EPL Returns and Bountiful JV Saturday Preview

The international break is thankfully over and we can have a FULL Saturday of glorious couchbound sloth. Let there be much rejoicing. Today, I wish to single out for praise NBC’s Rebecca Lowe, for the fine job she does as a studio host for Premier League coverage. She is MUCH more than a fit bird (as the Brits would say), and each network’s NFL studio could take lessons in both professionalism, pace, and knowledge of the sport from Ms. Lowe.

As to the action on the pitch, NBCSN has a decent early bird special, with United taking on surprising Watford (7:45 EST). Unfortunately, the 10:00 games are mostly poop, I suggest flipping around aimlessly whilst I focus on Everton against last place Villa (Extra Time). The clear match of the day features City against Liverpool on “big boy” NBC at 12:30, but that cuts into university footy for me, and is a tough sell this late in the season.

Sunday funday only offers one fixture, but it’s a fine one – 5th place Spurs and the 6th place Hammers (11:00, NBCSN). Hey, it’s two teams best known by their nicknames!!! It’s also two sides who have a clear opportunity for advancement with Chelski floundering in the relegation zone. Much better than wasting your time with NFL pre-game shows. I beg of you, give this one a chance. You will at least kind of enjoy it, they are fun, evenly matched teams.

Remember last week when I talked about the calm before the storm? Yup, that’s thunder you hear. Not gas. OK, not just gas.

Michigan at Penn State (Noon, ABC)

Fuck both of these teams, with the rustiest of dildoes.

Memphis at Temple (Noon, ESPNU)

This no longer has major bowl implications, but I bet it finds a way to be watchable and interesting. I need something to flip to when NC State/Syracuse gets dreadfully boring, even for a partisan.

LSU at Ole Miss (3:30, CBS)

Weekend before Thanksgiving being the weird week when droves of SEC sides play 1-AA cupcake foes. This is something I will never understand, and it means this somewhat pedestrian fixture is CBS’ “showcase” game. Needless to say, the bloom is off the Bayou Bengals’ rose, after Pig Sooey gave them the home beating of a lifetime – at night, no less. We shall see if they take out some frustration on Johnny Reb, or if they are just beaten down for good this year.

USC at Oregon (3:30, ESPN)

Oh, this is gonna be some fucking FUN teevee. The Ducks seem to be sort of back, and have an outside shot at the Pac 12 title game. As do the Men of Troy, methinks. The scoreboard operator shall stay busy.

Michigan State at Ohio State (3:30, ABC)

This is a very important game, and I expect I will watch almost none of it. I suspect the home assholes will run train over Sparty, who got jobbed in Lincoln, but is in truth not really a very good footy side at all.

UCLA at Utah (3:30, Fox)

Team Secular Big Love let me down by losing at Arizona last week, and quashing my hopes they would end up in the playoffs and give me a team I could fully root for. Fuckers. Still, this could be a very entertaining game, with conference title ramifications.

Mississippi State at Arkansas (7:00, ESPN)

Pig Sooey’s “We Are the Angels of Death” vengeance tour continues. Prepare to see some cowbells stuck where the sun don’t shine.

Baylor at Oklahoma State (7:30, Fox)

We all know that T. Boone Pickens U. will either fuck up against BayBay or in the Bedlam game. It’s a matter of which. Another game that should challenge the scoreboard operator and entertain the viewer.

TCU at Oklahoma (8:00, ABC)

With Boykin, Bloodeyes were an entertaining, but flawed team. Their loss kept them out of title contention, but they still loomed as a spoiler candidate. Without Boykin, they damned near lost to FUCKING KANSAS at home. Boomer Sooner will be looking to rack up enough style points to hopefully make the Bedlam game a play-in for the 4th and final playoff slot (I still think a ND loss to Stanford will be required for that).

Cal at Stanford (10:30, ESPN)

Your weekly DVR/Westie/tweaker game! Watch it with thine Sunday coffee and enjoy some Pac 12 rivalry fun.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Sill Bimmons

Clots gon’ Clot.

blackroseMD1

This day was supposed to be joyful.

WTF?

comment image

WCS

O HEY BERT

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bort.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Croooow

So, at the end of the day. The only undefeated teams are Iowa and Clemson. Just like we all saw coming, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

HOLY SOONER

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Croooow

Fuck it, go for two.

Is it wrong that I have a huge boner for Stanford?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Cardinal….. be careful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There are a total of three who are as good looking as Amy.

Senor Weaselo

So the playoff picture’s getting clearer, I guess.

WCS

BLOODEYED

WCS

Pokes just scored to make it 45-35 with 1:12 left. All they need is the onside, a touchdown, an onside, and a field goal to send it to overtime. JUST LIKE THEY DREW IT UP.

ballsofsteelandfury

I wonder if they still make this…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Then later they went out of business.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Bloody Lethal

Ugh I hate you Notre Dame.

ballsofsteelandfury

The worst part is that the announcers thought it was a great idea! Fucking morons!

Croooow

Remember when this team lost, at home, to Toledo? Fun times.

ballsofsteelandfury

What the?

/straightens tie

Hi There!

/unzips

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s a superhero

Croooow

The Sixers should go out of business. 0-14. Good Lord.

Senor Weaselo

NOT-WINNIN’ FOR SIMMONS. You know that was a thought by game… 1.

Croooow

Credit goes to the visitor fan yelling “BLOCK THAT KICK!!!”.

WCS

Nothing about this game makes any BERT.

Croooow

And paid for it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Exactly

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Have you ever had to talk advanced math, fluid dynamics and the intricacies of flight kind of drunk for 4 hours? I did that today. It was like a 4 hour class from my dad. Oh also I had to know all the advanced math shit I never took a class on just because I am a fucking nerd who knows it/knows of it enough to fake it.

/I went for a cig after the ending of the WI/NW game

theeWeeBabySeamus

I had to teach principles of basic surgery while high. Sadly, on more than one occasion. Does that count?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I always found teaching shit drunk or high was easier than learning, but same area. I will say it counts

ballsofsteelandfury

Dammit! She’s wearing a USC jersey! It’s going to take a little longer to finish…

WCS

In my college fantasy (a friend runs the league, and talked me into joining), the playoffs began last week. The first, second, third, and fifth place teams all lost. This week, the fourth seed is losing (and will). I’m the seventh seed, and am beating (and will; I have the lead with players still playing, and the six seed team’s players are done). The eighth seed, who finished 2-8, is curbstomping the seventh seed.

The championship game will feature teams who finished a combined 7-13 in the regular season.
WHAT A COUNTRY.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What the fuck did you just try to say?

Clanga goes ahead.

WCS

Defense optional in BERT vs. CLANGA.

Why are all these QBs going down, and why isn’t that bitch Brady one of them?

WCS

Because we touch ourselves at night.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d love to see Brady get smashed, but not enough to stop touching myself.

Bloody Lethal

Come on Irish please cover.

Clanga up 2 against feral pigs.

WCS

A WILD BERT APPEARS!!!

WHAT WILL DAWGS DO?

WCS

#collegekickers amirite

theeWeeBabySeamus

Godamn…Arky and MissSt are still playing? Didn’t that start at like noon?

WCS

BERT called a press conference in the middle of the third quarter to talk shit on Wisconsin and Ohio State.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Why do you care? I see those names and I go run and watch anything else. Finished up Jessica Jones. Fucking great show

theeWeeBabySeamus

How are exploding condoms a good thing for anyone????

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Obviously a chick movie

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, the guy hasn’t had any for a while….

WCS

Georgia Southern did beat Florida in The Swamp in 2013.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They lost in Raleigh (just barely) to open last season.

Croooow

Georgia Southern vs. Georgia is going to OT.

WCS

What channel is that on?

Croooow

ESPNU

theeWeeBabySeamus

*Sigh*

WCS

Maybe they all subscribe to RGIII’s “The Find.”

Point: Bret Bielema is the most slovenly looking coach in the FBS.

I wonder how much it pisses Gary orf that his defense blows, since he made his bones developing 1st rate defenses.

WCS

While true, 40% of the starters are out.

WCS

It’s something that Jimmy John’s promotes itself as PRO TROOPS PRO MILITARY PRO CAPITALISM, when, right there on the wall by the door is how Jimmy John started his company when his old man told him to either enlist, or take this $10,000 loan and start a business. They repeatedly screw their employees out of benefits, while making millions a year, and claim trickle-down economics are what really make the system work. They love to sponsor NASCAR and fishing tournaments, relentlessly say how pro-MERIKCA they are, and that they LOVE THE TROOPS.

tl;dr Jimmy John is a chickenhawk who took his dad’s money in order to avoid military service, is a Republican wetdream

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good sandwiches tho.