Welcome once again to all things Lesser Footy! I have no idea if/how to incorporate the coming exhibition games into this format, or whether to graft college basketballing onto the Euro-footy in the winter/spring. The mind, it boggles.
Anyway, last week’s sister kissing in Leicester allowed order to be restored and City to return to the top (goal differential over the Foxes). They get cromulent, pug-ugly 12th place Stoke to kick off the weekend (7:45 EST, NBCSN) as they look to solidify their position. Leicester gets the free falling (but still dangerous, in my view) Swans at 10 (Extra Time), while Manure play 8th place West Ham (10:00, NBCSN). Arsenal, back in their happy place in 4th, should be poised to capitalize on any slip-ups, hosting a rather dreadful Sunderland side (10, NBCSN).
9th place Everton and 7th place Palace square off in British MNF (3:00, NBCSN), in what should be the most evenly-matched fixture of the schedule. The Blues massively shit themselves at Bournemouth last weekend, but gathered themselves and turned in a very strong, professional performance at Middlesboro Tuesday night to advance to the semifinals of the League Cup. Nobody has any idea which Everton will turn up Monday, and whether it will change at halftime. FUN SHIT for the unbalanced fan!
Temple at Houston (Noon, ABC)
I can’t decide whether I like the fact that the better team gets to host the game, or if I more just like laughing at a conference championship that so few people care about that it can’t possibly be held at a neutral site. Anyway, the game itself could be fairly entertaining. Murrikan!!!
Texas at Baylor (Noon, ESPN)
Pointing and laughing at Texas is fun, and BayBay is angry. Good combination.
Florida vs. Alabama (4:00, CBS)
The TV schedule is more or less cleared out for this game, and it’s an absolute turd. The Gators may not break 100 yards of offense. Watch carefully to see if it’s puppy blood instead of Gatorade the players douse Nick Saban with (the tell will be if he smiles).
West Virginia at Kansas State (4:30, FS1)
The game has meaning only for the Fightin’ Undead Bill Snyders (bowl qualification), but the cousinfuckers can be entertaining at times. You will want a channel flipping option away from the SEC East derpage, trust me.
USC vs. Stanford (7:45, ESPN)
This game is important to me, in terms of keeping ALL POSSIBLE TALK of Darkest Timeline off the table. It’s pretty clear that the Condi Committee rightly sees the Tree as vastly superior to the Cheating Holes, but David Shaw’s extremely conventional ways will keep the Men of Troy in this one. Game is in Stanford’s backyard, at least.
Michigan State vs. Iowa (8:00, Fox)
First team to 10 wins (if any). Simplest playoff scenario for each, after the already in Boomer Sooner. Win and in, lose and no chance. Watch me look like an asshole and the game ends up 41-38 and the best teevee of the day.
Clemson vs. U*NC (8:00, ABC)
Hippo’s sanity requires a reckoning here. The Cheating Holes need to be put in their place. Clemson needs not to just beat them, but fucking ravage them. Tear them asunder. Make them wish their NCAA punishment had come before this game, so they could have baselessly insisted they would have won out and been national champs “if only everyone wasn’t out to get them.” The NC State/Clemson rivalry is a long one, but a friendly one, and I have no trouble cheering for them full-heartedly (even if Dabo is really, really annoying).
Also, a musical interlude since it’s officially December. I have championed this in the comments, but it deserves feature treatment as it is the single most beautiful performance I have ever heard. I also <3 Hope Sandoval as a fellow extreme introvert. Unlike me, Ms. Sandoval is also stunningly beautiful, so naturally was frequently misunderstood as being stuck up. Sexist bullshit. We are lucky she shared her angelic voice as often as she did.
Here are the complete lyrics, which made me cry like a baby as I typed this alone in my house on a cold Friday morning. This is the perfect winter song, hits me right in the gut, just with the genders reversed LMAO:
Before I let you down again,
I just want to see you in your eyes.
I wouldn’t have taken everything out on you,
I only thought you could understand.
They say every man goes blind in his heart,
And they say everybody steals somebody’s heart away.
And I got nothing more to say about it
Nothing more than you would me.
Send me your flowers of your December,
Send me your dreams of your candied wine.
I’ve got just one thing I can’t give you
Just one more thing of mine.
They say every man goes blind in his heart
And they say everybody steals somebody’s heart away
And I’ve been wondering why you let me down
And I’ve been taking it all for granted.
I’m such a gloomy fuck sometimes. Now, BEAT SOME GODDAMNED CAROLINA ASS, YOU ORANGE-CLAD CORNPONE MUTHAFUCKAS!!!
Wow, Goolsby.
You suck.
Apparently, if you’re worth a shit, Florida puts you on defense. Without exception.
Wow, that was super exciting!
What’s a worse investment, a new car or a diamond ring?
Bitcoin futures.
Good bacon. It’s gone before you know it.
CBS cannot show that footage of Tebow crying enough.
He made his Bible mascara run and everything!
Who’s more miserable, Saban or Belicheck
Whoa…that’s tough…kind of like what’s worse to die from…Hep C or AIDS…
yes?
MAF LARGER THAN LIFE WOO
Apparently the SEC now stands for Sissified QB’s Got to Be Protected cause Nick Saban is a Nazis…
That may not work as an acronym…I’m not sure…I mean shit…I’m a fan of the SEC. The mere fact I can communicate online makes me a rarity.
I hope those training staff members have time to text goodbye to their families.
Acura is more pointless and boring than Lexus and Infiniti combined.
Where have you gone, company that used to build the best car on earth?
http://2p2bboli8d61fqhjiqzb8p1a.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Acura-nsx-21.jpg
bleacher report advertises on tv now???
Why?
Bleacher Report is still a thing?
/also why?
Now 4 — 3 Ice Chargeraiderams.
hoo boy
The Curse of the 3-0 Lead.
I have to giggle my schedule to make it fit.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/70a7f968fc97854f17c1b9520f2a70ad/tumblr_ntrhtuQDkK1tkvp7no1_400.gif
http://49.media.tumblr.com/459d7bad5a5b7b87d6d6ad45c01f746a/tumblr_nxn0ub3NOb1rfgicfo1_r1_250.gif
http://www.boneaubryanbrown.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/stomp-logo.jpg?w=300
http://i.imgur.com/c4NVNHn.webm
Just another Wednesday in Japan.
Trump has already tweeted that Nathan is an illegal and probably a Muslim who will be arrested and deported once Trump takes the White House.
The better Dr Pepper Half Time Challenge would be to force the two participants to use full Dr Pepper cans, placed in socks, and they beat each other until one of them is dead or unconscious…
Mr Pibb approves.
Dr. Thunder too. Upper Ten thinks that’s barbaric.
“I’m telling you, England’s greatest prime minister was Lord Palmerston!”
“PITT THE ELDER”
Funny how there’s no Westvirginiaburgh named after Prime Minister Westvirginia.
Prime Minister Westviriginia isn’t very popular after he ceded South Virginia to North Virginia in 1732.
Records from that era are spotty at best.
http://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/uzTGITm2dUqB21vmB9mURQm3Un2Ap0DrBEExs_Xyxtc.jpg
I want Allie to punch Saban right in the vagina.
Seriously….how awesome would that be?
He wouldn’t feel anything. He’s a Replicant.
That is the most despicable person in college sports.
Nobody should be that unpleasant whilst both ahead AND standing next to Allie LaForce.
THAT is why Saban didn’t take the timeout earlier.
Attention, everybody:
SEC football is dumb.
How the fuck does a school with a shithole winter nightmare campus like Michigan State maintain Top 5 football and basketball programs?
Dantonio and Izzo are sorcerers.
Apparently.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/1e7469b0e62e83370e4bdb9acbc4cc48/tumblr_n6scyprkKT1r9msvko1_1280.png
Aw….poor Harris (QB for Florida) just learned the hard way that a QB can only throw the ball once during a single play.
Side note…that’s a fucking stupid rule.
Let’s get Derrick Henry one more rushing TD today so we can erase yet another Tebow record from the books.
Cyrus: Underrated old-timey name or disaster?
And what if it’s spelled Psyrus?
All-Time Underrated Badass Name:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrus_the_Great
Agreed. All-time underrated badass name.
What a shit throw and GREAT catch.
RE: WVU’s helmets
It’s a throwback design to the 70s. I’m indifferent on them.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/1acccf12e88de9ca441fd665f89c9cda/tumblr_nq96d7RQNN1rj28rmo1_1280.jpg
The Ice Stillers-Ice Ramsraiderschargersraidersjaguars game is crezzy.
And not crezzy in a good way.
Fucking disgrace.
This defense is so fucking terrible I’ve already given up them actually achieving anything.
Maata’s goal was just enough to keep listening.
Screw this, I’m gonna go watch Doctor Who.
See you guys tomorrow.
The Alabama is worse than The Florida, right?
I need U*NC to have absolutely no pathway to the playoffs so not today it ain’t.
Mississippi is worse than either of them, in any category.
True, both are “thank God for Mississippi” states in terms of education, literacy, race relations, etc.
The Louisiana is also pretty terrible but we forgive them because of New Orleans and cajun food.
This is now two weeks in a row I have to cheer for Bama and it doesn’t get any less gross.
Lucky fuckers, that ball was coming out.
-Lance Armstrong
welp
Oh for FUCKS sake WCS.
You can’t POSSIBLY be in favor of the cousinlovers’ stupid helmets.
I haven’t got a good look but at first glance the sticker looks like those krazy kritters that several used as avatars at Kommenters On The Side.
It’s a map of Cousinloverland with “WVU” superimposed in a football on the map.
http://pbs.twimg.com/media/BYuWnNwCQAASu70.jpg
The number font is also pretty terrible:
http://cdn.niketalk.com/5/53/200x400px-LL-531ac042_8665362095_ebedd1fc6a_o.jpeg
Yeesh. That’s like Tampa bad.
I hope neither offense scores.
uh oh…
Coker is shit.
Stupid penalties lose games.
1 — 0 Ice Chargeraiderams.
What is this ‘SEC’ you speak of and just how inferior are they to THE GREAT AND MIGHTY B1G?
Jeebus, it’s like Florida doesn’t even have an OL.
You were expecting offense?
http://i.imgur.com/nRJcWWY.jpg
She looks like she caught a whiff of Sill’s miasma below.
Or else she’s watching this ESSEEECEE crapfest.
http://unusedwords.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Miasma4.png
This is the death of offense.
BUT DIS IS GOOD OL ESSS EEEE SEEEE FOOBAWL PAWWLLL
DEFINITELY the title game the 2015 SEC deserved.
Ponytail Lunchpail FUMBRE!!!
/2-0 forevs
So…2-0 final then?
Florida did a good?!
BOO. Where was our fucking safety?
In my entire footbaw life, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a 4-0 score. I am so very excite.
Saban sets up for the safety.
Ice Stillers 0 — 0 Ice Chargeraiderams
I think the Chargersraidersrams would still win more games than the Cardpitt team.
Wouldn’t be too difficult:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mTgPeNLvTK4/UNuVOtjMrII/AAAAAAAAGxM/ZkVTSYl0U0c/s1600/1944_CardPitt.png