Start Or Sit (On Your Face): The DFO Fantasy/Sex Mailbag

I missed the Lions-Packers game last night, and I’m damn sorry I did. Because holy shit, when I got home from hockey and looked at my phone, I laughed for ten minutes after watching the last play highlights. God damn, Detroit. When Cleveland fans make fun of you – and especially when they’re making fun of you after the Monday night game they just had – you literally cannot fuck up on a higher caliber than what you just achieved. It’s impressive, truly.

Anyways, onto the questions this week!

hey man, cj2k going to ir has totally fucked me over because i also have freeman out w/ concussion – only other healthy rb i have right now is blount. i had a strong start to season but lookin now like im fucked for playoff run bc matt ryan is shitting it up now too. anything i can do to salvage my chances? thx.

Yeah, not looking good for you, not gonna lie, man. I’m sorry. On the off-chance you could swing picking up David Johnson you might be able to get some points that way – with CJ2K gone and Andre Ellington apparently off to see some specialist, I think he’s probably get most of the carries in Arizona’s next game. But yeah, that double sucks for you with 2 RBs gone. Hang in there, man. Otherwise, hard to say what’s left out there on the waiver wire.

Hey DFO: I’m not particularly pleased about my fantasy season this year, but everyone has their ups and downs, I guess. Anyways, I’m starting to think ahead for next year… I’m in a 10-team keeper league, already starting to think about who I’m hanging onto – never done a keeper league before. We get up to 4 keepers out of a standard size roster, can keep them up to two years after drafting… I’m thinking about hanging onto AP (1) and Jameis Winston (9) but not sure who else might be of use… this is the rest of what I have:

• Demaryius Thomas (2)
• Eddie Lacy (3)
• Philip Rivers (4)
• Mike Evans (5)
• G. Olsen (6)
• Allen Robinson (7)
• Doug Baldwin (8)

I dunno what your thoughts are but obviously after this it gets down to being pretty interchangeable really. Any advice is appreciated! 

Well, I’m gonna be the first to admit I’ve never played a keeper league before, so I really don’t know the minutiae of it compared to standard setups, but of what you’ve given me here, I’m definitely inclined to agree with AP and Winston. Getting Winston in the 9th is a steal, if you ask me – I think he’s gonna be even better next year, and he’s already put up a pretty decent season, fantasy-wise, this year. So for sure that’s a great, great pick. Otherwise, looking at this current roster, other than seeing it’s WR-heavy, I’m not sure any of those are drop-dead, clear-cut keepers. Maybe Olsen in the 6th? Turnover can be a good thing. Nobody’s ever gonna take Eddy Lacy before the 7th round in a fantasy draft ever again after the season he’s had so far.

So, take my advice on keeper leagues as that coming from a non-expert – maybe our commentists with experience can elaborate a little more on their thoughts.

Christmas sucks. I dunno what you think of that, but

Fuck you. Christmas is great. I was literally named after St. Nicholas Day. I will not have you blaspheme my favorite month of the year.

for me, I always find it kinda hectic. Too much shit to buy, too many people to see, whatever. But this year it’s actually off to an ok start – I’ve been dating a girl for about a month now and I think it’s pretty decent so far… My question pertains to a present for her. With this relationship so new, I don’t wanna go over the top with a gift – any good recommendations that show her I like her, but also that I haven’t gone over the top with spending, and have been reasonably thoughtful?

My go-to every year is a nice necklace or bracelet. There’s this really great little handmade jewelry boutique just down the street from my place, and for like $40-$60 I can walk out of there with a nice quality silver thing that looks really sharp, and can be worn with a lot of different stuff. While I don’t proclaim to be a jewelry expert, it seems to be a hit year after year with a whole bunch of different women, so I think I must be on to something in terms of the whole Christmas present thing. That price point shouldn’t break the bank, but it’s enough that if anyone asks later on, just shows that you were a smart shopper. It’s not frugality, it’s thriftiness. Big difference!

So hope that helps. And don’t talk shit about Christmas. Someone’s batty old aunt will knock you out with a fruitcake to the temple if you aren’t careful with your words around her.

That’s all for this week! Hope your weekend goes better than Cleveland’s or Detroit’s will.

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For all readers – if you have questions about fantasy football and/or your love life, please send all inquiries to [email protected] or tweet The Maestro at @TSN_Jorts. The Mailbag will be published every Friday, pending enough submitted material (hint, hint…).