A far less cynical commenter than I pointed out to me that this game isn’t exactly “eye poison”. Let’s take a look at this half-full game with some rose-coloured glasses, shall we?
Ten @ Jax: The Jags are 2-2 at home and with a win will tie the Luck-less Colts for first place in the AFC South. Bortles is tied for the league lead in game-winning drives. All three victories were the result of him marching his team down the field in the waning minutes for the last score. Not too shabby. Fantasy-wise the Jags feature the highest-scoring WR duo. Robinson made a bit of a splash last year but the real revelation is Hurns. He was the guy I made fun of in a snarky post at the beginning of the season. Well, he’s scored a TD in 7 straight, averages 17 yards a catch and caused me to place my tail between my legs when I picked him up off the waiver wire a few weeks ago. QB Mariota (do we have a nickname for this guy yet-I think he’ll be around for a dozen years or so) has thrown for 4 TD’s and no intercepts twice. He’s in a bad, interim-coach situation and hasn’t completely shit the bed which bodes well for his future but not his early development.
I’M OUT OF ORDER! YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER! THIS WHOLE FUCKING COURTROOM IS OUT OF ORDER!
In other words, How you doin’, boys?
http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/funny-drunk-man-dancing-girls-falling-animated-gif.gif
Are the Ravens doing a purple color rush game? Cause I smell a theme.
Wow. That first quarter went by quickly. Do you think maybe the clock operator and the officials agreed to run the clocks 10% faster than usual? Nobody would blame them.
Fine. I’ll put the game on. But you can’t make me turn on the sound dammit!
On a related note, these songs are making me feel like I really should do more drugs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DI3yXg-sX5c
Maybe use PinP and watch your favorite porn too?
*Picture in picture.
Man, you guys are perverts.
MOAR drugs, always advisable
/friendly neighbourhood quack
Welp, this is underwhelming. Time to create a new gaming rig build I can act like I’m really going to order this time.
http://affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/wp-content/uploads/underwhelmed-300×199.jpg
Steve Jobs said no one would ever need more than 128 GB of RAM, but he didn’t even know about chemotherapy, so I would go with 256 just to be safe.
http://media.giphy.com/media/3vsnJQAoIvs7m/giphy.gif
Wearing these uniforms is the closest any of these Jags will get to having a bronze bust in Canton, so I sorta get it.
http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/funny-man-crash-pink-toy-car-animated-gif-pics.gif
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/3309115/casino-royal-car-flip-o.gif
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115964/
http://i.imgur.com/jYEPsJR.jpg
Ice Stillers 3 — 1 Ice Donks 2nd intermission.
“Smell mai butt.”
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-InMw33QGaKE/URn7Fgik7zI/AAAAAAAAfFw/gEmpZqcaDeU/s1600/001-funny-animal-gifs-dog-vs-cat.gif
This game is like what would happen if the scientists at a lab that tested diaper absorbency got drunk and said “let’s see how they perform with REAL urine!”
http://tstf.co/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/funny-animated-gifs-part-2-01.gif
Crap…I’m really low on vodka.
The End is Truly Nigh.
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-29965-Supplies-gif-UHF-Weird-Al-Yank-g1k4.gif
No Video Signal
BERT BERT BERT > BORT BORT BORT
Hotel in-room Jacuzzi sex is awesome. I LOVE NIAGARA FALLS.
Did ye find sexy codeine, too?
O AN U NOE WCS DUN FIND DAT COEDEEN OH YEZZZZ HE DO
http://i.imgur.com/DqDS9Np.gif
That’s fucked up.
I found the original video this was created from and the guy tossing the trash panda did so because it was attacking his dog on the stairs.
GIF no context! Still; kill it quickly. Them bitches can have rabies.
What’s that white thing? Looks like his false teeth came out.
He was later “protested”, for something unrelated.
http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/5341b218eab8ea046c101c50/anarchists-picket-digg-founders-house-and-demand-3-billion-for-anti-capitalist-housing.jpg
Is that San Fran?
“Maybe he could compromise and get them to leave for just one ball.”
-Lance Armstrong
SF indeed. Same dude had some hipster hi-jinks in Portland too.
No idea.
This GIF is fucking hypnotic.
Also, I didn’t know raccoons had false teeth; the more you know.
Looked like the guy was throwing a cat down the stairs.
It’s a coon.
/Oh god I’ve made a terrible mistake.
Tonights NFL football game between the Titans and Jaguars is proudly brought to you by zombie Jackson Pollard
Oh God I can’t believe it. This is the worst thing ever.
I’m out of whiskey.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Succop!
Succop who?
Snitches get stitches, so don’t be a Succop!
“Heeeeeeere’s Johnny!”
-the cat
http://www.alop.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/funniest-animal-gifs-raccoon.gif
The Jaguars have their white number in in a gold background bordered by blue? Why? How in the hell would anyone think that would be a good color combination?!
Setting the over/under on TDs in this game at 1.5
http://dailyfig.figment.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/funny-gif-Boo-Monsters-Inc.gif
That is uncanny.
Back in school I discovered that when I wrote blue ink and black ink closely together, it created a color combination that caused my eyes to hurt and triggered my gag reflect.
I can now add sky blue and urine gold to the list.
Yeah, it really is a “tinkle when you don’t drink enough water” effect. Good point.
The year-long trend of my fantasy defenses sucking hind teat continues unabated.
There’s an uncynical commentist?
Burn him(or her)!
This football game between Miracle Whip and Gulden’s is surprisingly competitive.
Gulden’s or GTFO
Those commercials where people would throw out sandwiches if they didn’t have any Miracle Whip gave Andy Reid nightmares for weeks.
Real mayo >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Miracle Whip
This game could fuck with the tritanopes.
Time for a Farnsworth-Mansell D-100!
http://eng.ege.edu.tr/~otles/ColorScience/Image29.gif
Cthulhu just e-mailed to say this game is too macabre, morose and too full of malaise for even him to watch. Say’s he’s gonna catch up on Grey’s Anatomy instead.
Well, I’m finally feeling less nauseous after last week’s TNF red-on-green violence, so…
/turns on tonight’s game
//screams, runs away into the night
I just found a list of the top 10 purple drank inspired songs!
MY EYES! MY EYES! ZE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!!!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PrXlgKD7jrg/UguZo4O1mHI/AAAAAAAAozs/TF6hADxP2JA/s1600/funny-cat-gifs-063-005.gif
http://www.foxsports.com/content/dam/fsdigital/fscom/Buzzer/Images/2014/JayCutler/CutlerSmile9.vnocropresize.940.529.medium.19.jpg
I had mustard?
I’m laughing my ass off Eddie.
http://s3.favim.com/orig/44/funny-gif-humor-lol-wtf-Favim.com-367733.gif
/searches for “This is not great.” button.
WOOOO!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/9b18a1505fffb1ad7dd48dc1209a6370/tumblr_nre2k9DWw01syvjuco1_500.jpg
The Jaguars Color Rush Uniforms:
http://e.lvme.me/oozm79d.jpg
Am I really going to watch this game? Or am I going to have a beer and keep putting together new Amazon playlists to listen to in the morning on my Echo?
Resistance is futile. You simply MUST watch.
But how will people know the difficulty involved in being a pimp if I don’t convey this information in playlist form?
What about Bortles?
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTQxMjU2ODk4N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwODQzNTcxMTE@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg
I just feel bad I don’t have anything in my closet that’s mustard vomit coloured, so I could be one with teh DUVAL.
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
Attention Fantasy Goobers-
Take a long look at Ajayi. Miller has averaged 2.7 yards per rush his last 3 games and Ajayi is at 8. The next step is to take out his longest run and re-do the average-it’s just over 4. If you have room, stash him.
/you never know
(sigh) Well, let’s get this over with.
This game strikes me as so much fun I’m heading down to my friend’s work shop and drinking beer.
There is no TV there. I regret nothing.
/speaking of TV I just started watching Season 2 of “You’re The Worst”. Man, shit got DARK.
later glip-glops.
Hang in there, some finely constructed episodes later on.
Much like Donald Trump’s statement that he wouldn’t rule out requiring Muslims to register with the government and carry around an ID with a crescent moon, I won’t rule out requiring anyone who watches this game to register with and be tracked by the government because God knows what else a person who will willingly endure that sort of pain will do.
Have sex with Charlie Sheen?
Great, now I have visions of sweaty Sheen/Trump sex swimming through my brain cavity. Dickhole.
I aim to please.
A friend of mine just texted, asking what I was up to. Foolishly, I said not much at the moment.
Long story short, I am now roped into moving a fridge from a friend’s kitchen to his basement within the next half hour.
I am not a smart man… but I’ll miss the first half of this nightmare.
Dude, gravity’s gonna do 90% of the work.
http://940ee6dce6677fa01d25-0f55c9129972ac85d6b1f4e703468e6b.r99.cf2.rackcdn.com/products/pictures/207327.jpg
hey guys
Hey, it’s almost the holiday season can we rivebrog television Yule log instead? That one would probably have a lot more excitement than this one.
I volunteer to post the Grinch open thread!
http://www.harwoodben.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/The-Grinch-Song-1.gif
Words can’t describe how GET HYPE I am for this one.
In my money league, I am starting the Jags defense (Giants bye week). With DeAngelo on bye, I am also stuck with terrible options at RB2 – Cobb (tonight), or wait for Bradshaw or Olawale (the random-assed Raiders FB who’s run pretty well the last two weeks).
Leaning towards holding my nose and going with Bradshaw.
Giants D is your every week choice? Are you un-sane?
Anytime I try something different, I get ass-fucked HARD. At least they are aggressive.
Thursday Night Football: Blue Moons vs. Caramels!
http://content.sportslogos.net/news/2015/11/color-rush-2.jpg