The last team to do this in five straight was-you guessed it-the 1940 Eagles.

Mia @ Phi: This is a scorching matchup featuring the last and second-last possessors of the league’s worst QBR’s. After running for 40 yards in his pro debut, look for Fins RB Ajayi to get worked into the rush game a wee bit more. For Philly it all comes down to the question posed by Bleeding Green Nation bloggers Dave Mangel and Patrick Wall-“Will the Eagles can make next week’s three of them in a row?” I don’t but doubt they can will. Never has a fan base been so happy to eke out a win in overtime game against a 2-5 team.

Cle @ Pit: Johnny is expected to get the start today. Want to know how to maintain a sh*t franchise? Take a page out of the Browns playbook. Once you’ve assembled a dearth of talent, have the coach not play the GM’s guys. Reportedly Pettine was not happy with the drafting of Manziel and loathes playing/supporting him. In turn he is not giving RB Johnson, who is a Farmer “guy” a fair opportunity. Well done, sucky organization! “Sources” have said that Ben will be the backup to Jones today. Whoo boy, WR Brown is getting matched up against CB Desir who has no Int’s and all of 5 passes defensed this season.

Jax @ Bal: The 2-6 Jags feel that their entire season rides on this game. This seems ludicrous on the surface but you don’t swim in the vile muck that is the AFC South, do you? If any lousy team could pull off a completely impossible 8 game win streak it would have to be Jacksonville though, wouldn’t it? How’d you like to be WR Chris Givens of the Ravens? He was an afterthought on the Rams roster a few weeks ago and now he’s the go-to guy in what could be called the Baltimore passing game. Lucky guy.

 

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Gratliff

Welp, may as well rest the starters, Dallas.

Romonobyl

They’ve been doing that since Week 2.

entropy

Am I the only one who thinks Bottles looks like an actually in shape Rothliesberger?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

The ONE watchable Titans game, and I’m stuck with Jaboo and Cassel.
comment image

entropy

Yes, the Cowboys have had multiple five plus minute drives, but how many led to points scored by them?

King Hippo

That sounds like the CasselVANIA we know and love!

King Hippo

Fuck you, Aaron Rodgers. Can’t even go off against the goddamned Lions at home??

NEVAR benching Carr for Rodgers again. Couldn’t have foreseen typing that sentence in my lifetime.

Shogun Marcus

I don’t think he’s being allowed to. Having receivers with jpp club hands dun help either.

makeitsnowondem

Suck it, Alstott.

Senor Weaselo

Bikebikebikebikebikebikebikebike…

entropy

I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike….

Sill Bimmons

MOAR LIEK ROFLISBERGER AMIRITE

...

I’m really not sure how that nickname didn’t occur to me until just now.

fleshwound_NPG

Please John Fox, make Mariani call fair catch from here until Week 17.

Redshirt

Ladies and Gentleman, the Cleveland Browns!

Dawgs By Nature
‏@DawgsByNature
Browns facing a QB who can’t move and are not sending extra rushers. Roethlisberger isn’t even moving.

https://twitter.com/DawgsByNature/status/665960024569544704

Gratliff

Following the Miami game on Red Zone leaves out this amazing derpage.

https://pbs.twimg.com/tweet_video/CT320tcUcAA6bQd.mp4

Senor Weaselo

Yup, that was the one!

King Hippo

I suspect they inactivated Vick for speaking out of turn re THE BEN’s status.

Gratliff

Appears we have reached the official DGAF point of the Miami season.

King Hippo

I thought that was Week 2?

entropy

PRE-SEASON week 2!

JustStopDude

well this moron is off to the store…I packed a week’s worth of close for five days (you can never be sure with my job)…and I fucking forgot socks.

King Hippo

I LOVE seeing Willie Young still playing and doing a good.

Sill Bimmons

HAS THERE BEEN PIE

King Hippo

No, do the Colts even like, play today?

Shogun Marcus

Offense…check
Defense…too soon, but maybe.
*Results cannot be verified. Opposition is lions, therefore not valid.

Redshirt

We are one hit away from Heath Miller playing QB in Pittsburgh.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Still more accurate than Vick.

Senor Weaselo

Think of all the HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEATH chants.

Every. Goddamn. Play.

King Hippo

PLEAZ PLEAZ PLEAZ

/watch them still win b/c FACTORY

entropy

SEVEN FUCKING PEOPLE JUST MADE A JAMES BROWN SINGING JOKE.

I am told there are lots of guns in PA. Can I have one please?

Senor Weaselo

I’m guessing you don’t feel so good *dun dun* so good *dun dun*… I’ll shut up now.

Col. Duke LaCross

Goddamn Mariani had like two good returns in Tennessee and somehow has made a multi-year career in the NFL.

Spur

So…Romo back next week?

Gratliff

Good for Dallas fans. They’ve really been missing out on those backbreaking 4th quarter picks this year.

Gratliff

How the fuck has this Miami O-line been decent so far? They barely register as there so far.

fleshwound_NPG

My kingdom for 2006-2007 Devin Hester.

Senor Weaselo

EON OF THE SAFETY.

entropy

There are dolphins fans here that seem shocked their team sucks.

John Difool

Tanneburger Hill

Gratliff

Who the fuck is calling the Rams-Bears game and why isn’t he busy hosting his morning zoo show?

entropy

I am at a god Damn yinzer bar…. and there is not one attractive female here aside from the bartender.

If I had driven myself, I’d be gone. As it is, I’m just gonna drink and curse living in the convergence of roughly 10 team’s fandoms.

King Hippo

Yinzer bar = res ipsa loquitor

entropy

Change the color of the baby, AND ONLY THE BABY, and this woman is at a bar table here.

Senor Weaselo

Dolphin kickoff bobble taking it out of the end zone and to the 1.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1190956/crashing-dolphins-o.gif

...

If I ever tire of this GIF, just smother me in my sleep because my will to live will be gone.

King Hippo

throw to Snead or feel my wrath!!!

Gratliff

Cassel’d. Oof.

Gratliff

I get that he’s an eligible receiver, but throwing the football at the blocking back’s calf when you’re scared should be an intentional grounding.

Gratliff

BADFORD DID A GOOD

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ravens still look shitty….check.
Now I am off to what I hope is a moonshine consumption event, and not an intervention for moi.

I’ll see ya’s later this evening, or maybe in about a month….ya know, depending on which way the event goes.

King Hippo

I will set the DVR for A&E just in case!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck that. You’re gonna be my smuggler for the next 28 days if it comes to that. 😀

Senor Weaselo

You gon drank? Maybe you gon DRANK.

Later this evening is if it’s the intervention, right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Depends on how fast I can get my ass outta there with no one noticing.

King Hippo

I always like the heroin/pill shoot-up scenes from the airport bathrooms. My favourite part.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You worry me sometimes.
But yeah.

Lothar of the Hill People

Holy fuck, the Bears’ backup TE just outran the entire St. Louis defense.

fleshwound_NPG

so much gritty deceptive speed

Redshirt

Who’s the Steelers’s emergency QB?

entropy

Me, but I’m in a bar four hours away. They’re fucked.

Shogun Marcus

What in the sweet hell does a car company have to do with a kids book? That is a yuge stretch by a marketing campaign.

fleshwound_NPG

“Holy shit, Zach Miller!” Part 2

Gratliff

Oh shit! Chip’s offense lives!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Surely the Yinzers dressed 3 QBs??

Redshirt

Someone got Mark Malone’s phone number?

JustStopDude

I find myself in Detroit this Sunday…because like most people in Detroit, I make questionable personal decisions that lead to long term pain and discomfort.

Seriously…fuck this city. There is nothing good about it. The fucking locals literally destroyed one of the greatest cities in America because they didn’t want to desegregate the fucking school system.

...

So, you aren’t buying the revival narrative that’s really just money displacing the existing poor residents?

JustStopDude

Dude this place makes Houston zoning look sane.

The Detroit Metro area is the only place in the US where developers will create massive industrial/commercial parks that everyone knows will be abandoned in fucking 5 years.

...

My mom has a strange infatuation with Detroit even though she hasn’t lived there for more than 40 years. I don’t think she fully realizes how it’s changed.

Gratliff

Harf Harf gonna die