EPL Weekend and Hold That Tiger! JV NFL Conference Championship Preview Edition

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Welcome once again to all things Lesser Footy! I have no idea if/how to incorporate the coming exhibition games into this format, or whether to graft college basketballing onto the Euro-footy in the winter/spring. The mind, it boggles.

Anyway, last week’s sister kissing in Leicester allowed order to be restored and City to return to the top (goal differential over the Foxes). They get cromulent, pug-ugly 12th place Stoke to kick off the weekend (7:45 EST, NBCSN) as they look to solidify their position. Leicester gets the free falling (but still dangerous, in my view) Swans at 10 (Extra Time), while Manure play 8th place West Ham (10:00, NBCSN). Arsenal, back in their happy place in 4th, should be poised to capitalize on any slip-ups, hosting a rather dreadful Sunderland side (10, NBCSN).

9th place Everton and 7th place Palace square off in British MNF (3:00, NBCSN), in what should be the most evenly-matched fixture of the schedule. The Blues massively shit themselves at Bournemouth last weekend, but gathered themselves and turned in a very strong, professional performance at Middlesboro Tuesday night to advance to the semifinals of the League Cup. Nobody has any idea which Everton will turn up Monday, and whether it will change at halftime. FUN SHIT for the unbalanced fan!

Temple at Houston (Noon, ABC)

I can’t decide whether I like the fact that the better team gets to host the game, or if I more just like laughing at a conference championship that so few people care about that it can’t possibly be held at a neutral site. Anyway, the game itself could be fairly entertaining. Murrikan!!!

Texas at Baylor (Noon, ESPN)

Pointing and laughing at Texas is fun, and BayBay is angry. Good combination.

Florida vs. Alabama (4:00, CBS)

The TV schedule is more or less cleared out for this game, and it’s an absolute turd. The Gators may not break 100 yards of offense. Watch carefully to see if it’s puppy blood instead of Gatorade the players douse Nick Saban with (the tell will be if he smiles).

West Virginia at Kansas State (4:30, FS1)

The game has meaning only for the Fightin’ Undead Bill Snyders (bowl qualification), but the cousinfuckers can be entertaining at times. You will want a channel flipping option away from the SEC East derpage, trust me.

USC vs. Stanford (7:45, ESPN)

This game is important to me, in terms of keeping ALL POSSIBLE TALK of Darkest Timeline off the table. It’s pretty clear that the Condi Committee rightly sees the Tree as vastly superior to the Cheating Holes, but David Shaw’s extremely conventional ways will keep the Men of Troy in this one. Game is in Stanford’s backyard, at least.

Michigan State vs. Iowa (8:00, Fox)

First team to 10 wins (if any). Simplest playoff scenario for each, after the already in Boomer Sooner. Win and in, lose and no chance. Watch me look like an asshole and the game ends up 41-38 and the best teevee of the day.

Clemson vs. U*NC (8:00, ABC)

Hippo’s sanity requires a reckoning here. The Cheating Holes need to be put in their place. Clemson needs not to just beat them, but fucking ravage them. Tear them asunder. Make them wish their NCAA punishment had come before this game, so they could have baselessly insisted they would have won out and been national champs “if only everyone wasn’t out to get them.” The NC State/Clemson rivalry is a long one, but a friendly one, and I have no trouble cheering for them full-heartedly (even if Dabo is really, really annoying).

Also, a musical interlude since it’s officially December. I have championed this in the comments, but it deserves feature treatment as it is the single most beautiful performance I have ever heard. I also <3 Hope Sandoval as a fellow extreme introvert. Unlike me, Ms. Sandoval is also stunningly beautiful, so naturally was frequently misunderstood as being stuck up. Sexist bullshit. We are lucky she shared her angelic voice as often as she did.

Here are the complete lyrics, which made me cry like a baby as I typed this alone in my house on a cold Friday morning. This is the perfect winter song, hits me right in the gut, just with the genders reversed LMAO:

Before I let you down again,
I just want to see you in your eyes.
I wouldn’t have taken everything out on you,
I only thought you could understand.

They say every man goes blind in his heart,
And they say everybody steals somebody’s heart away.
And I got nothing more to say about it
Nothing more than you would me.

Send me your flowers of your December,
Send me your dreams of your candied wine.
I’ve got just one thing I can’t give you
Just one more thing of mine.

They say every man goes blind in his heart
And they say everybody steals somebody’s heart away
And I’ve been wondering why you let me down
And I’ve been taking it all for granted.

I’m such a gloomy fuck sometimes. Now, BEAT SOME GODDAMNED CAROLINA ASS, YOU ORANGE-CLAD CORNPONE MUTHAFUCKAS!!!

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]

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Croooow
Croooow

If your kicker can’t even make 40%, why not just go for it every single time?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Holy fuck, does Florida practice anything besides defense?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Noooooooooooooooooooooo that was the only chance at a touchdown in this thing!

bourb0nblues
bourb0nblues

The spicy scent of a simmering chili… a top 10 smell, without question.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Phở broth.

Nothin’ like beef and licorice!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Wars Of Sky QBing PP?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Will there be more plays with net positive yards or more with lost yards.

WCS

WVU-Bill Snyder on FS1.

Watch WCS’s alma mater choke away a Russell Athletic Bowl berth while WCS throws his dog through his television!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

GO RESPECTERS OF A COUSIN’S RIGHT TO MARRY OUTSIDE THE BLOODLINE

WCS

The dreams of a sPitt-WVU Russell Athletic Brawl is apparently off the table. Panthers to Sun Bowl to redo their epic 3-0 loss to Oregon State in 2008.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

What?

I’m sorry, Pitt’s national championship and Heisman trophy banners were obscuring my view.

WCS

NEVAH FORGET THE 1911 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SQUAD

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

BETTER THAN 6-3 WITH A LOSS TO DENISON

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

This game is offenseAIDS

WCS

EPOCH OF THE SAFETY

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

Either Verne Lundquist had a stroke, or there is a player on Florida named Valdez Showers.

makeitsnowondem

What did the Longhorns eat for breakfast? And can they still fire Charlie Strong, please?

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

Might be the play of the game right there, Coker recovering his own fumble to prevent a possible Florida defensive score. We know Florida’s offense isn’t going to score.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

“Oh Shit, the game started!”

/leaps from desk chair
//trips on underwear around ankles
///falls on face

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

NBCSN showing the classic college hoops matchup UMass vs. Ole Miss instead of Pens-Kings.

Fuckheads.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay Allie!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sun getting low in the sky. Time to switch from alcohol to opiates.

Booze to Smack, you never go back.

entropy

I think we all know that’s not entirely true, don’t we? It’s just not recommended to mix them.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jabba the Vern survives another week apparently.

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox
WCS
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox
scotchnaut

Fucking Syracuse.

[changes to Fireplace Channel]

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Fish Tank channel is also good. I think they’re in the same package.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I put the fireplace app on my phone and it won’t even keep my hands warm! THANKS OBUMMER! smdh

theeWeeBabySeamus

So I haven’t been watching until now.
Did the Fighten’ Charlie Strongs finally gel 12 games into teh season?
Or is Baylor in “We don’t give a shit” mode?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

If you want to truly know shame, be a fan of Lafayette athletics.

The latest 1 — 10 football campaign included this magnificent four-game run: 35 — 7 loss to Fordham, 38 — 7 loss to Georgetown (seriously? SERIOUSLY???), 42 — 0 loss to Harvard, 42 — 0 loss to Holy Cross.

The 2 — 5 basketball team, despite a frankly astonishing win over Penn, has been defeated by NJIT in its 6th season of Division I participation and turned in a 104 — 52 honeybucket against Princeton.

Good thing they had that big athletic department capital raise a few years back. Clearly money well spent.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, in fairness, the Princeton offense is built for triple digits.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

85 — 67 loss to Cornell today.

But let’s give them credit. At least they didn’t all fall into a hole on the way to the fieldhouse.

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
scotchnaut

Went for a hike today in a t-shirt. This is unheard of in this neck of the country. #thankyouglobalwarming

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kinda cold down here.

bourb0nblues
bourb0nblues

I think the time has come. The time to make chili.

scotchnaut

Tell me all your secrets…

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Tomatoes are the key.

If you don’t have good tomatoes everything that follows will be compromised.

My impeccable Jersey sources tell me that these are the best:

http://img.21food.com/20110609/product/1306865566598.jpg

laserguru
bourb0nblues
bourb0nblues

No secrets in my chili; just lots of onions and a shitload of peppers and other good things. It turns out a bit different every time and that is part of the fun. Going to use ground turkey thigh this time. … and I think I plan on adding a spicy stout into the mix.

scotchnaut

Coach Hopkins off to a good start.

[ties length of rope into noose]

theeWeeBabySeamus

3 pt game vs Bucknell in Raleigh.
Guess how pissed I am.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Anger morphs into depression as Bison take the lead.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

So I googled “Bucknell sucks” in an effort to find a photograph of the “Bucknell Sucks…(front) …But Lehigh Swallows! (back)” t-shirt I had in school.

Not only did I not find any such photograph, this was the first image that came up in the GIS:

comment image

Is this a thing anyone has heard of? I’m kind of scared.

theeWeeBabySeamus

80s Rob Lowe?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Can’t find any info.

It just sits there, haunting me.

To my recollection Bucknell women were just like any other women at any other small liberal arts college, which is to say predominantly non-stareworthy.

And why Rob Lowe?

So many unanswered questions.

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

I think that’s Zac Efron, but isn’t he gay?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s Kip Pardue; my wife is watching his show “Vampire Diaries” right as we speak.

laserguru

One of my favorite life indulgence is sleeping in late on Saturday morning and reading.

I’m currently reading The Maid’s Version by Daniel Woodrell. It’s amazing.
The first book of his that I read, The Bayou Trilogy was just 8 months ago. I will have read his complete works within the next couple of months.
He is legendary. One of our greatest living authors.
Start with Woe to Live On or Winters Bone if you have a mind to.

scotchnaut

I think he calls his stuff “Redneck Gothic”. One of the more honest writers around.

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

My 4 meat pizza appears to only have pepperoni, sausage and ham. Where’s the 4th animal? This is strike one, Gas n Gulp brand pizza!

theeWeeBabySeamus

No little soy…errr….beef nuggets?
Damn you, Gas n Gulp chefs.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

“Beef” nuggets. Yum!

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, I was gonna say “Take that, Bucknell!!!”
Then I realized it was Bucknell.
And we still might blow it in the 2nd half.

Undeserved braggadocio on temporary hold.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

You can’t let those prison-adjacent fucks win.

The lovely view from the Bucknell campus:

comment image

The only thing worse than Bucknell is Lehigh, and the only thing worse than Lehigh is Penn State.

scotchnaut

C’MON SILLYCUSE!

scotchnaut

This is the first time that Cuse has been without Coach B since [long, loud fart noise].

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck dem Hoyas.

scotchnaut

This is a sentiment I can get behind.

theeWeeBabySeamus

As an NCSU fan growing up in the Baltimore/Washington corridor, I developed a healthy hate for both the Hoyas and the Terps

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

I CAN FINALLY LOG IN AGAIN OH HAPPY DAY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Whose ready for non Power Conference championships.

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

I thought the big 12 was already wrapped up?
On a quasi-related note (maybe), there was a brief period about 2 years ago when the big 12 had 10 teams and the big 10 had 12 teams. Weird! Until the big 10 expanded again–just another reason to hate rutgers.

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

The Arsenal are my favorite squadron.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Bayern Munich is trailing some unpronounceable team in the Bundesliga.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Was it Borussia Moenchengladbach?

They’re my favorite Bundeliga side because I get to say “Borussia Moenchengladbach.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Speak for yourself, Hippo. I fucking hate Clemson, and not in a friendly way. (queue Russell Ziskey of Stripes…I once got my ass kicked in Clemson).

That being said, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So, run that fucker up, Tiggs.

Now I feel so dirty and shameful. Luckily, the dentist gave me oxycodone this week, so this too shall pass.. Unless a certain wolven roundball team manages to fuck up against Bucknell. Then we might just have the long anticipated murder/suicide my family is always warning my prospective girlfriends about. They’re always tryna undermine me and shit, and THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!

Nope, nope…..I’m OK. Just breathe.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hope Sandoval also provided the soundtrack for the moment when Rick and Morty went from being a really fucking funny show to something even more special.

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

She was also in Massive Attack? I love… the one song of theirs, where someone is actually singing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4XVJj4jER4
(Not the song I was talking about)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice. The version of that song without dialogue from Natural Born Killers looped over it was surprisingly rare (at least in mp3 form).

Re: Hope Sandoval and Massive Attack – I’ll have to put together a request line in the offseason for “Guest Vocalists”. In the meantime there’s this:

Fun Fact: Massive Attack is Gary Kubiak’s favorite band.

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

blaxabbath

When do Army and Navy play? I’m in the mood for the worst game of the year.

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Don’t they play next week, when there’s literally nothing else on to watch?

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Yup:

Navy vs Army
Saturday, December 12, 3:00 PM on CBS
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Sadly, Notre Dame isn’t playing, so I have no one to root for.

Oh wait. Stanford is playing U$C. GO TREES!

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